The dilapidated stone of the once great temple flashed by Reeka on either side as her tiny footfalls drew her ever farther from her target. She shoved the weight of the holocron against her side and slipped her dagger back in its sheath for the time being. One of the first lessons her father had taught her about combat was that a hand bearing anything other than a useable weapon was only a burden. Glancing at the holocron’s sturdy frame, she supposed she could use it for a blunt object if anything. The crystalline structure glinted as the eerie green light of the temple refracted through it, which absorbed her fascination enough to miss the sound of her comlink activating. Her father’s gruff voice laden with worry snapped her back to reality.
“Reeka! Report!”
The tiny human fumbled a bit before flicking her comms for both receiving and sending. Her lips trembled slightly as she imagined his rage building.
“I am here, Father.”
“I thought I told you to report back every standard hour, on the hour.”
“Yes, Father, I am sorry. I have made contact with the target.”
There was a slight pause on the other side. When he responded, her father’s voice had lost its edge.
“Oh. Very well, little Reek. Have you accomplished the assigned task then?”
The high pitch squeal of an R3 droid somewhere to her rear followed by the curse of someone stumbling over rubble told Reeka that she had slowed her pace too much during the conversation.
“Not yet, Father. I have taken the target’s prize holocron and can use it to lure him into a position of my liking. Where I will then dispatch him.”
Another moment of silence did not do much to ease her dread that she might have somehow disappointed him. His answer caused her to stop in her tracks.
“No.”
Reeka’s brow wrinkled in confusion.
“I do not understand, Father.”
“I can take a holocron whenever I have the will to do so. This exercise was to prove your readiness. Face him. Oh, and Reeka?”
Reeka noticed the lack of use of the nickname he had given her. In her experience it meant he was a deadly serious.
“Yes, Father?”
“Fight to kill. I will accept nothing less if you are to prove yourself ready. You asked for this chance, now take it.”
Reeka’s fingers turned white with pressure as she clamped down on the holocron, her mind hardening to the task at hand.
“Yes, Father. I will not fail you.”
With an acknowledging harumph, the connection died away, leaving her to ponder her new strategy. With a weighted sigh she turned to face the open corridor, where the shadows flitted across the walls as if dancing mockingly around her. She did not have to wait long as the man came careening around the corner huffing from exertion, R3 astromech in tow. He stopped suddenly as he realized she was standing half within the cover of the erratically weaving splotches of darkness. The faint glow of the temple added to the sharp emerald of Reeka’s gaze giving her the look of someone who had seen more than most children her age.
“Ah...hooo...ugh...there you are, girl. You are pretty light on your feet, I must say. Now, what do you say you just hand that holocron over like a good little girl and we’ll just forget the whole ‘you tried to kill me’ spiel, eh? What does a girl like you want with something like that now anyway?”
Bouncing the holocron from one petite hand to the other, Reeka gave an impish smile that melted away her angelic charm and replaced it with sheer disdain. With a casual flick she tossed the holocron over her shoulder where it landed heavily and scraped along the stone floor to roll a few meters away. Jon winced at the sound.
Well, there goes my bonus for bringing it back in good condition.
“Now why did you have to go and--”
“I was never after the holocron.”
Jon almost laughed aloud at the realization. Of course. That should have been clear from the beginning. If he wasn’t so disturbed at the thought of someone using a child to do their dirty work, he might have been impressed at her skill. A grimace crossed his face still at the thought of having to fight this small girl. He did have that stun grenade handy…
There was little time left to consider his options as Reeka took the initiative and bared the fangs of her twin daggers while her balanced stance built momentum in her charge. Her braid swung flippant behind her, but when she spun into a pirouette on the ball of her front foot Jon suddenly found it lashing across his face. The jump placed her hands at an even height with his chest. With his left hand occupied from unsheathing Shiro, Jon could only hastily throw up his right arm to shield the coming blows. The daggers raked across his forearm, but he managed to prevent them from cutting at his chest. As quick as she had managed to get so close, the girl was gone again just as fast as she hit the ground. She landed on her toes and smoothly slid into a split while swinging both hands out to her sides, the daggers aimed to slice. Jon had to jump back to avoid the danger, and nearly sat on his astromech droid in the process. He shoved off from the droid and planted himself firmly in order to send a few rounds of plasma in her direction. Reeka rolled sideways to avoid the first blast, transitioning into a backwards somersault and then spinning away to use the astromech as cover. The droid whined shrilly and Jon took the time to draw his second blaster, Kuro.
While he could see her hands reach up and grasp the top of his astromech, Jon could not make out exactly what Reeka was doing on the other side. Carefully he sidled up to line up his blasters on her.
