The wind stirred the leaves fallen from the ancient tree - a sentinel overlooking the courtyard since time immemorial. It swept them into a miniature cyclone, dancing to and fro about Celevon’s booted feet. He stopped for a moment, pulled off his helmet and closed his eyes, simply breathing. Selen wasn’t his birth world. This high up, the usual cloying stenches of a city were gone and the air was clean. It didn’t smell of the slums of Corellia’s Coronet city where Celevon had been born. Nor did it smell of the wild jungle ranges of Onderon, where the Odanite had crashed and lost his memories. No, this was a different smell of home. It was crisp, cold and pure. There were the barest traces of moss covering some of the shadier portions of stonework around him, giving a musty undertone. On top of that, there were hints of-
Celevon’s brow creased slightly. There were hints of citrus and gun-oil. They were only detectable for two reasons; Celevon had smelled them innumerable times before, and because he was expecting them.
Opening his silvery eyes, the half-echani turned in a slow circle, keeping his hands open and by his sides. The usual guards and sharpshooters were absent. In fact, the courtyard was deserted.
“After all this time, it feels weird to call you ‘Master.’” Celevon remarked to the empty courtyard, his lip tugging into a smirk.
Silence answered him. The leaves stirred again, and the Jedi closed his eyes once more, letting that tickling, niggling voice in his head come to the fore. It was a different mind, but not a foreign one. It was barely an effort to feel Sashar’s consciousness, feel the elements of wry humour and supreme confidence.
“Alright, let’s see where this goes.” Celevon murmured to himself as he drew the kerambit.
Sashar walked from behind a pillar, twirling a throwing knife around his fingers. “Long time no see, ad’ika.” He said amiably, his dark brown eyes alight with a joke he thought only he got.
Celevon rolled his shoulders, struggling not to adopt a ready stance. “Yeah. I’m here on business for Odan Urr, but… I’m guessing that’ll have to wait.”
“Kid, you got that right.” Sashar replied, smirking.
“Battle Circle rules?”
Sashar shook his head in a negative, then twisted his head from side to side, cracking his neck. “Nah. Let’s see if that expensive cutlery you’ve got there is of any use first.”
Celevon drew the Sith dagger in his off-hand, wielding it with the blade pointing down towards the ground in a reverse grip.
“Nice dagger.” Sashar remarked at the alchemically treated blade, then his attention turned to the sheathed sword. “Nice sword.”
Shrugging off his cloak, Sashar discarded the concussion rifle strapped across his back, tossing it carelessly atop the discarded material. His eyes never leaving his former apprentices’, the Mandalorian then drew his lightsaber, casually pressing down on the activation stud. The short cyan blade blazed into existence and Sashar brought it up to his face, pointing the tip at Celevon.
“What’s with you and shotos? Why sacrifice the reach?” Celevon asked as he adopted a ready stance, slowly moving to the side, mirroring Sashar doing the same.
Sashar’s smile was predatory. “It lets me get up personal with the deader. Plus, I always like being able to slap them around a bit before filleting them. Besides, you’re not one to talk with those two little steak-knives.”
Celevon grinned and twirled both of his weapons in a flourish, drawing Sashar’s eyes momentarily towards them.
The Adept’s eyebrows shot up at the motion. “You thieving little hu’tuun! That’s my kerambit!”
Celevon laughed and glanced down at the Shadesworn sigil on the blade. “I guess it was. It was very generous of you to leave it for me after you died.”
“Gar shab’ika, I left it locked in a crate in my room. That’s hardly a bequeathment now, is it?”
Celevon’s rare smile widened once more and he moved to close the distance, slashing out experimentally with the blade, spinning it on his finger like a talon lashing out. Sashar simply leant to one side, not even bothering to parry and the kerambit’s blade missed his abdomen by half a dozen inches. He was also ready for the stab from the dagger at his right arm. Again, he leant back and batted the blade away with his lightsaber. The Adept backed up a pace, keeping a little space between them as he watched his former apprentice carefully, trying to discern a pattern in his movements.
Something primal stirred within the Proconsul. He’d fought Sashar literally hundreds of times when apprenticed to him and the turnout had almost always been the same. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d actually managed to best the Mandalorian. But he’d grown a lot over the years; his skill was nearly that of the Elder’s. This time, he’d have a fighting chance, and they both knew it.
