The brass droid lead the pair deeper into the smokey, low lit interior, passing a few individuals who were already introducing themselves. Zujenia tried to take note of the descriptions of the ‘companions,’ though based on the crowd before them it would be hard to tell whether the lads or the lasses were. Hopefully Turel had a better eye for this, a small part in her head had a feeling he did. So, she needed to focus on keeping their cover.
“Have a seat, we will be with you momentarily with our selection of our wares.” the Protocol droid waddle away to speak with a dark, but sharply dressed human.
Zujenia’s lip nearly curled in disgust at the reference to sentients as ‘wares,’ but a light redirection from Turel to settle down on the lounge distracted her. His arm migrated from her hip to her shoulders. She crossed her legs before deciding to let one of them drape slightly over the Jedi’s. Their gazes cut through the room, scanning for their target.
“You had a name, right?” Zujenia whispered, “how likely will that aid us here? She probably is going under a different name, correct?”
“Mhm, but don’t you worry, the new ones have tells.” Turel shot her a wink before jutting his chin forward and planting that half-grin on again. The ‘Madam,’ she assumed, approached, a toothy smile scrunching the scar across her cheek.
“Welcome! It’s our pleasure to entertain you today,” she held a hand out and paused, to which Turel pulled the small sack of creds from his belt and laid it in her grasp. The woman continued on immediately. “We have quite a selection, these three are new additions eager to meet your acquaintances.”
Brought to attention by a wave of the Madam’s arm, three individuals step forward. A short Twi’lek, her green lekku marred with shallow scars and nips, stood suggestively beside a lanky young human who clearly had a keen interest in Turel. The third companion was a wide-eyed, woman with ginger hair. She fidgeted visibly and jumped at any brush against her being. None of them had any cybernetics that Zujenia could spot, However, her golden eyes flit behind the last lady, laying upon a dark haired woman engaging uncomfortably with another patron. A sheen of silver reflected light from above, as she adjusted her arm.
“Dear, I know how you like the red ones.” Turel promoted, setting a hand on her left calf resting in his thigh.
“I do indeed. However, I'm afraid she’s a bit too meek for us.” Zujenia drew a few more credits out, offering them forward before pointing towards the far companion. “I believe that woman over there will suit us.”
“R-right, one moment, Miss.” The Madam clicked her tongue in mild annoyance and pivoted to retrieve her the Arconan’s inquiry. Just in time for the room to erupt in debris and thick smoke.
Zujenia felt herself pushed towards the ground, Turel partially covering her. Screams, pained moans, and heavy breathing sounded throughout the Brothel. Durasteel panels and beams covered bodies and furniture. One such victim was the Madam they spoke with.
“Grinder...Grinder, tsk, come in, Rustbolts.” The Odanite thumbed at the commlink in his ear. The half-Ryn blinked as she watched him, hand pressed against her buzzing ear.
The defector!
Quickly, she lunged to her feet, nearly tripping on a board in the process. She yanked Turel after her and picked out a path towards were she last saw their potential target, spotting her crawling towards the exit. “Her. Name?”
“Darciia!”
The Engineer glanced over her shoulder, panic wide in her eyes before she bolts towards the entrance. She nearly made it when a hand darted from the smoke and latched across her throat.
“Target captured, sisters,” a Chiss woman hissed delightfully, wicked grin upon her face.
“Ken...dra,” choked out Darciia. “I...I…J-Jedi.”
The defector lifted a shaky hand towards the Jedi pair, stooping Zujenia in her tracks. Was this all just a trap? To lure in Jedi? Turel stumbled to a halt beside her, both hearing the audible crack as Darciia’s neck was snapped. Kendra Icasta red bang bounced as she turned to face them, several new women gathering from the damaged entry behind her.
“Objective two has begun, my sisters,” she announced. Turel and Zujenia slipped into their defensive stances themselves, wishing they hadn't left there weapons behind with —
Grinder’s dented, sparking form slid across the floor with a metallic clang, tossed by one of the Huntresses.
Ashla and Bogan be with us, Zujenia prayed.
Positive Takeaways
The dialogue is a highlight here, and feels very natural and well done. The description is sparse, but doesn't feel like it, and manages to keep me intrigued.
Can be Improved
There are some minor syntax issues, but they are few in number and don't interfere with the story.
Story-wise I felt the aside started in this post with Turel's gambling friends really messes with the entire matches pacing. It's a neat side-story, but plot wise it doesn't really go anywhere or develop anything to do with the rescue mission, the reason they were supposed to be here in the first place. I think a much tighter focus just on the plot with Icasta would have served this match well.
Related to the above, the inclusion of Kendra Icasta feels rather forced in this post for what is, presumably, supposed to be the main antagonist of the match. She gets a bare half-sentence mentioning her presence, and more time is given to Turel's random gambling friends than her. Again, a much tighter focus on the plot, potentially merging the gambling friends together with Icasta would have helped the story quite a bit.
The exposition and set-up in this post was passable, but felt rather front-loaded. The maxim of "show, don't tell" applies here in my opinion, as the post spends a good amount of time spouting facts and background that might have been better explored later in the post, or in a different manner. Instead of Zuj's inner thoughts telling me about the plot matter-of-factly, there could have been something more artistic done here.