Maaz whistled a cheerful tune as he strolled down the streets of Nar Shaddaa. For the first time in weeks he’d been given some leave, and as soon as the papers were signed he grabbed a shuttle off-world. Of course, the Nar Shaddaa refugee sector wasn't most people's first vacation destination. The pilot had given him some odd looks when he requested to come here, of all places.
He’d invited the shuttle pilot to come along but the guy had, politely, refused. Something about not wanting to get mugged and left for dead in an alley. To each their own, Maaz thought, He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.
It’s not as though anyone would have ever thought of mugging Maaz. The brightly colored imperial guard armor tended to deter most from the attempt, and the TL-50 strapped on his back convinced the rest. Turning the corner he could already spy the bright neon sign of his destination up ahead and quickened his pace to get there.
He took off his helmet before entering, not wanting to intimidate the other patrons, and pushed through the thick curtains separating the shop from the street outside. The familiar sounds of clanging steel, sizzling meat, and quiet conversation filled his ears as he made his way inside. The proprietor shouted a greeting over his shoulder in Huttese as he walked up and took a seat at the counter.
“Zaq, you know I don’t speak any of that slug-kark,” the guardsman said with a smile, waiting for the Lasat to recognize his voice,
“Well I’ll be, is that you Maaz?” Zaq turned around, two long and heavy knives still held in both hands. “You son of a schutta! Where have you been?”
“It’s a long story Zaq, probably better discussed over a meal. You still remember my usual?”
“You got it horn-head!” The Lasat turned around, chuckling, and grabbed a variety of meats and vegetables off the shelves around him. The burly chef tossed them onto the grill behind him and set about tossing and chopping them with knives so big they could be called swords. He settled into an easy rhythm while cooking, singing a low song that matched the clanging of his blades on the grill.
Maaz sat back and relaxed, enjoying a moment of peace and quiet for the first time in a long time.
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“Are you sure he is the target?” Grot asked, peering over his shoulder at his probe droid. The droid could only beep with uncertainty, wiggling from side to side. The Trandoshan snorted and looked back along the scope of his rifle down towards the restaurant. He didn’t have to speak binary to know what the droid meant.
It didn’t help either of them that the target details were frustratingly vague. The Dajorra Intelligence Agency had only managed to determine that the Inquisitorius agent they were after on Nar Shaddaa was also a member of the Royal Guard, but everything else about him was an unknown. The man certainly wore the armor, and definitely carried the gear for it; he was decked out to take on an entire battalion.
As much as he hated getting in so close, he had to be sure.
“Stay here and keep watch, droid.” With a snarl, the mercenary picked up his rifle and set towards the fire escape he’d used to get up to the roof. “I will take a closer look.”
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Maaz felt his troubles slowly melt away as he and Zaq fell into an easy conversation. The chef was boisterous and friendly, a refreshing change from most people he encountered in his line of work. Together they fell into an easy comradery, happy to simply have someone to talk to. Maaz regaled him with what unclassified info he could from his time in the guard, old war stories and harrowing tales of battle. The Lasat, for his part, was not about to let himself be one-upped. Life in the refugee sector was just as dangerous as any war zone, and he was quite happy to relate the fate of the mercenaries and thugs who thought themselves slick enough to rob his shop.
The pleasant exchange of stories was interrupted halfway through by the thick, unmistakable thudding of armored boots pushing their way into the restaurant. A monstrous man, dressed in grey patterned armor entered the shop. Weaponry hung all across his body, and a massive jetpack sat on his back. By the helmet Maaz could tell it was Mandalorian designed armor, top notch stuff. Whatever hired gun was underneath all that steel was either too rich for his own good or had earned that money for a reason.
“Friend of yours?” Zaq asked warily, reaching underneath the counter for his rifle.
“Never seen him in my life,” the Devaronian answered, his hand slowly drifting towards his blaster pistol. The man quickly scanned the room, his eyes swiftly falling on Maaz. Underneath the helmet, Grot smiled as he spied the communicator wrapped around Maaz’s wrist. To someone who didn’t know what they were looking for it was entirely normal, but the Trandoshan's trained sight could recognize that it was an Inquisitorius design. Exactly the same kind he had himself, in fact. The one he had stripped off the last inquisitor he'd killed.
This was his man.
“He certainly seems to know you Maaz,” The Lasat said, anxiety creeping into his voice.
“Perhaps it’d be best if you went into the back,” the guardsman suggested with his hand firmly on his blaster. He turned towards the mercenary, standing up from his seat and preparing to move at the first sign of trouble. Seeing the obvious tension, the rest of the patrons begin to quickly clear out of the restaurant. “You got a problem with me, sleemo?”
Grot chuckled inside his helmet, and let out a low, predatory growl. “I have been tracking you for you a long time, guardsman.”
“Yeah? I bet you have—“
Blaster bolts and slugs erupted almost simultaneously across the restaurant as both of them drew their pistols and fired. Maaz dived over the counter, firing as he went while Grot kicked down one of the heavy tables to hide behind. Glass flew across the restaurant as a stray slug hit the light above Maaz’s head and sent sparks raining down on him. Slugthrowers? Really? Just where the kark does he think we are, Tatooine? he thought incredulously, despairing at his sudden bad luck.
“Look here Frakker, it’s my day off!” Maaz shouted from behind the counter, “And I’m not about to let you ruin my vacation!” Maaz unslung his heavy blaster, switching off the safety with a flick of his finger. The Devaronian stuck the gun up above the counter, blind-firing of a storm of blaster bolts that filled the restaurant with a fierce, red glow. Even without looking the Devaronian was certain that would give the mercenary some pause
“You messed with the wrong tourist!” Maaz shouted, beginning to stand so he could actually aim his shots. A blinking red sphere went sailing past his head as he stood, just in time for him to see the mercenary activate his jetpack and go sailing through the restaurant's curtains with a roar of flame. Maaz turned around quickly, and spied the thermal detonator sitting in the sizzling remains of someone's meal on the grill.
“Oh give me a break!”
Positive Takeaways
You had an exceptional use of switching character perspective. As a reader the transitions felt natural and not jarring in the least. This is valuable writing skill and I'd encourage you to employ it strategically in future matches.
Another strong point of this post is your vivid use of the venue. You do run into a bit of a pacing problem, which I'll address in the next comment, You created an entire establishment with an NPC that you engaged the reader with in a short amount of space. The world you created felt alive and that's another important aspect of fiction writing, not just in the ACC.
Can Be Improved
996 words of your post was devoted to setting up the conflict leaving just 234 words of action. It's a minor quibble because I loved your set up so much, but I did feel like you could have tightened up the pace and gotten to the conflict a little earlier. The mistaken identity premise you use doesn't require a great deal of setup.
I was slightly puzzled by this passage and went back to re-read the post to see if you describe the placement of the curtains. Using a rocket pack to exit the front door of a building doesn't seem very practical. As a reader this raised a lot of questions, like wouldn't he hit the ceiling, or scrape the floor if he got the angle of the thrust right? How big is the curtain opening? Those kind of questions throw the reader out of the experience. With things such as this, really stop and make sure your descriptions of what is going on is clear.