DJK Aiden Dru vs. DP Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Knight Aiden Dru

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Marauder
vs.

Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Elder 3, Elder tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Sorcerer
Comment

Hi guys,

Sorry this took so long, I thought another judge was getting it. Overall a fun read! Bit of a rushed judgment so ask if you want more feedback!

Syntax - 4/3 Halc. Minor proofreading issues for both writers, plus a couple of tense shifts in Dru's writing made reading a little meh.
Story - 4/3 Halc. Overall I thought Halc's combat writing was a bit more detailed overall. I enjoyed Dru's inclusion of the dream bit.
Realism - 5/3 Halc. I think the damage Halc suffers in Dru's first post is poorly explained given Halc's capabilities defensively.
Continuity - 5/4 Halc. Minor here, but the reference to the "scattered stun batons" made it seem like there were multiple, whole batons flying around some place, rather than pieces of one.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Competition [Gathering Darkness] 04 — Cannons to the Left
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants DJK Aiden Dru, DP Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Winner DP Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
DJK Aiden Dru's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DP Halcyon Rokir Taldrya's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Streets
Last Post 12 September, 2014 1:18 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Lord Halcyon Aiden Dru
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Couple minor errors, e.g. Dur. Rationale: Multiple errors and tense shifts made reading difficult at times, e.g., in your first post when Dru's flight pattern is altered. Issues with punctuation and dialogue formatting as well, e.g, "
Story - 40%
Lord Halcyon Aiden Dru
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Good job overall. Rationale: Pretty good overall. Several instances where you could have explained the how of something - e.g., Dru going back on offense - rather than just stating it. What did Dru do that made that clear? Did he raise his lightsaber? Charge? Shake Halcyon violently like the panda-loving coward he is?! I did find the dream ending nice though. Poor Dru.
Realism - 25%
Lord Halcyon Aiden Dru
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: Both characters reflected well. Rationale: Early on, Halc takes a pretty severe wound, and it's not entirely clear how Dru brought through what would be considerable defenses. Halc has numerous defensive abilities and was not pre-occupied. Perhaps Dru used his athelticism to overcome them, but this wasn't clear. Other than that, characters are good, and I like the reference to Halc never talking!
Continuity - 20%
Lord Halcyon Aiden Dru
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issue Rationale: Minor, but references to "scattered stun batons" instead of pieces of that baton. I understand you reference it as broken later or this might have been a little bit of a bigger penalty.
Lord Halcyon's Score: 4.45 Aiden Dru's Score: 3.2
Posts

The Vertical City. Nar Shaddaa. They call it the Smuggler's Moon—an apt description based on the myriad of sentients shuffling back and forth with their illegal wares and hidden weapons. The narrow streets below you criss-cross endlessly, soaring miles above the planet's surface. Exposed and uncovered, the streets offer a nearly perfect setting for someone with some skills with ranged weapons. Your own vantage point, standing on the ledge of a towering structure of glass and steel, offers you a dizzying view of the cityscape.

Your eyes scan the distance for enemies. Snipers could be set up in almost every building. The streets are plagued with violent gangs and the general riff raff of the poor and destitute. The streets may be an ideal place for blasters, but the winding streets are difficult to disappear from. An opponent would be easily boxed in and simple to finish with a few quick slashes of a lightsaber. The moon is dangerous—even for a Jedi.

Halcyon Rokir Taldrya, Quaestor of Ektrosis and Sith Lord, stood at the ledge of the building. His eyes were closed, through the multitude of life forms that assaulted his senses. He had invited his once-Apprentice, Aiden Dru, to Nar Shaddaa to test how far he had come since becoming a Knight. Dru enjoyed the heat of battle, and had never had the opportunity to fully test himself against his Master. They had sparred on numerous occasions, but it was all training. There had been no true test of mettle during those sessions.

Halcyon had chosen this location on purpose. He knew it was suit Dru’s specific skillset, as well as allowing him a chance to stretch his own muscles in ways he was not accustomed to. Dru had arrived beforehand. They had agreed to a particular “starting” area, but he was given the opportunity to see the lay of the land. Halcyon’s senses sifted through the deluge of information, searching for a particular presence. It wasn’t a presence, but danger that alerted Halcyon first. He made a dive to his right, rolling with the momentum, as a throwing razor shot through where he was standing and imbedded itself into one of the generators on the roof.

Halcyon took a quick glance over the side of the building and saw a familiar lanky form at the roof just across from him. Dru gave him a mock salute as he stood confidently on the ledge of the roof.

