Warlord Rasilvenaira Isatri'Zara StormRaven vs. Battlelord Raiju Kang

Warlord Rasilvenaira Isatri'Zara StormRaven

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Human, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Battlelord Raiju Kang

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Nautolan, Sith, Marauder
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC! It was truly a pleasure to read a match between such skilled competitors.

I will start off by saying this match was far closer than the scores would indicate and I almost feel wrong nitpicking such objectively solid storytelling from both of you. As a whole the match was a very engaging read, even for someone not familiar with internal CSP lore, you both made the conflict accessible to the reader. From a Syntax standpoint, Rasilvenaira's was noticeably cleaner and came right on the edge of getting a perfect score. Raiju had some stray typos and some verb tense confusion in a few places but nothing overly distracting. You both committed the same realism error with having the droid use a weapon that it technically didn't have. The realism errors offset one another and didn't affect the final result, but it is a lesson to take for future matches. Droid use is a relatively new thing in the ACC, and if you have any questions, the ACC staff is always available to provide answers.

Story was the highlight of this match, but also the deciding factor. Once the combat started both of you were poetic in how you painted the picture of it in the reader's mind. Similarly, the in-character conflict was well-established in the opening post and expanded upon in the second post with both endings providing a resolution while still leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next. Unfortunately, the lack of action in Ras' opening post is a story detractor according to the ACC rubric. I strongly empathize here because I have a similar style where I'll tend to focus on the in-character conflict and have to force myself to work in some action when I'm writing opening posts. However, as people often remind me, it's called the Antei Combat Center for a reason. I do want to emphasize how engaging and well-written the opening post was, but the rubric is the rubric.

So again, this match was far far closer than a surface reading of the scores will lead one to believe. I look forward to seeing more of both of you in the ACC.

There must be a winner and the winner is Raiju

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Rasilvenaira Isatri'Zara StormRaven, Battlelord Raiju Kang
Winner Battlelord Raiju Kang
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Rasilvenaira Isatri'Zara StormRaven's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Raiju Kang's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 12 May, 2018 5:03 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Watchman Lontra Boglach Sith Eternal Rasilvenaira StormRaven
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: You had multiple errors with verb tense and a few stray typos that did cause me to stop and re-read some passages. Rationale: Your syntax was remarkably clean throughout both posts. I only found a single error.
Story - 40%
Watchman Lontra Boglach Sith Eternal Rasilvenaira StormRaven
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: You took the story your opponent established and ran with it. As a reader I found your depictions of the character dialogue and physical combat engaging. You also brought the environment into the story through your ending. Rationale: You had all the elements in your posts for a strong 4 in story; there was significant context for the in-character conflict, the description of the fighting in your final post was varied and well-paced and you used the venue in creative ways. However, the lack of action in the first post is a story detractor.
Realism - 25%
Watchman Lontra Boglach Sith Eternal Rasilvenaira StormRaven
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: See my post comments on droids using weapons that aren't built-in or in the loadout. Rationale: See my post comments on droids using weapons that aren't built-in or in the loadout.
Continuity - 20%
Watchman Lontra Boglach Sith Eternal Rasilvenaira StormRaven
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors that I could see. Rationale: No errors that I could see.
Watchman Lontra Boglach's Score: 4.05 Sith Eternal Rasilvenaira StormRaven's Score: 3.8
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On a planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws: cracks formed through thousands of years of glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for decades, this place was once a common destination for Jedi Padawans seeking to build their first lightsabers. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

She drifted through the thick shadows that cloaked the larger portion of the cavern. Clad entirely in black clothes that seemed to absorb what little light attempted to reach her, the lithe figure carefully and quietly made her way deeper into the cave. Dark eyes noted the traces and remains of those who'd thought to brave this place and been found lacking. Most other sentient beings would have shown some hint of emotion over that, but the StormRaven paid the remains no more notice than the rock beneath them.

StormRaven was an assassin. Death and its remnants held no meaning or fascination for her, and emotions were weaknesses she did not allow to show easily. To those who didn't know her, Rasilvenaira was cold, even frigid as many had called her. She was ruthless and unyielding in her determination to see that whatever task she set her mind to was completed. Despite the open disdain she showed most other living beings, there were a rare few who had earned her loyalty. For those, the Warlord would not hesitate to put her life on the line to see to their safety.

