Savant Kylex vs. Knight Areticus Altainatus

Savant Kylex

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Force Disciple, Juggernaut, Mandalorian
vs.

Knight Areticus Altainatus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC and seeing this match through to completion. This was a great match between two very different character archetypes. I enjoyed the interactions between the characters as well as the fight itself. Also, the way both of you addressed the porgs was great.

Kylex, you did a marvelous job writing both characters, and I enjoyed your descriptions of the venue. In the future, be careful about details such as the relative level of Force Powers and details on the CS, as this resulted in two of your realism hits. From a syntax standpoint, your posts had a number of issues. It would not be a bad idea to utilize a proofreader in the future.

Areticus, you did an excellent job describing combat but left out general scene details which created some confusion for the reader. That said, you wrote a solid story, and wrote both characters well.

This match was a close one, as both of you had things you did well and things you could have done better. When it came down to it, this match was decided by syntax. With a score of 3.55, Areticus Altainatus wins the match!

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Kylex, Knight Areticus Altainatus
Winner Knight Areticus Altainatus
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Kylex's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Areticus Altainatus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ahch-To: Ancient Islands
Last Post 7 April, 2018 10:04 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Creon Neverse Kylex Sanguris
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Posts were reasonably clean, but there were a few syntax errors. Rationale: There were a significant number of syntax errors in both posts.
Story - 40%
Creon Neverse Kylex Sanguris
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Good description of combat, and there were some nice touches that made the venue stand out. However, there were areas where the posts could have benefited from more general description, as there were parts that were confusing to the reader. Rationale: There was good description of the venue and your depictions of the characters. However, I would have liked to have seen more explanation regarding Kylex’s presence on Ahch-To and his reasons for pretending to be Draelath. Furthermore, there was some parts of the combat itself that could have used more description.
Realism - 25%
Creon Neverse Kylex Sanguris
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Some small detractors that are detailed below. Rationale: Some small detractors that are detailed below.
Continuity - 20%
Creon Neverse Kylex Sanguris
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Creon Neverse's Score: 3.55 Kylex Sanguris's Score: 3.4
Posts

header

The ocean world of Ahch-To looks to be nothing but blue seas from the distance of space. Dotting the oceans, however, are chains of rocky island that jut upwards to form shallow, sloping mountain ranges with small, flattened plateaus. Rich green trees and other small flora grow along the sedimentary stone, untouched by anything more than small avian creatures looking for a place to nest. Carved into the stones of the various islands are sets of winding, ascending and man-made pathways.

The crisp, clean air that wisps off the ocean helps maintain a fairly mild temperature during the day, with a healthy chill at sunset. Storms have been reported to flare up from time to time, leaving only the highest points of the islands safe from a rising tide. Porgs litter the islands, the oceans teem with a wide variety of fish, and large, docile Thala-sirens loiter on the rocky shores.

Although better known as the legendary home of the Jedi Order, a species of small-statured amphibious natives live simple lives as caretakers of the Jedi ruins. The ruins themselves are primarily small collections of stone huts, although numerous hidden caves dot the islands. Some contain evidence of previous habitation; many more house strong Force auras with mysterious effects on sentient beings, particularly Force-sensitives.

Ach-Too. The Island world to which Kylex had wished he never had to return, after his near death at the hands of his master. The young Mandalorian had grown to hate the ancient islands, yet once again, he found himself being pulled back to the murky blue planet. Kylex stared off over the endless ocean before him, carefully watching the fog roll around above the waves. He sat on a grassy cliff face, hair blowing in the late afternoon breeze, chowing down on a freshly cooked porg. To any observer, the Savant would’ve seemed like a zombie, entranced by the constant back and forth of the waves far below. It was the sound of a twig snapping that tore away Kylex’s violet eyes from the oceanic view.

“You must be the Sadowan I’m to trade with,” said a figure, ten meters away from where Kylex sat. Eyes locked on like lasers, the Juggernaut rose slowly to face the figure.

“And you must be the snotty Plagueian I’m to give a shiny holocron to, right?” said the Savant with a grin. Kylex smiled innocently, extending his right hand as he studied the figure.

Male, well-dressed, facial features of a diplomat… These Plagueian clowns never cease to amaze me.

The man looked skeptical at first, but gave into the formality. “My name is Areticus Altainatus. What is yours, Sadowan?”

Kylex grinned, shaking the man’s hand firmly. “Call me Drae’Lath Rahath.”

“Really? I heard you went rogue,” said Areticus, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion. Kylex winced slightly. He hadn't know that his own friend had gone rogue.

A minor slip up. You’ve lied yourself out of situations before, moron, so improvise!

