Master Darth Aeternus vs. Battlelord Raiju Kang

Master Darth Aeternus

Elder 2, Elder tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Juggernaut, Obelisk
vs.

Battlelord Raiju Kang

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Nautolan, Sith, Marauder
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC and seeing this match to its conclusion! This was an action-packed match between two very powerful characters. The back and forth between the characters was enjoyable, and the description of each character’s respective strengths was well done by both parties.

In the ACC, story is the most important part of any post. It covers not just the actual combat between the characters but also the reason they are fighting in the first place. Aeternus, your description of combat was very easy to follow; I could clearly visualize every attack and riposte. However, you did not provide a reason for the combat or utilize the venue, which hurt your story score. Raiju, you did a good job trying to expand upon the relationship between the characters and added some nice descriptive elements of Faron City. However, I would have liked to have seen more description as to why the characters were in that specific combat.

Both of you had difficulties with Syntax, and I would highly recommend that both of you utilize proofers for your subsequent matches. Darth Aeternus, you had multiple errors with capitalization and punctuation surrounding quotations, which really hurt your Syntax score. Raiju, while your first post was pretty clean from a Syntax standpoint, your second one had issues with semicolon usage, run on sentences and verb tense.

This was a unique match that did a good job utilizing both characters. However, in this case, Story was the deciding factor. With an overall score of 3.75, Raiju Kang takes the match!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Master Darth Aeternus, Battlelord Raiju Kang
Winner Battlelord Raiju Kang
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Master Darth Aeternus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Raiju Kang's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nancora: Faron City
Last Post 18 January, 2018 5:40 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Darth Aeternus Watchman Lontra Boglach
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: There were multiple syntax errors, including incorrect capitalization and incorrect quotations. Rationale: While the first post was mostly clean, the second post had multiple significant errors which took away from the reading of the post.
Story - 40%
Darth Aeternus Watchman Lontra Boglach
Score: 2 Score: 3
Rationale: Though there is a lot of good combat description, there is little use of the venue, and little reason given for the two characters to be fighting. Rationale: While there is a good use of the venue and some description of the relationship between the characters, I would have liked to have seen more of a reason for this particular fight.
Realism - 25%
Darth Aeternus Watchman Lontra Boglach
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: One minor detractor, which is described below. Rationale: No issues noted.
Continuity - 20%
Darth Aeternus Watchman Lontra Boglach
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Darth Aeternus's Score: 3.1 Watchman Lontra Boglach's Score: 3.75
Posts

faron_city

Faron is one of the twin cities on Nancora alongside Axio, breaking up the planet's scarred surface with their presence. Originally existing in the form of underground shelters, the city was built up slowly—layer by layer—until it became a metropolis so large that it can be clearly seen from orbit. In order to maintain an organized infrastructure, the city itself is separated into districts based on the disc-like, concentric blocks that make up its design.

The outer district is the largest of these. Here, the buildings form alleys and streets that criss-cross as they either run straight towards the center of Faron or curve along its circumference. The complexes found here are almost mathematical in design. Towers built upon towers, they all link together like geometric puzzle pieces with harsh lines and angles in lieu of softer edges. Having to deal with the elements, the durasteel constructs appear weathered and worn, but maintain a bright coloring to reflect as much light as possible and reduce its thermal conversion.

Industry thrives in Faron, and its districts embody this. In the outer district, shops meet with living centers and the lines between them blur. An apartment cluster appears much the same as a grand complex containing a myriad of speeders or other such technological constructions. Power relays, the key to keeping the city functioning in its entirely, are staggered along the streets and each level. Through redundancy, the system prevents the loss of a single relay from crippling it. The citizens flood the district at ground level, marching with haste towards their destinations while the skylanes flicker with activity high above.

In Faron's outer district, the thriving metropolis can be seen in all its many facets, but also at its most vulnerable.

Aeternus looked at his surroundings and shrugged before focusing on Raiju. He would make use of the industrial environment if he had to, but preferred to go about this more straightforward.

His opponent had already drawn his Sith sword, and apparently could hardly wait before trying it out in combat. Humoring him, Aeternus drew his Diamond sword, which would be more then a match for the other arcane blade. The Master had a claw saber on his left hand, and they both had their regular sabers on their person, but for now they would not be powered up, it seemed.

Having worked with Raiju before, Aeternus was well aware of his desire to prove himself. That could be used to his advantage, if done right.

“So, still trying to make your mark on the galaxy, Raiju?”, he asked his opponent. “How will that sword aid you?”

