Reaver Satsi Tameike Arconae vs. Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Reaver Satsi Tameike Arconae

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Mercenary, Weapons Specialist
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
Comment

Tsk tsk tsk. 1381 matches later and you two are still at it. Can’t we all just get along?

In all seriousness, I'm very glad to see you both still standing tall as pillars of the modern ACC, and it feels a bit unjust that only one of you will be advancing to the next round. Your high scores and how close this match was just serves to underscore that; ultimately, this match was decided by a few typos and a pair of minor realism errors, both of which were quibbling enough that I had to get multiple judges to weigh in. When things are that close, it makes for an agonizing judgment.

Nevertheless, there can be only one, and today Andrelious J Mimosa-Inahj is the victor. Good luck in the next round, and I hope I’m still reading your work another 1380 matches down the line.

Archenksov
Combat Master

Hall Spring 2019 ACC Championship
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Reaver Satsi Tameike Arconae, Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Reaver Satsi Tameike Arconae's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nal Hutta: Winter Palace
Last Post 16 April, 2019 11:57 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: Isolated punctuation issues. Rationale: Infrequent misspellings.
Story - 40%
Deleted Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: You’ve got a strong grip on pacing and story structure that served you well here. Rationale: Strong and evocative writing, as I've come to expect. What held you back from a 5 is that both posts devoted about half of their content to the same type of exchange.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors that we were able to identify. Rationale: Two minor issues with Force powers, namely Healing in your first post and Telekinesis in your final.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors that we were able to identify. Rationale: No errors that we were able to identify.
Deleted's Score: 4.52 Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir's Score: 4.4
Posts

Nal Hutta Winter Palace

Seated within the Glorious Jewel of the Hutts, the Winter Palace is situated on a remote island near the planet’s equator. Although blanketed with the pollution from Hutt industry, its location makes the climate hot and humid. Surrounded with trees and vines, it could be considered to be a paradise, even among the barren wasteland of Nal Hutta. Outside of the Winter Palace, a network of sewer pipes transfer the waste from the palace to wherever seems far enough to dump into the oceans surrounding the island. Flora and fauna that have adapted to the Hutt’s environmental changes thrive in the polluted forests surrounding the Winter Palace.

Stepping through its gilded gates, the lavish interior serves as the main audience chamber. Once belonging to the wealth of Jiliac Desilijic Tiron, the gleaming stone of the main aisle leads up to a Hutt’s dais lined with an expensive carpet. Beautiful tapestries line the high walls, telling of the sordid histories of those who woven them, awaiting execution in Jiliac’s dungeons.

Finally, the antechamber to the "throne" room is illuminated from above with high-skylighted ceilings. Constructed from lightly colored stone, the antechamber might have been where the late Hutt entertained his guests before an audience with spice and exotic dancers. In the hands of the Hutt Kajidics, however, these traditions have continued as the Winter Palace now serves as a front for criminal and business ventures that come and go.

Having become used to living atop a mountain among ice and snow, Andrelious had grown to hate hotter weather. The fact that he was about to meet with a Hutt didn’t do much to improve his mood.

Although still dressed in the clothing he usually wore whilst acting as Quaestor of Archanis, Andrelious was visiting Nal Hutta on family business. His father, Parck, was being harassed by a bunch of thugs that Andrelious, with the help of Taldryan’s intelligence network, managed to trace back to a Hutt who appeared to be called Umunna. Various leads indicated that Umunna resided somewhere on Nal Hutta, but the trail ran cold at the winter palace.

Andrelious moved into the antechamber, far from certain if Umunna was at the palace, or even if anyone at the palace would have even heard of him. He spotted an unusually muscular looking Human female a short distance away. The Sith paused; he could see that the woman was heavily armed; approaching her wrongly would likely prove deadly.

The woman turned her head to regard the Archanis Quaestor.

“You ain’t gettin’ in there,” she announced plainly in an accent that Andrelious immediately found incredibly unpleasant.

“And who exactly are you to tell me that, Miss?” the Seeker questioned crossly.

The female chuckled. “I’m not sure that’s any of yer karkin’ business. Tell yer daddy that Umunna’s not stoppin’ till he gets his money. Understand, darlin’?”

“There’s not going to be any money. We’d never even heard of Umunna before his people showed up,” Andrelious snapped.

