Quaestor Justinios Drake could h to sounds of his own foot falls echoing back to him off of the docking bay bulkheads. The debris strewn across the hangar deck were clearly remnants from a time when the Lucrehulk-class battleship was the pride of the Trade Federation but the condition of the equipment indicated that those days had long since passed. The entire situation was essentially a proxy for the rest of the Aleena’s stay aboard the crime infested, half-derelict spacecraft: dark, dirty and far too smelly. Even though Justinios knew that the entire trip was going to be both messy and dangerous, the promise of old top secret Imperial files from labs that the New Republic supposedly hadn’t even known existed was just too good to pass up. As he made his way towards the illuminated square, which was shining a like beacon in the middle of the otherwise dark hangar bay, Justinios waited patiently for the inevitable double cross.
His "contact" was nowhere to be seen and the Aleena sighed to himself. Standing on the edge of what seemed to be a pit of some sort the Quaestor of House Ektrosis called out into the void, “This must be the part where you get me to a quiet part of the ship, rob me for my credits, probably steal my starship and then attempt to set up your whole little scheme again with another mark.”
“No, this is the part where the two of us realize we've been had," a disembodied voice replied from the shadows.
Justinios could not tell exactly where the response had come from and directed his own reply into the void of the hangar bay, "I suppose someone had their reasons for luring the two of us here and by the looks of this place I am guessing they are expecting us to fight each other." As if to immediately confirm Justinos' hypothesis the hangar bay doors flew open to reveal a thin blue forcefield that was keeping both atmosphere and other matter from meeting the cold vacuum of space.
'It doesn't exactly take a hypermatter scientist to figure that one out, little Aleena."
Justinios' initial instinct was to correct the speaker that he was an astrophysicist and not a hypermatter scientist but he stopped himself as he realized it was meant as a turn of phrase and not commentary on his post-secondary education. Whatever being this voice belonged to Justinios resolved to fight his way through it and escape the makeshift arena. The Quaestor decided that it was too risky trying to team up and escape alongside his new enemy. If whoever had setup this little scenario discovered they weren’t playing along Justinios knew he’d be an Aleena-cicle before you could say explosive decompression. With his mind made up, Justinios plucked the lightsaber off of his belt and the blue blade sprang to life with a snap-hiss.
The owner of the voice didn't respond to the new stimuli, at least in any way Justinios could sense. Reaching out with the Force he could tell someone shared the space with him but couldn't pin down just where they were. Even with the illumination towers activated, the web of catwalks above the hangar deck remained fairly dark. Justinios surmised that if he were trying to conceal himself from, that is exactly where he would be. Forming the image of a very tight parabolic arc in his mind, Justinios launched himself up onto the metal grating that formed the suspended walkway above him. Even being small in stature the old durasteel groaned loudly as the Aleena landed on it and it didn't stop protesting audibly as he walked along it.
"Listen this can end quickly, just show yourself so we can have a fight and one of us will win, probably me, which will allow the two of us to get on with more important things. I even promise that I won't intentionally kill you." Before conscious thought could take over Justinios was leaping through the air again and he made another loud landing on an adjacent piece of catwalk. Turning back towards his previous location he saw both the metal grating and the torso of a B2 Super Battle Droid falling back towards the deck plating below. A snarky comment entered his reptilian brain but before he could loose it on his hidden foe he focused his attention to his left. Right before the armored torso and the catwalk grating crashed loudly below him Justinios heard a faint tip-tap of combat boots on metal immediately to his left.
Without missing a beat the Aleena extended his hand and sent his weapons spinning like a top towards the area he perceived the sound had come from. Before the weapons could slice into anything of substance it was deflected away by the much longer blue blade of a fully sized lightsaber. Simultaneously, a tall human clad in Inquisitorious armor materialized out of thin air as the wielder of the other lightsaber. Still in control of his own flying weapon Justinios pulled it from it's diverted path back to his hand, but not before directing the weapon on a route that let it slice through the catwalk about 10 meters from where his foe stood. The destabilization was enough to shake the black clad warrior and make him stumble a bit. Possibly unhappy with the state of his footing, the human jumped down off of the catwalk and onto the hangar deck.
Justinios followed suit, adding a forward flip to his descent as a flourish. The human and Aleena stood across from each other, now only a few meters apart, in their respective ready stances. Not content to wait for another large piece of broken down battle droid to come hurtling towards him, Justinios gripped the hilt of his lightsaber a little tighter and prepared to attack.
Story
Here, you playfully have Magik make a comment that is made to work well because of Justinios' initial misinterpretation of the line as a figure of speech. Such dialogue is a strength of your writing and if it can be interwoven more with your writing and make sure it keeps in line with the situation at hand your writing can be powerful.
Can Be Improved
Commas are one of the easiest things to trip up on when writing. There are so many rules, and each of those has exceptions, it's easy to forget when to use a comma or not. They're often used too much or not enough in writing. A possible way to help yourself improve is to read out what you've written, think about when you pause for breath and when you do so for effect. Another possible method of developing this, as the event was made to show, is proofing. One proofer, two proofers, three or four proofers, additional pairs of eyes on your work can only help your work.
Similar to the above mention of commas, there are a couple of times you miss out hyphens in your writing. Taking time to check the rules about whether to hyphenate or not could see an improvement in this regard, as could the previously mentioned proofing.
Word Count
The Combat Master mentioned he'd spoken to you about this so I won't go into too much detail, just offer strategies that will help you better stick to word counts in the future. One approach is to write the combat first and then weave in justifications and setting of the scene around that.
You could also break the post down into chunks of a certain number of words so you know when and where you have things you could cut or can add to as the situation calls for.
You could also take the post-writing approach and edit after everything is written, see if there's stuff that doesn't entirely ruin what you've written by removing it.