Jon considered the offer, however briefly. He really did. This Creon guy...he really believed the things he was saying, and that was a rare thing. Jon knew how to spot liars, and this Jedi wasn’t one. But if he broke this contract with Scholae Palatinae, they’d hunt him til his last day. He’d seen how the Empire treated traitors, and he wasn’t popular with the higher ups as it stood. If that made him a coward… well, cowards lived longer.
Instead, Jon’s mind raced at lightspeed, trying to come up with a way out of this scenario. That was when the universe saw fit to give him one.
“Freeze! Don’t’a move!” came the heavily accented voices of the gungans security forces. They arrived in a large group, blasters all pointed at Jon...but clustered fairly close together. That was when Jon started to formulate a plan.
“Last chance,” Creon said, holding out his hand.
He looked Creon dead in the eye, saw his honesty, and buried his own guilt for lying through his teeth in return. He took the hand offered to him.
“What can I say,” Jon lied easily. “You’re pretty damn...convincing.” Creon smiled at him.
“He’s surrendering,” Creon called to the guards. “No need to fire, men.”
Jon waited for a moment, saw as the guards lowered the blasters they had trained on him, and threw his stun grenade into their mists. Creon, however, reacted far faster than on had hoped. Rather than being caught off guard, he reacted with the speed only a Force wielder could, and caught the grenade in midair, sending it flying up into the air.
Jon, by this point, was already making a break for The Carnival, pushing his way passed dazed civilians who still didn’t seem to understand what was happening in their streets. Thankfully, his pursuers were unwilling to fire into a crowd of innocent people. Jon stomped down on the guilt over that before it even really had a chance to form.
Instead, he ducked into an alley, and started frantically trying to get his comms to work, praying that he was out of range of the scrambling signal Creon had been transmitting.
“Come on, come on...Artemis?” he hissed, and felt a flood of relief at the astromech’s reply. “Can you hear me? Start the engines, we’re-”
“Not. Leaving,” said a voice behind him. Jon swore, and turned to see Creon standing in the alley’s entryway. His face had all the righteous indignation Jon had been expecting, but also...disappointment. Great. Add that to his guilty conscience for the day.
“That was a really messed up trick you pulled,” he said as he trained his blaster on Jon’s skull. “And that was a genuine offer.”
“I know,” Jon replied, glumly. “But friend, you’re preaching to the damned. I couldn’t take you up, even if I wanted to.”
“Drop your weapons on the ground, and put your hands up.”
Jon, slowly but surely, did as he requested, blasters and blades alike, and laid them on the ground. Creon, his blaster never wavering, slowly approached Jon, and took out a pair of cuffs, no doubt provided by the gungans for this particular pursuit.
Jon waited until he was close...and activated his magna gloves, pulling both their weapons, and every other piece of metal in the alley, creating a minor storm of flinging metal objects. Jon grabbed one his throwing knives out of the brief maelstrom, before everything fell back to the ground around them, and used Creon’s momentary distraction to hamstring his leg, sending the Jedi to the ground.
“Damn you, I-” Creon groaned.
“Yeah, you probably should,” was all Jon said before making his way out of the alley.
.............
About fifteen minutes of guard-dodging later, Jon finally managed to make it back onto The Carnival, and get Artemis to lift them both off.
He collapsed into his chair, utterly exhausted, and let out a weary sigh.
“So...that was a Jedi, huh?” Jon said to himself, thinking back to the man’s words about good and evil.
“....Interesting.”
Positive Takeaways
I like the initial set up of the plot. Spy stories are always a personal favorite of mine, and give the story a number of ways to evolve. Both characters feel natural in their roles and both have a clear goal and reason for being there and fighting eachother.
Can Be Improved
A handful of syntax mistakes, particularly revolving around the use of punctuation and commas.
There was one minor realism error I noticed about halfway through the post.
When you consider Creon's perception and Jon's subterfuge, this doesn't really make much sense. Jon should have be more than capable of surreptitiously placing such a device on Creon. I suppose he could have discovered something of Jon's intentions with sense, but that wouldn't have necessarily revealed the device to him, and doesn't really fit the way this passage is written.
There might have even been a chance to improve the story here. For instance, suppose Creon had only noticed the listening device after the meeting, then remembered the man that bumped into him earlier that day. That way Jon is returning back to the clan with vital intelligence instead of in failure, and Creon needs to recover that intelligence to save his own mission. It could have really played up the spy drama and brought an extra level of stakes to the fight.
Speaking of the story generally, while I'm interested in the central conceit, the exploration of the setting and plot feels rather thin. In terms of setting, I don't really get much of an impression that this is Jan-gwa city rather than Coruscant, or Mos Eisley, or any other space port in the world. The sparsity of description doesn't really make anything stand out, which is a shame, because Jan-gwa is a very dramatic setting. Sitting half submerged in a lake, strange alien architecture, giant stone faces peering down mysteriously from the cliffside, a waterfall shrouding the city in mist and a constant dull roar. Any of these things could have been used to bring the setting more to life.
In terms of exploration of the plot I didn't feel it did all that much interesting or unique in that direction either. The story sets itself up as a spy story, but goes straight to a direct confrontation between the two fighters. I might have liked to see something more dynamic and tense. A shadowy chase through the alleyways of Jan-gwa, a battle of wits and skill as Jon tries to escape to his ship while Creon tries to tail and intercept him. But here the chase is already finished, indeed, it never even happened. Creon simply knew where Jon's ship was and waited there to arrest him, which felt to me like such a wasted opportunity to do something more interesting.