The Sith paused to listen, reaching out with the Force to reveal what her keen physical senses might miss. It was that rare spark of loyalty that had brought her here. A wry smile flickered over her lips before vanishing almost as quickly as it had appeared. That small voice in the back of her mind chided her. “You're Sith, why should you care if an enemy eliminates an obstacle?” Mentally, she choked that voice into oblivion only to answer that part of herself. “Because I'm an idiot, naturally. But who wants to live forever?”

Finding a suitable position, she glanced around the cave again and then crouched to wait. From her vantage point she could see the majority of the open central portion of the crystalline cavern. The Warlord didn't need to wait long before she heard steady footsteps. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the figure that appeared and her lips curled in a soundless snarl as she recognized the male Nautolan.

Rasilvenaira watched a moment as Imperium's Quaestor turned slowly in place, looking around himself. She smirked, assuming that he was searching the Force as well, but she was not so easily found when she didn't want to be. With a contemptuous sneer, she stood and moved a couple meters closer to him. Unlike the Nautolan, however, her steps betrayed nothing as the lithe human stayed just within the shadows.

“Really, Raiju, you definitely know how to show a girl a good time. Such a lovely place you picked.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Raiju frowned, turning to face where he thought the voice had come from. “Alara?”

Rasilvenaira gave a derisive snort and stepped out of the shadows, locking the male in a withering, obsidian hued glare. “I'm almost torn between being flattered or insulted, Raiju.”

His dark, lidless eyes focused on her, “Where is Alara?”

The Warlord gave him a droll stare. “She's smart enough to smell a trap and sent me instead.” Her hand rested easily, but meaningfully on the hilt of one of her lightsabers as Rasilvenaira studied the Nautolan. “Why ask for a meeting? Why pick such a remote place, hm?”

The Sith moved a step closer, and slowly started to circle around him like a stalking predator.

Councillor Turel Sorenn, 17 May, 2018 4:16 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This post is packed with vivid and poetic descriptions and key insights into StormRaven's character. The post was also remarkably clean from a Syntax standpoint.


Can Be Improved

You established the conflict between the characters well but the post suffers from a lack of action. In the ACC there needs to be some sort of physical interaction between the characters in every post. See the expanded section of the ACC rubric.

A warmth filled the Nautolan’s cheeks. Like a child caught pocketing candies, Raiju Kang had found himself in an awkward position of embarrassment. His hearts pounded insensibly, as if the guilt he felt would eject them from his chest, and a lump rose in his throat that he struggled to swallow. While it appeared the Nautolan had been caught red-handed, the hesitation of the woman’s hand left Raiju with a sense she didn’t have the full story.

If she was here to kill you outright, she wouldn’t have revealed herself already. She would have struck from the shadows, and left you falling down the carvas. Raiju was quick to tell himself. His hearts slowed a beat in response.

“Obviously to avoid prying eyes and ears, darling.” The Nautolan fought to remain smooth in his tone, ignoring the stalking circle the woman created and instead focusing on an imaginary spot of dirt beneath his nail that he attempted to clean. “However, it would seem that you Excidiacs think the intention was sinister.”

“You’ll have to forgive us, Raiju, given the last warning you left us.” The Warlord stopped her stalk in front of the Nautolan before she thrust a finger forward.

“Don’t be so overdramatic, darling. That warning wasn’t for you or your House, and has nothing to do with why I asked Alara to be here-”

“So why did you want to meet her here?!” Rasilvenaira cut the Nautolan off with a snap. A sigh was quick to follow the Nautolan, as he turned to walk back the way he had came.

“None of your business, Ras.” Raiju shouted over his shoulder while he stuck his thumbs in his belt loops, close to the attached weapons he was carrying. “I had an offer to make Alara, and only to her. Something to benefit us both when the time came, but I’m not speaking through a lackey.”

Time seemed to slow for the Nautolan over the next few moments as he continued to focus on the woman while he walked away. For a brief nanosecond, he thought he was actually going to get away from this confrontation. Then the Warlord tugged her lightsaber from it’s spot on her belt, and all bets were off. Snatched from it’s spot on his belt, a throwing dagger was raised over Raiju’s shoulder as he spun on his heel to face the woman again. Dropped down onto one knee for stability, the Nautolan immediately hurled the weapon towards the Warlord whom had just started towards him. Awkwardly, having to take a step back in reflex, the woman batted the attack away with her now activated lightsaber.