“Almost got you, old man!” Dru yelled out, brandishing another throwing razor. “Let’s see if you can catch me now!”

Dru threw the razor at Halcyon before diving off the ledge of the roof. Halcyon was prepared for it this time, catching it with the Force and throwing it back at its owner. Dur had caught the edge of a landing and swung himself across to another building’s staircase just as the razor hit.

“That’s it?” Dru yelled out in triumph, before clambering up the staircase and onto another rooftop before bounding away.

I think I am getting too old for this, Halcyon thought to himself before focusing back on the task at hand. Infusing his body with the Force he made a run to the corner of the rooftop before leaping off of it towards the same roof that Dru had been on. This one was further away than the rooftop Dru had previously been on and Halcyon sent out tendrils of the Force to grab hold of the ledge. The momentum slammed him into the side of the building, but just above a staircase landing.

Groaning slightly to himself, Halcyon leapt upwards in a Force-assisted jump, easily clearing the edge and landing onto the roof itself. He could feel Dru in close proximity. He had not run off, but instead hid himself among the various generators and duct-work that littered the rooftop. Halcyon carefully moved through the rooftop, keeping his back against the various objects so that nothing would come from behind.

He sensed a sudden flare in the Force as Dru back-flipped over the same generator Halcyon had his back to, landing just in front of him. Dru lashed out with a stun baton, Halcyon instinctively throwing up his left forearm to block the blunt weapon. The baton slammed into his gauntlet, releasing a massive surge of electricity. The cortosis-weave sash hidden beneath his gauntlet took most of the brunt, but much of the surge found its way through. Halcyon reeled back, spinning away from his attacker as his body took over. Years of battle had trained his body to deal with situations automatically. The Force flowed through him, managing to stave off the worst of the stun effects, keeping him conscious while mitigating some of the pain.

As he completed his spin, Halcyon’s good hand grabbed hold of his emerald hilt and unleashed the green energy from within. Dru was already attempting a second blow, but this time his baton met a lightsaber and was cleaved in two as he himself was sent flying backwards by an invisible fist that slammed into his chest. Dru skidded across the roof, the gravel digging into his back before he came to a stop.

“Any quips, now?” Halcyon grumbled at the Knight.

Dru rolled onto his chest and pushed himself off the ground landing back on his feet. “You know what?” Dru turned toward his former Master, “I’m not so sure that hurt enough to even be enjoyable.” He noticed Halcyon lower his lightsaber to hip level as the words were spoken. Dru used the force to bring his scattered stun batons into his open hands. The apprentice walked slowly at first, tilting his head as a smirk cracked.

Halcyon stood firmly in place behind a ventilation shaft, He’s not even moving, This is too easy. Dru grinned with excitement.

With a sudden burst of speed Dru made his way toward Halcyon. He got halfway before his master made a shifty movement. In a flash Halcyon had holstered his lightsaber and drew his Bryar Pistol. Dru thought quickly and leaped onto a generator just as Halcyon let a bolt loose into the ground. Another quick jump off the generator allowed Dru to throw his broken baton while airborne. The Sith Lord destroyed the baton as soon as it left Dru’s hand.

The blast occurring so close to Dru had thrown off his flight pattern, causing him to land clumsily on his stomach. Halcyon aimed his pistol, from 2 meters away Dru had a clear view down the barrel of the Bryar Pistol. With no time to think he had thrown his leftover baton right into the path of the pistol’s bolt.

Frak this! I need to close the gap!

Dru swiftly jumped to his feet. Vaulting over the ventilation shaft, he delivered a forceful kick to Halcyon’s ribs. The kick left the Elder open for another attack. The Knight channeled the Force into his left arm as he stabbed his hand into Halcyon’s right elbow. He could feel the old man’s brittle bone crack, dropping his pistol in the process.

With the Sith Lord briefly stunned Dru couldn't help but revel in his own brief glory, “It seems as though you've grown weak in your old age, or maybe you were always this pathetic?!” Dru withdrew his lightsaber igniting it just as quickly.

“It seems I have failed as your master…” Halcyon’s words slapped a bewildered look onto Dru’s face, “because you’re still an idiot!” Halcyon stood quickly, using his left hand to reach behind his back he threw out a grey hilt and brought it’s white blade to life in midair. The bright blade hovered untouched in front of Halcyon and he controlled it with great efficiency, taking a mock stab at the Knight.