“I did… but now I’m back.”

Perfect.

Areticus gave Kylex a cold stare, his right hand now placed firmly on the hilt of his sword. His stance shifted, feet now squared, poised to strike.

“I’ve got the distinct feeling that you are lying,” said the Knight confidently. “It was easy to figure out. You don’t bear any Sadowan colours, your excuse was pathetic, and you don’t match the ID photo I was given of the real contact!” The man drew his sword, the shiny edge catching the eye of Kylex. “It was no real effort, my intellect is more advanced than—"

“Blah blah BLAH! Stop acting like you have a film crew following your every step and act like a real man,” Kylex yelled, pulling out his lightsaber. The crimson blade lanced out of the emitter, the low pitched thrumming sound catching Areticus off guard.

“Come now! You face Kylex Sanguris of Clan Scholae Palatinae!” shouted the Juggernaut, lightsaber poised to strike.

“Very well, have at thee,” replied the Seeker, quickly stepping backwards to avoid the first strike. Kylex laughed, taking a mighty stride towards the retreating Knight. The Savant’s lightsaber was held low, its blade vapourising anything it touched as it was dragged through the dirt. In between steps, Kylex focused his mind, concentrating on his leg and arm muscles. He felt the Force flowed into his legs, weaving itself throughout the muscular fibres. Pushing down as hard as possible, the Juggernaut launched himself forward towards Areticus. As gravity took hold, Kylex felt the Force again, the arm muscles building in density as he fell. Within a split second, the Savant swung his lightsaber, its red blade making contact with Areticus’s sword. Another moment later, the Mandalorian landed, disturbing the soil.

“I’LL SLICE OFF YOUR EYELIDS SO YOU CAN WATCH THE END!” savagely screamed Kylex.

Lucine Vasano, 11 April, 2018 6:29 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You do a good job of establishing Areticus’s reasons for being on Ahch-To and getting the combat started quickly. This was still a great start. However, I would have liked to have seen more explanation for why Kylex was on Ahch-To in the first place.

“It was easy to figure out. You don’t bear any Sadowan colours, your excuse was pathetic, and you don’t match the ID photo I was given of the real contact!”

You do an excellent job of using your opponent’s aspects to write him. Well done!

Can Be Improved

While there is a lot to like about this post, it is pretty rough from a grammatical standpoint. In the future, I would recommend that you get someone to help proofread your posts.

Areticus jumped away and threw a hand up in a signaling gesture. Not a moment after, a barrage of blaster bolts flew towards the Savant from a distant HK Series Droid holding a WESTAR-M5 Blaster Rifle. As Kylex focused on repelling the shots, Areticus sheathed his blade, unclipped his pistol from its holster, and joined his droid butler in firing. His opponent seemed stressed from repelling and dodging blasts from two different sources but surprisingly was able to manage. Areticus needed to keep him on the defensive. Through the Force, Areticus sent out a large storm of illusory blaster bolts coming from multiple directions. Kylex instinctively reacted in turn with a whirl of his lightsaber in each of the multiple directions. Eventually, Areticus was able to land two shots that threw his foe back and off his feet.

"Don't move," Areticus ordered with his pistol aimed in one hand, and the other thrown up to signal a cease-fire. "I'm one hand gesture away from sending my butler to use explosives on your ship. You will have no means of leaving this rock."

Kylex hissed in anger. Fortunately, the rounds that hit him did minimal damage. The first at his torso, which, thanks to his attire, did little to nothing but give a push. The second brushed his thigh, however, which was unprotected, and left a sharp burn.

"Jokes on you," Kylex snickered, "I didn't bring a ship."

Areticus blinked with a puzzled expression but afterward dismissed the thought. Something else caught his attention, something that tied his foe to the island they're on. Kylex didn't like this place, not one bit.

"Ach-Too... You have a past here. I can feel your reluctance and attachment. What happened?" Areticus asked.

"Kark off, Plagueis snake!" The juggernaut growled with an exchange of his eyes to Areticus and then to Walter. He was trying to see who else had fired at him, or if it was anyone at all.

"It wasn't a request. You will tell me what ties you to this place," Areticus said with a more stern tone with his hand reached out. The Force reached out as well to Kylex's mind, causing a throbbing headache and ringing noise in his own head.

"M-my master," Kylex gave in, "My master nearly killed me here. His training was brutal, and I was seen as too weak. I almost... it still haunts me."