“Yer not a good liar. But yer ballsy, I’ll give yer that. No wonder yer parents sent you,” Satsi replied. She didn’t need the Force to know that the short man before her was rapidly getting incredibly angry with her.

“I’m going to give you one chance, girl. Stand aside and let me deal with Umunna. Or would you rather see a demonstration of what I will do to that overgrown slug?” Mimosa-Inahj growled, his eyes glinting yellow as the dark side fed off his increasing fury.

It’s time. Satsi thought to herself.

“I can’t be doin’ that. Because yer not gonna find Umunna in there. Or anywhere,” the female stated matter-of-factly.

“Are you telling me someone’s already dealt with him?” Andrelious demanded.

“No, darlin’. There’s no Umunna the Hutt. Yer’ve been taken in,” Satsi explained calmly.

The former Shadow Lord was quite pleased with herself. The men that had threatened Parck Inahj were in reality Arconan agents. Satsi was hoping to draw Andrelious away from the safety of the Caelus system. As the ex-Imperial was now a Quaestor in Taldryan, he had access to an impressive amount of resources. Resources that Satsi feared could be turned on Arcona, and more importantly, her family. She wasn’t sure that Andrelious would hurt her daughter, but she was sure that the former Arconan still bore a grudge against many of the Shadow Clan’s most senior members; and that Andrelious wasn’t one to let such things lie.

“I drew ya here. To sort things out away from your friends. Away from that wife of yers. Yer a threat, suga. To those I love,” the female explained, her calmness beginning to evaporate.

“I don’t care if Umunna is real or not. Somebody sent thugs to my father. If you’re saying that was you, then it is you who will pay for that,” Andrelious hissed.

“One chance for you, darlin’. Back off. Leave me and my family alone. Poppy and Etty. They meant a lot to Pigtails. Just go and be their daddy,” Satsi answered.

The mention of the twins’ names was the final straw. He took a single step towards the taller Human, but didn’t reach for any of his weapons.

Satsi knew exactly what was about to happen; she dove out of the way just in time to save herself from electrocution as lightning sparked from the Taldryanite’s fingers.

“That was yer best chance, suga. But now I must deal with yer,” the female announced, drawing her slugthrower.

“I am afraid you are mistaken, girl. It is I who will deal with you!” Andrelious retorted, finally activating his silver hilted lightsaber.

Just keep moving. He can’t get me if I don’t keep still!

Moff Alethia Archenksova, 22 April, 2019 2:12 PM UTC

What Went Well

While not perfect, your posts were both very clean and easy to read from a Syntax standpoint.

This is an interesting premise, and while it’s a novelty for me to see a match kicked off by someone’s concern for a parent, I think it works more effectively for these two characters in particular that it would for most. Satsi and Andrelious are perhaps the two most family-driven characters in the Brotherhood. They’re also both people who’ve had trouble getting away from the scars of their past. Now we get to see those things come to a head.

Food for Thought

The Sith paused; he could see that the woman was heavily armed; approaching her wrongly would likely prove deadly.

Depending on the context, using multiple semicolons in a list may be acceptable. However, when using them to join independent clauses, you should limit yourself to one per sentence.

You took your time ramping up to the violence, but in the end, there was very little combat here.

Before another heartbeat had passed, Satsi cocked the hammer, aimed, and pulled the trigger.

The shots cracked off, three in quick succession, each a marrow-jolting kick up her arm. Andrelious was quick, slicing through the hot soup of Nal Hutta's air to intercept the bullets with his blade. They vaporized on contact, just more ash for the polluted planet.

The counter was no more than expected though, and Satsi moved. She pivoted and ran, torso still angled towards the Sith so she could fire another salvo. The doughy man scowled as the Force guided his movements, preternatural but not entirely fast enough to block all the shots. Razor lines of steel bit into his flesh, drawing blood, one bullet nearly burying in the meat of his shoulder. The Taldyran yelled as he moved to follow her, channeling the Dark into his form to close his cuts with sutures of shadow.

The woman was much faster than him, and it showed. The swampy gardens of vines and plants around the palace gave way to noxious forest as her feet ate up ground. She glanced behind her to see Andrelious stumbling through the brush after her, huffing and sweating visibly in the heat. Satsi, full of energy and adrenaline, just kept sprinting.

