Magik breathed in salt and silence. He could taste it on his tongue, biting and spicy. It dried his eyes and nose.
He clutched the cloth in his hand tightly. The fabric, a ripped bodice, was stained dark, rusty brown with copious amounts of old blood, dry but tacky. Satsi Tameike, his former "Consul," was not the least bit careful about discarding her things when she was injured. Her escapades left a trail of her own blood all over Selen and anywhere she went, as if it wasn't an enormous weakness. Careless. Stupid. Convenient.
Tameike had been responsible for leading Arcona in war over Nancora. Tameike had been responsible for sounding the retreat. But not soon enough. Not in time for Tarentum. No, her agenda laid only with herself and the Jedi. Even in his thoughts, the word with filthy, spat with venom and disgust. Tameike paraded about with Sorenn and Archenksova and their ilk and left Tarentum to burn. They were no allies. They were traitors. And she was the cause. He didn't care what she was doing here or why. He would string her from the Citadel spires for all to see like a proper Imperial spectacle—
"Okay, kid, turn around slow. Drop your saber."
What?!
The Sith twisted about from his perch at the edge of a red-and-white marbled trench to see his target standing behind him with a pistol held steady at his head. Had he been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed her approach? Now that he opened his senses, it was so obvious. With the relative desolation of Crait, he could pinpoint every living being nearby. She raised a brow at him.
"Last chance. Drop it or I drop you, Arcona or no."
Grimacing, the Warrior unclasped his lightsaber and tossed it to the salted ground. Satsi moved to kick it into the trench.
"Fan-frakking-tastic. Now, how's about you don't blame me for kark I didn't do to your dumb dead Clan and we both forget this idiocy ever happened?"
Magik blinked his dark eyes, gaping.
"How did you know my—"
"You were talking out loud, kid."
For a second, he stared. Then his fury and shame and grief flared, lending strength as the Force flooded his body. It all combined into clear, beautiful hatred, and he had only one target.
"INSOLENT WENCH!" shouted the Sith, just as he summoned his saber to his hand from where he'd seen it fall and ignited the blade, slashing expertly. The gun in her grip dropped in two smoking pieces while she reared back, clutching her hand. Blood leaked from between her fingers at an alarming rate. Excellent.
The Warrior had little time to savor his victory, though, as the former Shadow Lord snarled and spun her body about to launch a monstrous kick into his side. There was a series of tiny white snaps at the impact, and agony exploded in his chest, washing over his vision even as he felt himself falling, crashing to the ground below. Another fresh wave of pain ripped through him at the jarring landing at the bottom of the trench and for a moment he blacked out.
Then, color and sound trickled back to him and he gasped, the movement bringing more pain. Each breath was agony. He could feel the edges of his ribs grinding together, stabbing into his lungs.
Magik grit his teeth and groaned. He glanced around wildly, expecting to be set upon, but Tameike was nowhere in sight from his limited vantage point; but that didn't mean she wasn't there. Painstakingly, the Sith dragged himself upright and backwards, every minute shift of muscle enough to make his vision blacken at the edges. An hour seemed to pass in the agonizing moments it took him to put his back against one crumbling wall, salt and dust raining down over him. Looking again and stretching out his senses, he could still feel his enemy, but not close. Perhaps she had run from him.
He wouldn't let her escape.
Focusing his omnipotence inwards, he took hold of the Force and wove it around him, closing tears in flesh and mending bone at broken seams. It wasn't perfect; he'd have to have medics rebreak his ribs and set them properly, since his healing left them at odd angles or in different positions, but at least this way they would not move about freely and wreak more havoc. It took a long few minutes, more than he expected to have, but Tameike really seemed to have left him.
Her mistake.
When he could breathe more easily, the Sith regained his feet. Staring up at the edge of the trench, he concentrated for several seconds, letting power suffuse his legs, before leaping up and scabbling at the ledge. With a grunt of effort he pulled himself out, feeling fatigue burn in his limbs, but he was free and on the other side. A smile returned to his face as attuned his senses to the world around him. She was still near, in the destroyed bunker. She couldn't hide from him.
The Warrior approached carefully, confident but diligent. He followed the thread of her life-force like a beacon, creeping into the base while the salted wind blew around him. His senses lead him towards a stack of crates, and he reached out with the Force, then pulled.
Tameike came jerking out into the open with a crash of toppling boxes. She cursed as she was dragged across the ground by an invisible hand, thrown into another pile of wreckage. Groans issued from the woman as she clutched her head, hand still bleeding.
"You will die," Magik promised her, hand dropping to his saber.
Satsi sneered a smirk at him. Then, she shouted, "PB, light him up!"
The Sith barely turned with warning heartbeat to spy the droid he had not detected crouching several meters away, a rocket launcher mounted on its shoulder joint, aiming at him.
It fired.
Positive Takeaways
Motivation
The post does a good job of laying out Magik’s motivations for wanting to fight Satsi while tying into Magik’s past as a former member of Tarentum. That kind of research into a character’s past is important to help boost the strength of the narrative you’re pushing.
Can Be Improved
Syntax
Magik goes off on a bit of a rant about why he hates Satsi, and would thus want to kill her, but this isn’t treated as either thought or speech, only for Satsi to later tell Magik he was talking out loud later on. If this was to be the case it should’ve been denoted in the correct manner. I’d suggest taking a bit longer go through your post to spot small mistakes like these in the future.