DJK Sight Nortorshin vs. JK Rhiann Baenre

Dark Jedi Knight Sight Nortorshin

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Krath, Shadow
vs.

Jedi Knight Rhiann Baenre

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Sephi, Guardian, Shadow
Comment

A good effort by both of you! Though the score was tied here, the victory goes to Sight. This is because, despite the tie in score, Sight's story was a bit more creative and entertaining outside of direct combat. I also enjoyed the resolution quite a bit more in Sight's version.

More feedback available upon request.

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants DJK Sight Nortorshin, JK Rhiann Baenre
Winner DJK Sight Nortorshin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
DJK Sight Nortorshin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
JK Rhiann Baenre's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren – Desert Wasteland
Last Post 7 June, 2014 7:19 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Mako Henymory Vivibelle Baenre
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Minor capitalization issues, repeated. Rationale: Few issues such as tense shifts.
Story - 40%
Mako Henymory Vivibelle Baenre
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Strong resolution, but at the same time some things left poorly described, e.g. what was the relic? Rationale: Fairly standard as far as ACC combat goes.
Realism - 25%
Mako Henymory Vivibelle Baenre
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Did not get a feel for what made either character unique from CSes, outside of the deathblow in final post. Sounds like you could make some killer aspects though from Sight's fall to the dark side, which could give you some good Aspects to reference in the future. Rationale: Nice use of Divine Intervention, but other than that, did not get a feel for what made either character unique; also, Rhiann, for being a duelist and a competent saber user, seems to be written as getting bested in combat kind of easily. First explanation works with illusion but others are a bit less clear.
Continuity - 20%
Mako Henymory Vivibelle Baenre
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: Rationale:
Mako Henymory's Score: 3.55 Vivibelle Baenre's Score: 3.55
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know.

You have followed the call of the Force to a stretch of desert wasteland, seemingly unremarkable save for the various rock outcroppings that dot the landscape. These outcroppings, though, hide a subterranean cave network, known to be a den of wraids. Though the entrances to the caverns are typically narrow and dark, these tunnels quickly widen. Below the surface, bioluminescent plants and lichen provide limited light.

You know that, despite reaching this place first, you won’t be alone for long, as an ancient Sith tomb is located deep within the caves the wraids now call home. Exactly what you’ll find in that tomb, you’re not sure—but it is something of great power, that much you can sense. You know it is your duty to find it, whatever it is, before any others can locate it. What you do with it when you find it… that is up to you.

As you near one of the entrances to the caves, you think you hear the sounds of footsteps, or maybe skittering, down below—and above ground, you hear the distant crunch of rock underfoot as someone else has found a different rocky cave entrance as well.

“Already… huh.”

Not daring to speak out loud, the tall figure kept the thought to herself as her fingers ran along the cavern walls. Her ears picked up the sounds from two directions, unsure which she should be more worried about. Monsters were one thing, but a Force user was something far more difficult to contend with. Rhiann heard the footsteps again as she moved further into the cavern, her footing careful not to jostle any loose rocks or step on an unsuspecting organic being.

Elsewhere in the cavern system only moments before, a man dressed head to toe in black made his way into another entrance. His careful footing was thrown off by his weight dislodging a rock from its place on the floor, the sound of it rolling downward into the cave system echoing throughout. This caused Sight to pause, waiting for silence once more before moving further in.

Despite their light footing, the two of them walking could be heard by one another as they treaded deeper into the caves. Rhiann didn’t seem too concerned still, keeping a sharp eye out for the wraids that inhabited the area. The sound of dealing with them would attract unwanted attention. Sight was already further into the cave than his impending opponent, the rock floor turning into a gradual downward slope as he was brought closer to the object they were both seeking.

Carefully stepping out into an open room, Sight’s red eyes scanned the surroundings. A Sith tomb; perhaps one of an ancient Sith lord. At first glance it was hard to tell, but the object was buried somewhere within the ruins slowly being brought down by age and monsters. Rhiann was just about to join the other Force user within the room to fight for the object when a small cluster of wraids trudged into the immediate area. The Sephi’s footing slipped a split second at the surprise guests’ appearance, suddenly cloaking herself with the Force just as one of the monsters looked over at the noise. It caught the man’s attention as well, a slight smirk on his face as he watched the creatures lumber away; his eyes looking at Rhiann as if she hadn’t hidden herself at all.