Just a little farther… she thought, reloading as she ran while trying to keep her bearings in a woodland she knew nothing about. Somewhere nearby was where she'd left her droid and ship, waiting to surprise the Sith. If she just kept moving—

Something jerked like a vice around her ankle, yanking hard. Satsi promptly tripped and went down, face slamming into a tree trunk. The force of the blow blackened her vision, and as she struggled past the swimming dark, she was barely aware of slumping listlessly into a wide, shallow pool, muddy water filling her mouth and nose. She sputtered and choked, pushing herself upright, dazed. Pain pounded in her skull.

When she could glare past the spots in her vision, the ground behind her was… clear. No large roots to trip on...

Booted feet entered her line of sight.

Andrelious sneered down at her from a meter away, his yellow eyes victorious. Satsi snarled when she realized what he'd done.

"Frakking sparkfinger," she swore, going for her dropped gun, but not fast enough.

He thrust out a hand and hissed with words laced with power, "Tell me what you know about my family!"

Satsi's eyes seemed to glaze and unfocus slightly while blood trickled freely down between them, her features losing some of the tight viciousness of her snarl. The sudden compulsion to tell the man before her everything, anything, whatever he asked, was overpowering. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't stop herself, like she was watching herself from under her own skin. Her mouth moved against her will, each word spitten and chewed and vomited up from behind clenched teeth that tried and failed to hold them in.

"You're Andrelious Mimosa-Inhaj, born of Parck and Lincon Inahj in 8 BBY on Dantooine, forty-six years old. You lived and worked around Byss, were a loyal Imperial, then joined this Shadows-damned place and married to Kookimarrisa, Alderannian, forty-seven. Former Arconans both, you got excommunicated for treason and ran with your family. You have two daughters and one son by your current wife, Poppeli- and Eth-something, born 32 ABY by Atyiru, their godmother, and Mostynn, born 35 ABY. You have a bastard daughter, Sasika Ortega, age thirty, also former Arconan," she rattled off, unmoving as strange insects landed on her or buzzed by.

"What else? You want to tell me."

"You're Quaestor of Arachnis, wartime famous, and specialize mostly in saber combat, piloting, and frakking people over with yer powers. Your manipulative-ass wife seems similar but doesn't seem to know a cockpit from whatever's 'tween your legs. Kids are too early to measure as threats, and I didn't like thinking about it, haven't ever since I had my baby girl, so I didn't do any deep digging on them even though I really should've."

The flood of information had bloated the Sith's face violet with rage. "What do you plan to do with them?" he demanded, nothing but protective fury. He paced nearer, looming over the taller woman. One hand was still outstretched to aid his focus, saber burning in his other.

"Kill them," Satsi spat back, face a slowly crumbling rictus as she struggled against the onslaught of his mental scourge. She convulsed, twitched, snarled. Her jaw snapped shut briefly before she opened it again, gasping out, "I went back and forth a lot on not killing the twin girls because it frakking bothers me, too much like me and my brother, and they're kids, frak that bothers me these days, but I know better, I KNOW better, so I was gonna kill them anyway."

"And how did you hope to do that?" interrogated the father, throwing all his hatred into the question, a lance to her mind. "I want to know so that I can revisit on your family exactly as you planned for mine! You won't get a quick death." He deactivated his blade to punctuate his promise.

"Wait for when everybody's asleep in yer little mountain house, seal up the place and fill it with dioxis gas. Takes out the threat of the mother, puts the kids to sleep, they won't even feel it much, to be kind about it. Put two holes between each of their eyes once it's over tah be sure. Then burn the whole place down and go find Sasika Ortega. Kill her too. Kill anyone who mourned you. I deal with my enemies right; kill them all and no one is left to come for me and mine later and I— I. Frakking. Will not let you touch them!"

She screamed. His control frayed and broke. Andrelious swore.

Satsi's hand snapped up, raising her gun again from where her limbs had gone pliant, and aimed two shots point-blank right for his head.

Moff Alethia Archenksova, 22 April, 2019 2:13 PM UTC

What Went Well

You dumped a lot of exposition into a middle post, so it was clever to begin and end with strong action sequences to balance things out a bit. While that exposition probably went on a little bit longer than necessary, it did provide some excellent characterization for both Satsi and, to a lesser extent, Andrelious.

