The sudden appearance of would-be predators infuriated the Elder. He would not be denied his prize. Not in this moment. Not in any moment, his mind roared in his heightened battle frenzy. Though he had been reluctant to touch the Dark Side, he was well beyond his misgivings now. The power chewed through his mortal coil and rushed from him in powerful blue-white lightning. Braecen wanted to kill the man whom had interrupted his reverie. And his mission.
With his fingers splayed wide, he turned the awesome power unto the ravenous predators. The Force Lightning mirrored his anger and took the beast’s life in a matter of seconds. Other animals in the vicinity yelped and howled as they retreated under the onslaught. Braecen turned towards Firith’rar with a snide mark on the tip of his tongue.
The man was gone.
“Seriously?” he shouted in an incredulous tone. Exasperated, the Adept began to wave his arms at the sky and kick the dirt to emphasize each of his words. “This. Is. Frackin’. Ridiculous!” Winded, he took a moment to still his body and inhale deeply. He focused on the stale air as he sucked it down his windpipe and felt the fine bone dust attempt to find purchase in his lungs. When he exhaled, he pushed out his frustrations with as much of the bone dust as he could muster.
He walked towards the last place he had seen the man. Braecen looked at the ground in a desperate attempt to track his enemy. “Just looks like dirt to me,” he laughed. I should have listened more closely when the Wilderness Rangers were teaching the Journeymen, he thought wistfully. Unsure of his opponent’s fate and out of options, Braecen turned his attention back to the center of their makeshift arena. There amidst all of the fallen remains was an obviously constructed shelter. It was permeated with dark power – a nexus. Someone, or something, very powerful had once called this desolate boneyard a home. Despite the power making the hairs on his forearm stand at attention, Braecen trudged onward towards it.
He slowed his pace as he neared. Deliberately, he made each footfall count. He could not leave himself open to another attack from the Shadow that hunted him nor be careless enough to spring a concealed trap. His careful observation delayed his entrance, but only for a few minutes. As he crossed the threshold into the dwelling, he noted he was not alone. On the floor, desperately pulling himself along, was the man whom had assaulted him. The Force Lightning had punched through any pretense of defense he may have had and caused terrible internal wounds. Wounded and alone, the man had sought out the only ‘safe’ looking place amongst the bones and predators.
“You came for a promotion. You chose poorly,” Braecen clucked as he walked about the abandoned domicile. His light blue eyes scanned each corner diligently as his hands pushed debris from side-to-side. He found a book bound in rancor hide and held it up suspiciously. He flipped it open and scanned the faded text while nodding thoroughly. It was obvious to the injured Firith’rar that this had been his prize all along. And that his mission had been about denying Scholae Palatinae another artifact.
“The Brotherhood gives nothing and it takes everything.” Braecen closed the distance with the prone Savant before kneeling beside him. He looked over his wounds and despite his better judgement reached out and placed a hand on the man’s shoulder. He knitted his brow in concentration and worked furiously to focus the Force to his bidding. Tendrils of the primordial power coalesced about the Savant at the Elder’s bidding. Slowly, they seeped through his skin and began to mend the worst of the wounds.
“You will live, but only if you leave now. And tell your Master that Braecen Kaeth claimed the third volume of the Book of Death.” With nothing else to say, the Sith Adept left the dwelling and headed back towards his awaiting shuttle. When he neared the ramp, it lowered and several soldiers rushed out to meet him.
“My Lord,” they snapped to attention and saluted.
He waived away their formality with the hand that was not clutching his prize. “Enough of that,” he growled. “Before we depart, I want to find another vessel nearby and place a homing beacon on it. I’m afraid our mission may be drawing unwanted attention.”
Syntax
Based on the section here, you probably meant "These were things", as that makes this make sense. As written, you are merely saying there are things a Sith could understand, but don't quantify them.
Story
Flagging this as story instead of syntax based repetition. You're beating into the ground the fact that Braecen is an Elder. It's become monotonous, story wise, and isn't adding anything to it.
A verbal threat and a single shot. That is the conflict presented in this opening post for the match. With your posts limited to 750 words and there being only 2 of yours and 1 for your opponent, you should be hard and fast into the action already in order to support the pacing of combat. The attack occurs in the last third of your post and has no actual exchange. Even in less restrictive battles, like that found in the ACC Qualification exam, we typically look for at least a full back and forth exchange.
Realism
There's no ability in our system that lets someone "as an elder" recognize anything more than anyone else. Sure, you could have a higher tier of your Discipline feat, but you aren't a Seeker so that's not what's going on here. In the end, I have to assume you're misapplying Sense here, based on your reference to proximity after. It's also logical to assume that a stealther would use both Concealment and Force Cloak, as he has the skills to use both at the same time. Then you wouldn't sense anything.