Creon slammed his elbow into Jon’s sternum, once, twice, and the third time the mercenary started to let up just slightly. The soldier-turned-Jedi slammed one foot down on Jon’s toes, and his grip slackened. Creon twisted sudden and hard, and one arm came loose from his opponent’s hold. Before Jon could react, Creon slammed one palm forward, and invisible force sent him slamming backward into the wall.
“Don’t try and get into my head,” Creon panted. “You wouldn’t last long in there.” That little struggle had actually left him a bit winded, but at least he could sense the gungans were calming down slightly, even if there emotions were still taught as a wire.
“Duly noted, Creon,” Jon said as he rose to his feet, battered but not out. His grandfather may have taught him to avoid a fair fight whenever possible, but still made sure he knew how to hold his own in one, if cornered. Jon took a stance.
“Round two, then?”
“You look like you can barely stand, mercenary,” Creon snorted.
“Then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about, right Jedi?”
Creon actually smirked at that. A part of him wondered if they wouldn’t get along without the whole trying-to-kill-him thing. He took two steps toward his opponent and took a few experimental swings. Jon was getting used to his fighting style now though, and was getting better at avoiding or blocking the trained strikes.
One thing about military fighting styles, Jon had learned, was that they valued effectiveness and uniformity, and that held especially true for a group that was trying to copy and paste the old empire. The fighting styles were good, but predictable to a trained eye. But just because he could begin to predict his opponent, didn’t give the mercenary much edge. He was still on the defensive here. Should he try another trick to get Creon’s guard down? No, he wouldn't fall for that twice. Honestly, Jon was surprised he had fallen for it once.
A slam to the face brought him out of his reverie, a painful reminder to think fast.
“What’re you hoping to get out of this?” he grunted as he swiveled out of the way of a painful looking jab. “Think you’ll beat the answers out of me?”
“Something like that,” Creon said between breaths, before charging forward with a powerful kick. Jon wasn’t fast enough this time, and found himself sprawling on the ground, he rolled out of the way of another blow aimed for his head.
“I know you’re not out for yourself,” Creon continued as his opponent scrambled to his feet on the other side of the room, a bloody grimace now decorating his features. “All I want is a name.”
Jon sighed, careful not to let his guard down. “You’ve got to understand, right?” Jon said in an exasperated tone. Creon got the feeling this was the most sincere his opponent had been all night.
“Understand what? Why you tried to kill me?”
“Understand I have no motivation to give you what you want!” he half shouted. “I talk, the gungans ship me off, and my clients finds someone to put a knife between my ribs in prison!”
“You don’t, and the gungans ship you off anyway, and maybe your client kills you just in case,” Creon countered. This was good. His little brawl had finally managed to get the mercenary talking, even if it wasn’t what Creon wanted to hear. Not yet anyway.
“Not hearing much motivation.” Jon groused. This soldier boy of a Jedi really didn’t listen much did he?
“Than how about this:” Creon said as he picked up one of the overturned chairs and took a seat. “You give me a name, and I talk to the gungans-” Jon let out a bitter laugh.
“You saw what the aftermath of our scuffle outside looked like, right? You think they’ll let me go after-”
“The gungans want you gone, they told me as much themselves,” not entirely true, and Creon could sense their disquiet on the other side of the door. Too bad, he was making some real headway, finally.
“So I get to be your prisoner instead, is that what you’re getting at here?” Jon said, leaning against the wall with a bitter smirk on his face/
“Odan-Urr is a lot more accommodating than whoever you’re used to working for, I can assure you of that.” Creon said in an appeasing tone. “We’ll of course work to reform you-” Jon snorted at that- “And make sure no one kills you. In exchange, you tell me who wants me dead.”
“Creon, from what I gathered a lot of people want you dead.”
Creon resisted the urge to grit his teeth. The snark was a bad sign. The mercenary was slipping back into old habits, and they’d wind up back at square one again. He really didn’t feel like another round with this guy either.
“Fine,” he said, getting up to leave. “Have it your way. Enjoy gungan prison.” Now to see if Silvon called his bluff…
Creon was halfway out the door, when Jon called back.
“Creon,” and Creon turned to look back, face neutral to keep the anticipation of his face.
“I can’t give you a name because I never got one,” Jon said finally. “But what I can do….” Jon leaned forward, as though preparing to give away the greatest secret in the universe; for all Creon knew, he was. “....Is help you find them.”
Positive Takeaways
The syntax in the post was extremely clean, I couldn't manage to pin down any errors on my read through which is very admirable from a technical point of view.
From a story focused point of view I was very intrigued by the set-up. Starting with an interrogation, already imprisoned, right in the middle of the action is the sort of unique and interesting situation I love to see in the ACC
Can be Improved
The major issues I noticed with this post are story related, and can be summarized in the passage below
To begin with, there is a slight issue with linking to a previous post for context in the ACC. Each ACC match is supposed to stand on its own as a story, with no required knowledge of the characters histories or previous interactions. This is not to say you have to ignore previous interactions, or can't continue them in the ACC, but these previous incidents should be explained organically within the text rather than by linking out of it. As such, while this is by no means an error of itself, I have to grade as though I had no knowledge of this history outside of what the text presents.
With this in mind, a number of story issues arise from the posts reliance on the previous match. The setting, for instance, is mentioned as a Gungan prison but doesn’t have any real flavor or description to make it feel authentically Gungan, or give it any unique character. It feels like a blank, featureless room which comes off rather bland.
Secondly, the set-up starts with both characters disarmed. While this may make sense taking the previous fight into account, considering the fight as a stand-alone story it feels rather cheap and limiting to simply have them imprisoned and disarmed before the battle even begins. Assuming you planned out this scenario beforehand, you should have either both made blank character sheets to represent your disarmed state, or had your weapons returned to you shortly after the match begins.
Lastly, from a purely stylistic point of view, the writing uses a lot of short, simple sentences that make the writing feel very choppy. Varying up the sentence structure slightly could do a lot to improve the stories flow.