“Indeed, you are,” Strong stated after his massive shoulders rose with a brief, deep chuckle. He may act slightly exasperated at times, but Diy knew he welcomed her spirit and persistence — loved it even, as far as she’d noted.
Adjusting her position on top of the Chiss to a more sturdy straddle, she continued to attempt weaseling out of Strong’s hold. Usually the maneuver would free the faux-Zelosian in a mere heartbeat, but the behemoth of a man’s hand was so large that she swore his thumb nearly wrapped completely around her petite left wrist. She bit her lip as other fond notes were recalled about his size, almost laughing lightly. Abandoning the futile escape effort, sure the fella would soon find other purposes for his arm, Diy leaned into him with that grin of hers. He swallowed once more, and she won yet again.
“Are you satisfied in your reaffirmation of position?” Her companion deactivated his riot shield, the brilliant yellow light dimming against his eyes and replaced by the budding sunset washing over the pair. “Your aim and quickness is as honed as ever.”
“I know,” she replied simply, sticking her tongue out, “but glad yer up to date.”
Strong let out a sigh, though the corners of his mouth curled up into his raven mustache, and he released her left arm. His hands moved to rest lightly just on the brim of her shorts and the exposed skin below, warm to the touch and not unwelcome in the ocean’s cool breeze. Diy straightened up and rotated her left hand a few times. She set Wynnetta the pistol aside, returning her attention to her friend and lover. The ex-gangster trailed the other pistol still set against his side up his chest — Whyell, as she were— and deposited it onto the grey-black rock just beside his ear. An involuntary shiver quaked beneath his skin in response, and the coolness wasn't responsible.
“Ya didn't take off yer shirt…” Diy noted. The son of Garmis typically shedded the garment with respectful diligence whenever participating in combat. Then again, a certain green-haired woman didn't provide much chance for such ritual, she mused internally. The golden tattoo of the Grivna clan crinkled with the lines of her face as she narrowed her eyes, her hand spreading through the wrinkles of his shirt. A flash of natural crimson hair and pale fingers zapped through her own, replaying a well and recent scene. “Ya got a bit of red on it.”
Strong readjusted his hands around her hips, lifting her a few inches while sitting up and resettling her upon his lap. His azure head tilted down briefly at the dirt-streaked fabric. “I must have obtained a cut, nothing but a scratch, I assure you...Diyrian, I do not spot the blood you speak of.”
“Ain’t blood.”
He looked at her, confusion temporarily taking hold before melting slowly away as he connected the dots — remembering her birth species’ unique abilities. The Chiss seemed to be debating whether he was expected to be ashamed or proud, though her uncharacteristic frown was hinting the former. Jabbing a finger into his chest, Diy slipped her black vibroblade from her thigh holster beneath her shorts’ right leg.
“Ya came to see me right after bein’ with her—”
“We merely shared the prior night —”
“ — and ya didn't share the details with me?!”
Strong nearly choked on his words, “P-pardon? It is not my place to exchange tell of the activities of Miss Vasano and I.”
“Ha!” Her loud exclamation startled a few of those feathered Limmie balls nearby into the air with an array of squawks. The Kiffar failed to contain her smirk as her own fond, blush-worthy memories were recalled. “A moment with ya, Bluesy, is broadcasted live for a mile away!”
“I am perplexed on whether you disapprove or not. You encouraged the relation before—”
Smack, Diy’s elbow cracked upon the large man’s thick jaw, bruising her own skin more than his. She followed the momentum into a side roll to her right, picking up Wynnetta as she did, a fresh, impish grin on her lips.
“I tell ya what, let’s play for it. If you win,” she gestured the glowing handle of her vibroblade towards him, “we’ll leave Lucie’s adventures be—”
“Miss Vasano prefers that particular moniker to not be used —”
Diy waved off the noble defence to his mistress’ wishes, continuing, “If I win, we make our own meetin,’ eh?”
The other Arconan Fade barely started booming a reply when she fired the knife, not particularly listening. It somersaulted through the air before clattering against the stone behind him, the hefty hunk of man meat managing to dodge the haphazard attack. He shook his head, yet moved his weight deeper into his heels when he turned around to catch her racing toward him, the second gun at his feet.