Distracted by the wraids, Rhiann didn’t notice her other company until there was a flash of a yellow lightsaber’s blade right before her eyes, grunting as she rolled onto the jagged floor and out of the way. Her own white blade hummed to life as the man turned himself and brought the lightsaber in an arc with it, Rhiann’s blade coming up to catch it in a quick parry, letting his blade glide off her own as she moved away while getting up onto her feet.

Noises echoed through the area as each attack was parried, Rhiann shooting the man a disappointing look. Rhiann knew who Sight was. She knew that he had come from the dark side to the light just like herself. But to see him fall back…

“Sight, why did you leave Odan-Urr behind?” Rhiann asked in a clear voice, loud enough to be heard over the combat. “It’s never too late to come back, you know that, right?”

The woman’s few words only warranted a short chuckle from the man, his assault continuing. Keeping her feet moving and distancing herself from her opponent, Rhiann occasionally worked a smooth spin in with her movements to check around the cave for the beasts. Noticing her uneasiness regarding the monsters, Sight concentrated before taking another swing, the split second flash of the front of a wraid shown to Rhiann’s eyes. Her concentration broke. One good swing of the man’s lightsaber at hers knocked it out of her hand, the now bladeless curved hilt clattering behind them onto the tomb itself. The two Force users exchanged quick glances, Rhiann kicking up pebbles as her feet pushed her body toward her lost weapon.

The Arconan’s crimson orbs followed the Sephi as she scrambled along the tunnel floor towards the tomb. Closing those red eyes he focused, feeling the Force moving within him then flowing outwards in a telekinetic wave as his eyes snapped open. The wave moved quickly along the floor of the tunnel, picking up dust and the same pebbles just dislodged by Rhiann’s feet. The lightsider’s fingers grasped her weapon, the blade igniting as she spun to face him. Her eyes went wide as she only saw a floor to chest level wall of dust and pebbles about to engulf her with Sight’s pale grin barely visible above it.

The Guardian experienced a brief feeling of weightlessness before pain radiated from her back as the tomb’s wall took the full force of her impact. Pebbles bounced off her body and the forearm she shielded her face with. It was over quickly, leaving Rhiann in a cloud of dust. The tiny red marks covering her body were more of an annoyance than actually painful, though a few had managed to barely cut her.

Sight walked through the dust cloud as the sounds of the wraids that had passed by mere minutes ago grew closer and more agitated. The duel and his Force use so far were starting to take its toll. The Krath’s breathing was faster and his body felt a bit heavier than it should. He knew he would have to end this soon and find a hiding place from the predators nearby. Sight had just entered the tomb when he felt a tingle roll down his spin. The curse issuing forth from his lips was cut short as the dust parted and a telekinetic wave of energy washed over him.

Sight winced in pain as he hit the ground and slid for several meters. Regaining his footing quickly he looked through the still open tunnel of dust at the Sephi. He didn’t need to check his back to know the scrapes were bleeding and healing over quickly.

“You can hear them can’t you, Rhiann? They are hungry, and they are close.” He could see her dry gulp at his words, for she knew as well as he that neither of them were in any condition to fight the beasts off for long.

“Lets have a private conversation, you and I.” He showed two thermal detonators in his hand as he walked briskly forward. The ‘tink, tink, tink’ of metal half-rolling, half-bouncing on rock echoed as he passed into the tomb. Rhiann was already moving to cover behind a sarcophagus by that time. A few seconds later, as the tell-tale shrill beep echoed off the tomb walls, Sight dove behind an adjacent sarcophagus. It was when the beeping stopped that the entrance to the tomb collapsed, preventing entrance to the closest beasts and possibly trapping the two Force users.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 June, 2014 2:08 AM UTC

Story: Yay for detonators. :)

Upon the explosion’s finish, the Guardian peeked over the sarcophagus she hid behind. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, the initial conclusion placing the both of them trapped in here with nowhere to escape. Sight rose behind his shelter spot around the same time Rhiann hid herself again, getting up onto his feet and toward his opponent’s general hiding area.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are…” The albino man said, the growing grin on his face heard in his call.

