The world was a blurry watercolor mess, which vied for Adem’s attention over the dull pain rippling across his back. An unconscious man lay beneath him, the unwitting landing platform for his fall. The Arconan struggled to his feet, straining his senses to catch Alaris in the chaos. Smoke rose out of the crashed sign, which sparked pitifully.
A high-end clothing store remained open, its posh storefront smashed open by opportunistic looters. Adem limped across the shattered threshold, soothing his aching muscles with the cool salve of the Force. He tucked himself inside a rack of clothing and reached out to his surroundings to draw from their energy.
Alaris climbed atop the fallen sign and cursed. He’d lost his target. Something was being smashed inside one of the stores the Twi’lek had perused earlier. Unfortunately, it was that store. He hoped that the vest he had so wanted had survived the street’s most recent outbreak of grand larceny. Perhaps a five finger discount would be in order, once he ensured the Arconan was gone.
When he darkened the familiar vendor’s door, Alaris sensed the same presence he’d felt before. Several lights had been smashed or shorted out somehow, and what had not long ago been an opulent, golden space was sinking into a shadowy gloom. Another filament spontaneously exploded above his head in a shower of sparks.
“If you were trying to hide, you’ve done a poor job of it,” Alaris called into the darkness. The store’s intercom crackled to life, and whoever’s finger was on the button left it there for some time.
“One chance,” said Adem over the microphone, his voice lowered. “Weapons on the floor, hands behind your head, now. I won’t ask again.”
“If this is your idea of a joke, it’s not terribly funny,” the Twi’lek scoffed. The intercom shut off, and the store was eerily silent again. Alaris, lightsaber ignited and well in hand, confidently approached the checkout area. The Force pricked at his thoughts. Alaris felt something wrap around his lekku, and it pulled hard.
Adem amplified the strength in his arms and yanked the Twi’lek’s head to the floor by its tails. The back of Alaris’s skull hit the hard tile and he laid there in a daze, giving the Arconan a moment of respite. He rushed across the sales floor, swiping his lightsaber through what few lights remained. The Umbaran was finally in his element. He turned his attention to the mannequins and the possibilities they held.
The Taldryan struggled to his feet, his brain swimming from the sudden shock of force. His vision came and went, and his ears rang. It was a struggle to stay awake for a few moments. He held his lightsaber before him like a dowsing rod, his sole remaining source of illumination save for the street outside. The green glow and the sound of boots squeaking across tile guided him from aisle to aisle, but the Arconan was always just out of reach. Alaris’ head continued to pound.
Adem shifted from one rack to the next, never letting the Taldryan leave his sight and leading him further back into the store. He could not afford to give him the chance to run for the entrance. He held position in one rack to let Alaris pass, peeked out, and focused his mind on worming into his opponent’s.
At last, someone stepped into the emerald glow. Adem presented himself with a flourish and a bow. The Twi’lek ground his teeth and stepped closer, though the Umbaran made no sudden movements.
“You. . . karking choob,” Alaris growled, “that’s my vest you’re wearing!” The Dark Side welled up in him, surged through his arm, and crackled out of his fingertips in hopes of obliterating the sneering Arconan — and disappear he did.
With the illusion dissipated, Adem rushed from behind Alaris. His lightsaber flashed, tearing through the Taldryan’s hilt, just below his hand. The Umbaran sustained the movement, whipping around an augmented kick to the back of Alaris’ head. The Twi’lek’s body went limp, collapsing to the floor.
Adem exhaled and produced his communicator. “Package subdued, rendezvous for pickup.” He rubbed his shoulder, still throbbing a bit, and looked at the vest he’d copied for his trick. “Tackiest looking thing I’ve ever seen.”
Syntax
This should be "down to where he had been standing".
Story
I'm assuming this was meant to be Terror, but I am not quite sure. This is far too vague.
You move, almost rushed in a narrative sense, between the plot points you wish to hit and gloss over everything else. This includes the particulars of things, such as the use of Alaris' more manipulative powers. At the same time, you devote a lot of time and energy to Alaris' viewing of the clothing rather than using that space to ramp up the actual conflict with Adem to be more than a quick interrogation and single attack.
Realism
As outlined on the wiki, Mind Trick requires a hand motion to be used. A focusing agent. You do not describe it here. Also, makes me think that's what you meant to do in the first story error I noted.