“Bit dramatic, don't yah think?” Kordath joked as he drew his blades, “It's only a spar, after all.”
The Trandoshan said nothing, his eyes burned with intensity, the orange orbs shining in the half-light as he stared the Proconsul down, pistol raised. The Ryn sighed, but knew that something had changed in their battle. They had both been cocky, in their own way, neither of them had taken the other seriously. Now, bodies aching, that cock-sure attitude had died away. In its place a quiet war of wills waged.
This is nay’ a spar ta Grot anymore, Kordath realized, but a battle fer supremacy. He let out a heavy breath, feeling the exhaustion of the battle take its toll; he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. He locked eyes with his opponent and was gratified to find that he was starting to look tired as well.
They circled each other in the flickering twilight, each looking for an opening, carefully jockeying for position as they advanced across the mat. A calm serenity fell over the room, a moment of perfect silence passing between the two warriors.
The lights blinked, and Kordath charged.
Grot’s pistol boomed as he discharged a slug towards the Ryn. Feeling a sharp pinprick, like a hot needle at the edge of his senses, he had dodged before the slug had even been fired, but his charge slowed. Another shot rang out with similar results, but Kordath was left confused.
He’s wastin' his ammo, he wondered, Why would he…?
"Do not surprise prey. Tire them. Run them down," the smile widened, showing the Hunter's teeth, "And little Ryn is sweating already."
Kark! Cheeky lizard! I have ta’ end this. The Proconsul pressed forward, gathering what power he could from the Force to speed his steps. He raised his blade for a final blow as he closed the last few feet, preparing to end the fight in a single strike. In desperation, Grot threw his empty pistol at the Ryn, sending it sailing through the air. He knew that he wouldn’t get the chance for another reload.
The inexpert throw was easily avoided but bought enough time for Grot to raise his vibrosword and block the Proconsul’s attack. The Sapphire Blade dug into the vibrosword’s edge, binding it while Kordath ducked low. With a sweeping kick, he knocked Grot’s legs out from underneath him, sending the Trandoshan tumbling backward into the mat.
“Yah done yet Trando?” The Ryn asked, his breathing heavy and uneven, “I beat ya. Put up a good fight but…” Kordath froze. His every instinct screamed out in warning, a cold chill falling over him as he looked down and saw what the Trandoshan was doing. Grot reached into his belt pouch, pulling out a small cylindrical object and flipping the activation switch in a single motion.
“Death before dishonor!" Grot howled, the wild Trandoshan screams rising over the frantic beeping of the grenade in his hand. The Proconsul stared incredulously, knowing he wouldn't get out of the blast range in time, and pulled together his last shreds of energy to throw up a barrier with the Force.
Oh, kark you Grot.
The grenade exploded, erupting into a cacophony of noise that nearly shattered Kordath’s eardrums. He stumbled back, clutching his ears and trying to regain his orientation. Across from him, Grot stumbled to his feet and blindly lurched towards the dazed Ryn. The massive Trandoshan crashed into him like a freight train, knocking his breath away and sending both their weapons scattering away as they crashed into the ground
Eyes bulging and bloodshot from rage, Grot clawed blindly at his pinned opponent. There was no technique here, no clever maneuvers, only pure animal instinct as he savaged his exhausted prey. Vision finally clearing, the Trandoshan leaned forward and locked his hands on Kordaths throat, beginning to slowly choke his life away. Kordath tried in vain to resist, but was too exhausted to pry away the massive claws, or free himself from Grot’s pin.
Kark, I cannae breathe! he thought, choking and gasping as he stared into Grot’s crazed orange eyes. Kark! I gotta’ stop him before he goes too far!
His vision blackening, he continued to flail frantically at his assailant, until by chance he saw Grot’s vibrosword, glinting in the half-light, mere feet away. He closed his eyes, trying to focus, but terror and pain clouded his thought. In desperation, he tapped into his fear, the manic rage of the wild beast on top of him, and focus it on the sword. He willed, no, he demanded the sword come to him, that it bend to his will and submit to his command. Slowly, tortuously, the blade vibrated on the mat, sliding towards the Ryn’s extended hand. Exultant, he closed his hand around the grip, a last burst of wild survival instinct granting him enough strength to swing the blade. With a solid thunk, the blade tore through Grot’s armor, sinking deep down to the bone of his upper arm and sending crimson blood spurting from the wound.
Grot blinked, muscles slackening as pain overwhelmed his system. With a shuddering breath, he released his gripand fell over to his side, landing in a swelling pool of blood. Not a scream came from his throat, but rather, he began to chuckle. Slowly at first, a low, booming thing that gently grew in intensity, interrupted by gasps and grunts of pain. His immense laugh soon filled the room as he cackled away beside the prone Ryn.
“A fine battle rodent!” Grot gasped out as his laughter died down, “Worthy of retelling!”
Kordath let loose a hacking cough as he rubbed his bruised neck, rolling over to stare at the insane Trandoshan, “Ya tried to karking kill me!”
Grot responded with another roaring laugh, “You would have merely passed out!”
“You’re crazy!”
“Indeed!”
Positive Takeaways
The best thing here is the focus on character. While there is significant attention given to Kordath's personality and perspective, Grot is not lost in the noise. He has a personality that comes out in his speech, his actions, and how he reacts. That's a good thing to play into.
Areas For Improvement
Careful with word usage in a place like this. Since you reference "the merc" and then use "him" and "his", it seems like this entire sentence is focused on Grot when it is Kordath appraising him.
The entire sequence of events here isn't very clear. Had to re-read it several times to get a sense of the flow that was being depicted and what Kordath was actually doing. Sections like this can be cleared up to help avoid ambiguity for your reader.
This shouldn't be a comma in the dialogue, as the smile widening and showing teeth is not a "talking action". It's a separate action from the dialogue.
Overall, the only other place that could be improved is the motivations. I get the most basic of sense reading this. Grot wants to hunt Force-users and Kordath summoned him for training. It's serviceable but doesn't hook with much strength.