Hearing his voice come closer, the woman’s eyebrows knit on her forehead, showing frustration in her current predicament. His footsteps continued toward her until they suddenly stopped out of nowhere. In the split second she noticed, the woman stood up with her lightsaber at the ready, Sight catching her off guard from above. His lightsaber came down upon her, Rhiann barely catching it with her own. The force of the attack buckled her knees, Rhiann rolling to the side as she let his blade slide off hers in a parry. Not moving out of the way fast enough, the man’s yellow blade put a gash into Rhiann’s calf. She let out a cry of pain, struggling back onto her feet.

The Sephi knew at this point that it was a life and death situation. Both of them weren’t going to get out of here alive. Sight didn’t give her much time to retaliate, swinging the lightsaber at his opponent once again. Trying to ignore the pain, Rhiann parried each swing he sent at her, her footwork awkward on the rough terrain. Putting little weight on her bad leg, she hopped between her feet to keep moving, it still slowing her regular movement.

Noticing Rhiann wasn’t paying attention while avoiding his attacks, Sight subtly started backing her against a wall. The moment her back made contact with the wall, the Sephi’s breath was lost. Fear started to tug at her mind, but as quickly as it started to rear its ugly head, the Force took over and focused her mind. Forcing her weight onto her bad foot, Rhiann pushed herself away from the wall to her right with a grunt of pain just as Sight brought his lightsaber up to attack. This caught the Human off guard, trying to bring the blade down to his side where his opponent was. Rhiann took the opportunity to spin on her good heel, attacking the man’s twisted side; the lightsaber’s glowing blade biting in under his ribcage.

It was Sight’s turn to cry out in pain, the blade closing the wound it created as it passed through. With the pain the pair of assassins were fighting with, their movements started to slow down. One of them had to start making a final move or two, or else the two of them were sure to collapse of exhaustion, leaving the first one to give in as easy prey.

Dipping into the Force, Sight held out his free hand toward Rhiann, the Sephi starting to become engulfed in darkness. The last thing she saw was the man’s exhaustion, the woman noticing that her lightsaber didn’t even help her out in this visual void. She tried not to panic, trying to sense him coming. Rhiann was having difficulty doing so, Sight suddenly joining her in the darkness out of nowhere, his lightsaber aimed at her chest. As if by some stroke of luck, Rhiann stepped forward and out of the way of the strike as she tried to look for some way out of the darkness, hearing Sight move passed her in the void.

Although she had not wanted it to end this way, Rhiann mustered what she could with the Force and quickly moved up behind him. Her lightsaber went clean through the back of Sight’s chest, the darkness dissipating. The Sephi’s hands quivered as her double handed grip on her curved hilt held its position, the man right in front of her not even letting out a whimper. Taking a shaky breath, Rhiann found it difficult to form words with her dry lips.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, even if her former fellow Jedi didn’t hear her, “At least you’re with us again.”

The white blade disappeared at the same time the both of them collapsed to the ground; Rhiann out of sheer exhaustion and her opponent a lifeless being. She knew she had a task to complete while here, but slipped into unconsciousness instead, the sounds of the wraid on the other side of the caved in pathway fading away.

It was no more than an hour before the Sephi suddenly woke up and shot to her feet, cringing from the wound on her calf. Finding Sight’s body next to her still, she took in a deep breath and let out a rough sigh, stumbling as she tried to once again track down the powerful concentration of Force within the tomb. Trapped in a mass of collapsed stones, the Sephi would eventually dig out a holocron, holding it tightly to her body as she made her way back over toward Sight.

Picking up Sight’s lightsaber and tucking it away into her robes with the holocron, the woman took a quick look around. She was too exhausted to bring his body back with her; the lightsaber would have to do.Taking a moment to mourn and doing what was best in her own mind, she would at least put him into a more respectable position with his arms crossed on his chest.

A subtle wisp of air caught her attention as she approached the cavern walls. She knew there had to be another way out, pushing at the wall as if to test it out. The explosions from earlier had weakened the already thin rock wall, the Sephi breaking through with a good amount of effort.