Immediately, time hastened as Raiju’s own lightsaber leapt into his palm and was immediately activated. A crackle echoed through the cavern when the pair of blades met, yet it was short lived as the combatants recoiled quickly and proceed to exchange further blows - each looking for an opening in the other’s defenses while maintaining their own. Until a moment of pause in the exchange.

At one moment, Raiju had ducked under the horizontal slash of the would-be assassin; leaving the woman over extended to her left. And when the Nautolan popped back up, he was quick to extend his own weapon against hers and held it back. Dropping his left hand from his hilt in doing so, the hilt of his sith blade immediately found itself in the Battlelord’s hand; which he drew from its sheath and proceeded to swipe at the Warlord.

Withdrawing, the woman hopped away from the Nautolan and immediately was chased back a combination of swipes from either side. The barrage was enough to drive the woman back into a stone wall, and when she was able to catch one of his blades on her own; the other suddenly leapt out in a stab towards her throat.

Councillor Turel Sorenn, 17 May, 2018 5:13 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You did everything a follow-on post was supposed to do here. You smoothly transitioned from the opening, expanded upon the in-character conflict, and ramped up the action. The combat was a particular strong point as it painted a clear picture in the reader's mind of what was occurring without bogging down the pacing.


Can Be Improved

She would have struck from the shadows, and left you falling down the carvas.

A small typo here.

Rasilvenaira felt her focus narrow as she sought to keep the Nautolan's blades at bay. The cagey little assassin hated to be pushed into a corner and when she felt the stone wall at her back, Rasilvenaira growled. Catching sight of the blade aimed at her throat, the Sith reacted on instinct and struck out with the Force.

The telekinetic blow was barely focused and hastily thrown, thus lacking the power it might have held. Still, it was enough to cause Raiju to stagger half a step back and that was all the lithe human needed as Rasilvenaira slipped away from him and the stone wall behind her. Taking a deep breath as she was able to put some distance between her and the Battlelord, Stormraven let her left hand drop to her belt.

The Warlord drew her wicked double-bladed dagger, the Arashi-Kumori, from its sheathe and let a cold smile play across her lips. Rasilvenaira flourished her lightsaber in her right hand as she readjusted her grip on its hilt and readied herself.

When the marauder closed in on her, Rasilvenaira met his flurry of attacks. The Sith twisted and spun, weaving and dodging, sometimes only just narrowly avoiding the Battlelord's strikes. Slowly, Stormraven began to give ground, edging gradually toward the shadows between two larger rock formations. She was counting on the Nautolan being too deep in the frenzy of battle to notice he was being led.

Finally, as she reached the spot she'd been aiming for, the Warlord reached deep into the Force, grabbing hold of the swirling tendrils of power that permeated the crystal cavern. Suddenly, Raiju was engulfed in impenetrable darkness and the female assassin seemed to completely vanish.

Raiju cried out in pain when a sudden slash from behind cut through the tendons of his left leg. He attempted to spin around and strike out at the unseen threat, but the wounded leg gave out and he dropped to the ground.

Rasilvenaira slipped well away from the roiling darkness that surrounded her opponent. Her voice was quiet in the eerie stillness that had fallen over the cavern. “Veritas, now.”

The HK droid whirred as his systems returned to full power and the droid stepped around the rock formation that had concealed it. The droid opened fire, unleashing a volley of blaster bolts into the darkness until Rasilvenaira signaled him to stop.

The darkness gradually faded and Rasilvenaira grinned. Her opponent had braced himself on one knee and had managed to shield himself from the worst of the onslaught, though trickles of blood in a few places suggested at least a few shots reached their mark.

The Nautolan glared up at her, dark unblinking eyes filled with anger and hatred. “A droid? Really, Stormraven?”

Rasilvenaira shrugged, “I'm Sith, I never claimed to play fair.” Her dark gaze met his, “It was your mistake to underestimate how far I'll go to protect those I'm sworn to.”

She turned and then nodded to the droid. “Do it, then activate his distress beacon. If he survives maybe they'll find him.”

As the Warlord walked away, her droid fired several shots at the crystal and rock overhead. The shots triggered a cave-in and chunks of rock and sharp shards of crystal began raining down around the Nautolan.

Turning to follow along with his mistress, the droid gave a wheezy, mechanical sigh. “Statement: It would have been more efficient to just blast him to death.”

Rasilvenaira chuckled, “Maybe next time, Veritas. Maybe. For now, let the Clan know where his. Then we'll see if he survives this and learns anything from it.”

