The sonic imploder erupted into an ear-shattering wall of sound that made Lucine scream in pain. White spots flashed in her vision as she staggered backward, ears ringing like dinner bells. In her head she ran through every curse she knew to describe her opponent.
On the far side of the wreckage, Grot skidded to a stop and hastily reached into his belt-pouch for a new clip of ammo. With a practiced ease nurtured by years of experience in the field, he slammed the speedloader into place and tossed it away. The cylinder locked as he brought the pistol back up towards his opponent, determined not to give her a moment’s rest.
The Sith felt her heart sink and a cold chill fall over her shoulders as the Force heralded her imminent demise. Drawing strength from her pain and anger, she sank into a defensive stance with the sort of ease only a master could accomplish. The slugs flew rapid-fire through the air as she drew up her blade and prepared to fend off the Trandoshan’s assault. Puffs of hot, vaporized metal exploded from her saber in bright flashes of fire as she deflected one shot after another, her blade cutting through the air like a whirlwind around its master. But her hands began to slow, her blade work grew sloppy. She was growing tired, still disoriented from the grenade. Her sabre began to slow.
It fell still as a slug slammed into her gut.
Lucine choked down a scream as pain shot through her body like a wildfire, and she dropped to her knees with a wet, sickening cough. The Sith deactivated her lightsaber and reached down to clutch at her wound. The wet, scarlet patch of blood was rapidly growing, staining the front of her robes and running down her leg.
“You want to earn my respect?” Grot’s voice echoed across the room, his boots clanking against the metal as he walked closer. His voice was mocking, a predatory smile playing over his lips as he gloated, “It will be quite difficult to earn it on your knees.”
Pain dominated her every sensation, humiliation staining her every thought as her voice refused to obey her. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t speak, she could hardly move. Force, it hurts!
Pain is merely another path to Power
She clenched her fists in defiance, remembering her teachings. She would not fall here, she would not submit now. She had plans, and no one would stand in her way. Least of all a lizard barely out of the primordial ooze!
In her mind pain morphed slowly to rage, and rage with time to power. Power to harness the Force, to bend it to her will. Power to mend her wounds. Slowly, the blood began to clot, and the skin and flesh began to knit itself together beneath her cloak.
Above her, Grot continued to gloat. He slowly reloaded his pistol, bullet by bullet, and hissed, “I’d advise you to surrender now, Captain,” he spoke her title with such mocking contempt, “ I’m sure you’ll be much more comfortable back on the Voidbreaker. I have taken many points from you this day. The hunt is mine.”
“The hunt is yours, Grot, but the battle is not over.” Lucine spoke suddenly, staggering her way up to her feet. Her wound was not fully healed, but the bleeding was slowed enough for what she required. She reached into her cloak, pulling her lightsaber back out and holding it at her side. Grot raised his pistol cautiously, watching her every movement for treachery.
With a heave, Lucine threw her saber into the darkness of the wreckage.
Spreading her arms wide, she spoke, “No more tricks. No more weapons.” Her voice echoed through the air, thick and heavy with the power of the Force “Lay down your weapons, and we shall fight, at last, as equals. You will obey me Grot, or else I cannot lead!”
“Strike me down, and you shall lead Voidbreaker in my place.”
Her voice died away, silence filling the air as Grot stood dumbfounded. He felt an ambition and a drive that he didn’t know stir deep inside him. A sudden calling fill him to the brim with desire to Yes, yes indeed, he would be the new Master of the Hunt!
With a heavy clang, Grot’s jetpack fell down to the durasteel below. He holstered his pistol with a quiet chuckle and flashed his sharpened teeth in a greedy smile. “Very well, captain.”
The Trandoshan rolled up onto the balls of his feet, pulling his elbows in close as he approached the Sith, fists raised. Lucine lowered herself down, slipping fluidly into her stance and raising her palms up. Grot tested her defenses, throwing a few quick jabs which were deftly deflected and avoided. The redhead used the mercenary’s considerable bulk and power against him. The two continued to trade light jabs and counter strikes, but Grot was slowly pushing back Lucine.
She was well aware that he only needed a single strike in her condition. She needed to bide her time. To strike only when perfectly sure of victory, and destroy him.
Suddenly, Grot pivoted on his left foot and threw up the other for a kick. Lucine flowed underneath the strike like water, but a sharp pain in her stomach shot through her like lightning as her wound split back open. She winced in pain and choked back a scream, trying to focus on the fight, but her momentary distraction was enough for Grot.
Landing back into his stance Grot brought up a knee directly into Lucine’s chin, putting his massive weight behind the strike. Lucine tried to roll with the blow, but felt the impact rattle through her skull, her teeth cracking together audibly. Black spots danced in her eyes as she stumbled backward.
Grot launched himself forward, planting his shoulder directly into Lucine's stomach and slamming her into the far wall. Lucine bounced and landed on the durasteel floor with a dull, limp thud. Grinning savagely, the Trandoshan reached down and grabbed her by her fiery red hair, pulling the Sith up so he could look her in the eyes. Lucine stared back, fighting the pain to glare hatefully at the mercenary.
“Submit now, soft-skin. I will be merci—”
A sharp hiss cut through his gloating, a bright flash of green light filling the room and the smell of burning flesh singing his nostrils.
Lucine fell to the ground, lightsaber in hand, and Grot’s newly severed arm landed beside. The Trandoshan could only stumble back, his nervous system rapidly descending into shock from the sudden trauma.
“You… the saber… how?” He glanced over into the corner of the room where Lucine had thrown her lightsaber.
“An illusion” Lucine grunted from the floor “Much like your victory.”
“Never touch my hair again.”
Positive Takeaways
This was a great feat of setting the scene and characterizations of the characters. The dialogue felt natural, unforced, and accurate to the characters. The scene was always clear in the mind's eye.
Areas For Improvement
Overall, the majority of this post was dialogue with actual conflict and action not occurring until the last paragraph, and a short one at that. A good rule of thumb for the pacing of a match is that half of any post should revolve around combat. This post lacks that.
When it comes to alien dialogue, there are many approaches. However, they should all be very clear to the reader. For me, I read this as mental thought but the wording implies he spoke out loud.
This is strange to me from a narrative context. The previous paragraph discusses a curiosity as to "why" she wants to meet him there. This statement and the following clash, in that context. He proves his suspicions refers to "why" and the next sentence is the "where".
This was most likely missed in a proofing pass, but make sure to catch little things like "took a few steps neared toward him".
There's no real reason to capitalize this. It's a device, not a proper noun.