As a whole, on a marco level, Faron City was an impressive feat. Built piece by piece into what could only be described as an industrial marvel; the city was the type built from capitalist dreams. The technological display the city stood for, in combination with the scarred world that surrounded it, could have been renowned in the galaxy - if it wasn’t just so industrially perfect. Unfortunately, capitalist dreams had a tendency of holding a boot over the throat of humanity. And this was no more apparent to the Nautolan, then when he darted from alley to alley taking in the city from the ground level.
Fleeing through the tight passages, which seemed to actually narrow in the residential areas, Raiju Kang had to call out ahead of himself to avoid smashing into someone exiting their apartment. Several times, in fact, the Nautolan had close calls that forced him to slide himself along the wall to get around a group or an annoying slow lady. At one point, as someone was trying to jab a tired, worn sofa either into or out of their apartment; the Nautolan actually had to throw himself to the ground and ride on his hip under the object. Strangely, no one seemed to react to the weapons he clutched and if it was like Nar Shadaa it’s because these exchanges were too common of a sight for the residents.
Regardless, the Nautolan’s sprint hadn’t carried him very far before he was through the residential area and into a busy market; and then a factory yard. One of the true staples of a perfect industrial city is never letting the workers feel like they left home; and Faron City easily showed that. But it also showed it’s shortsightedness.
Sure, kill all the force-users. It’s a good call for the masses, we’ve wrong them enough over the years. Raiju thought to himself, trotting to a stop as he came to the edge of the disc he was one and looked out over a hundred grim covered neighbours below him. But what are you going to do then?
The peace of his thoughts didn’t last long with the quick footsteps of the Dark Jedi Master announced his approach from behind the Nautolan. Yet, Raiju noticed, the human also slowed to a trot and came to a stop off to his side. For several moment, even though they both still clung to their weaponry; a sinister calm looked down upon the city. Until a howl of wind came screaming over the ledge at the Sith.
“I figured out a long time ago that I’d never defeat you.” Raiju hollered over the sound of the updraft. It may have been imagined, but the Nautolan could have sworn the Sith Lord smirked just slightly. “Rather, more importantly I figured out that you and I aren’t in the same game. It was like comparing Almakian apples with Spotmelon, we are just two different concepts entirely.”
When the Dark Jedi Master failed to respond, the Nautolan kept shouting over the wind while continuing to look out over the city.
“You follow a philosophy that is dedicated to self-improvement towards combat excellence. Your talents lie on a battlefield and deserve to be unleashed on places like this to smash the Brotherhood’s enemies.” The Nautolan waved a hand over the horizon while he spoke. “But what would you do with an area like this once you were done? Would you cleanse the streets, leaving a city of ruin before looking for the next challenge? Or would you have some sort of shortsighted enslavement of the city, like these imposters have created?”
A hot feeling of anger bubbled in the Nautolan’s chest as he ignited his lightsaber and turned towards the Sith Lord, pointing the blade’s tip at the human while he continued.
“I think you are different than the mindless soldier you’ve been made out to be, Aeternus....”
“And so what do you see out there, Raiju?” The cold response was bare audible over the howl of the wind.
“I see an opportunity build something that would last a thousand years.” The lightsaber slow lower to the ground as the Nautolan responded. “But it’d have to be together…”
When the next howling wind came over the ledge, Raiju had been eagerly waiting for the Sith Lord’s response but he was caught off guard. As the wind blustered around the Nautolan, he saw the Elder turn to face him and produce a clutch fist from his side that was waved in pursuit of the gales. Instantly, a heavy force impacted the Nautolan on the head and dove him to the ground. Clanging out in opposite directions, the Battlelord’s sith sword spun futilely out of reach on the ground while the Nautolan’s lightsaber hilt rolled across the disc as it was chased by the wind.
If only that had been the Sith Lord’s retaliation.
Immediately a sharp pain radiated through the Nautolan’s body. If he had been able to focus on it, the Nautolan would have noticed a hot flash jumping from the Sith Lord’s hands and burning into his side, but all the Nautolan knew in this moment was the sharp pain, rigged contraction of all his muscles, and an inability to breath as his body clamped down. For what seemed like an eternity, the Elder’s hands jolted the Battlelord’s body only to cease just as abruptly.
Little remained in the Battlelord’s universe at this time, no longer being conscious of the city beyond the ledge, the reach of his weapons, or even the Sith Lord for the moment. For a long time, only the ringing sound of his hearts beating held the Battlelord’s attention. That was until a wet substance smacked the Nautolan in the forehead and brought his eyes to the Sith Lord again; whom now squatted over him.
“When you have cleaned yourself up, I’d like to hear more of this thousand year plan.”
Positive Takeaways
The combat was written in a way that it was easy to follow the action. It is not often that one sees a regular sword fight in ACC combat, and it was nice to see weapons other than lightsabers being used in combat.
Can Be Improved
While I commend you for jumping straight into the action, there is not much of a reason provided for the combat. Story is an important part of an ACC match. The person with the first post should endeavor to establish the character’s motivations and the reason for the fight. The above quote is a great start, but I would have liked to have seen this expanded upon.
Also, there were a few Syntax errors. I have provided examples of a few of them below:
When you have punctuation at the end of someone’s dialogue, such as a question mark, the comma should be omitted
If there is no punctuation at the end of a bit of dialogue, the comma should be inside the quotation marks.
When you have a proper title like Battlelord, it should be capitalized.