Food for Thought

There were repeated misspellings of things related to Andrelious, e.g. ‘Arachnis’ for ‘Archanis’ and ‘Sasika’ for ‘Saskia.’

At first I thought that Andrelious was completely healing a gunshot wound within seconds, which exceeds the capabilities of Healing, but on a closer reading it’s clear that the wound is relatively superficial. However, Andrelious seems to use the power while running full-tilt through the jungle and being shot at.

She pivoted and ran, torso still angled towards the Sith so she could fire another salvo… The Taldyran yelled as he moved to follow her, channeling the Dark into his form to close his cuts with sutures of shadow… She glanced behind her to see Andrelious stumbling through the brush after her, huffing and sweating visibly in the heat.

So while you’re ok when it comes to the amount of time required to heal the injury sustained (“Superficial cuts and bruises can be healed in a matter of seconds”), Andrel does still need to pause and concentrate for the duration of time it takes him to patch himself up. Healing “under duress, or during battle” falls under +4 in the power description. He does not need to stationary or meditating, but upon consultation with the judges we think that this is an excessively difficult situation for Andrelious to maintain full concentration on the task at hand.

The closeness of Satsi’s weapon would have given a normal man no time to act, but the Force had already screamed a warning at Andrelious, whose hastily reactivated lightsaber was swinging through the air to intercept the inbound slugs.

The female cursed, but there was no time to pause. Andrelious was gunning for her even before he’d discovered exactly who she was, and now her intent to hurt his beloved family was out in the open. Satsi would suffer if the Taldryanite managed to gain the upper hand, but the female was not about to give him a chance to take control of the conflict.

The former Shadow Lord prepared to fire off another salvo, but she was knocked off balance as Andrelious focused the Force into an invisible battering ram. Satsi had planted her feet well enough to avoid falling, but the move gave her opponent a little time to try something else.

The Seeker directed another burst of lightning straight at the stumbling Arconan, but Satsi was already on the move, seemingly desperate to get back to her ship and away from the fuming Andrelious. As she started to sprint away, she turned and fired her slugthrower, keeping the Taldryanite busily fending slugs off rather than trying new ways to harm the female.

Satsi allowed herself a brief smile as she finally spotted the small clearing where she’d landed her ship. Her would-be killer was still giving chase, but she’d managed to place enough daylight between the two of them to comfortably reach the Blood.

Sensing that he was once again closing in on his prey, Andrelious spotted the jet black freighter and listened carefully for the telltale sound of repulsorlifts. He didn’t know Satsi well enough to rule out her attempting to escape, or even run him over with her ship, but as he approached, he spotted her pacing about as if waiting for him. She almost appeared to be discussing something with somebody, but the Sith could only sense one being.

This game’s about to end!

Andrelious wasn’t the kind to approach with stealth. He was too heavy on his feet and lacked the calmness. He was all about finishing a job as quickly and effectively as possible. As he neared Satsi, he realised that she had been talking to an old Imperial KX-Droid.

“And just what is that antique going to do to me?” the Sith taunted.

“It’s from yer Empire. Why don’t yer tell me?” Satsi answered calmly, throwing a small metal cylinder towards Andrelious’ feet. The device immediately started to emit its contents, throwing the Sith into a brief panic. He backpedalled from the smoking grenade, only to find himself in the path of Satsi’s onrushing droid.

Andrelious, though unable to sense the droid in the Force, spotted the Sith dagger, identical to his own, in one of the droid’s hands.

“So predictable,” the Sith admonished, his lightsaber raised to block the incoming dagger. The droid paused, appearing to need a moment to consider the situation, but Andrelious was already countering. His scarlet blade sliced through the knees of the droid, rendering it useless.

“Ah just needed a distraction,” Satsi announced.

Andrelious craned his neck towards the female. He’d been expecting her to flee, but she was instead aiming the business end of a rocket launcher straight for him. Without hesitation, Satsi fired, but the Taldryanite, quickly realising that the payload was designed to deal with slow moving armour columns, stepped aside. The rocket, continuing on its straight, unaided trajectory, slammed into a nearby tree.

“Did you really think that would work?” Andrelious questioned mockingly.

“Mighta got lucky. Yer are pretty slow,” Satsi responded.

“I’m going to end this. And then, I’m going for your brother,” the Seeker stated.

The woman started to reach for something on her lower back.

One final surprise!