“As before, as you wish.”
Diy wasn't going to match Strong in strength or, hell, even speed surprisingly, but she was quicker in noting her surroundings. Steeling herself, the faux-Zelosian feinted, not just to the right or left but actually faking a dodge. Two heartbeats later and massive tree trunks of arms wrapped about her, pinning her own at her sides. With his right hand overlapping his left wrist, the Chiss picked her up off her feet as he squeezed.
“Are we finished with this ordeal? As a gentleman, I must remind you again that I will not hold back in my respect for you.” Stres’tron’garmis's voice boomed in her ear. Diy grimaced both at the volume and the constriction. She forced herself to look up at his glowing gaze with one unsquinted eye and a knowing smirk.
“T-timber, Big B-blue.”
And she fired several bolts straight beneath her.
Positive Takeaways
The descriptive writing and dialogue is on point in this post. The setting is written easily and believably, the characters fall into an easy companionship and exchange witty banter without feeling forced, and the combat flows quickly and easily when it appears near the end of the post.
Can Be Improved
I noticed several small mistakes in syntax, mostly in punctuation, but nothing that impacted my reading of the post.
Story-wise the post just really didn't really draw me in, or set up a very interesting scenario. The first paragraph of opening narration, for example, is simply a very dry recitation of the facts and circumstances that led to the characters being where they are. In a short story format like an ACC post, this feels like a waste of valuable time and space that could have been used to develop the story. All the more so because the characters basically repeat most of the information in the opening narration later on during their dialogue, making it almost entirely redundant to the story. A little bit of reworking with this info could have created a much more effective opening by working the exposition naturally into the story itself.
It's also in this opening narration that a continuity error is set up with something Strong says later in the post. The narrator states that,
And yet, later on in the post Strong says,
Which seems to directly contradict the first statement. Instead of not sending off a message at all, Kordath sent a message but wasn't sure if it would arrive in time. This sort of small slip-up could have really easily been avoided.
Furthermore, the central conceit established in the opening narration feels very paper thin and coincidental. It really stretched my belief that both Kordath and Zujenia were not only detained by emergencies, but also both detained so suddenly and in such circumstances that they couldn't contact each-other. They then both decided, independently of each-other, to send their bodyguards and companions to the meeting instead of the hundred other options available to them. It felt really unnatural and alien to the story, calling attention to the fact the this narrative was only constructed to get Strong and Diy on to Ahch-to together.
Moving past the opening narration, Strong and Diy's encounter in the ruins also felt off to me. If Diy was expecting to be meeting Kordath and not Strong, why was she lurking up on the roof-top waiting to ambush him? If this meeting was prearranged before hand, why was Strong wandering the ruins looking for Zujenia when Diy ambushed him? Wouldn't they have had some sort of prearranged meeting spot for him to wait? This all, again, feels really unnatural to the central narrative, and felt like it was only set up this way to have a cutesy moment between Diy and Strong.
After a rather entertaining and friendly chat with each-other, the actual fight begins and I hit another hang-up I have with this opening post. Diy just bluntly and suddenly pistol-whips Strong and challenges him to a spar. While this may be perfectly in character for her, it feels like a really poor way to set up a fight. The ACC might require a conflict between the characters, but this should ideally be done in the pursuit of some sort of goal or in advancement of the plot. This friendly spar wasn't set up to have any sort of meaning to the characters beyond playful flirtation, so it's kind of difficult to find meaning in it as a reader.
On that matter, spar between the two of them simply doesn't feel like it's going anywhere. Neither of the characters are really trying to hurt each other, as confirmed later on when Diy hesitates to shoot Strong, which prevents the fight from having any real sense of danger. Neither character has anything to gain from the fight, except perhaps personal enjoyment. For that matter, neither character has anything really to lose from the fight, except maybe some pride. The relationship between the characters doesn't seem particularly strained, so it's not as if they're fighting out some of their emotional hang-ups and that might help them bond or grow closer. For all the effect that this fight might have on the story or character development I could be watching them play Pazaak for roughly the same effect.