The Battlelord simply advanced on him, testing the balance of his new weapon. “We’ll find that out soon enough. Beating a Sith Lord should help, at least”, he answered with a grin.

“You can try, at least.”

As his opponent became close enough to engage, Aeternus raised his sword to a guard position, simply held diagonally in front of him, the edge trailing ahead. Raiju launched the first attack, which was blocked with little effort. From there, the fight turned into a sword duel, with strikes, blocks and counterstrikes following in an increasing tempo.

Both fighters were almost equally skilled with their weapon, and neither was able to land a hit on the other. Gripping his sword with both hands, Aeternus used the extra leverage to deliver a more powerful overhead strike. Feeling his body respond to a small surge of adrenaline, he put as much strength into the blow as he could muster with such a short time to prepare it.

Even with it being practically telegraphed, and easily blocked by Raiju, the power of it still drove him to his knee, and it strained the battlelord to stop the blade from simply overpowering him. As strong as the battlelord was, the Master was obviously far stronger then him. It was obvious he was considering a different response to his situation, but any loss of power in his defense would simply send the razor sharp edge of diamond weapon straight into his shoulder.

Just before his strength gave up, Aeternus withdrew the blade, and beckoned him to get up again. “We’re not done just yet, Raiju. Why don’t you take a moment to breathe?”, he taunted.

Raiju didn’t take the bait, and again launched himself into an attack. This time, he used his reserves to launch a flurry of attacks on the Sith Lord, though strained as he was, his attacks were blocked without much difficulty. However, he did succeed in forcing him back a few steps.

Suddenly, the battlelord found his sword locked by his opponent. Before he knew what was going on, he found himself looking up at the ceiling, laying flat on his back. His sword arm was locked in Aeternus’ hand, and he could hardly figure out how his opponent had gotten him on the ground so easily.

Aeternus let him go, and took a few steps back. “Is this all you’ve got, Raiju?”

Lucine Vasano, 27 January, 2018 2:18 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The combat was written in a way that it was easy to follow the action. It is not often that one sees a regular sword fight in ACC combat, and it was nice to see weapons other than lightsabers being used in combat.

Can Be Improved

Having worked with Raiju before, Aeternus was well aware of his desire to prove himself.

While I commend you for jumping straight into the action, there is not much of a reason provided for the combat. Story is an important part of an ACC match. The person with the first post should endeavor to establish the character’s motivations and the reason for the fight. The above quote is a great start, but I would have liked to have seen this expanded upon.

Also, there were a few Syntax errors. I have provided examples of a few of them below:

“So, still trying to make your mark on the galaxy, Raiju?” he asked his opponent.

When you have punctuation at the end of someone’s dialogue, such as a question mark, the comma should be omitted

… Beating a Sith Lord should help, at least[,]” he answered with a grin.

If there is no punctuation at the end of a bit of dialogue, the comma should be inside the quotation marks.

… it strained the battlelord to stop the blade from simply overpowering him.

When you have a proper title like Battlelord, it should be capitalized.

… which would be more [than] a match for the other arcane blade.

The Nautolan had to take a moment to process the Sith Lord’s words as they were simply overwhelmed by the ring in the Nautolan’s ears. Nauseated, not so much as by the actions of the Dark Jedi Master but by a feeling familiar that overwhelmed him; Raiju Kang slowly rolled to his side as a swift sense of deja vu overtook the alien. This wasn’t the first time the pair had crossed blades, and if the force was with him - this wouldn’t be the last time Raiju had a chance to slay a legend.

Yet, the familiarity of the scene caused the Nautolan to think back upon their past exchanges. Memory recalled a broken journeyman being suspended from the training grounds by the Obelisk High Commander and the Nautolan’s ankle felt a prickle like it too remembered the pain. The Battlelord’s face felt flush as he recalled an incident of humiliation, when the Master-at-Arms had called out Raiju’s error in judgements as a budding leader of the Brotherhood. Finally, the sore and stiffness of the Nautolan’s body peeling itself off the metallic ground brought back recollection of the Sith Lord saving the Nautolan from the wrath of the Tarentae by supporting Raiju as Consul of Tarentum. An act that still required repayment to this day.

A repayment the Nautolan had been happy to skip out on, figuring how unlikely it would be to meet the Sith Lord again where he was going…

As quick as the memories flooded the Battlelord, the Nautolan cleared them from his mind as he did with the foul taste in his mouth and hacked a wad of phlegm on the ground between the combatants. The yellow bile oozed from a well formed blob into a puddle that ran into the cracks of the ground, marking the connection between the discs the pair stood upon and reminding the Nautolan of the Technocrat Guild and their allies that had brought them here.