Andrelious closed in, expecting to be able to easily best the seemingly unarmed Arconan with his lightsaber. To his amazement, his attack was blocked by another lightsaber blade.

“Weren’t expectin’ that one were yer?” the female teased.

Andrelious didn’t answer. Fatigue was starting to set in. He wanted the encounter to end soon, but Satsi, still seemingly full of energy, was never going to make anything easy. Even without the Force she seemed fully capable with a lightsaber, her extra speed and strength giving the Taldryanite a very serious test of his bladesmanship.

As he prepared to block Satsi’s latest attack, Andrelious heard the Force screaming a warning. Sure enough, the Arconan performed a feint at the last moment, but Mimosa-Inahj was ready. He dropped to his knees, watching as his enemy’s blade sliced harmlessly through the air. As Satsi was carried forward by her momentum, Andrelious dropped his lightsaber and blasted her with just enough lightning to stun her.

Satsi slumped to the ground, her back scorched from the Sith’s attack.

Andrelious climbed back to his feet, panting heavily as he retrieved his temporarily discarded lightsaber.

“I’m sure your information about me includes exactly how I use my other lightsaber. But you won’t be seeing that today. That is for those who deserve a quick death. You threatened my family. You don’t get that luxury,” the Sith explained, drawing his dagger.

“And you’ll also know that I save this for special occasions,” Andrelious continued, slowly walking towards his fallen enemy.

Gripping his dagger tightly in his right hand, the Quaestor moved to stab Satsi through the back of her neck, his intent to sever her windpipe. As he moved his arm back, the female rolled onto her back, firing her slugthrower even as she winced with pain. Unable to block the slug, Andrelious felt a hot, searing sensation burrow its way through his chest. Then everything went black.

“Yer safe, brother,” Satsi panted, managing a smile at her latest kill.

But this isn’t over...

Moff Alethia Archenksova, 25 April, 2019 5:11 PM UTC

What Went Well

You gave us lots of action in this post, and did so with exceptionally clean syntax.

I think the actions in this post reflected all four of the characters’ combat aspects in a meaningful way, which is always nice to see. I wasn’t expecting Satsi to eek out a victory there at the end, but it was cool to see my expectations subverted.

And, as I mentioned in your first post, it was satisfying to see both characters’ love of their families be the driving motivation of an ACC match, particularly in this case.

Food for Thought

The sequence in which Andrelious effortlessly dispatched the droid and then the rocket felt almost too easy, but given his troubles at both the beginning and end of this post that’s a quibble. As I mentioned in the match comments, this was not a match that presented my with much to complain about.

Click.

Click.

Satsi gaped at the gun, then at Andrelious. His eyes were wide in panic, but his gaze was fixed on her weapon. A second passed.

Then, a manic smile bloated over the Sith's features and he laughed. The Mercenary dared glance away long enough to see the safety on her pistol had indeed been flicked on, and she felt a curl of dread.

Satsi jerked backwards, throwing herself aside in a splashing roll, and came up on her feet. The sudden rush of vertigo, however, had her staggering as she did, backing blindly away. She lifted her gun again only for it to be ripped out of her hands by the same damned Force that had disabled it and tripped her. The woman snarled, reaching for her lightsaber and activating it.

Andrelious panted for breath and smirked with only teeth. He didn't reignite his saber or stalk closer. Instead, he splayed his fingers and light gathered around them.

Lightning burst into being, white claws lunging in multiple directions at once. Some arced directly for her, while others exploded into the trees just beside her, and others still touched to the puddles in which she stood. Wood superheated and burst, spraying splintered shards that sliced her, while the electricity sizzled through the water and burned up into her form and through her nerves.

There wasn't even a scream. She only felt a brief few seconds of frozen pain vibrating down to her marrow and gums, seconds that seemed like an eternity, before there was just—

Nothing.

Cold awareness trickled back in, and with it the agony. All her muscles were unspooled but sore, the unrelenting ache in her chest feeling as though she'd been hit by a speeder. Her collapsed body sluggishly responded as she heard the other Human approach.

He, like so many before him, snatched her by the roots of her hair and lifted her upright to her knees, shaking her.

