The two men glared at each other, Andrelious’ eyes as bright a yellow as Atra had ever seen in a Sith. The Umbaran, however, did his best to remain calm, even though his opponent had proven to be an incredibly frustrating target.
Atra raced towards the Taldryanite, supplementing his already natural agility with an extra boost from the Force. Andrelious elected to stay exactly where he was; he hoped to rattle Atra into delving deep into his own darkness, disrupting the balance that the Grand Master’s Praetor craved so much.
As Ventus approached, he stared hard at Andrelious, his arms moving forwards. The Sith readied his lightsaber, waiting for the inevitable collision of blades, but instead found himself knocked violently backwards, as though he’d just stood in the path of a charging reek. Caught out by the suddenness of the Force push, Mimosa-Inahj had no chance of countering.
The Archanis Quaestor crashed hard into a nearby wall, the impact knocking the air from his lungs. Andrelious was visibly shaken by the attack, but he spotted the Umbaran was already charging for him again.
Atra blazed in, deciding he wanted to finish the conflict quickly. Extending the fingers of his right hand, he summoned another wave of lightning. Andrelious, spotting the carcass of an old maintenance droid nearby, flicked his right arm across, scooping it up and desperately hurling the lifeless automaton towards his foe.
Ventus lightning collided with the thrown droid, its power easily overwhelming whatever circuits were left inside. The carcass exploded, spitting small pieces of debris everywhere. Atra moved to instinctively cover his eyes, slowing his supercharged sprint to avoid injury.
The distraction was enough to allow Andrelious to climb carefully to his feet, but he was still catching his breath from having slammed so hard into the wall. He stayed rooted to the spot, as if daring Atra to resume his approach. As the Umbaran started to speed up again, Andrelious, hurled more objects into his path, forcing Ventus to dodge, cut the flying debris down with his lightsabers, or alter their trajectory. Each use of the Force, subtle though it was, drained the Sith a little more, but the thought of what Atra might do to his family kept him going.
Ventus, too, was beginning to feel the effects of fatigue. It was starting to take him longer to build back up to full steam between each distraction, and, even whilst he could still easily feel the Force all around him, his ability to communicate with it seemed a little more strained.
“Come and get me then, Ventus!” Andrelious taunted as he flung another broken construction arm straight towards the Juggernaut, who cleaved straight through it with one of his lightsabers.
Close enough! Atra thought, gazing willfully at Andrelious. He delved as deep into darkness as he dared, projecting a bubble around himself. A bubble that stripped the Force from anyone unfortunate enough to be caught inside. A bubble that easily enveloped Andrelious.
The Archanis Quaestor suddenly felt himself cut off from the dark side. The presence that had been there for his entire adult life, driving him on, was gone, and for a few moments, Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj felt like a powerless young boy.
“I’ve had enough of your little tantrum. It’s time out for you,” Atra taunted as his opponent desperately flapped his arms about, desperately hoping to regain his lost powers.
“Cantor wanted me to test you. To see if you were good enough to ever be an Elder. I have to say that I am bitterly disappointed,” the Umbaran continued.
“You’ll have to be more specific. I know several Cantors,” Andrelious snapped, trying to retain some composure.
“I’m sure there’s plenty where you’re going,” Atra replied icily.
The former Combat Master swung forwards with his two lightsabers, the move enough to cause him to drop his chokehold on Andrelious’ Force connection. The Sith, feeling his powers coming roaring back like a Kamoinoan tidal wave, ducked at the last moment and quickly zapped Atra with a tiny wave of his own lightning.
Ventus snarled with pain, but was quickly on the offensive again, his two lightsabers whirling around so fast that Andrelious thought the Umbaran would take off. He blocked slash after slash, but the Juggernaut’s attacks were so much faster and stronger than anything he could attempt.
Moving both of his blades downwards and to the left, Atra waited for Andrelious to block, before rapidly moving his right arm in the opposite direction. He was expecting to cleave straight through his enemy’s chest, but Mimosa-Inahj dropped to his knees, causing a rare stumble as the Umbaran overextended himself. The unorthodox nature of the move gave Andrelious a split-second to recover from the onslaught, which he used to shuffle away as Atra regained his balance.
“ENOUGH!” Ventus roared, again forming a sphere of Force blindness. This time, however, Andrelious was ready. He moved forwards, swinging his lightsaber even as he lost the ability to steer it properly. His attack was a little clumsy, but it reached its intended target, slicing through Atra’s spinal cord a couple of inches below his neck.
The Archanis Quaestor smiled as he watched the Umbaran’s body realise it could no longer communicate with his brain and fall awkwardly to the ground.
“Now it is you who are powerless, Ventus. We shall see if Lord Cantor will be bitterly disappointed,” Andrelious taunted, turning to walk away.
Not quite powerless! Atra thought to himself, his connection to the Force undamaged. His eyes even glinted a little yellow as he guided his two lightsabers towards the departing Mimosa-Inahj like a pair of proton torpedoes. Andrelious turned in time to witness each blade cutting straight through his torso, but could do nothing as the weapons shredded his insides.
Atra smiled for what would likely be the last time.
At least you die first...
What We Liked
This is what you’d hope to see from a former CM: excellent combat detail and highly polished language. The pacing was also very well handled. I thought you did an exception job writing your opponent’s character, which is always good to see.
I also like this quip:
What Needs Work
There was one minor Syntax error here, which I am obligated to point out that Wally caught:
We both had mixed feelings about the in medias res introduction. It did give you a strong narrative intro, which we liked, but it’s kind of a dick move to set your opponent’s character up at a disadvantage before the match even starts. In this case, Andrelious doesn’t appear to actually be disadvantaged, but it’s something to keep in mind in your future work.