It did still haunt him. He felt like he was younger again when he sat at the face of death with no means of escape. The young Kylex looked up and saw his master before him, with the tip of his saber at Kylex's throat. The wave of fear that beats on the chest of all who realize they're going to die pounded at his heart and heavy breath. Kylex knew of his mortality and had already accepted that one day he would die, but it didn't matter. All life possessed the primal instinct for survival, so the fear remained. Though maybe it wasn't death itself that made him so afraid, rather the unknown of what comes after. Cultures and theologies, even that of the Jedi and Sith, all lay claim to what happens after death. No matter which belief one upheld, the raw fact was that no one truly knew. Pitch black, that is what he feared most. The thought of being trapped in an endless void of darkness with only his thoughts and boredom to himself for eternity. The concept alone was maddening enough.

"It's tragic really," his master said. "Your life was not one worth living. You never got to feel the warmth of a woman telling you she loves you, nor see your own eyes in that of a child. Not the shores of Naboo, nor the smooth bittersweet taste of a Sullustan Gin mixed with Hapan Vermont. The fruits of your labors will not be seen by the next generation, and you will be entirely forgotten in memory after my own death. If anything, you have given a lesson on how not to live. That it is useless to have pride in feeling superior to others because you can take life. As well as all the faults that life circumstances have given. You blame others for them and claim it was outside your control. When in fact you have always been the one responsible; the one with the ability to respond, to all things that occur your life."

The words stung, sure, but the saber that pierced his upper left chest stung even more. Kylex expected the familiar searing hot burn but instead felt a numbing cold. Perhaps it was the icy embrace of a depressing death. When the blood ceases to course, and the body turns pale, he would shiver alone into the eternal darkness and madness. It's was that horror alone that brought Kylex's unwavering raw power to survive. He did survive, actually. His master never stabbed him. He avoided it, in fact, instead of being frozen in terror of his own fear. He survived and rose above into the warrior he is now. This... This wasn't how any of it happened.

Then it all clicked in Kylex's mind. The image of his master and his lightsaber faded into Areticus and his sword. None of it was real? he thought to himself. "None of it was real," he muttered in confirmation.

"Oh please," Areticus scoffed with a withdrawal of his blade from Kylex's chest, "You know nothing of what is real." The sound of the word "real" echoed in a warped and distorted tone in Kylex's ears. The sight of Areticus appeared to be in swaying doubles, only to then see a sparkling spray of dust from the Plaguean's hand block out his vision entirely.

Rage was an understatement to what burned inside now. After having his mind molested, his emotions toyed with, and his body polluted, Kylex finally just snapped.

Lucine Vasano, 11 April, 2018 6:32 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You did a good job taking what Kylex gave you and moving it in your own direction. I particularly enjoyed how you infused the illusion of Kylex’s Master with some of Areticus’s own traits, such as his arrogance and tendency toward chattiness.

One of the questions that came up in my mind as I was reading the interaction between Kylex and his ‘Master’ was this: How could Areticus know all that abut Kylex since they had just met? You did a good job addressing this by confirming that it wasn’t how it happened, and then using that to help Kylex break the illusion.

Can Be Improved

One of the difficulties with writing illusions is that it can be easy to confuse the reader. I had to stop and reread a few times to understand what was going on. I would have liked to see more hints to the reader that an illusion was taking place.

It was quiet. The only noise that could be heard was the wind, whistling and winding through the islands. Areticus looked down upon Kylex, judging the Savant as he clawed the powder from his eyes.

“Such a sad display.” said the Knight, shattering the silence. He drew his Westar-35, aiming the weapon at Kylex’s head, finger slowly drifting towards the trigger. It was then, that the sound of laughter invaded the man’s ears.

“Hehehehehehehehehe…” giggled Kylex. His eyes, now clear of the blinding dust, pointed skyward. He continued to laugh, its volume increasing exponentially. “HeheheheheHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!”

“Your mind is now broken, and so you shall die, a husk of your former self.” Areticus said coldly.

“IS THAT RIGHT?” growled the Savant, his eyes ablaze with yellow and red. His right arm shot forward, grasping the relatively small blaster like a vice. Rising slowly off his knees, Kylex felt the rage flow throughout his being. With a flick, the Juggernaut tore the Westar-35 from the Seeker’s grasp. Without hesitation, he crushed the weapon like an empty drink box, tossing the remains aside.

“H...How are you able to stand? Let alone crush my blaster?” said Areticus, backing off slowly. “I demand an answer.”

Kylex laughed, showing the area of his thigh that had been shot. The wound had vanished completely. “Did you seriously think that some MIND GAMES and a few blaster bolts would put ME DOWN? Don’t make me laugh.” The Savant looked at his left hand, studying the scars before looking back at Areticus. “You could not imagine what i’ve seen.” With frightening speed, Kylex thrusted his fist forward, sending an invisible fist hurtling towards the Plaugian.

