Rasilvenaira cursed as the strike she'd intended missed its mark. Then she found herself tossed backwards into another pile of rubble. She grunted in pain at the impact and the feeling of rough stone digging into her through her clothes. The stiletto tumbled from her grasp as the pain jarred nerves throughout her body.
The minor reprieve granted by the effects of her poisoned weapon proved to be all too brief. The Warlord had just managed to push herself back up to her feet before she was slammed against the rubble again even harder. A cry of pain escaped her lips as Rasilvenaira was sure she felt ribs crack under the force of the blow. The Sith coughed, and winced as the motion sent fresh waves of agony through her battered body.
Rasilvenaira glanced up as she heard the Master approaching, the soft hum of his saber seeming louder than normal as he drew closer. She struggled to get back to her feet, her right hand dropping to the hilt of one of her own sabers.
“You really should have done this the easy way.” Aeternus' voice was cold as he spoke.
The Warlord managed a wry smile. “Where's the fun in that?”
Aeternus lifted his left hand and crackling arcs of lightning burst forth toward the Aedile. Rasilvenaira brought her saber up just in time to block the bulk of the bolt. She squinted and hissed under her breath as some still arced past her saber's blade.
Rasilvenaira's left hand closed on the small vial in one pocket as she took a step back. She adjusted the grip on the saber in her right hand, opting for a somewhat more defensive stance as she hoped to gain some distance. Her body ached and her breathing was growing ragged. The Sith knew she needed to end this fight or escape soon, and she wasn't liking the odds of actually surviving if it continued.
Anger darkened the Elder's expression as he pressed the attack. He gestured with his left hand and the Warlord growled as she felt the invisible fist closing around her throat, preventing her from getting away. Her lightsaber dropped to the ground, extinguishing itself with a low hiss.
He stalked closer, holding the woman in place. “Just give me the case you found here, and you can walk away from this,” he snarled at her.
Rasilvenaira attempted to laugh, but it came out more a raspy cough instead. “Too late, you already lost.”
He sneered, voice dripping with contempt. “And how do you figure that?”
The Sith felt the grip on her throat loosen just enough to let her speak, but she was still unable to move away from him. She gave a small shrug. “While you were playing with my gundark friend, I sent my droid off with the case. By now Wisp is on his way back home and Braecen will still get the item. And he'll know you were here too.”
Aeternus shook his head. “You're bluffing. What droid? I never saw a droid with you.”
Rasilvenaira's dark eyes flickered with amusement. “That's the thing about seeker droids. They see you, but you don't see them.”
She gasped when the grip on her throat tightened again as the Elder's anger surged. He stepped closer, and glared at her. “I can handle Braecen later then. As for you, I'm sure he already expected you to encounter some... hazards here.”
The Warlord focused every ounce of energy she could spare on the Force, and pushed out with it, seeking to disrupt the Elder's grip just enough. When his control over the Force wavered, Aeternus looked at her in a brief flash of surprise. In that instant, Rasilvenaira tipped the contents of the vial into her left hand and flung the blinding dust into the man's face.
Free of the Elder's grasp, Rasilvenaira turned and attempted to flee as quickly as she could manage, given the stabbing pain from her broken ribs and increasing difficulty in taking deeper breaths. She was reluctant to kill him, even though she might have had the chance. She knew he could still be useful to her Clan. Instead she focused her attention on fading into the shadows, wrapping the blackness around herself as she sought to put enough distance between herself and the Elder. She hoped he would give up on chasing her and leave.
However, in her bid for escape, the Sith allowed her efforts to distract her too much. Focused on maintaining the veil of shadows and tracking the Elder's whereabouts through the Force, the Warlord never noticed the gaping hole in the floor until it was too late.
More bones snapped on impact when Rasilvenaira hit the floor of the small cavern she'd fallen into. Above her she heard Aeternus' laughter; apparently, he realized what had happened to her. The sound faded, and it seemed he assumed she'd perished, or would soon.
The Sith attempted to sit up, then thought better of it as she felt the searing pain followed by the feeling of broken bones grating against each other. Then another sound caught her attention and she froze. Rasilvenaira found and managed to ignite her remaining saber, and the glow only served to confirm what her senses had suggested. The cavern was home to a small pack of Vine Cats, and they were eying what they considered to be their next meal, conveniently dropped into their home.
“Oh, gizka spit.”
Positive Takeaways
An interesting start to the story. A great effort is made to establish the mood and mystery of the scene, which drew me in instantly to the story. The text reads very smoothly and is generally very clean and well put together.
Can Be Improved
Some minor issues were noted with punctuation mistakes, but there was nothing that interrupted the flow especially.
A continuity error was made early into the post. The post begins by formatting thoughts with quotations marks and italics, then in the fifth paragraph the thoughts are presented in just italics, no quotation marks. Both of these formats are valid, but have to be used consistently.
A minor realism issue was also noted in the final paragraph when Rasilvenaira is partially struck by Aeternus’ Force Lightning. Force Lightning is a powerful ability, especially at +5, and even a glancing blow should cause significant pain and muscle spasms. Describing the effect as an “uncomfortable tingling” stretched my belief at the damage.