Rasilvenaira heard the clunking footsteps of Bastion behind her and spun around, diving for cover as the droid opened fire. One of the blaster bolts slammed into the table she had hidden behind. However, it was the stab of pain in her left thigh that demanded the Warlord’s attention. She frowned as she shifted herself further behind cover and twisted her body to get a better look at the source of the pain.
There was a singed hole in her cloak where the bolt had passed through and a smaller, painful spot on her upper thigh where it had grazed her. Rasilvenaira frowned, and then cursed darkly as another round of blaster bolts whizzed past her. She wasn’t going to accomplish anything by staying pinned down by a walking scrapheap. Dropping the severed halves of what had been her favorite weapon, the Warlord intended to take every bit of her frustration out on the Chiss, but first…
Twin beams of molten silver ignited as the Sith drew her lightsabers. She moved carefully out of cover and quickly scanned the room to find where the Scavenger had gone. Rasilvenaira spotted a flash of sapphire blue as Scudi tried to maneuver toward a Rodian with pale green skin. Perfect.
Rasilvenaira let everything fade around her until the world narrowed to just her and the battle droid that took another step forward as it aimed the laser cannon at her again. Years of training her instincts and abilities came to the forefront as the Warlord brought her sabers up and settled into a ready stance while keeping most of her weight off of her injured leg. When the droid fired, Rasilvenaira seemed to blur as she let the Force flow through her. She reflected the bolts back at the droid, one bolt destroying the laser cannon. Another took out the droid’s left leg at the knee.
A cold smile played across Rasilvenaira’s lips when the droid toppled over attempting to take a step onto a leg that wasn’t there. “Payback for ruining my cloak and shooting me.”
She spun the sabers with graceful motions and turned her attention to the primary reason she was here. The Sith growled under her breath at the pain when she moved and shifted her weight off her left leg. The injury was annoying but not unbearable. She had survived a lot worse over the years, after all. Rasilvernaria deactivated one of the sabers, exchanging it for a comlink as she returned it to her belt.
“Veritas, where are you? Time to make yourself useful.”
“Statement: Mistress, you told me to stay outside.”
“Yes, I know. But now I need you to keep an eye out for a male Rodian with pale green skin. It looks like most of the patrons were smart enough to clear out already but there’s some left, and one is the Rodian I’m after. If he comes out, detain him by any means necessary, without killing him.”
“Observation: Detainment would simpler if I had…”
“No! I’m still paying off the last time I let you keep your blaster rifle in a cantina. That’s why I made you leave it on the ship. Where’d you learn such bad manners anyway?”
“Objection: Mistress! I…”
“Just do what you’re told or I’ll reconsider selling you to the Jawas.”
“Resignation: Fine. The Rodian will not escape.”
Sighing at the droid’s attitude, she put her comlink away and stalked toward the Chiss.
Scudi glanced over when she heard Bastion fall over, and cursed under her breath. She reached the Rodian and was trying to hurry him out the door. The Plagueian pushed the Rodian on, urging him to go and then turned to face the angry Sith.
“Look, can’t we be reasonable, or is that too hard for you Force users to manage?”
Her answer came with a subtle movement of the Warlord’s hand just before an invisible fist slammed her backwards into the wall. The Chiss grunted as the air was knocked out of her, and pain spread across her back from the impact. She shook her head and looked up at the assassin but couldn’t keep a frown of confusion from her face.
The Warlord deactivated her lightsaber while she came closer, almost casual in her movements despite a slight limp as she favored her left leg. Scudi began to get up but the world around her went totally black. She regained her feet but stayed close to the wall as she strained her senses for any trace of the older woman.
Dropping her hand to her belt, a startled gasp escaped her lips when she discovered her saberstaff was missing, apparently knocked away when she hit the wall. Scudi tried to keep her voice steady when she called out. “Come on, is this really necessary? Can’t we talk about this like civilized people?”
Suddenly, the Chiss jolted at feeling a hand against her neck, followed quickly by a sharp prick. She tried to smack it away but found only thin air as Rasilvenaira had already moved away.
“There’s nothing to say.” The Sith’s voice was icy.
The darkness vanished and Scudi blinked her eyes against the rapid change. She started to move, but staggered back against the wall as her legs seemed to go weak. The Chiss swallowed hard, breathing growing more rapid and her gaze fell on the ring the Sith wore. A mirthless chuckle drew her eyes back up to the older woman.
“Yes, it’s poison.”
Rasilvenaira’s comlink beeped and she answered it. “Yes?”
“Statement: Target detained.”
“Go secure him aboard the Caliburnus. I’ll be there soon.”
Rasilvenaira smiled at Scudi. “I would love watching you suffer, but it’s just business. Time for me to go.”
She pulled the hydrospanner from her belt and pushed Scudi against the wall before driving the tool through one bright ruby eye and into her brain. Rasilvenaira paused to search the Chiss’ body for anything useful, and then pulled her hood up and left the cantina.
Positive Takeaways
I love the narrator. Your writing has a very clearly defined voice that's ever-so-slightly sassy and sarcastic. It helps to make the writing more intimate and interesting, like hearing it spoken by a charismatic storyteller instead of laid out clear on the page, and it speaks to a comfortable skill in the art of writing. You have the aesthetics of writing a story well in hand, and I didn't find myself bored or disinterested at any point.
Can be Improved
Minor syntax mistakes, but nothing major.
There is absolutely no combat in this post. I’m all for narrative openings and slowly easing the reader into the story, but the post should be better paced than this for the ACC. At least a short little clash between Scudi and Ras would be enough. As Arch mentioned in review of this post, it felt like you wrote a 2000 word post then were forced to cut it in half. This is almost certainly a result of the word limit for the tournament, which is no excuse. Part of the tournament is being able to alter your writing style to meet the requirements, while still maintaining the proper structure and pacing for an ACC post.
The opening paragraph probably could have been dropped entirely without hurting the story whatsoever. It just slows down and confuses the reader, dropping them into a story with no bearing on the setting or characters. The second paragraph meanwhile, finally introduces us to the main character, the planet she’s on, where she’s at and what she’s doing etc. Try to open with this to avoid needlessly confusing the reader in what should be the most immediately attention grabbing part of the post.
Speaking of the opening, I found the central conceit of the post to be better than average. All too often you see the typical “my clan sent me here to kill you plot” so seeing some sort of fresh variation is always something pleasing. The introduction of a target outside of the two characters killing each other can bring a lot of variety to the story.
While I found the introduction of the monkey clever, and its use in the story intriguing, it also opened up some glaring plot-holes given the setting. Firstly, why is a monkey in the bar? This is never explained. People eat and drink there, it’s a place of business, you’d think they’d have some sort of policy on vermin wandering about unattended and pooping in people’s soup. Granted, if it’s some gang-bosses pet or something I can see it being tolerated, but that leads me to my second point. Ras just straight up kills the monkey. This is probably some dude’s pet, probably a heavily armored, gun-wielding, highly-influential dude who is presumably nearby enough to see his pet get shanked. Shouldn’t he be, I don’t know, upset about the whole thing? Especially since Scudi jumping and shouting all over the bar probably drew his attention.