Areticus only saw the attack when it was too late. The strike impacted his gut, the air exploding from his lungs. The blow sent him flying backwards, landing a few meters away in the loamy soil. The Knight pushed himself up, holding one arm securely around his gut. The other arm was held high, ready to issue the engage command to that distitant HK droid. Areticus looked down at his trembling body, and then straight into the eyes of Kylex.

“I wanna hear you scream.” said the Juggernaut as he swaggered towards the fallen Areticus. He called his lightsaber to his hand, igniting the deep crimson blade. He slowly approached the Knight, dragging the plasma blade through the dirt as he walked, when the Force called out. As if out if instinct, Kylex raised his hand, narrowly avoiding the volly of blaster bolts that had appeared from nowhere. The bolts, harmlessly collided with an invisible shield, while the HK droid that fired them advanced on the two Force Users. Something new caught Kylex’s eye. A solid projectile now hurtled towards him, fired from the underbarrel grenade launcher of the WESTAR-35 rifle of the HK unit. As the grenade sailed towards his position, it was swatted away by an invisible force, and exploded on a nearby cliff face. Quickly bringing his lightsaber around to block a blaster bolt, Kylex’s cybernetic opened up. A small, mm9 rocket appeared, and was instantly launched towards the HK droid.

BOOM!

The rocket winged the droid, taking an arm clean off. The rest of the droid crumpled like a flower to flame.

“Your droid was lousy.” said Kylex still looking towards where the HK droid now burned.

“So is your ability to focus!” yelled Articus from behind. The Mandalorian turned, only just seeing the Knight, back on his feet. Kylex also spotted a blade headed right for his nape. With a quick backwards swipe, the Juggernaut hit the Seeker with full force. The Knight reeled back, but his blade had found its mark.

“Cybernetic wrist is a pretty cool trick, but the rest of you is still human!” sneered Areticus, wiping blood from his mouth. Kylex glared at him, reaching for his right shoulder, where the blade had struck. A grin formed on his face, and he chuckled.

“You idiot. My whole arm is cybernetic, and most of my shoulder. All you did was scratch my paint.”. He grinned grimly, and raised his left hand. Purple strands of lightning escaped the fingertips, arcing, spitting, sparking. They leapt forward, towards the fallen Knight, coursing throughout his body like purple snakes. The Seeker’s muscles twisted and contracted, and he let out a deathly scream. The lightning stopped. Areticus, shaking from the pain, looked up at Kylex, who now stood over him.

“It’s a shame really, I bet you make a good cup of tea.”

With that final sentence, Kylex twirled his blade around, and plunged it into Areticus’s chest. Bone vaporized on contact with the blade, fat boiled, and muscle mass shriveled and cooked under the intense heat. With a click, the blade retreated back inside the hilt. Areticus’s lifeless body fell back, laying back on the cold soil that would be his grave. Kylex knelt down beside the fallen man, and began searching his pockets.

“Now i gotta make a necklace outta your teeth. Assassin’s rules.”

Lucine Vasano, 11 April, 2018 6:33 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

It was quiet. The only noise that could be heard was the wind, whistling and winding through the islands.

I really enjoyed the level of descriptive writing in your posts. While the above is an example of one of my favorites, there were a number of them that made me stop and say “Wow”.

Can Be Improved

he crushed the weapon like an empty drink box, tossing the remains aside.

While this is visually interesting, it is unlikely that this could happen. Especially considering the fact that Kylex should be feeling the fatigue effects from using Amplification in rapid succession in your previous post.

“You idiot. My whole arm is cybernetic, and most of my shoulder.

This contradicts your CS, which states that Kylex’s arm is attached at the shoulder.

While this post was a bit cleaner than the previous one, it still had a significant number of Syntax problems. See my previous statement regarding a proofer.

Areticus predicted long ago a day like this would come. He had pissed off a good number of people in his many voyages to collect knowledge of the Force. He figured eventually he'd push someone he couldn't handle over the edge, and it would cost him his life. It looked like Kylex was about to be that special someone.

The juggernaut screamed out in raw hatred and unleashed a surge of lightning from his fingertips. Areticus' body stiffened like a board, and he had lost all motor skills. Oddly enough, he was completely cognizant of what was going on. It was the strangest feeling in the world, despite excruciatingly painful. Areticus thought he was screaming out words to try and plead against the suffering, but he never actually said anything.