The Knight couldn't help but smile and let out a weak laugh as he easily dodged the strike. “Well that’s new, have at it old man!” Dru rushed into offense once more.

Halcyon would have rolled his eyes in exasperation, if the pain in his right elbow didn’t throb so much. Ignoring the pain and letting the Force keep it at bay, he turned his attention to the rushing Knight. Dru came at him straight-on, grabbing hold of his hilt mid-run and igniting the emerald blade. Halcyon backed away a few steps, keeping his own blade floating well ahead of him. The white blade slammed against its green counterpart, stopping Dru in his tracks. Dru’s natural athleticism was amplified as he used his lightsaber, trying to get around the floating saber. The floating-blade kept up to his quickness, moving to intercept him each time and holding him back.

“Can’t even beat a one-handed man?” Halcyon taunted, knowing it was working as he felt a sudden spike ray anger boil over in Dru.

“I’m not the one who’s broken!” the young-Knight growled as he burst through the floating lightsaber, heading straight at his Master. Halcyon stood motionless, calling his saber back to him and letting it fall back into its holster as he waited for Dru. He could feel the other man’s rage boiling over as the emerald blade began to fall in a powerful blow. With only the slightest movements of his left hand, Halcyon grabbed hold of Dru’s arms with invisible-vices and halted his momentum before unleashing a blast of telekinetic energy. The blast slammed into Dru’s chest as Halcyon released his hold on him, sending Dru skidding along the rooftop.

There were audible groans coming from Dru as Halcyon casually strode over to him. There was a sound of wheezing and struggled breathing, a sign that ribs had collapsed from the blow. He could see Dru’s eyes full of both fear and anger, trying to fight through the pain. His body moved, attempting to roll over so he could get back to his feet. Halcyon held his good arm out, fingers outstretched as a torrent of deadly Force energy burst forth from the tips and enveloped Dru in arching waves of blue electricity.

A scream tore out of Dru’s throat as he thrashed about the ground. Halcyon could sense all the pain and anguish his apprentice went through, the thrashing itself compounding the breaks he had just received. The attack lasted only a handful of seconds, stopping as abruptly as it began. Smoke wafted off Dru’s body as he lay still on his bag, struggling for air. His lips moved soundlessly as he looked up at Halcyon.

“You have much to learn still,” Halcyon calmly stated, as he pressed down against Dru’s throat with the Force. He watched as Dru fought against the invisible pressure, wanting to scream out in pain before going absolutely still. Halcyon grabbed his comlink and tapped a button, summoning medical help as he kept watch over his apprentice.

Halcyon’s lightsaber, floating in constant motion, stabbed and prodded at the young Knight. Dru knew he couldn’t avoid the attacks much longer. His restlessness grew increasingly with each jump and twist. Not much time had passed before Dru had made an error in judgement.

As he ducked an incoming strike, he glanced over at Halcyon who had no expression whatsoever. ”Frak! After all this time, I still can’t get a read on this guy!” Dru completely forgot about the obsidian lightsaber and rose to his feet. He ran toward his master only to have his right leg severed at the knee. Dru fell to the ground as he watched the obsidian saber return to Halcyon’s open hand.

Dru had experienced overbearing pain on countless occasions, in fact he kind of liked it, but this was by no means enjoyable. It took everything from within the Knight just to keep from yelling out in agony. Dru grew weak, ringing in his ears, blurred vision. He watched Halcyon walk in his direction, but all he could make out were Halcyon’s boots.

“Looks like Ektrosis will be needing a new Aedile”, Halcyon’s words sounded muffled as they fell upon Dru’s ears.

The Knight continued to stare at the floor. He heard the muffled words get louder, Halcyon was getting closer. Dru’s eyes darted to his lightsaber and noticed it was just close enough to grab. He gripped the hilt, igniting the blade just as quickly, and threw the saber as he rolled to face Halcyon. The Sith Lord back-stepped and dodged the saber throw.

Dru’s eyes widened as he soon realized the saber would have to come down eventually. Too weak to move he hurriedly looked at Halcyon only to see his former master walking away.

”I guess..this is i–” Dru’s final thought was cut short as his own lightsaber cleaved his head off at the jaw.

There was nothing. Just darkness. No sound, nothing.

Dru bolted into a seated position. Confused, he looked around and noticed he was back on Karufr. ”Was that, did I? Was it all just a dream?” Dru placed his hands to his head and wondered what just happened. ”Ahh, it must have been a dream, Master Halcyon would never talk that much”