As one, they closed for another exchange. Celevon’s dagger slashed out twice; once at the Mandalorian’s stomach and another at his thigh. The shoto knocked aside both blows and Sashar leant back and swatted away Celevon’s outstretched arm, the kerambit scything out once more at his eyes. Instead of backing up again, the Elder stepped forward into Celevon’s space, keeping the dagger at bay with his saber and the kerambit unable to do any damage with his own arm pressed up against Celevon’s. He slammed his head down in an approximation of a Keldabe Kiss and the Odanite reeled backwards, his nose hurt but not broken. Blood poured freely down his face and Celevon smirked through it, lending him a decidedly demonic air.
“That’s why I like the shoto, ad’ika.”
Celevon swiped at the blood on his lip with the back of his arm and nodded in appreciation. “First blood to both of us, then.”
Sashar blinked, unsure if he’d misheard his former apprentice. By way of explanation, Celevon turned the kerambit’s blade around, and there was a rivulet of bright red blood running down from the tip over the Shadesworn sigil.
The Elder’s expression changed from one of confusion to incredulity and his free hand went up to his ear, feeling the new nick in the lobe where he must’ve been caught as he pulled back.
“If that was poisoned, you’d be begging for the antidote right about now.” Celevon remarked, resetting into his ready stance.
Sashar shook his head ruefully, wiping the blood off his fingers on the leg of his armour. “If that was poisoned, I’d be beating the antidote out of you.” He countered.
“Buy me dinner first, Master.” Celevon shot back, twisting the last word sardonically.
Again, they waded in, both fuelling their movements with the Force and Celevon privately marvelled. Sashar was a maelstrom in a bottle; the sheer breadth of his potency in the Force was a wonder to behold. That was not to say, however, that Sashar wasn’t secretly impressed and a little proud of Celevon’s own control in the mystical art. The Odanite matched him blow for blow, neither of them taking an advantage. Cyan blade met the even shorter dagger, sparking off the alchemically treated weapon and he moved his body around the kerambit’s lightning slashes. The exchange lasted a few minutes and they ranged around the courtyard, both looking for an advantage the terrain could offer, but neither capitalised. It ended when Sashar received a slash across his cheek from the dagger which he hadn’t moved far enough back to block and in return scored a scorch on Celevon’s thigh which came distinctly close to burning through the armour.
They both backed up, panting slightly. Sweat mingled with blood from the cut and Sashar winced, swiping at his cheek with his hand. He backed up a trio of paces, briefly glancing up at the sun, now at its zenith, beating down on them both. Wordlessly, he deactivated his saber and tossed it onto his discarded cloak, then began unstrapping his armour at the shoulders.
He stripped off the garment to the waist, then called back his lightsaber telekinetically, grinning as Celevon mirrored him, removing the plates and top of his beskar’gam.
“Too hot and boring, eh ner’vod?” Sashar asked as he watched, the lightsaber held ready but not activated.
“What’s the point of sparring when there’s no actual danger?” Celevon answered, swiping his hair from his face, sheathing both the dagger and the kerambit. Instead, he drew the Sith sword, marvelling as the sun glinted off the polished surface.
“Now you’re talking.” Sashar said wolfishly, activating his saber.
Positive Takeaways
You have a clear and present mastery of description and dialogue, everything from the presentation of the setting to the way the characters interact is natural and extremely pleasing to read. You obviously have a firm grasp on the aesthetic elements of writing and the quality of the prose alone was more than enough to keep me interested in how the story progressed.
Can be Improved
A few minor syntax mistakes, nothing big.
I’m not a fan at all of this set-up. The problem with the “friendly spar” conceit is that, to an outside observer, it is utterly uninteresting. I have no reason to care one way or the other about these two fighting, because I have next to no idea of their relationship. They might as well be perfect strangers to me, or any outside observer. Just watching them have a friendly brawl doesn’t have any sort of narrative stakes, any sort of outcome or consequence that I can get behind as, in the end, they’re not going to kill each other and neither of them have anything to really gain. In these sorts of situations you absolutely have to introduce some sort of underlying, deeper conflict that the “friendly spar” can resolve, or it’s just meaningless fluff.
Something I’m going to mention to both of you is to watch the foreign, alien words. I understand that they mean something significant between the two characters, but ACC posts aren’t written for just the authors, you have to keep the audience in mind. Sprinkling in these weird, foreign words and specific martial arts techniques like candy every few paragraphs only serves to confuse and bewilder the reader. You might have perfect knowledge of your characters backstory and what these things mean, but the audience does not.