On a planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws: cracks formed through thousands of years of glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.
The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.
Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for decades, this place was once a common destination for Jedi Padawans seeking to build their first lightsabers. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.
Positive Takeaways
Lots of action. You also established a reason for your characters to square off, well done.
Can Be Improved
Proofing, get proofed. Narrative tense/past tense is your friend. The Story portion of your match is partially based off of readability, and present tense does not pair well with this. Describe things as they happened, not as they’re happening, and your reading will flow much better. Also, while armor functionality is in the works, it currently doesn’t do anything to stop attacks, so you caught a ding on realism for the cloak stopping a blaster shot.