While the former Obelisk High Commander may only have been focused on this one instance, this one fight, Raiju had to consider the bigger picture going on around them. The Collective was the only reason they, and so many off in the distance, had come to be in this force-forsaken planet. Trivial matters that concerned the individuals of the clans did not outweigh the Brotherhood’s needs, not today.

This is not where I’m supposed to be today. Raiju thought to himself, growing impatient when the Sith Lord appeared readied for another exchange. Without further thought, the Battlelord lunged forward.

Again, the Dark Jedi Master had raised his blade over his shoulder and across his body; protecting himself from an attack from above. Yet, Raiju abandoned a two-handed grip on his Sith Sword; dropping the blade over his own shoulder and rounding it to attack in a diagonal slash up from the ground. Both combatants were thrown into awkward stances as Aeternus had to bring his blade down in an uncomfortable way to protect his lower body while the Nautolan’s left arm flailed off to his side to provide balance. When the blades clashed, they lacked the meaty ping of the previous exchanges as Raiju had no intention of locking blades again and had set course to glanced off the diamond sword. Free of the Sith Lord’s weapon, the Nautolan used the momentum the blade carried to lead into the next roll of his wrist and bring the weapon back again, and again.

A presence seemed to guide the Nautolan’s reactions, minimizing his body’s response time; which connected each swing of the Battlelord’s blade into the next. Soon, a consistent series of sharp pings filled the air as the combinations continued to strike off the Sith Lord’s blade as the Nautolan searched for an opening in the human’s guard. A frustrated bellow from the Sith Lord brought the symphony to an end when the human pushed his shoulder forward into the Nautolan’s chest and the weight of the diamond blade held the sith sword pointed towards the ground.

With the Sith Lord’s shoulder separating Raiju’s left hand from the hilt of the sith sword in his right palm, a metallic tube from the Nautolan waist easily found its way into his left palm; yet that wasn't where the next attack came from. Instead, another yellowish wad of phlegm launched from the Nautolan’s lips and splattered upon the side of the Sith Lord’s face. Splashing from the human’s cheekbone, part of the wad landed on the corner of the man’s eye while the rest drizzled across his clean shaven jaw. Pulling back in a fit, the Sith Lord was quick to wipe at the spit with the sleeves of his robes and it was that pause in the conflict that the Battlelord needed. Clutching his fist tight on the hilt of his lightsaber, Raiju waved his left fist toward the man’s unprotected temple as if the Nautolan were about to deck the Sith Lord. Yet, while the alien’s fist failed to touch the Sith Lord, an invisible force stuck the man hard on it’s intended target as if it had been guided by the Nautolan’s sorcery - leaving a heavy meat lump to echo over the metallic ground as the man dropped.

While it wasn’t every day that an Equite was able to clobber an Elder to the ground, the Nautolan wasted no time to admire his work. Instead, still tightly gripping his lightsaber in one hand and a sith sword in the other, Raiju Kang lept towards the nearest alleyway entrance and broke into a sprint to get some distance from the cursing threat that would follow.

Lucine Vasano, 27 January, 2018 2:19 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Good job in trying to inject some background into the relationship between Raiju and Aeternus! While I would have liked to have seen more exposition regarding this particular fight, you did a good job taking Aeternus’s lead and expanding upon Raiju’s need to prove himself.

You also did a good job making use of individual skills. I particularly enjoyed your description of Battle Haste.

Can Be Improved

While your post was mostly clean, there were a few Syntax problems with your post:

This wasn’t the first time the pair had crossed blades, and if the force was with him

The Force, as in the mystical energies that give Force Users their powers, it needs to be capitalized.

As [quickly] as the memories flooded the Battlelord…

Raiju had no intention of locking blades again and had set course to [glance] off the diamond sword.

an invisible force stuck the man hard on it’s intended target as if it had been guided by the Nautolan’s sorcery - leaving a [heavy meat lump] to echo over the metallic ground as the man dropped.

The wording of this seems very odd and makes me wonder if you had intended to type something else.

Aeternus took a moment to clear his head, and shook his head as he saw his opponent run away. He calmy walked towards the alley he saw him sprinting into, sheathing his sword in the meantime. Raiju had changed the rules of the fight, and would be paying dearly for it.

As he rounded the corner, he saw his opponent had not gotten out of reach yet. He opened his hands, and raised them to shoulder level. Blue, eldritch, lightning sprung upward from the ground in front of the battlelord, who barely managed to stop in front of it.

