Kojiro sat down at a table with a heavy sigh.
It had been a very long few days, full of travel: his trip to Tatooine, the jaunt to the spaceport, the journey out into the desert and back with camping in between. He was supposed to have made contact with his seller upon landing, but the little Rodian slime had not upheld his end of the bargain. It had been a small matter, to terrify and torture the man into a shell of himself, one that quite freely babbled about where he got his product and what he had done with it.
And then there had been sand. So much sand. Days of sand. And sun.
The Keibatsu scratched at his scalp. His pale skin felt well and truly baked, and he looked forward to returning to Kyataru.
But the bundle in his arms was worth it. Carefully, he unwrapped his cloak to peer at the precious cargo nestled in the armoweave strands. Blinking milky, wide orange eyes up at him were a quartet of newly-hatched dewbacks.
The clone smiled at the little reptiles, all so alike physically and from a multitude — the female adults laid nearly eighty identical eggs at a time — but each unique. They were kindred. Four more companions for him to train, to be eventual mounts for the Keibatsu family, to be his friends and partners. It was worth all the trudging and trouble and sand this blasted world over.
One of the lizards made a motion almost like yawning, then scuttled about and tried to wriggle back under its siblings for warmth. Immature reptiles were both extremely resilient and extremely sensitive. Kojiro tapped a finger to the tip of one baby's snout, then carefully reswaddled them and tucked them back under his arm, holding them close to his body. His heat would be good for them where the dry air indoors wouldn't suffice.
Raising his fist, the clone called for service; a refreshment would do him well while he awaited his droid to set affairs in order at the port area and have the ship prepared for departure.
Tatooine was an ugly planet, but it had many interesting animals, if nothing else. Kojiro ignored the people around him, instead peering out the tiny window he sat next to, one of the only few in the cantina, it seemed. The droid decor was more popular.
Outside, traders and slaves and criminals milled about, but he was more interested in the various creatures: eopie, jerba, and ronto for riding, massiffs for hunting, full grown dewback males.
Someone set his drink down and he slid over credits without much concern. The bundle under his arm wiggled slightly before settling again. Kojiro gave a small, faint smile.
Somewhere in the very crowded cantina, a clatter sounded, then another. It was a different sound than the rest of the clanking mugs and shuffling footsteps, but not so different as to be worth notice.
Not until a strange hissing noise accompanied it.
His senses screamed.
What happened next was a cascading blur of madness. Pale smoke or fog or something stared rising from the floor. Patrons slowly caught on, confused or curious at first. Then the choking started, the gurgling, pained wheezes as the mist burned, no trick or ploy but something much more sinister. Bodies began racing for the passage to the door only to find themselves bottle-necked in it, many going down under stamping feet and shambling, drunken limbs tripping from their stools and booths. The Wookiee proprietor made it through the throng with a well-placed shove or three, ready to tear down the door — or a wall — himself, but only managed to punch through the sandstone before his immense, shaggy body started to slump. Some people were scrabbling out windows if they could fit, bodies contorting at odd angles; others retreated to different parts of the building, into the basement or lounges or heading for the hangar.
Kojiro, meanwhile, had stopped breathing as soon as his mind had caught up with the chaos. The gas sweltered in his lungs from a gasp he'd inhaled, slowly eating him inside out, but the Force bolstered him if he focused on keeping his lungs still and his heart beating despite the lack of oxygen.
He would be fine. He could get to the hangar as well, slip past all the others and remain unharmed, so long as he focused.
And then he remembered his infantile dewbacks.
No! the clone thought in dismay, mismatched emerald and azure eyes falling to the bundle. He moved back into his seat, drew his Sith sword, and slammed its hilt into the window there with all his Force-fueled might, even though it cost him a breath. The bars, of the cheapest grade, cracked out of their sockets with some ease, and the clone hurried his bundled cloak through the opening, hearing it drop to the ground.
He needed to get outside.
Forcing his body to endure yet again, with a headache forming and all his muscles aching, the Keibatsu strode over several corpses to the bent and dented door. He raised his hand, willing it to blast free with all his pain and fury, and an invisible force answered, punching into the obstacle and sending it flying in a skid of sand. Kojiro rushed forward, gas trailing behind him out the new opening, faint swirls curling around his dark clothes. Emerging into the sunlight was blinding, but it allowed him to finally cease his hold on the Force and breathe in great lungfuls.
It was as his mismatched eyes adjusted to the twin suns' glare that he noticed a woman lounging not far from the cantina entrance, perhaps three or four meters away from him. Her hair was dark, skin a deep tan, what looked like a combat suit fitted to her form and something in her hands. She looked decidedly more calm than any of the other escaping patrons or the grizzled but nonetheless worried onlookers from other stalls or shops.
And she was looking right at him. Staring at him. Watching him.
