The clacking sounds of shoes meeting metal echoed down the deserted hallway as Lucine
Vasano walked. The wreckage of the fallen Star Destroyer was inspiring to her. Feelings of both awe and disgust swept over her as she took in the exalted beauty and dilapidated destruction that was once noble menace.
“This place is filthy. Why did I come here again?” the redhead asked herself aloud as she explored the immense Imperial vessel.
Oh, right, she remembered.
She had received an encrypted message on her holopad requesting her audience in the main hangar of the ship. She would have ignored it, but the messenger claimed to have information from her master, Atyiru, before the Consul’s tragic demise. As much as the Arconan wanted to disregard the message, something told her the information was correct. So Lucine made her way to Jakku.
This better not be just a wild wompratchase, she thought to herself as she slowly made her way down the darkened hallway. The only light was the random beams made through the holes littered in the side of the ship hull. As Lucine approached a door and forced it open, she stopped in her tracks and concentrated. Sure enough, she could hear a faint, melodic tune echoing from the hallway in front of her. Following the music she passed through several winding halls and stairways, passing the remains of several fallen Stormtroopers and Imperial Naval personnel.
“So grotesque. I cannot wait to get off this rock.”
Finally, Lucine found herself within the hangar bay of the fallen ship. She scanned the area and saw only one living figure. Not entirely trusting whoever it was, she focused on the Force around her to shroud herself in its power. Her appearance began to shift in a glimmer of light. Her long flowing red hair became a short brown. Green eyes became a dark, almost black color. And her outer garb resembled the look of the Jakku scavengers. Stepping forward into the room, she maintained her facade.
The figure was a male with black hair that was pulled into a ponytail. He wore black robes with electric blue trimming, and one sleeve was bare, allowing his metallic arm to gleam in the beam of light in which he sat atop a downed and forgotten TIE fighter with his legs crossed. He played a beautiful tune she had never heard before with a silvery metal flute.
“Hello. What are you doing here? This ship is mine to scavenge today,” she said, announcing her presence.
The man’s playing ceased and his eyes opened, narrowing on her. He looked like he was inspecting her before his eyes closed again and his lip curled into a slight grin.
“My apologies,” he began with a hint of sarcasm. “I was merely looking for a spot to meditate and play some music. It relaxes me. I have no intention of scavenging this ship. I’m actually waiting for an acquaintance. Redhead woman with green eyes and a slight attitude problem. Ring a bell?”
She could hear the mocking tone in his voice, and it annoyed her. Had this man seen through her illusion?
“Sorry, haven't seen her. I’ll be going now. I have parts to salvage so I can eat tonight,” she said, turning on her feet. This didn’t feel right, it felt like a trap.
“Okay, that’s enough of that, Ms. Vasano. Wouldn’t you agree?” the man's voice cut the air sharply. “I have been informed about your love of illusions. You’re quite good at it too. I knew where to look, but if I hadn’t I’d have not noticed.”
Standing still, Lucine dropped her concentration and the glamor went away. She folded her arms and stared the sitting man down.
“Now that you’re you, my name is Aiden. I knew Atty, and I am friends with your fellow apprentice Zujenia.”
“Your point? Why am I here?” she asked him, clearly annoyed. “I have things to do, so why waste my time?”
Aiden merely grinned before standing up. “Atty told me you were like this. She was right. You could use some balance.” he responded with intrigue.
“Balance? I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
“I was asked that in the possibility of her demise, I assess your skills and teach you of the balance. Atyiru hoped it might save you.” Aiden looked slightly downcast at the mention of the Shadow Lady’s name.
“I’m good. Thanks for bringing me to this junk hole. I really appreciate it. Now, I’m leaving.” Lucine was not happy. Having her master used against her like this, it wasn’t a good feeling.
As she stepped towards the exit, she felt the Force screaming inside of her. Turning back to face Aiden, she saw him landing next to her with his palm slamming into the ground. Lucine felt herself knocked off her feet by a wave of invisible energy. As her back hit the ground, the air was knocked from her lungs.
A loud hiss broke her from her daze as a silvery white plasma blade was pointed at her. Aiden looked down at her with a gleam in his eye.
“Stand up and defend yourself.”
Lucine got to her feet. She pulled her lightsaber and channeled the Force into her once again. Activating the blade and readying herself, she waited for his strike. Aiden held his curved hilt in his right hand and with a simple elegance he struck forward. Lucine stayed on the move, swerving through the silvery swings and keeping herself just out of his reach. It didn’t last long as Aiden swiped at her feet, but his blade phased through the now-ending illusion.
“She is good,” he said to himself as he turned off his blade and reached out with his feelings, searching for the escaping Arconan.
Positive Takeaways
This was an excellent opening post that set the scene, set up the conflict between the characters and integrated a significant amount of action. There were a lot of little touches in your descriptions and word choices that set this post apart in a good way.
Can Be Improved
It may seem a bit nitpicky but this is a spot where you could have varied your word use up some. You use "her" three times in two sentences.
This passage was great from a story standpoint but troubled me from a realism standpoint. Lucine had just had the wind knocked out of her, had a lightsaber pointed in her face and managed to dodge strikes from a skilled Makashi user. Aiden on the other hand has +3 Perception and it has already been established he knows she likes to use illusions. As written this passage seems to show Aiden having uninterrupted line of sight with his opponent so when did she make the slip and leave the illusion behind? I always try to read passages in such a way as to avoid a realism error but in this case I don't see how the error can be avoided without changing what you wrote. You had Aiden break her illusion earlier in the post then he pretty much keeps her in his sights so there's no point where she could have swapped with the illusion. This is a minor realism error.