The Augur watched as the Technocrat warrior crashed face first at the base of the eastern rock stairs. The blade had sunk deep into the tempral lobe, slamming to the rock floor face first entombed the knife even deeper, nearly to its hilt Blood began to pool around the Technocrat’s head, staining the ancient rocks crimson. From A’lora’s view, it looked as if this would-be assasin’s head was suspending itself off the rock floor. The corpse’s nervous system emitted a wave of electricity through its body, causing massive full body convulsions.
“Don’t think for one second that squares our matters assassin.…” A’lora said in a malevolent undertone.
DarkHawk never waivered his eyes off the Augur, by this time he was quite versed in how dangerous she could be. But this exchange was merely a distraction, the mission still needed to be accomplished. The sound of footsteps approached, four Techncrats crested through the forest line and began charging down the rock stairase. One adorned quite impressive cybernetic legs, spinning a rather nemesing vibro-ax. Using the power beind his cybernetics, the guild member lept from the top of the stairs and onto the arena floor.
“You’re about to get a chance to make it up to me Ma’am…” DarkHawk said sarcastically.
A’lora rolled her eyes and scoffed at the comment. The Togruta was directing her attention to the three guild members baring down on her. For a split second, the Augur considered unstrapping her quarterstaffs and dispencing a beat down of epic proportions. “These clowns are disrupting my mission…” she exclaimed to herself.
Her anger stirring, A’lora tightened her grip on the double-bladed saber, feeling the contour of her death weilding instrument’s handgrip melt into her. That rage unleased a fury of Form Seven Juyo attacks by the Augur. She allowed herself to surrender to her teachings as she had so many times before in combat. Her techniques remained precise, A’lora ravaged through the first two guild members. A dense cloud of blood and machine oil engulfed the scene as the Togruta cleaved her saber strikes through both cybernetic and organic parts of her assailants.
DarkHawk wasted no time attacking the axe weilding brute in front of him. The guild member took an overhead counter-clockwise swipe at the charging Shaevalian. Dropping to his knees, the Equite slid under the blow and slightly behind the over extending Technocrat. DarkHawk popped up to his feet and executed a potent skipping side kick to the base of the guild member’s spine. The Battlelord’s heal slammed precisely into his opponent lumbar, what should have sounded similar to snapping twigs, consisted more of a dense vibration of flesh.
Spinning clockwise, the Quaestor drop to one knee again, using multiple Juyo strikes of his own, severed through the right leg of the guild member. As the leg seperated, the amputation caused the cybernetic assailant to crash down towards the stone floor. Before the half man, half machine completely hit the ground, DarkHawk split the brute’s skull with his cobalt blade, peeling the organic tissue of his brain back like ripe fruit.
A’lora squared herself off against the last guild member. His blaster at the ready and she could feel his trigger finger as he fired. Instantly the Togruta brought up her right hand and raised her Force barrier. The blaster bolts had little chance against the Augur’s well trained Tutaminis. The guild member’s last coherant vison was of A’lora severing his blaster hand, then all went dark. The guild member’s head rolled off the edge of the arena and fell into the depths of the trench below.
DarkHawk was rummaging through the pockets of the dead Technocrat’s outer coat when the Augur caught his attention. DarkHawk rolled out of the way of an incoming saber strike, his roll placed him dangerously close to the arena’s edge.
“YOU!!!!!! Your interference with my mission is egregious…Sith…” A’ora sneered. She held her saber with one hand, at her four o’clock ready for the final battle.
DarkHawk standing, deactivated his saber, placing it back on his utility belt.
“What…what are you doing?” she demanded. A’lora drank from the Force, feeding her farsight. Only visons of blood and the stone floor were present. She adeptly moved right into her ability of illusion. Before she could bridge her connection, a blast of Force lighting engulfed her entire body. The Augur staggered back, realizing the blow was not meant to eradicate, but just enough to break her concentration.
That mere act was a nothing more than an insult to A’lora as if the Battlelord just spat in her face. She reared back ready to charge when DarkHawk began to float an apocalyptic looking holocron and a leather pouch in front of him. A’lora’s eyes narrowed in on the Battlelord, “That belongs to me..” she exclaimed.
DarkHawk, now taking the holocron between his thumb and forefinger, “I told you Ma’am, what you are looking for belongs to the Sith…” he said with a devious smile. In one fluid motion, he sent the pouch across the arena to the Augur. The Equite dropped it at A'lora's feet, she looked down and was almost astonished at the number of credits the pouch contained.
“For your inconvenience Ma’am,” DarkHawk said. A’lora realizing she had momentarily taken her gaze off the Sadowan. She looked up to watch the Battlelord step off the arena and into the abyss.
“NOOOOOOOO…..” she screamed.
DarkHawk tucked himself into a ball and transition himself into a dive. Gaining enough speed from the plunge, the Equite depressed a button on his gauntlet, which extracted a large pair of wings housed within his wingpack. The mechanical appendages cut through the air and allowed the Quaestor to glide safely through the enourmous ravine.
What Went Well
Incorporating The Venue
Several times throughout the post the venue is used to establish that the conflict is taking place in a specific location. What I particularly liked is that more than just being a background to the fight, the environment is used to affect the conflict taking place between the characters. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to vary how it’s done. There’s a lot of mentions of the dais which gets repetitive, synonyms or just using other parts of the environment would help with this.
Can Be Improved
Consistency of English Variant
I’ve chosen to highlight this particular passage from the post because it’s something that can be easily fixed. So in the extract, the post uses the British English spelling of coloured whereas every other example of words being used that have different spellings between British and American English uses the American English variant over the British English spelling. I would suggest taking a little bit of extra time to ensure the consistency throughout the post, potentially getting a second or third pair of eyes to catch things.