Dirt stung raw against her cheeks, gritted in from landing on the duracrete, but she easily ignored it. She couldn't ignore the screaming lick of Force urging her to dodge to the right, however, sliding aside as a crack was heard and a slug whizzed past. Zujenia didn't waste another heartbeat, dipping herself more fully into the warning energy with each footstep.
Skar twitched the heavy pistol to a new position and fired off two more shots in quick succession. The half-Ryn avoided the first, catching herself in the path of the second. A shimmering yellow field of energy manifested in front of her instinctively before shattering to the sheer drive of the slug. It grazed her right bicep, the strength of the blow ripping gruesome through the flesh. She nearly dropped her weapon with a sharp inhale of air, pain flaring through her nerves.
Tucking her shoulder in as she subconsciously dampened the pain, Zujenia spun about with hopes to mask the hit — staff whirling down upon the Kaleesh. He reflected it sharply, rounding a kick out with his clawed, cybernetic foot. She whipped the staff vertically, blocking the strike with sparks flying as metal scrapped against metal. The bayonet ripped off the bo-rifle when Skar wrenched free, clattering away behind him. His crimson eyes bore down with the mirrored intent of his blade, which slammed against the lethal electric tips of her staff in a powerful sequence.
“Hmph, you are slowing.” The Juggernaut glanced at her right arm, blood seeping through the ripped sleeve. His shoulders heaved with a chuckle and he feinted with another kick before driving his blade again. “We’re done here.”
Zujenia swallowed hard, her steps forward reversing back as she fought to counter, tail tight around her left leg. Her heart beated out the seconds, one and two, three and four, and so on. This battle was taking too long and with every passing moment she was becoming more exhausted, and more likely to make a mistake. She needed an opening, to finish this…an opening. Zujenia knew exactly what she had to do.
Yeah, we’re done here, Skar, both of us...she declared internally, golden eyes not wavering from the blue-white plasma. Her chest tightened with the pain of her choice, what it would take from her. Kord, Shay, be safe, I love you.
“Just give up, mutt, it's useless,” Skar’s taunt penetrated her focus of block, parry, redirect, strike. It clawed at her new resolution, trying to convince her it was all the halfling could do but lay her weapon down. And she nearly did.
“No.”
Zujenia reversed her grip on her staff, hurling the weapon into the Juggernaut’s saber with what might she could muster. He deflected it.
For Shay and Kord...
The two locked against each other. Skar leveraging with superior might, the woman clearly weaker as muscles quivered.
For Kelviin. For the Hapans and others killed...
Zujenia drew upon the Force, weaving it into her arms, numbing the right intently and strengthening the left. Her face gave an ounce of pity among the hate that drove a cold hiss from the reptile.
For your wife...
Purple and white light reflected across the scar of their past, what had become today.
“I can’t!”
Breaking away, the half-Ryn arched the transitioned bo-rifle into Agrona’s weapon. The blade drove downwards as the Kaleesh moved with the momentum before pulling it up and over his head. Zujenia spun with her attack as the saber plummeted — exposing her right shoulder to the man, an aggressive cry erupting from her throat. The fire flaring through her joint felt distant, her left arm already in motion and thrusting the lethal electricity into Skar’s armored gut.
Pain. It shocked through the Juggernaut’s battled harden body. It consumed the torso of the hybrid. Their bodies dropped to the duracrete walk path, one writhing and one still with but a twitch or few. Onlookers tentatively approached, of those who remained near and hadn't chosen not to get caught up in all of this. Their voices hit Zujenia’s ears, but she clutched her arm — desperately trying to staunch the bleeding. Her severed limb laid still a foot away.
“Cough...heh…”
What little color left on the dark tan woman bled from her skin, nearly mirroring her white hair stained red with blood. She twisted to watch in defeated horror as Skar labored to get up — body jerking and lungs hacking. His crimson eyes stabbed into her soul, reassuring death was evident.
“You nearly did it, end me that is.” He hissed in an almost bemused hate, metal limbs clanking slowly across the stone. Blue-light plasma snap-hissed above her once more. “To bad you did not. A message to give to your loved ones?”
“I used to respect you, Rrogon,” Zujenia spat, the effort ragging against her being. The name weighed with a pain calling forth betrayal and trust divided, of lost hope and disappointment. Of sureness. “But now...now the image before me is all anyone ever —”
The Kaleesh flipped his weapon, piercing it down into her chest. His masked, tusked visage holding fast the last she saw before darkness overtook and her breath left. Satisfied with the dull light in the mutts eyes, Skar deactivated his saber, slipping it back into his cloak and slowly retrieving his pistol. He had a task to finish and now, a chuckle slipped his silence, his blood bubbled with a satisfied hindrance removed. A shame really, there were those who had looked to use such a pawn. Not his problem right now as he disappeared into the crowd and the looters took over the woman’s corpse.
Positive Takeaways
Motivations
I like this passage because it provides both combatants with a reason for being at the venue, which is an essential part of any first post. You go on to hint at the past between Rrogon and Zujenia, and this provides the motivation for the conflict, in addition to Zujenia’s willingness to prevent the death of innocents. I would suggest maybe keeping it closer together and being a bit more detailed on their history, as not every Judge is going to know this.
Can Be Improved
Syntax
A series of minor errors exist within the post, nothing majorly awkward but they would likely have been caught in proofing. I also like suggesting reading a post out loud, this way you can catch things that sound awkward but maybe not things like missing hyphens which is why it’s a good supplementary tactic when combined with proofreading.