“Kimba… Hey Kimba! Come on, Kimba! Look at me?”
The little girl had a wry grin on her face. She knew Jedgra would continue to call her name until she looked. He couldn’t handle being anything less than the center of attention.
“Kimba! Come on, I know you can hear me. Look at me, will you?”
The little girl held her gaze away from him for a moment longer, then let out an exasperated sigh, and turned to her best friend. “Whaaaaaat, Jedgra? Can’t you see that I’m busy? Go bother Rostel for a while and let me be.”
The boy climbed up into the little alcove that worked as their own little hide-out. Their parents knew where this place was, but hidden away in the industrial districts, they were safe from other prying eyes. They were close to Kimba’s father’s plant, and she often waited here in their little getaway for her father to head home from his job. He’d stop by and gather her on his way home to supper.
“You’re not busy, I know it,” Jedgra replied. “You had your eyes closed. You were busy being a lazy bum. I’ve got something fun for us to do.”
She turned her head slightly, a quizzical eyebrow raised at hm. He had managed to pique her interest. “What’s that?”
“Do you want to see a dead body?”
She laughed at him, and shook her head, then laid her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “There’s no dead bodies. I’m sure you saw a pile of rags, or someone’s clothes that got stolen and tossed odd.”
“No, I mean it,” Jedgra pressed on. “It’s a real live dead body. I mean, not a live one. But a real one. It’s a real dead body. People have left it there for three days. It gives everyone the creeps! No one dares go near it. Heshel Pahn bet me five credits that I wouldn’t be brave enough to go touch it. I need you to go with me! Help me be brave. Let’s get that five credits!”
Well, now they had to go. Money was involved. Kimba still didn’t believe her friend, but she followed with. “Alright, but I get half.”
“No way! Not half! I’ll… get you… something sweet. Something cheap. But you’ll still get something.”
The two children made their way down alleys, across courtyards, and joked, and teased, and laughed all the way to where Jedgra had been told was the alley where an honest-to-god dead body had been found. It was brightly lit, but still seemed dark, foreboding. It had to be the fact that a body was there. There was nothing to be scared of. The alley wasn’t that long, maybe twenty meters or so. It stopped at the entrance to some office complex. And yet, the whole scene was odd. The office was closed. It looked deserted. But this was a thriving area. The place had to be occupied. Why would people just suddenly up and leave their office? The lights were on. Wasn’t anybody home?
“Come on, Kimba. Let’s go down and see it,” Jedgra pressed. “I need your help. Come on, make me brave. You always know the right things to say to make me brave. Or angry. Or laugh. Say something brave!”
Kimba stood still, at the edge of the sidewalk that led down the alley. She was taking in details. Something didn’t seem right. The alley was brightly lit. It was early afternoon. It was a work day. There should be a lot of people out and about. This was a bustling area. She couldn’t remember, but Kimba thought this was a shipping facility, that transported packages and freight all over the system. She kept scanning the alley. It wasn’t a holiday. School was out, but the adults still had to work.
The entire alley was… barren. No one was out and about. All down the sidewalks on both sides, paper blew. The buildings were clean, but looked recently abandoned. What had caused everyone to flee?
And there, at the end of the alley, was a… a pile of blackness. It looked like a slumped, misshapen form. Maybe it was a body? It certainly had the right size. Maybe a body had been dumped there. Maybe that explained it. “It could be a dead body, Jedgra. But why haven’t the police come?” Kimba was curious, but she had a nagging, creeping feeling that was tickling its way up her back, right up her spine. She felt cold. “A murder would explain why everything is empty. Maybe people were told to leave work and let the cops figure this out. But, if that was so… where are all the officers?”
“Kimba…” Jedgra sounded scared. She turned, and his lower lip was quivering. “Kimba, say something to make me brave. I’m not going to get my five credits, am I?”
The little girl pulled her friend in with her right arm, and she turned back to the alley. The pile, or mess, or body -- whatever it was -- hadn’t moved. “Oh Jedgra. It’s creepy to see a dead body, sure. But we can still get those creds. Let’s just… uhh, take a few steps. Let’s just go see what’s down there.”
A shadow slowly grew over the children from behind, and as Kimba turned to see who had come, Jedgra nearly yelped in terror. The look on the main’s face was steel. It wasn’t cold, but it was certainly strong. Proud. Determined. “You don’t belong here, children. I think you should run along. Go back home, find your parents. Either way, keep yourselves safe. Let the grown-ups deal with things like this.”
“But, mister!” Kimba looked up at the man. “We’re here on a bet! We’re supposed to get five credits if we touch that dead body down there! And it’s a mystery, too. Where did all the grown-ups go? Are you the cops?! Are you here to investigate it?”
“Here.” The man dug a couple of credits out of his pocket, and placed them into the little girl’s hand. “Run along now, brave girl. There’s plenty other mysteries to solve closer to home. Go now. I’ll get to the bottom of this.” The children stared up at their apparent-benefactor for a few minutes, then seeing as the man had given them an absolute treasure of twenty credits, Kimba and Jedgra looked at each other with the biggest grins their faces could possibly hold, and then they ran along, headed back to delight over their good fortunes at their luxurious, fantastic fort.