Councillor Turel Sorenn, 17 May, 2018 9:12 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Slowly, Stormraven began to give ground, edging gradually toward the shadows between two larger rock formations. She was counting on the Nautolan being too deep in the frenzy of battle to notice he was being led.

This is an excellent description of the Sokan lightsaber form in action!

Your descriptions of the combat and Force power usage in this post were exceptional. The ending also had a clear winner and paid off the character conflict that had been built up over the course of the match.


Can Be Improved

The Warlord drew her wicked double-bladed dagger, the Arashi-Kumori, from its sheathe and let a cold smile play across her lips.

Sheathe is the verb form and sheath is the noun form. You were using the word as a noun in this sentence.

The droid opened fire, unleashing a volley of blaster bolts

Droids share the weapon loadout of the character who owns them, per the ACC guide. In other words, unless the item description of the droid says it has built in weapons the droid will use one of the weapons on the character's loadout. Ras does not have any blasters in her loadout so this is a minor realism error.

The stone wall slightly shrieked and then bubbled as the blade of the Nautolan’s lightsaber plunged deep into the rockbed. Awkwardly, and accompanied by eyes that had widen to the size of saucers, Rasilvenaira dodged the encounter with her throat by letting her legs dropped her and falling to the ground firmly upon her ass. However, while she managed to have saved her throat for the moment; this had left her arm outstretched and over balanced - allowing the Nautolan to shove her weapon from her grasp and hurl it off into the shadows.

A second lightsaber was quickly plucked from the woman’s belt, so while Raiju had the advantage of position and weaponry over the woman. Only a white blade seemed to separate the pair while Raiju looked down upon the woman with a wolfish demeanor. Yet, a call to the shadows quickly upset the balance.

“Veritas!” The woman shouted.

Immediately, blaster fire filled the cavern. At first, the Nautolan struggled to find the source in the pitch darkness that the bolts were coming from. Yet, as he wildly deflected the attacks away with disregard to where they landed, a black protocol-looking droid emerged and made an annoying buzz.

“Suppressing fire! Suppressing fire!”

As the droid kept advancing, Raiju soon found himself withdrawing slowly; closer and closer to the entrance had had first came and further and further away from the woman. Gritting his teeth, knowing that the tables had turned and soon the Warlord would have her second blade again; desperation guided the Nautolan’s movements. When opportunity presented itself, the Nautolan began to bat what laser bolts he could into the ceiling while protecting himself. Sure enough, while he edged quicker and quicker towards the exit; the woman had taken the time to find her second lightsaber and was now advancing towards the Nautolan - so he had no more time and had to risk it.

Casting his lightsaber towards the ceiling in an arc, the Nautolan was quick to let out several curses as bolt burned the forearm of his outstretched hand. The nerves around the wound screamed for his attention, but a smoothing call upon the Force was able to push the concern out of mind for the moment. Instead, his focus had to be on the flying blade as it cut into the rockbed above the droid. Raiju was quick to notice that for some reason, the woman drew back and preferred to save her droid by tackling him out of the way of the falling debris. It was just the chance the Nautolan needed to make his escape.

As his blade soared back to his called, unable to catch the hilt with his damaged arm - Raiju stepped aside and let the blade crashed into the wall behind him and deactivate. Tucking his sith sword away, and snatching the hilt of his lightsaber with his good arm; Raiju notice how his left arm just dangled with his movements and cursed at the situation again before addressing the woman over the pile of debris that seperated them.

“You tell Alara, next time I ask to speak with her - I mean it when I say just her. This incident will be remembered by Imperium.” The threat had to be forced out as pain began to bleed through to the Nautolan’s mind and he felt his teeth grit again. With that, he immediately made his way out of the cavern and knew he had to get back to his ship’s first aid kit.

Councillor Turel Sorenn, 17 May, 2018 9:50 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

As his blade soared back to his called, unable to catch the hilt with his damaged arm - Raiju stepped aside and let the blade crashed into the wall behind him and deactivate.

This was a nice touch to show that Raiju had taken some damage during the fight.


Can Be Improved

Immediately, blaster fire filled the cavern.

Same issue as Ras' final post, the HK droid does not have built in weapons and Ras does not have any blasters on her loadout the droid could use. This is a minor realism error.

Raiju notice how his left arm just dangled with his movements

Watch your verb tenses. There were a few minor syntax errors in this post that could have been caught with further proofing.