"Damn. I was really hopin' you'd stay down in there," she said after a heartbeat, spitting the cigarra from between her teeth and lifting the object she held onto her shoulder. "Woulda made my day so much easier."
Then, she fired, the rocket launcher's kick rolling her shoulder back and exiting its large, single-charge chamber with a thwump.
He had just enough wherewithal to draw quickly upon the Force with his gasp of breath and telekinetically shove the projectile to his right. No more than that could be done before the explosion came, all fire and concussive force. He was flying. He was burning. He was landing.
He didn't know what he was anymore.
Blackness and heat were his world, and they gnawed at him, slowly, like lazy predators. The clone floated in the haze, slipping above and beneath waves of simmering shadows and specks of light, until something reached him, a ringing, high-pitched and persistent. Then, more: the uneven press of sand underneath him, the cling of molten cloth stuck to molten skin, smoke in his mouth and nose and the taste of copper.
Kojiro groaned as he came back to himself, instinctively inhaling the Force as best he could to cling to consciousness. More details floated around him, the scrape of shifting metal and the crack of crumbling rock and superheated wood. Animals and people cried out. A pressure lifted off of him, and dessert sunlight flooded in, making the previous blackness seem like a welcome blanket. Something nudged him, rolling him over. He bit his tongue on a gasp of pain.
The woman's voice whined above him, sounding watery and vague, "WHY won't you die? Shadows frakking below."
A blow landed against his side, smashing the little air he had out of his lungs. Then, another. She was kicking at him.
"Wha—" he choked out. Tried to focus. Opened his mismatched eyes to squint up at her while his body throbbed all over. He hadn't recognized her before, and he didn't then, but something seemed passingly familiar. "Wh…"
His attempts at questioning though seemed to be enough, because she drawled at him, "Oh, what, precious? You think just 'cause you walked away means all you done is gone? Oh, ooooh, no. You frakkers attacked me and mine. Killed my girl's godmommah. You're still not too keen on we Lotus types. And you think we were just gonna let that go? That I would just let that go? Oh, no, no, no, no, no."
Her boot adjusted to leverage more weight onto his windpipe.
"I did some digging around, Kojiro Keibatsu, and my whispers say you gave the order for Sadow. Heard someone shot you in the back for it. Shame on them, not finishing the job." Her pistol pressed to his forehead.
He reached for the darkness that was always with him, part of him, rending and remaking him. He reached for it, and directed all of its hate and horror upon the figure pulling the trigger.
The scarred woman choked and froze as a wave of dread, made manifest from the clone's will, boiled up and rolled over her, making her shudder, breath hitching around a gasp. She stumbled backwards, away from Kojiro, thin almond eyes blown wide. A cold sweat pallored her skin despite the dry heat that cracked their lips, and she shuddered hard enough that her gun fell from her grasp and into the sand with a muted thump.
The Keibatsu did not waste the opportunity, vaulting to his feet and delving deeper still into the Force to heal his burns. It took more concentration than instilling the proper horror in the impudent harlot, but he was able to do it, willing blood to bubble and flesh to knit. Even as he did so, though, the supposed-Lotus agent was recovering. Her cybernetic spine straightened, her chin lifting, showing every proud scar.
“No,” she growled the man, gaze meeting his unflinchingly even as her fingertips trembled under the force of the fear that swallowed her like a miasma. She flexed her hands, lowered herself as if to tackle him straight on. He almost felt a flash of respect for her, before he remembered the recently deceased.
"You hurt my animals," he snarled, menacing, as electricity crackled down his arms and from his fingertips like a howling storm unleashed.
"Oh, motherfra—"
The glowing white claws of lightning cracked into the woman with a deafening boom of superheated desert air, throwing her into the dust and raining down shards of sand-turned-glass.
Positive Takeaways
I really liked this post! The characters are well written and fully realized, and seem perfectly natural in their environment. The inclusion of the setting is very well done and well detailed.
Can be Improved
Very minor grammatical errors, mostly involving comma splices and some weird sentence structure.
Using control self in this manner would simply be impossible without going into a hibernation trance. The reason for this is it would require him to control the individual cells in his lungs and prevent them from absorbing the gas and transferring it into his blood, which is above and beyond the level of control the power normally allows.
Remember that both Telekinesis and control self are advanced powers, meaning they both require a good degree of concentration. With control self at +1, Kojiro would need his full and intense attention to maintain it. It would be a struggle to even move while sustaining the power. He could not have simultaneously maintained control self and also used telekinesis to blow out the door to the bar.
Kojiro is seriously injured here. He's been thrown through the air, set on fire, bruised, and beaten. He probably has broken bones, second degree burns at best, and third degree burns at worst considering it melted his clothes. He's already passed out from the pain and damage caused by these wounds. These sorts of wounds would take weeks or months to recover from normally, and even Force enhanced healing would take some significant time. With his endurance he's simply out of commission here, and should not be able to get back into fighting shape.