The JV-7 touched down gently, its repulsors blasting sand both down and away to form a temporary landing pad in the desert. As the hatch lowered, a man below average height, wrapped in robes stepped out and wasted little time in heading towards the superstructure of a fallen Destroyer which took up much of the horizon. He had no desire to be here for too long and he didn’t want the desert winds to bury his ship. The Taldryanite moved with purpose; he had a simple mission to accomplish. Meet this mysterious contact who was meant to have intelligence about the Collective, and return home to begin planning how best to use it. The information had come anonymously to the Clan, hence the sending of Andrelious. The assumption was that the veteran could handle whatever was waiting for them should it be a trap.
The fat, yellow sun hung low in the sky, sending shadows across the cracked surface leading up to the downed Destroyer. A dry gust of wind blew past him, causing his cloak to flutter around his shoulders. He let it go unheeded, and instead drew one of his sabers from its resting place on his belt and held it hidden against the inside of his forearm as he approached an opening in the wreckage. The Imperial sympathizer licked his lips, sensing another living being within his destination. His contact, perhaps, or an assassin? He had his share of enemies. A sudden, abrupt and resounding sound of impacts, like metal upon metal rolled out of the ship and across the dunes.
He stepped cautiously, allowing his vision to adapt to the darker interior. Even with the setting sun, there was plenty of light to see by — for now. Another crash was heard, and a ruined console hurtled past the Sith and bounced across the packed sand. Andrelious’s hand on his lightsaber hilts, caressing the weapon as if to gain some comfort. Leaning past the corner to see where the sounds were coming from, he spotted a towering monster of a man, clad in overlapping plates of chrome armor. In the man’s hand was an impressive hammer, its haft lit with an inner, blue light that filled the chamber the figure was, for whatever reason, demolishing.
“I hope this isn’t my contact,” muttered Andrelious to himself. He loudly cleared his throat, feeling no ill intent from the man before him. If this being had information to strike at the Collective, he would chance drawing their attention for now. The man turned, hammer held by the end of the haft with one hand, and gave the Sith a curious look. He had a dark mustache, blue skin, and glowing red eyes that seemed to bore into the Human.
”Ah! Good evening! I apologize if my calisthenics disturbed you! My name is—” the man’s booming voice was cut off by the ignition of a saber in Andrelious’s hand. The scarlet glow cast additional shadows, contrasting with the bigger man’s blue light.
“You are Stres’trong’armis, Chiss,” spoke the Warlord calmly.
Strong gave the little man a wide grin and seemed to puff his chest out under the armor.
”I see you’ve heard of me! Even this far into the Western Expanses I suppose tales of my combat prowess and legendary adventures have traveled!”
“I try to stay well apprised of those who I might have to fight,” spoke Andrelious. He had heard of the man, boisterous, loud, and as imposing as his name suggested. “You’re the bodyguard to that slovenly drunkard that sins on a false throne. So, this was a trap,” growled the Human, taking a step towards the man.
”I am afraid I don’t know what you mean by trap, my Master, whom you so malinger, sent me here to exercise. I do not know what your problem is with him, though I will admit his moral fiber is frustrating to deal with.” As Strong spoke he reached over to a nearby console that he’d not smashed, grasping the composite helmet that rested there. He settled it on to his head, certain this man meant him harm. From under the visor, he eyed the small Sith’s lightsaber and sighed to himself, dropping the head of his hammer to the floor with a clang and instead pulled his riot baton out. It crackled to life, the electricity running up and down the head as he spun it into position. His other hand reached back to grasp his riot shield, the garish yellow painful to the eye.
”You appear to be seeking battle, Sir. If that is your wish, then I shall indulge you, though I have no desire to cause you injury.”
Andrelious’s shook his head and glowered, grasping his weapon with both hands. He blinked as he heard a rumbling sound, the compartment they were in seemed to shake. His eyes were drawn to the chrome plated monster before him, who’d hunched down, shield set before him. The Sith steadied himself, brow furrowed as he saw a glow growing behind the Chiss, who was taking measured steps towards him. As he entered the Taldryanite’s range, the Human quickly struck, gritting his teeth when the blade was barely knocked aside by the baton. He almost managed to dodge Strong’s follow up riposte with the shield with a warning from the Force, but the larger man was far quicker than expected. The energy field struck him, and the Warlord’s robes did nothing to dissipate the shock.
The man’s muscles twitched as he fought for control, allowing the Force to flow through him. As he attempted to counterattack, the colossus before him took another step forward, and a gout of smoke came off the man’s back.
What!? was all the Sith had time to think before the pair of them seemed to launch out of the ruined ship and into the desert. The rocket pack on Garmis’s back sent them flying, and Andrelious felt a moment of concern, the wind and sand whipping past him as he accelerated backward. With a burst of telekinetic energy, he disentangled himself from the Chiss, deciding that tumbling across the desert was better than the Arconan bodyguard slamming him into, well, anything.
It still hurt. He skipped off the packed sand, praying that no debris caught him as he bounced once, twice, and finally lost enough inertia to roll. Slowly he pushed himself to his feet, feeling a soreness across his body, and reached to grasp his backup saber. He coughed, spitting out sand.
“I hate deserts,” he mumbled, looking up to see where the Chiss had landed.
Strong wasn’t the best pilot, but he’d managed to stop himself without turning into a chrome skipping stone. The big man was walking towards the Sith, exhaust trailing from his pack as the rocket pack cooled. Against the setting sun, he was a gleaming, intimidating sight.
"As I said, I wish you no harm! Leave now and I shall not pursue you," boomed the man, somehow the modulator in his helmet making him even louder. "Persist on this unprovoked violence, and I will not be responsible for how you fare."
Positive Takeaways
The use of bold to highlight Strong’s loud manner of speech is an excellent use of the formatting tools you have available to you.
This post was well-paced, especially for one pushing 1200 words. While the combat doesn’t actually start until about 750 words in, you used suspense and appropriate dialogue and character actions to keep the reader focused on the growing conflict while painting a detailed picture of the scene for the reader.
Can Be Improved
While this is grammatically correct in a purely technical sense, “sins on a false throne” is a bit awkward and does lead the reader to believe you meant “sits.”
While I appreciate the challenge of presenting a compelling fight between an NFU and an experienced Sith, your depiction of the action in this post did feel a bit one sided in Strong’s favor. It was almost as if you were overcompensating. This didn’t rise to the level of a realism error in any particular instance but it did take some away from your story potential. A general principle to keep in mind for future matches is if one character has consistent successes in their combat actions in your post while another does not, you may want to reevaluate how you’re depicting the action to maintain dramatic tension.