Kelly nodded before turning to give chase. She hated following orders, but sometimes other people's commands made good sense. The Sith couldn’t allow Drake to get away. The Devaronian wouldn’t be too hard to find with his large frame. The path at least was clear. The Plagueian caught sight of her target and increased the pace of her pursuit. The green skin made him easy to track, as he stood out among the soulless shades of grey that emphasised the enforced aesthetics of the Technocratic Guild.
The Scavenger was proving to be quite the athlete. Even accounting for the pre-existing gap, he was pulling away. Kelly focused as she moved, reaching out to the Force and using it to empower her body. The distance continued to increase, though at a slower pace, and then Drake stopped. He pivoted to face his lone pursuer. His face moved as if he was about to laugh, only for it to stop and vanish, as if the Eminent had almost chuckled. With a taut face, drawn tight as though in concentration, he watched as the smaller female raced towards him. The Devaronian glanced down and began adjusting the wrist-mounted rocket launcher on the back of his left hand. Stretching, Drake drew his Electro-staff from its resting position on his belt and pressed his thumb on the activation switch causing the tips to spring to life. Kelly slid to a halt before him, chest heaving from the exertion of fighting the lackeys and then giving chase. Even as she sought to take control of herself, her chest heaved as the Force left her flesh weakened as it faded away. The almost-smile appeared and vanished again, as if something within Kerwin fought to find humour in the situation, and was denied.
"Without your playmate, you are little more than some dust in my gears Human. You should have let me leave." Kerwin said to her in a flat, monotone voice. Without the rage of seeing their conflict, it seemed he lacked any other emotion to influence his speech.
Kelly reached for her whips before remembering she had cast them aside to help Braecen. She let out an audible sigh, and shook her head, frustrated that she was now at nearly every conceivable disadvantage when compared to the tall man she found herself face to chest with.
At least, she thought to herself, I still have the Force.
Drake had no access to it, and she had the means to shut down his cybernetic arm. It was just a matter of getting him to the point where that became a viable option. Kelly wondered why Drake had not yet advanced. Drake charged unexpectedly, coming at Kelly with a fury she’d never seen before, the rage from earlier returning to twist his face into a visage of horror. Surprisingly, he kept going swinging she dodged out of the way. Then she saw it, Braecen had caught up to them, and he held Kelly’s whips.
Faced with a stampeding Devaronian, Braecen didn’t have time to formulate a plan. As a precaution, he gathered the whips in one hand and launched them into the air over Kerwin’s head. With no time left to see if they were caught, the Kaeth progenitor steeled himself for the impact as Drake slammed into him, and rebounded as if he'd slammed into a wall. Drake shook his head as if to clear it, surprised to look down and see a grin upon the Human male's face.
"That'll teach you to think that smaller people can be run over you mechanical trash! Come at me!" Braecen taunted the Scavenger. It worked, long enough for a flush to rise and give colour to the pale skin of the Technocrat.The buzzing of the tips grew more intense, signifying the power had been turned up to lethal levels. Kerwin raised the staff above his head, ready to slam it into the Elder’s chest, except it didn’t come down.
Kerwin looked slowly over his shoulder in disbelief as he saw Kelly holding it in place with a whip. Then it flew out of his hands as the Plagueian moved her left arm behind her body. Braecen, seizing the moment, leapt at the Technocrat and sliced off Drake’s cybernetic arm with one lightsaber while detaching the Devaronian’s head with the other. Drake seemed to hang for a moment before he collapsed in a heap, broken and lifeless. Kelly audibly chuckled.
"And here I was, thinking that I was outclassed. It seems that we make a good team and that you're not half bad," she quipped to Braecem.
“Now, are you going to apologise for calling me a harlot or am I going to leave two corpses behind?” She asked. killed people for such things before".
“I’m just glad he died, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to go back and gloat to my Consul about killing him single-handedly.” Braecen confided.
“Oh please!" She scoffed. "If it wasn’t for me he’d have stopped your heart and you’d be left to rot on the ground.” Kelly reminded the Elder. “Do you mind if I take a couple of trophies back to the Dread Lord?” She inquired sweetly, "Knowing Selika, she would like proof of Drake’s death."
“Be my guest, heads and scrap aren’t really my thing. He turned to walk away and then stopped to look over his shoulder. "Oh, and you’re welcome,” Braecen responded.
"For what?" she inquired as he resumed walking away.
"For your whips. I know a crazy badass bitch who would love them" he replied before turning a corner and vanishing.
Positive Takeaways
What I find stands out most here is that you seem to have a clear idea of the story you're trying to tell. It follows a logical flow and is structured to match. Leaning into this and cleaning up the transitions will really help strengthen your story going forward. It's definitely your best asset.
Areas For Improvement
Just some minor slips of grammar were of note when it came to syntax in this post. There were cases of run-on sentences and other missteps. An example would be the following, where the comma usage interrupted the flow of reading. You either needed an additional comma leading into it to account for the comma trailing 'Faron City', or restructure entirely:
The sudden perspective shift from the first paragraph to the second, moving from Kelly to Braecen while maintaining limited point of view over omniscient, was very jarring as a reader. Pulled me out of the content and left me having to re-engage.
This portion is also somewhat jarring, grammatically, but more importantly it's a head scratcher based on the sheets. Here's the section: "It was that of a woman, slightly taller than he, she had the most interesting silver hair." So, other than the jarring flow trailing the second comma, both sheets have the members at 1.8m / 5'11". Saying she's taller is inaccurate as a result, and a significantly minor Realism error, but still one that exists.