Dralin Fortea sat cross legged on the ground on the top terrace of the once great Sith Temple, letting the Force wash over him. Recently Dralin had been questioning the Force, searching for a further understanding of it, which is what brought the Dark Jedi to this cold and lifeless planet.
The Savant had been in this position for what may have been hours, days, or perhaps only mere minutes had passed. Dralin became lost to the concept of time, the world around him simply melted away as he steeped in the power of the Dark Side. The Force here was palpable, almost intoxicating in its strength in this once sacred place. All the while, R3-D9 rolled back and forth, pacing past a tray of cold tea, standing guard for his master.
A ringing sound echoed throughout the still air of the massive underground cavern, raising Dralin from his meditation. A look of confusion formed on his face as his eyes opened and he took in his surroundings.
“Well then, what is that infernal racket?” Dralin stood and straightened his tattered formal wear.
“Beep boop whistle whistle bloop,” D9 replied with a hint of an almost sinister agenda.
“Well, I am getting hungry,” the Human retorted. “You wait here, I’ll go check it out.”
A Few Minutes Earlier
TuQ’uan Varick made his way through the maze of stone walls leading to the Sith Temple. A shiver went down his spine as he passed the frozen tableau of a battle fought long ago, petrified statues of Force Users were stuck in an eternal war. This was definitely one of the creepiest places he had ever visited. Oh, the things he did for credits.
Further and further the Kel Dor trudged on in silence. It felt like he had been walking forever. On the positive side, the temple grew larger and larger with every step he took. This was actually his second time making the trek today; he forgot his tools aboard his ship the first time.
It took awhile but he eventually reached the base of the intimidating temple. He stared at what he assumed was a door, when in actuality, it looked more like a duracrete slab recessed in the wall. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before. There were no access panels that he could see and no handle to open the door, only a script in a language that he had seen somewhere before but couldn’t understand.
TuQ’uan removed a hammer and chisel from his jacket.
I better find something good in there, he thought to himself as he set to work.
The tenacious mercenary wedged the chisel into the edge of the apparent entrance to the Sith Temple and swung his small hammer, the sound of metal striking metal rang out in the cavern with a high pitched ting.
TuQ’uan spent the next few minutes trying to chisel his way into the temple using various spots on the door, one way or another he was going to get into this karking temple.
He was about to make his eleventh attempt when a sound off to his right caught his attention. Dropping his hammer and chisel, TuQ’uan spun to see Dralin Fortea sauntering in his direction.
Their eyes locked.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Dralin cried across the distance.
“Minmin Bey Ihn perti turisho, plachi helpi?” the infiltrator replied with a pleading tone.
Having spent a great deal of time wandering the galaxy, Dralin had picked up enough Corellian to pick out words here and there.
“A tourist? On Malachor?”
TuQ’uan cursed inwardly, he really needed to learn what he was saying in these situations. The distance between the two had closed, through the dim light the mercenary was finally able to get a good look at the Human who had so rudely interrupted his work. There was something about the shaggy dark red hair and ragged suit that struck the Kel Dor as oddly familiar.
“Wait a second, didn’t I see you on Dagobah?” TuQ’uan asked the man.
“Huh, so you’re that Kel Dor. You know, my Quaestor would love your head right? Well, figuratively, or not. I guess I’ll have a present to bring back for her.”
The mercenary let out a sigh and wondered why trouble always liked to find him.
TuQ’uan’s hand dropped to the holstered DL-44 on his hip, in a fluid movement the blaster was drawn and the safety off. Shooting from his hip, the Kel Dor fired a series of shots at the Human. What should have been accurate shots somehow missed their target as Dralin spun to the side, narrowly dodging the attack. A growl rose from behind the mercenary’s antiox mask.
Continuing to fire on his fellow Plagueian, TuQ’uan moved away from the temple looking for more cover. The crimson bolts shot across the space between the two opponents, TuQ’uan was less concerned with accuracy now, instead he just wanted to keep the Force user at a distance.
The mercenary was walking backwards now, he was almost back into the maze of walls he had already explored three times today. Something caught the Kel Dor’s attention, distracting him from his tactical retreat. An object then suddenly shot towards TuQ’uan.
Dropping his line of attack, the Kel Dor dove to the side into a somersault that narrowly avoided a piece of debris aimed at his face. Dralin used the lapse in projectiles headed his way as an opportunity to advance on his quarry.
TuQ’uan stood back up, looked down the sights of his blaster and fired. Dralin wasn’t as quick this time in avoiding the crimson bolt which hit him right in the left bicep, it burned right through the well-worn suit and left a scorched wound on his flesh.
There was a flash of anger in Dralin’s cybernetic eyes when he, with a clenched fist, stepped forward and swung at the air in front of him. The invisible force behind his blow struck TuQ’uan across the side of his face, knocking him from his feet. As the Kel Dor’s feet left the ground, time seemed to slow down; he felt almost weightless while the world around him slowly turned on its side.
Suddenly his head struck the ground with a dull thud and time returned to normal.
Positive Takeaways
The piece has a lot of character to it. There's significant effort put into making both Dralin and Varick feel unique, and each has a different feel and attitude throughout the piece. The lead-in to the fight is also done well, establishing the setting and their reasons for being there
Can be Improved
There are a small number of syntax errors in the post, but nothing that detracted from the reading
The conflict between the two characters felt like there was something missing. There's a lot of implied history here, but nothing that's described to me as a reader. I felt very in the dark about their motivations for fighting each other, and some of the emotional weight of the story suffered as a result.
Near the end of the post, Dralin is struck by a blaster bolt in the left bicep but merely shrugs off the damage and counterattacks. While Dralin is a very tough combatant at Endurance +3, he should still have to deal with the effects of pain and the impact of the bolt. There should have been some indication of him having to deal with the damage, rather than immediately counterattacking.
Near the beginning of the post, there is the following description,
The Malachor temple is not located in an underground cavern, but rather in an "open crater" or "caldera" as mentioned in the venue details. This will count as a continuity error.