"I'm going to shred your mind," he hissed. "I'm going to find out everything that terrifies you and inflict it tenfold. You are unworthy of that lightsaber, and unworthy of even this dirtball's air. Someone like you will never be a threat to my family. You will never see yours again, either." He shook her more, and she jerked at the feeling of a presence rifling inside her skull. "A twin brother, hmm? That coward Uji Tameike. And a daughter? With him?"

It sounded like the man might vomit. She hoped he did.

"Disgusting. But I will not harm her. Not a child. No, I'll wait. And when she is grown, I will end her just like you and your precious brother. So let us see what secrets you have, Tameike."

Satsi writhed even as she felt him invading her head again. Pure anger, a sister's and a wife's and a mother's, filled her. She wouldn't let him hurt her family.

She wouldn't let him.

Her eyes cracked open and Satsi met his gaze, glare damning.

"You want in my mind? Fine. Take it. Take it all," she snarled. She thought of every bit of pain, every bit of violence, every bit of violation. The smell of her own skin and fat burning, the pull of it peeling away, edges clinging to an iron. The pressure of her skull pressed into the ground, and the straining tear of her hamstrings as she tried to keep her legs closed when they were forced open, when body parts were forced wherever they pleased. The slimy shine of her own intestines gathered in her hands, and the worse sight of bloody water swirling around her waist, all that was left of a baby beat out of her. The taste metal and gunpowder left on her tongue, and the salt of her own tears.

She thought about of it all as hard as she could, plunging both hands into the depths of the memories she daily repressed and dragging the rot to the surface. She could remember each instance as if it was happening to her then, and she let them have her, crawl over her skin and close her throat.

And she let them have him too.

Andrelious made a noise like a dying animal, strangled and wet and high. He released her and flinched in on himself, back curling, legs clamping tight closed. His knees nearly buckled and he shivered like he'd collapse. He wouldn't catch her eye. For that second he, powerful all his life, was a victim.

But Satsi knew how to survive with the demons inside her. She didn't buckle. She stood, coiled her muscles and kicked off the ground. Her torso and abdominals twisted as the woman threw herself end over end and let her legs come down toward the Sith's bowed head.

She landed hard under her own weight, awkward, her elbow and jaw cracking in the dirt. But he landed harder, gravity having carried her kick and slamming him down with twice the force. Satsi dragged herself upright and scrambled overtop him, straddling his chest, and just started hitting. Again. And again.

And again.

She kept hitting when he struggled and flailed, leaving bloody gouges down her pinning arm with his nails. She kept hitting when his growls turned to gurgles. She kept hitting when her knuckles cracked and the agony whited out her vision.

Only when she didn't feel phantom hands on her, only when she didn't see in her mind's eye the merged images of Andrelious and her former master torturing her daughter, only then did she stop.

Satsi sagged, gasping. Her hands were nearly pulp. Her head swam. Her stomach revolted. She shook.

Trembling, the woman stood up. She struggled into her breathing mask. She unclipped one of the gas grenades from her belt. She tossed it next to Andrelious' still form. Then, she stumbled away.

The green mist swallowed him up like the smog of the planet around them, and he was one with Nal Hutta.

Moff Alethia Archenksova, 22 April, 2019 2:21 PM UTC

What Went Well

This was another cleanly-written post on the syntax front.

As usual, you shine at handling emotions with your writing. By that I mean that you both clearly depict the headspaces and psychological states of the characters, and then effectively channel that into prompting a response from the reader. While I am obligated to mention that Satsi’s flashbacks pushed the limit of what we’re looking for in terms of content; however, in this case it was was very clearly in service to the plot and realism.

Food for Thought

In your first post, a little over half of it was devoted to Andrelious using Mind Trick/Force Interrogation. In your second post, a little under half of it was devoted to Andrelious using Mind Trick/Force Interrogation. While this exchange was the better of the two, in my opinion, it was a bit repetitive.

Using Telekinesis to turn the safety on feels a lot like using it to turn a lightsaber off, and it was a bit of an anticlimactic twist to the very strong ending of your first post. This is also right on the edge for realism purposes: Andrelious manages to toggle a small switch instantaneously while focusing on his psychic war with Satsi, who is no easy victim (+3 Resolve versus +4 Mind Trick). Grot and I discussed this and agree that this is pushing into the “fine manipulation” language from Telekinesis +4, but there’s also the concentration issue: “Telekinesis is a power that requires absolute mental control. As long as the Jedi can maintain his or her focus, the power can be wielded.”