Despite all his rage, Kylex didn't forget about the droid. He was able to sense Areticus through the Force, and he wasn't really that far away, to begin with. The droid, however, couldn't be detected in the same way. Kylex kept one hand releasing a constant current to Areticus, and drew his saber with the other. He had to be reactionary until his sight could be restored. His vision was coming back quickly already, but things were still blurry. The Savant then gave an immediate reaction to an intuitive warning of an incoming projectile. He sent his saber in an upward slash to deflect the bolt away. Instead of a mere blaster bolt, however, his saber cut through an explosive and caused it to erupt.

Areticus felt numb; he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. It could have been the implant, or he could be dead. The constant ringing in his ears had hypothesized he was still alive. His hypothesis proved true when the release of his personal bacta bomb and an injection of his stimulant by Walter brought his awareness back to the scene. After following the emergency caretaker medicinal protocol, the droid picked up his master and headed off to reach the ship. It was a good thing droids didn't have to worry about a cardiovascular system slowing them down because Walter booked it. He was the best investment Areticus ever made, and he almost felt a connection between the droid as a close friend. The Sith then drew his attention to his own body. There was no shrapnel, but he was definitely burned. Once the bio-implant stimulant runs out, Areticus knew his condition was going to be a very painful one.

After some time and the passing of a few small hills, Walter and Areticus reached the ship. Areticus was placed in a bed whilst the droid took to the piloting controls. It was over, and they were leaving Ahch-Too. It was too bad Areticus didn't get the Holocron after it was all said and done. Maybe after some medical attention, and recruiting some backup, he could return to scavenge for it from Kylex's corpse. He had to have died. It was a miracle Areticus didn't, that or Walter was better than expected in predicting explosive trajectory. It didn't matter anymore, what mattered was that he survived, and Kylex didn't.

Or so it had seemed...

Areticus' body was yanked from his bed and tumbled across the room and into the cockpit. The ship was about to leave and prepare to jump to hyperspace when it had been pulled downward back towards the island. "No karking way," Areticus muttered. He knew however, he could feel the presence of enduring fury. "Walter! Your rifle, now!"

"Where do you think you're going Plaguean?! You said yourself! I didn't bring a ship, so I need a ride!" Kylex screamed into the open air while reaching out with his hands. He laid there in the prone, with severe burns and shrapnel across his body, but the Force let him press onward. Some of the minor wounds had already healed themselves, and the amount of time from the impact to now was enough to restore the will to fight. He would endure, and he would make Areticus pay for everything. The ship was a piece of junk and wasn't strong enough to escape Kylex's grasp. He looked up to see the ship ever closer, as well as the opening of the hangar bay. From there he spotted Areticus leaned against the corner holding the rifle the droid had used earlier.

Areticus locked and loaded another explosive in the grenade launcher, and mustered what strength he could to bring up the rifle to aim at Kylex, "Take this you son of a bantha!" Before he could fire, however, he felt his body get thrown further back into the ship. His body crashed into the side of a wall and the Sith had lost consciousness. Walter spared no expense with the chance that was given, the butler closed the hangar bay with the press of a button and took off into space.

Kylex dropped his hands in exhaustion. Releasing his telekinetic hold as opposed to being hit again by one of those grenades was the better option. Although the conflict was over, it still filled him with a twisted obsession of revenge. So much in fact, that Kylex screamed at the top of his lungs into the sky, "I'll get you Areticus Altainatus! I will find you! And when I do, you will pay with pain! I swear it! I swear if it's the last thing I DOOOOO!!!!"

A small porg at the Sith's side joined him in screaming at the sky. Kylex turned to look at the small creature, which in turn the porg looked back to him for approval. He groaned and then fell into unconsciousness, and let the Force care for his wounds.

Lucine Vasano, 11 April, 2018 6:34 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

A small porg at the Sith's side joined him in screaming at the sky. Kylex turned to look at the small creature, which in turn the porg looked back to him for approval.

This was cute. I am not gonna lie, I like porgs. Thank you for that bit of fanservice.

Can Be Improved

The Savant then gave an immediate reaction to an intuitive warning of an incoming projectile.

Precog is triggered by one’s intent to harm. In this case, neither droids nor bombs have intent, so Precog would not be triggered.

So, the ship sequence. Trying to TK a ship as it is leaving atmosphere seems like something Kylex would try. However, he should be feeling the effects of fatigue from multiple applications of Amplification, plus he just had a bomb explode in his face. As such, it is unrealistic that he would be able to actually stop it in mid-flight.

Before he could fire, however, he felt his body get thrown further back into the ship.

When starting from a stopped position, physics says that you will have an opposite force. As such, it is more likely that Areticus would have been thrown out of the ship.