The Master closed one hand into a fist, and pulled it backwards. Raiju, already surprised by the sudden lightning, fell backward to the ground as though hit by an invisible warhammer. He could guess what happened next, however, as Aeternus slammed his fist down. This time, Raiju merely grunted as he managed to focus for just long enough to prevent the strike from hitting him with its full power. While powerful, breaking entirely through defenses while casting at a distance was beyond even the Sith Lord.

All the while, Aeternus calmly walked towards his opponent. “Two can play that game, Raiju. You can run for a bit, but hiding is another matter.”

The lightning springing from the ground had since subsided. As he saw his opponent take his Lightsaber in his hand, Raiju was force with a choice. Run again, and be stopped by whatever sorcery would be in his path this time, or stay and fight. He showed his choice by igniting his own saber. As he ignited his blade, the alley took on an orange hue, as if a fire had started. This lasted only a second, as Aeternus ignited his own blue blade.

Aeternus kept walking in a calm pace towards Raiju, which apparently frustrated him, as he started focussing on smaller objects around him, and sending them flying towards the form advancing on him. A box here, a brick there, and so on. Aeternus simply kept walking, occasionally dodging out of the way, or using his lightsaber to strike them in half. None actually hit him.

Grunting in frustration, Raiju charged at his former proconsul. His lightsaber blade would hit first, followed by the sith sword in his other hand. However, where they were equally matched with their respective swords, the balance changed entirely when it came to the lightsabers.

Aeternus had seen far more practice with them, and blocked the sith sword with his saber, and simply moved out of the way of the orange lightsaber.

Recovering quickly, Raiju used the momentum of his saber for a quick strike from below, while the Sith Sword was used for a sideways attack.

Even from two different angles of attack, he did not manage to land a hit. Using the reach of his regular saber, the Sith Lord blocked the hit of the underhand strike, and ignited the saber on his other hand. Two nearly invisible blades emerged from it, and blocked the Sith Sword.

He muttered two words. “My Turn.”, and launched into a flurry of attacks, forcing the Quaestor back step after step. The erratic and powerful strikes would have been a challenge for even the most skilled duelists to defend against, and as he saw Aeternus’ fist come straight for his chest, he knew he could not defend in time. As the two blades mounted there went straight through him, his final thought was that he had been utterly and completely outclassed.

Lucine Vasano, 27 January, 2018 2:22 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Once again, your description of combat was clean and easy to follow. You also did a good job describing the different types of tactics Raiju used in an effort to defeat Aeternus.

Can Be Improved

There were multiple Syntax errors in this post. Most notably, there continues to be a trend regarding problems with capitalization and grammar rules regarding quotes.

Blue, eldritch, lightning sprung upward from the ground in front of the [Battlelord]...

This is problematic for two reasons. The first is the Syntax, but the second is a Realism issue. The way the power is worded, Force Lightning must originate from the person who is wielding the lightning. In other words, it must arc from Aeternus to Raiju, instead of coming up from the ground.

He [calmly] walked towards the alley...

As he saw his opponent take his [lightsaber] in his hand….

Raiju charged at his former [Proconsul]. His lightsaber blade would hit first, followed by the [Sith] sword in his other hand.

“My [turn,”] and launched into a flurry of attacks….

As a whole, on a marco level, Faron City was an impressive feat. Built piece by piece into what could only be described as an industrial marvel; the city was the type built from capitalist dreams. The technological display the city stood for, in combination with the scarred world that surrounded it, could have been renowned in the galaxy - if it wasn’t just so industrially perfect. Unfortunately, capitalist dreams had a tendency of holding a boot over the throat of humanity. And this was no more apparent to the Nautolan, then when he darted from alley to alley taking in the city from the ground level.

Fleeing through the tight passages, which seemed to actually narrow in the residential areas, Raiju Kang had to call out ahead of himself to avoid smashing into someone exiting their apartment. Several times, in fact, the Nautolan had close calls that forced him to slide himself along the wall to get around a group or an annoying slow lady. At one point, as someone was trying to jab a tired, worn sofa either into or out of their apartment; the Nautolan actually had to throw himself to the ground and ride on his hip under the object. Strangely, no one seemed to react to the weapons he clutched and if it was like Nar Shadaa it’s because these exchanges were too common of a sight for the residents.

Regardless, the Nautolan’s sprint hadn’t carried him very far before he was through the residential area and into a busy market; and then a factory yard. One of the true staples of a perfect industrial city is never letting the workers feel like they left home; and Faron City easily showed that. But it also showed it’s shortsightedness.