The newcomer stared down the alleyway for several long minutes. The Force had drawn him here. The Brotherhood had come to Nancora to strike back at the Collective, and while most of the Clans had already fled, or left in triumph, there were still some stragglers that were looking for lost brethren. Or searching for personal treasures that yet remained. Tisto Kinang was not yet sure why the Force had drawn him here, but there was a purpose. There was always a reason for every action, or even inaction. He had felt drawn here. And there was a powerful force down at the end of the alleyway. Yet, at present, it looked more like simple refuse, one of the many homeless denizens cast off from society. It certainly didn’t look like much of a challenge. Yet, perhaps more than any, Tisto knew that looks could be deceiving. It was, after all, how he had patterned much of his own combat prowess.
The Savant pulled his cloak about himself a little tighter. Best to appear as less of a threat, at least initially. He hid his hands, covered in his shockboxing gloves, under the robe, and gripped his lightsaber handle momentarily, reassuringly. He had nothing to fear. He was one with the Force, both the Light and Dark, and could draw upon vast reserves of strength and endurance to support him through any conflict. Odan-Urr had exhibited its true strength against the Collective, and all of his Clan had proven potent and true.
Tisto began to take slow, measured steps down the alleyway. His eyes, his focus, was entirely upon the huddled mass of robes and... whoever was awaiting him. Step. Slow, measured step. Precise placement of another step. His was measuring himself, watching for any reaction. Nothing.
And then, it began ebbing in. Slowly. Creeping up his spine. There was an odd feeling. Something… deep. Grim. Awkward. It wasn’t terrific, but… it was there. A cold breeze up his back, but there was no wind. The crunch of the dirt and rocks underneath his feet seemed more pronounced. Every ounce of his being was beginning to notice reasons why he ought to think twice. Or turn back. Or find anything else to do, but continue down the alleyway.
Go back. Just turn around and exit this place. It’s obviously abandoned. I’m not going to find what I’m truly seeking here. After all, there’s no… power to be acquired. No riches. No fame. Is that a knife? Some kind of weapon beside him? Yes, it is. I see it now. Peeking out from under his robes. I see a set of blades. A dagger and a sword, perhaps. Ahh, now I see the lightsabers. Two of them. Yes, he’s obviously ready for battle. I don’t need to be here. The odds are against me. There’s really no way to win this. It’s not my scenario. I’d much rather use the terrain against him. Incite the public to be my weapons.
“No,” he whispered to himself, steeling himself against what he knew to be the effects of the Dark Side. “No, I won’t be deterred.”
“Go back to your home, little man,” the huddled mass said slowly, haltingly. It was almost a raspy whisper, but it seemed to echo throughout the alley. The man’s was was pained, but still hinted at age, wisdom, and insight. “There is nothing for you here. Leave me.”
“You are obviously not natural here, nor wanted here,” Kinang returned. He tried to keep his voice measured and even. Deliberate. He could feel the effects of terror and darkness threatening to slow the blood in his hands, and he stretched them both slowly, trying to draw the warmth back into them. “Leave your weapons and go in peace, or I will be forced to strip them from you and bring you to the local magistrate, or the council of my Clan to decide your fate.”
The man’s hooded head raised slowly, just enough to see his chin, and mouth above. There was no smile, no grimace, no look at all. Just a straight, slender jawline and little more than a line of lips. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me. I commanded you to leave me.”
The man raised a quick hand, as though shooing away a fly, and a wave of the Force screamed across the alley, slamming into Tisto Kinang. The Savant raised his hands to call a barrier of protection, but though it was strong enough to keep him from harm, the absolute weight and power behind the man’s simple gesture sent Tisto backwards. The Savant turned into a backflip and landed several meters away, still on both feet. This was no street urchin, no homeless wretch. This man was dark, potent. Surely a Master. And now, Bloodfyre was rising to his feet, his weapons left on the floor of the alley behind him. Except for one. The Shaevalian’s hand was gripped loosely on his double-bladed lightsaber. It was adorned in symbols of death and destruction. Skulls, bones. And on it, another marking that wasn’t intuitively familiar to Tisto, but after a few seconds, his eyes widened slightly in recognition.
It was the marking of Tarentum. The dead Clan. The Collective had absolutely destroyed the forces from Yridia. This man was a survivor of the Clan of Death. He was probably still in despair, in shock. Tisto’s mind was working as quickly as he could, making plans.
“Your Clan is dead, Tarenti,” Tisto said, flipping side his cloak and grabbing onto his lightsaber. “I command you again, in the name of Clan Odan-Urr. Go, mourn your fellows. Leave your weapons. I claim them as tribute for allowing you to live and leave this place in peace.”
“Oh, no,” Bloodfyre said, almost serpent-like, hissing. “I think you’ve made your decision now, Odan-Urr. I gave you the opportunity to flee. Now... now, you will know pain.”
So a sticking point for this intro is the first half of it. For a fiction, great, sets a scene. For an action-oriented format such as the Combat Center, not so much. The menace of the situation was well established just by Tisto walking down the alleyway.
Positive Takeaways
Excellent use of Aura of Fear and Terror. Brilliant.
Can Be Improved
Usage of barrier and TK. It feels like you left out a part of that interaction, in that barrier stops the physical force of what’s going on. That means unless the barrier drops or breaks it should not have thrown Tisto back. It feels like you left out the part where you overwhelm the barrier.
Also, Odanite versus referring to the person as Odan-Urr.