Taking one last look around, Rhiann trekked back with her prize. If it could be called one after this.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 June, 2014 2:09 AM UTC

Story/Realism: Nice reference to Divine Intervention, and well written.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 June, 2014 2:11 AM UTC

Syntax: Tense shift here when talking about finding the holocron and breaking through the wall

The Sephi groaned as she held her head with her hands. The noise had been intense from the explosion and the resulting cave-in. Rhiann blinked a few times as her vision was still swimming from the effects of the over pressure. The Guardian stood slowly, bits of rock clattering to the ground. Eying the tomb carefully, Rhiann brushed some of the dust from her arms. Though the almost settled dust blocked her vision, she could hear another stirring and the sound of rocks shifting.

“Have you completely lost your mind, Sight?! You could have killed us both!” The Lightsider couldn’t help but vent her frustration at the Krath. In the dim light, the coughing mixed with laughter felt eerie to her. Maybe he did lose his mind, she thought, her hands dropping to her lightsaber. Removing the weapon from her hip the Guardian left it deactivated, hoping to keep the tactical advantage.

“So you managed to stay alive.” Sight’s voice echoed. “I would expect nothing less from a member of Ooroo.” The Albino’s disembodied voice echoed through the room making it impossible for Rhiann to pin down his location. Her eyes scanned quickly back and forth looking for any sign of the Arconan in the murky dust. In front of her she saw a dark round object flying at her. Her white blade sprung to life, just in time to perfectly bisect the object. Steadying her breathing, Rhiann settled her mind. Sight would come now that she had revealed her position and she needed to be ready.

The Krath moved slowly counterclockwise in a circle around the Sephi. He was thankful that her ears would be ringing as much as his were from the explosions. Sight’s muscles ached and felt tense from the fight. He made a mental note that his body’s response had slightly slowed as he reached the position he wanted to attack from. Calming his mind, he slowly exhaled before leaping forward, his yellow blade springing to life.

Rhiann turned at the sound of the lightsaber, easily deflecting the strike and bringing her foot quickly up into Sight’s ribs. The Krath staggered back but managed to block the rising strike from the Sephi, their sabers locking as she pushed forward.

“Why did you fall to the darkness, Sight?!” The woman screamed as their eyes meet. Sight’s face scrunched together, anger seeping into him.

“My sins were too great!” He yelled back at Rhiann, his foot striking her on the waist. The Guardian staggered back but remained on her feet, her blade meeting his repetitively as Sight pushed the attack his blood lust building within.

“Nothing is too great to be forgiven,” the Lightsider retorted as she took the offensive. Her white blade drove the Krath backwards as he struggled to keep up with her speed. “Put aside your shame, leave the darkness behind once again and return with me to your home. To Odan-Urr.”

The Albino’s scarred face crinkled in anger. “I can’t! You don’t understand what I did.” Anger permeated his words, his yellow blade narrowly missing the Sephi’s throat. His anger fed him, his body felt lighter as it drove the fatigue from his mind.

“Let your anger go Sight. This is not who you are.” Her blade kept up with his as he pressed the offensive once again.

“I murdered children in cold blood!” The words came fast and unwanted from the Albino’s lips. The Guardian’s eyes went wide, her mouth held open in shock at the confession. The yellow blade passed through the forward muscles of her right thigh. The pain seared through her brain, her body becoming unresponsive as Sight’s blade flicked upwards, burning a shallow path across her torso. Falling to her knees, Rhiann’s lightsaber clattered against the stone.

“No,” She whispered, tears swelling in her eyes. The Sephi’s lightsaber rose from the ground, finding rest in Sight’s open hand. The anger melting from the Albino’s face as he looked upon his former comrade.

“I started in the dark Rhiann. It is only fitting for one like me to stay there,” He spoke slowly so she would comprehend through the pain and feelings of betrayal. The Sephi blinked as a tear rolled down her cheek the last thing she saw before losing consciousness was the bottom of the human’s boot.

Sight’s body ached as he moved slowly through the tomb searching for the relic. He found it tucked away in one of the sarcophagi, not bothering to unwrap it from the protective cloth before stuffing it into a pouch with Rhiann’s lightsaber. He keyed his comm link, speaking slowly as he hoped the signal would reach through the rock overhead.

“AGV Nighthawk, this is Chief Engineer Nortorshin requesting an extract team. I have obtained the package.” As an after thought he added, “Bring a drill.”

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 June, 2014 2:13 AM UTC

Syntax: Capitalization issues

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 10 June, 2014 2:13 AM UTC

Story: What was the relic?