As Darkblade’s lightsaber came down, Jinius quickly threw himself to the side. The silver blade cut deep into the durasteel floor leaving a jagged, blackened furrow in the metal floor. The Seer had driven his blade into the ground nearly to its hilt. Jinius seized his opportunity and punched the Anzat in the side while throwing himself into a roll. A quiet crack sounded as Jinius’ fist pressed hard into the Anzat’s ribs. Unfortunately, the sound didn’t come from Darkblade. It came from Jinius.
Searing, brutal pain pulsed through Jinius’ hand. When he came to a stop a couple of meters away, Jinius tried to move his fingers. Several wouldn’t move. His hand was broken. He tried focusing his eyes, but his vision was blurry, marred by the tears welling up from the pain. Pain throbbed through his hand like vicious spikes being driven into the back of his fingers.
Jinius started to stand, his vision darkened, his body reacting to the pain. Shock was beginning to set in. Jinius stumbled back to sitting. At least he didn’t fall face first. He sucked in a deep breath, seeking the resolve and the control that hid beneath the surface – the energy of life – the Force. The silver blade of the Anzat flashed through the air, swinging in a long, horizontal arc. Jinius fell back onto his rear, feeling the heat of the blade pass just centimeters from his face. The Anzat’s attack was reckless; it continued through the empty air, driven by the raw fury of the Anzat, completely missing Jinius and slicing into one of the bystanders. A young woman. The silver blade sheared into the woman’s torso nearly cleaving her in two. She fell back to lie motionless on the ground to the chorus of shocked gasps around her.
Once again pain exploded through Jinius. This time it wasn’t his hand. The raw, unfiltered emotion of an innocent life being cut down right next to him mixing with the torment of emotions, the fears of the crowd - it all crashed into him at once. Jinius fell back, the agony blinding him. He couldn’t handle it. It was all too much. He fell into a heap amongst the crying patrons of the station.
The attack had taken Darkblade off course. He was now several meters away from the quiet, yet still alive Jinius. The attack hadn’t connected. The Hunter still lived. Darkblade could sense the calamity of the young man’s thoughts. In a slow, shuffling step Darkblade began to walk up the young Hunter. The fury that burned only moments before had quieted. It had been replaced by something else. Humans might find pity in their hearts upon seeing a young man wracked with so much torment. They would resolve to be better men to embrace their humanity and spare a life. Not Darkblade. Lucky for him, he wasn’t human. Pity was a distant, atrophied feeling. Instead, disgust pooled in the Seer’s mind. How useless this boy would be to a brotherhood already plagued by conflict. Such a formless and unshaped soul the young man was. Marcus was to blame for that. He should train his wards better. Jinius couldn’t be depended on. He couldn’t be relied upon. He was useless. Hunter Jinius Lu’Kar Griffin, apprentice to Marcus Kiriyu, was not a prize, not a victorious conquest in a lifetime of destruction and battle. He wasn’t even a challenge. He was a millstone tied around the neck of a lost Brotherhood. It all make Darkblade sick. This would all be for the better.
“You’re pathetic, Hunter!” the Seer growled, throwing spittle through the air in a cloud.
You are a leaf caught in the wind, Jinius thought. Lucidity played in his mind trying to push back the darkening void that pressed in.
“What would ever compel Marcus to take you, a worthless ape, as an apprentice?” Darkblade continued. He walked closer to the young hunter. Jinius still didn’t move.
You are the breeze tearing through a quiet sky. More thoughts flowed in, lacing Jinius’ mind with light.
“You are hardly worth the effort it takes to kill you.” Darkblade raised his saber.
You are the sky, the silent watcher over the land below. Consciousness was forming. It was almost corporeal in his mind.
The roar of a train coming into station filled the air. The heavy, thundering footsteps of guards sounded on the durasteel floors.
You are the land, the origin of life. Resolve followed. It was a surge of reason and expectation.
“Hold it right there!” the gritty voice of one of the guards sounded. It was followed close by the sound of blasters being raised. Darkblade grinned.
You are life. Bride of the force and mistress to the cosmos. Pulsing awareness filled Jinius’ senses.
Darkblade thrust a hand out to the side aiming at the nearest guard. Deep purple lines of electricity erupted from the Seer’s fingertips. A raw, agonized scream exploded from the guard’s lips as he fell dead to the ground with a meaty thud. Darkblade turned to the next guard and waved his hand, drawing a circle with his fingers. Immediately another guard turned and fired his blaster into the two remaining guards. Darkblade sent another rush of lightning into the final guard. He dropped like a stone.
I am one with the Force. The well of power surged into Jinius’ very soul.
As the last guard fell, Darkblade turned his attention to the motionless Jinius. He sneered, “I’m doing Clan Naga Sadow a service. In fact, I won’t even feed. I don’t want to taint myself with whatever it is that makes you so weak.”
“The Force is with me!”
Jinius threw his arms outward sending a booming, concussive blast of telekinetic energy. It dispersed rapidly kicking up dust and knocking a few nearby people down. Darkblade threw his arms up to shield his eyes. Jinius slid back several feet riding the push before falling onto the train tracks.
When Darkblade brought his hands down another wave of air hit him as a train floated into station. Trains moved so elegantly, riding a few centimeters off their tracks propelled by unseen forces. A few moments later the doors flew open and a torrent of people began flowing out of the train. No one flowed in.
Darkblade walked to the edge of the platform peering down onto the tracks. They were barely visible through a gap between the train and the station. Jinius wasn’t there. He wasn’t dead though; Darkblade could still sense the hunter nearby. He was hiding. The coward would hide.
The train started to move out of port. For the second after the train left station, the air was still. It was quiet, as if the room was expectant. The feeling of tension permeated the room, a thick cloud of urgency just waiting to be released. The young Hunter was close. Very close.
Darkblade spun on his heels coming about in an instant. He was face-to-face with Jinius. With a small, skilled motion, Darkblade spun his lightsaber. A distinct pop emanated from Jinius’ lightsaber as its blue glow faded. A moment later the clink of steel against steel echoed from his feet.
Jinius looked down at his lightsaber. It sparked and emitted a glowing pastel, blue light from where the top of his lightsaber had once been. The Seer had cut the top of Jinius’ blade off. It was over. Jinius had nothing to fight back with. He braced himself hoping he could throw another punch before the Seer was on him.
“I changed my mind,” Darkblade hissed. He threw a hand up in Jinius’ face. Jinius flinched. It was too late.
Jinius’ mind fogged and raced all at once. He was confused yet aware. He felt joy, pity, love, hate, sorrow, guilt, and quiet, calming, beautiful peace. He blinked, coming out of his daze. The lights of the room were blinding, distracting. Had they always been that bright? Darkblade’s hands were on his collar. Jinius felt calm. He also felt slow, almost sickly. Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. If only he could get past the soothing quiet around him, a dulling field of relaxing, calming…
Oh God! Jinius' mind found a moment of clarity. He tried to brace himself. How does one brace oneself for this?
Two thin, whip-like tentacles slid from cheek pockets on Darkblade’s face. They were tipped with unusual bulbs on the ends and were the same pale color of the Anzat’s skin. They reached out to Jinius as everything went dark.
Positive Takeaways
I like the way the pace changes in both the introduction of sudden odors, and Morax hitting the ground from Jinius’ assault. These abrupt changes in the scene stirs the viewer’s flow in reading, which is a good tool for grasping and holding attention and excitement.
Can Be Improved
Careful! Those run-ons are sneaky!
Morax have a decent precognition score, I felt should have seen that coming. Jinius also isn’t the sneaky sort, with Morax’s perception beating his subterfuge.