Aura rushed through the door, coming to an abrupt stop as she quickly scanned the area. She spotted Crimson’s multicolored armor as it bobbed slightly with each stride across one of the catwalks; its industrial gray matched the rest of the factory, making her target easier to track. The Zeltron pivoted to her left and sprinted after the Captain, thankful that her own footsteps against the metal grates underfoot were masked by the noise of the factory itself.
Capture or kill if necessary. Wanted by Odan-Urr for valuable intel, she thought to herself as she mentally replayed the mission summary, imagining Councillor Archenksova’s crisp accent delivering it. The pounding of nearby pistons made the cold-blooded dictate ‘kill if necessary’ sound even worse, reminding her of firing turbolasers.
Aura’s stomach turned at the thought of it, dearly hoping she could take CC alive before her uninvited guest, Braecen, interfered. Immediately after following the Reaver onto a long, straight walkway, the Odanite focused on barraging Captain Crimson's body with the Force until CC’s motor functions became overwhelmed and stopped moving altogether. The Zeltron rushed forward but quickly felt a familiar tug of unease in her gut. Unsure of where to go, Aura simply backed off a step and ignited her lightsaber with a snap-hiss.
Blaster fire from both sides shot upwards from the factory floor below. The Odanite deflected the bolts away from her, her azure blade whipping through the air in a chaotic blur. Chunks of superheated metal fell below as she inadvertently cut away pieces of the catwalk’s safety rails. Aura growled in frustration as Crimson regained her movement, put on her helmet, and turned to face the Odanite with a blaster rifle. The Zeltron cursed her luck, sweat beading on her face.
The hum of a second saber or two punctuated the air, followed by a cry of pain below. CC yelled indistinguishably and focused her fire on Braecen, allowing Aura a small sigh of relief. The Zeltron continued to bat aside projectiles as she pressed the small advantage she had been given, but this time only half of the blaster fire was concentrated on her. Moreover, with each step came more yells and fewer bolts until Crimson was forced to switch targets.
“Take this, Jedi!” the Captain yelled as she flung a grenade and retreated to cover.
Aura deactivated her saber, channeled the Force, and focused on the projectile as she punched her fist through the air. In her mind, she felt the object slow down as her invisible strike swung through it and whacked it away from her, time seemingly speeding up as it flew to her left. It detonated in a loud boom below the top of the fabricators, unleashing metal shrapnel at high velocities. The Zeltron hit the deck and wrapped her arms around her head, lightsaber in hand just in case. Fragments ripped into anything in its path, a few causing shallow lacerations on the Odanite’s left side, primarily her legs.
A chorus of pained moans sung from below, drowning out her own yelps of pain. Aura reached out to the Force around her and felt a familiar anguish. People were dying. She grabbed the rail to help herself up and found her hand shaking ever so slightly. The Zeltron breathed and forced herself to get up, a pained expression on her face that had nothing to do with her own injuries. The dying soldiers almost made her heave, their piteous cries unrelenting.
“Braecen, you okay?” Aura yelled.
“What do you think? Next time, give a heads up!” the Sith snarled back.
Her mouth opened in horror as he advanced on the wounded, his sabers quickly slicing through them. The Zeltron ignored the stinging pain on her left side and jumped over the railing, pulling the Force into her legs to cushion her fall.
Aura landed a few meters away from him as he gutted another. “What are you doing?” she yelled angrily.
“Salvaging this operation. Don’t let her run away!” Braecen replied.
The Odanite couldn’t help but seethe as she fought back the temptation to go after the Elder instead, her hands balling into fists. A bacta bomb sailed past them while they argued, already flying towards the largest cluster of soldiers. Braecen used the Force to pull it away from them, but Aura quickly countered it with her own push, forcing it back towards the injured. A mist exploded outward, coating many of the wounded with bacta.
“Making me work for it,” taunted the Elder.
“Anyone who can still fight, surround them and pick them off! We can still win this!” barked CC apoplectically before she started firing her rifle at both of them.
The Zeltron’s saber sprang to life as she moved to cover behind a fabricator, deflecting any incoming bolts. CC screamed, her voice almost feral. Aura reached out to the Force and felt a familiar sense of loss. Something had broken inside the Captain. It was an emotion Aura knew well.
The Odanite breathed slowly but found herself brooding instead. She gave the Elder a predatory glare through the machinery that separated them, anticipating the fight. The pounding noise, the dead, and the surrounding pain cried out to her, relentlessly urging her to strike back like a pack of loth wolves on the hunt. She breathed quicker and quicker, the pain from her injuries all but forgotten while she focused on Braecen.
“I have bigger problems right now, Crimson. Stay out of my way and get your troopers out of here!” shouted Aura threateningly.
The Zeltron cautiously navigated the factory floor, not trusting CC to comply. As the Odanite stalked her new prey around a corner, she saw the Elder’s back and moved within range.
“What are you—” the Sith started to ask.
She channeled the Force to help guide her and unleashed a flurry of swings at Braecen.
Positive Takeaways
The cold open was clever and pulled off well. It sets up the situation and why they are there without wasting too much time. Creates tension easily. Definitely the best part of the post.
Areas For Improvement
Very close to a clean post, and other than some minor issues like a missed space after a comma, this is one that stood out. When performing an action in the middle of dialogue, it's proper to use em-dash typically. This is because commas are used when connecting to "he said, she said", but "shrugged" isn't a way of speaking. It should really be: "I would normally say 'thank you'—" Ta'var shrugged. "—But you got us into this mess."
After that segment we have a case of where repetition can hurt an author. A sentence ends with "her eyes" and then the next immediately begins with "Her eyes" again. Used in this way it distracts as opposed to enhances the narrative being put forth.
Beyond all this, there was some opportunity to clash a bit more between these characters beyond the initial escape. Based on the sheets and the narrative, an option was there to use Aura as a tool against her will. To force her hand and create an increasingly negative situation for her that benefits Braecen. Just a thought for having more conflict between them.