Sure, kill all the force-users. It’s a good call for the masses, we’ve wrong them enough over the years. Raiju thought to himself, trotting to a stop as he came to the edge of the disc he was one and looked out over a hundred grim covered neighbours below him. But what are you going to do then?

The peace of his thoughts didn’t last long with the quick footsteps of the Dark Jedi Master announced his approach from behind the Nautolan. Yet, Raiju noticed, the human also slowed to a trot and came to a stop off to his side. For several moment, even though they both still clung to their weaponry; a sinister calm looked down upon the city. Until a howl of wind came screaming over the ledge at the Sith.

“I figured out a long time ago that I’d never defeat you.” Raiju hollered over the sound of the updraft. It may have been imagined, but the Nautolan could have sworn the Sith Lord smirked just slightly. “Rather, more importantly I figured out that you and I aren’t in the same game. It was like comparing Almakian apples with Spotmelon, we are just two different concepts entirely.”

When the Dark Jedi Master failed to respond, the Nautolan kept shouting over the wind while continuing to look out over the city.

“You follow a philosophy that is dedicated to self-improvement towards combat excellence. Your talents lie on a battlefield and deserve to be unleashed on places like this to smash the Brotherhood’s enemies.” The Nautolan waved a hand over the horizon while he spoke. “But what would you do with an area like this once you were done? Would you cleanse the streets, leaving a city of ruin before looking for the next challenge? Or would you have some sort of shortsighted enslavement of the city, like these imposters have created?”

A hot feeling of anger bubbled in the Nautolan’s chest as he ignited his lightsaber and turned towards the Sith Lord, pointing the blade’s tip at the human while he continued.

“I think you are different than the mindless soldier you’ve been made out to be, Aeternus....”

“And so what do you see out there, Raiju?” The cold response was bare audible over the howl of the wind.

“I see an opportunity build something that would last a thousand years.” The lightsaber slow lower to the ground as the Nautolan responded. “But it’d have to be together…”

When the next howling wind came over the ledge, Raiju had been eagerly waiting for the Sith Lord’s response but he was caught off guard. As the wind blustered around the Nautolan, he saw the Elder turn to face him and produce a clutch fist from his side that was waved in pursuit of the gales. Instantly, a heavy force impacted the Nautolan on the head and dove him to the ground. Clanging out in opposite directions, the Battlelord’s sith sword spun futilely out of reach on the ground while the Nautolan’s lightsaber hilt rolled across the disc as it was chased by the wind.

If only that had been the Sith Lord’s retaliation.

Immediately a sharp pain radiated through the Nautolan’s body. If he had been able to focus on it, the Nautolan would have noticed a hot flash jumping from the Sith Lord’s hands and burning into his side, but all the Nautolan knew in this moment was the sharp pain, rigged contraction of all his muscles, and an inability to breath as his body clamped down. For what seemed like an eternity, the Elder’s hands jolted the Battlelord’s body only to cease just as abruptly.

Little remained in the Battlelord’s universe at this time, no longer being conscious of the city beyond the ledge, the reach of his weapons, or even the Sith Lord for the moment. For a long time, only the ringing sound of his hearts beating held the Battlelord’s attention. That was until a wet substance smacked the Nautolan in the forehead and brought his eyes to the Sith Lord again; whom now squatted over him.

“When you have cleaned yourself up, I’d like to hear more of this thousand year plan.”

Lucine Vasano, 27 January, 2018 2:23 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The description of Raiju running through the city was nicely descriptive and did a good job of utilizing the venue. Raiju’s speech at the end also does a good job incorporating both characters while laying out Raiju’s motivations.

Can Be Improved

There were significantly more syntax problems in this post than there was in the first. I have highlighted a few below.

At one point, as someone was trying to jab a tired, worn sofa either into or out of their apartment; the Nautolan actually had to throw himself to the ground and ride on his hip under the object.

A semicolon is used to join two complete clauses, meaning that both clauses must be able to stand on their own.

There were also a number of run-on sentences.

Strangely, no one seemed to react to the weapons he clutched and if it was like Nar Shadaa it’s because these exchanges were too common of a sight for the residents.

If he had been able to focus on it, the Nautolan would have noticed a hot flash jumping from the Sith Lord’s hands and burning into his side, but all the Nautolan knew in this moment was the sharp pain, [the ridgid] contraction of all his muscles, and [the] inability to [breathe] as his body clamped down.