Two clinks interrupted Sparks' taunt.
Her and Braecen's eyes widened as two gas grenades exploded between them.
The pale clouds billowed outward, filling the space in seconds. He could see nothing but the fog and focused on the power of the Dark Side to temper his body. His sinuses stung, but he ignored them, unbreathing.
Behind him came a soft thud. A figure emerged in the gloom. Tiny lights illuminated the scarred face behind a breath mask. Almond eyes flickered over him. She seemed both unsurprised and disappointed that he wasn't dying.
"I saved you once because of Uji; you're useless to me now," Satsi said, voice muffled. "How long can you hold your breath?"
Braecen was too busy listening to the klaxons suddenly screaming in his mind to acknowledge her. There was scuffling from where Sparks had been standing, and then—
The Adept threw himself into the Force and forged it to his desire, thinking of nothing else. He envisioned himself and Satsi protected and willed it into being. The defensive corona surrounded them, and then it was awash with flame, beautiful and terrifying. Sweat poured down his skin.
The barrier broke as the fire died, and in the ensuing blindness, the Elder commented, "That is twice for each of us; I'll consider the scale balanced."
"Fine by me, sparkfinger," Satsi mumbled, sounding surprised to be alive.
Braecen's eyes had hardly adjusted before bolts of plasma assailed them. He acted on Force-fueled instinct, lightsaber snapping in an arc to catch the blasts. With his other hand, he unleashed claws of blue-white lightning across the space.
No sound of pain came, the assault wasted. His senses flickered, drawing his icy gaze to the right. Sparks knew her craft well. She had stepped away from the exit as the flames had fled through it, chasing oxygen, and seemed unscathed. She crouched with her pistol raised, grinning maniacally, a charred line of detonite tape on the floor before her.
Of course she set the gas aflame herself.
The Proconsul hissed, careful not to shift his weight too much, keeping his stance firmly planted. Satsi slunk forward like a manka cat, coiled low, dagger clutched. Gwendolyn's gaze snapped to her.
"You! You know, it's not very nice, messing with people like that. I thought you actually liked my art!" the Twi'lek half-screeched, her dark eyes alight.
"You're insane," scathed the Fade. "I spent the last six hours considering lobotomy by tram track while listening to you. Do the galaxy a favor and blow yourself up, you whore tailhead."
If the Arconan was trying to goad the Technocrat, she succeeded. It was as if Satsi had lit a fuse inside Sparks' head. Gwendolyn yowled, throwing her pistol at the woman, which the Arconan effortlessly dodged. The Twi'lek snatched the thermal imploder she'd recovered from her arsenal, clamping both hands around it and hugging it to her chest.
"You'll be a masterpiece," she seethed, pressing a switch. The device began to beep rapidly.
One, two...
Satsi cursed, charging forward before Sparks could move.
Three, four...
Sparks shouted as the Human tackled her, lifting the small woman bodily and slamming her down onto the duracrete.
Five, six...
The Fade tore the imploder from the Twi'lek's hands, winding her arm back and throwing it as hard as she could out the crumbled wall. Sparks shrieked, bleeding and wild, and reached after it—
Seven.
The first wave rocked the whole station. There was searing heat. Braecen flinched, throwing his arm over his face; but he wouldn't be knocked from his feet. The skin of his bicep melted with the synthweave of his robes. He heard Satsi scream. The second wave followed, popping in his ears.
And then— silence. Silence, and a tinny ringing. His head spun. But still he stood.
The Adept straightened slowly, aware of the danger still underfoot. His arm was a mess of blistered flesh, and he grimaced and swallowed tears as he fed the Force into the wound.
Motion caught his attention as his deafness receded. He saw Satsi climbing out from under rubble, bruised, bloody and burnt. She coughed while clutching her side, then pivoted to nudge what was left of Sparks' lower half. The Arconan grinned.
"Not bad," she began, approaching. Her smirk faltered when Braecen nodded downwards. A look of comprehension dawned on the woman's face. She looked down around his feet, then back up, expression tragic.
"Kaeth, you..."
"I was careless," replied the Corellian bitterly.
Satsi seemed sincerely upset. "I'm sorry."
"I don't intend to surrender. There are many solutions to test," he said with a sardonic smile. Here was another challenge. He would succeed or never know of his failure.
The Fade nodded stiffly.
Then, hands slammed into his chest. He felt time slow down around him as bile flooded his mouth, like moving through water. His lungs lodged themselves in his throat as his feet left the ground. He felt the bite of rubble in his back.
There was no explosion.
The Sith blinked.
Standing above him, Satsi cackled, feigned empathy evaporated.
"You're a frakking idiot, Kaeth. If that thing wasn't defunct from whatever Sparks did to it, you'd already be dead. Arconans have been runnin' across those. When they trigger, they blow. And you're just standin' there waitin' for it like a streetwalker and her trick! Ha!"
Braecen bared his teeth. His arm hurt, and he did not appreciate being mocked. Rage seethed in his gut, and he drew on it, lifting his fingers.
A pistol greeted him just as quickly, her mirth gone.
"I've got somebody to die for, Kaeth, and it isn't you. Let's just walk."
Electricity sparked along the Proconsul's fingertips, but he lowered his hand, inclining his chin to the new Consul. It was all the confirmation she needed. The woman bolted, ducking away from the prying eyes of medics and guardsmen.
He would allow her to go for now. After all, she was a riddle, and he intended to solve it.
Positive Takeaways
The flow between dialogue and action is wonderfully interwoven throughout this post. While the entirety of it reads at a rapid pace (which could be mentally tiring for an extended read), the dialogue never feels forced or out of place with what is going on. This is a strength in structuring a strong narrative.
Areas For Improvement
The flow above, with the lead in to the aside in the middle, is extremely awkward. Is it dangerous because the location and agents were deadly? Just seems like something is missing.
In the above, it could only be Rage since there is no Amplification on Braecen's sheet. However, there is a very clear depiction needed for this power in particular. At mastery, he maintains a clear head but this is still a suffusion of rage and adrenaline. It has a time limit to it and taxes the body heavily. This is very much a one-shot ability and the weight of it isn't shown at all.
The depiction here runs up against the requirements for +2 Telekinesis. While he could still knock her down, it requires an effort of will and a second of concentration when not in the middle of combat. The nonchalance of this betrays a higher skill in the ability.
As I mentioned in the positives, there's a rushed pace to the flow of action and dialogue. This is made more apparent by the heavy reliance on short paragraphs. The narrative voice seems to be at a dead sprint from almost the beginning. While it doesn't feel as long as it is, as a result, as a reader I can't help feel like I've missed something and I keep having to re-read sections.