Tyraal lunged as the Kel Dor crashed to the floor of the arena. He vaulted the stairs, flipping neatly through the air, reaching out with the Force, and snatching the dagger away as TuQ’uan reached for it. He landed, and turned to the mercenary.
“Quaint.” He muttered. “You should get those injuries checked out.”
“I’ll get mine looked at,” the Plaugeian assured him. “You’ll need a bacta tank.”
He groaned, rolling onto his back and bouncing onto his feet.
“If they find your corpse.”
The Kel Dor kicked his blaster into the air, caught it, and loosed a volley in Tyraal’s general direction, spreading his fire in a line, opposed to a central target: last time, the Clawdite leaned away. Tyraal deflected two bolts in his immediate line of contact.
“We don’t have to do this,” called the Knight.
“True. You could hand me back my dagger, and we’ll call it a day.”
“Ah, ah, ah: no.”
“Then I guess we have to do this!”
TuQ’uan pulled off another few shots and charged the Jedi. Tyraal ducked, seemingly a bit confused at the mercenary’s bizarre battle tactics. Taking advantage, TuQ’uan slipped out his stiletto and sent it twirling towards his opponent. Tyraal felt the flicker in the Force, and leaned away; the reaction saved his life. He kept spinning, catching the blade, and sending it right back at TuQ’uan. The mercenary ducked, and the blade sailed to an abrupt halt in his massive hat, hovering millimeters above the Kel Dor’s head.
TuQ’uan’s already red face seemed to darken.
“Damn…. You….” He growled. Tyraal cocked an eyebrow, stepping a few steps back. “Not…. My…. Hat….!”
He rushed Tyraal with an unexpected speed, drawing his vibro-knife, and slashing at him. Tyraal blocked the attack, and the knife shattered on impact with the yellow blade. A shard cut across Tyraal’s left arm, but before he could react to the pain or give a snarky reply to TuQ’uan’s attack, the Kel Dor planted his shoulder in Tyraal’s chest.
With a hefty “oof!”, the Clawdite stumbled backward under TuQ’uan’s holoball rush. The lightsaber dropped from startled fingers, thumping to the arena floor and extinguishing with a rebellious crackle. The Plagueian pushed his opponent further and further back; eventually the Odanite managed to plant his feet and halt the rush, but TuQ’uan smacked him across the face with the hilt of the lodged stiletto, and punched him in the chest. Tyraal’s footing failed, and he stumbled over the edge of the floating arena. At the last second, he caught the very lip of the edge, feeling unrestrained rush around him. Above him, TuQ’uan was almost religiously removing the stiletto, with the gentleness and caution of a doctor performing surgery on his child.
He turned, snarling to look at Tyraal, dangling over the side, and found nothing. He leaned over the edge, peering down the fall, and saw nothing of the Force-hidden Clawdite dangling mere inches away from his boot. The Kel Dor grimaced with pleasure at besting the Odanite, and spat after him. With a luck immediately attributed to the hat, he spit on Tyraal’s shoulder. TuQ’uan laughed, then frowned, then stared in horror. He drew his twin-bladed knife in a flash, but Tyraal had already yanked himself up, meeting the Kel Dor with a firm uppercut.
TuQ’uan stumbled back, and growled. He stabbed at Tyraal, missed, and received a heavy kick on his already injured leg from the Odanite. He groaned, but before he could react, Tyraal reached down, down, down through the roots of the arena, and called on the Force, blasting the mercenary back, landing him on his back on the rope stairway. Tyraal strode towards him, and anyone watching would have immediately called to Peek and laid their credits on Tyraal’s victory.
TuQ’uan seemed to sense it too, sitting up, and staring down his enemy. Tyraal hesitated for a split-second, and then lashed out with a barrage of lightning. But! TuQ’uan was ready! As the lightning streaked forward, the Kel Dor drew an ancient-looking sword. He parried the lightning, and to the untrained eye, it seemed desperation: surely the lightning would shatter another vibro-blade. But this was a Sith Sword; it caught the lightning. Tyraal backpedaled.
TuQ’aun leapt to his feet and charged him. Tyraal reached to the side, recalling his lightsaber to him with the Force. It bounced, and whizzed through the air, igniting as it swept into his hand. The two blades met with a heavy force, and they clashed.
Positive Takeaways
There are two things that were noted as strengths upon review. The first is the care to craft a realistic reason that actually respected the venue itself. Beyond that, it's clear that the Character Sheets were studied and rendered faithfully in the writing, even if not perfectly followed. There are little nods to the skill choice and aspects of each character. The distribution of combat is handled well, making full use of the word count restrictions.
Areas For Improvement
This applies to both posts, but the way the paragraphs are structured is odd in terms of flow. A lot of single sentence paragraphs, and often in sequence. Really disrupts the flow and creates a clipped narrative style that is somewhat difficult to get throw as a reader.
Take care to lean heavily into proofing. Even get multiple proofers! There are small grammatical issues littering the post, such as lacking commas and even "it's" instead of "its" in one case. It's easy as an author to miss our own issues, even with multiple read-throughs. Others will often catch what we don't.
The transition into combat could have gone smoother. Looking at Pardon Me, we have "Tyraal will be the first one ready for it, fists up, blaster firing, lightsaber ready, words flowing, or simply out of the building." This could have been played to and leveraged throughout the fight. Especially the "words flowing" portion.