“Alright, kid. That’s enough of that. I’ve got you pegged now, so come out from behind Artemis. I see you put your daggers away. Good. This doesn’t have to end badly.”
His breathing had calmed slightly now that he felt in control of the situation. The throbbing in his right arm told him the cuts weren’t terribly deep, but needed cleaning. As endearing as she might have been, he could not help but curse the girl now. She had thrown an unexpected wrench into his plans of an easy payday.
The blasters’ moved in tandem with Reeka’s sudden movement as her hands disappeared again. The young girl bobbed up with her hands flung towards Jon, and two small glints of metal flashed towards him. His first reactionary shot melted away the first throwing dagger while his second shot clipped it enough to force it off target, sending it whizzing by his right ear. As the sparks cleared and his vision quickly tried to correct to the corridor’s low-light ambience, Jon watched through blinking eyes as Reeka leapt atop the astromech. With her hands lifting her small frame, she twisted from her torso and struck out with her feet as if she had snakes for legs. The strikes were not heavy, but they put Jon off balance and he had to shift his feet to compensate.
The next thing he knew, snakes were striking from everywhere.
Reeka flitted from foot to foot, using her own speed and knowledge of technique to remain on the move. With every kick she spun into another that led into another, and so on. The consistency and poise she managed to accomplish would have made any of Jabba’s slave dancers jealous. It was just starting to annoy Jon, though. Accepting the handful of blows it allowed, the Scoundrel forced his blasters back into their holsters since they were just keeping him from counter attacking now. Retreating a step, he shifted his wrists and heard the snap! as his vibroblade gauntlets released their blades.
“Enough, kid. Anymore of this and I won’t be able to prevent you from getting hurt.”
Reeka slipped a hand behind her and drew forth her two vibrodaggers, flicking the spare into her other open hand. The faint hum of both sets of weapons hung on in the silence as they both gauged the distance. A small smile from Reeka earned a scornful glare in response.
“My father uses Ryyk blades. Your tiny Gamorrean-stickers don’t scare me.”
“Sounds like you could use a visit from the Department of Social Services, kid. Your ol’ man puts you through the wringer, for what? The sick pleasure?”
The blades in Reeka’s hands spun and her voice grew shrill.
“Don’t you dare insult my father!”
Blade rang against blade and air was sliced away in slivers as the two rushed together.
Positive Takeaways
The setup here is very well integrated into the story, and manages to explain both combatants presence without any heavy or cumbersome exposition. Everything was so well implied or casually hinted at I was left with no questions at all without even realizing what I was reading was exposition. A very skillful thing for a writer to do.
The dialogue goes a long way towards characterizing both characters. You really get a sense of who they are by the way they talk to each-other, and Reeka's deception of Jon in this manner is a perfect use of her manipulation and subterfuge abilities.
Can be Improved
There are some minor punctuation mistakes, mostly related to the use of punctuation and especially ellipses, a few cases of which i'd like to highlight below
To begin with, from a purely stylistic point of view, the ellipsis is used far too often, especially here where it appears five times in nearly as many sentences. In total, there are seventeen ellipses in the entire post. While This is not incorrect from a purely syntax point of view, it really breaks up the flow of the story, making it feel stuttered and disconnected. Ellipses are an unusual and specific form of punctuation, and it's important to use them sparingly for specific effect.
What is a syntax error here is the way Ellipses are used in the sentence. The passage begins by inserted the ellipses without a space on either side, which is correct, and continues on to use an ellipses with a space only after the ellipsis. This is also a correct way to use Ellipses, but the post has to be consistent and pick one style or the other. Having both in here constitutes an error.
I felt the post had a significant imbalance between the dialogue and the other types of description present. The post had a very brisk pace, moving from the front to the Dark Temple, through the grand hall, and down into the ancient burial tomb of a long dead Sith Lord. Despite this, however, the text barely spares a few sentences of description for such cinematic and, no doubt, extravagant locales. What description is present still manages to give me a sense of the setting, but only vaguely, and I feel the story might have been well served by taking a break from the dialogue to slow down and better describe the mood and surroundings.
There's also a slight plot hole here as to why Reeka was just loitering in the temple, waiting for Jon, instead of making her way to the burial chamber herself and taking the Holocron before he gets there. Perhaps an offhand mention of Jon having the only map leading there through the Dark Temple's maze of passages, or if there were some sort of trap or defense that Reeka was waiting for Jon to defeat for her. Luckily the opponent closes this plot-hole in the next post, but they wont always be so generous.