Unfortunately for Erinyes, fear wasn’t the strong emotion Zeltrons were known for inspiring; if Grot was bothered by her threat, he didn’t let it show. Instead, he pulled a cylindrical object from his belt, and whipped it at Erinyes’ feet. The Adept’s leap over his head had left Grot with a chance to reclaim his advantage, and he seized it.
Erinyes sensed the impending danger and sucked in as deep a breath as she could manage while she focused on slowing her body’s metabolism. The moment the grenade hit the ground, a green-white gas came spewing out and coated the floor of the room: dioxis. One breath of that, and she was dead. Erinyes wasn’t too concerned, though; Grot was a ranged fighter, and if his tactics up to now had been any indication, the grenade was just a distraction All she had to do was wait until he ran to take up a firing position, and she could charge out after him without ever having to worry about the poisonous gas.
Except, Grot wasn’t moving. He wasn’t retreating. He wasn’t attacking. He just stood there, his bulk filling the doorframe, hiss-laughing inside his full-coverage armour… armour that must have been environmentally sealed. That was his plan, Erinyes realised. All Grot had to do was force her to stay in the room full of poisonous gas until she took a breath, and it would all be over.
Well, kriff.
As the poisonous gas approached knee height, Erinyes came up with a plan; not a great plan, but under the circumstances, a bad plan was better than none. The Adept stabbed her lightsaber into the floor, then spun in a circle, leaving a molten orange trail around her. Grot clued in to the Adept’s strategy at about 180° and charged forward, swinging his Sith sword low in a bit to cut Erinyes’ legs off at the knee. Rather than bother parrying, Erinyes launched herself into a no-handed cartwheel and let the Trandoshan’s weapon pass harmlessly beneath her until it smacked against the blade of her lightsaber. The impact pushed Erinyes’ blade forward just enough for the two ends of the circle to join, and a metallic creaking sounded through the room as the flooring came free, followed by a splash when the piece of structure hit the water below… and the heavier-than-air dioxis went rushing out after it, venting harmlessly into the atmosphere, just as Erinyes’ lungs felt like they were about to burst. With more caution than she usually employed, the Adept leapt on to a table, getting her face as far away from the poisonous gas as she could before she dared take a breath.
Her relief only lasted a moment before she heard an object, another kriffing grenade, bounce off a nearby wall. Erinyes growled with frustration and extended her free hand toward the object, palm outward, willing a protective field into existence. Barriers didn’t handle explosions well, she knew, but the alternative was diving for cover and landing face-first in the dioxis cloud that was still sinking through the floor. At the last second, the Force warned Erinyes to shut her eyes and look away; an oddly sentimental gesture for a Sith, she thought, until the room flashed bright enough for her to see it through her eyelids.
The sonic imploder’s blast slammed into Erinyes’ shield and shattered it, and the Adept felt herself spinning as the sonic assault disrupted her sense of balance. She managed to stop herself from falling off the table, instead dropping to one knee and turning her wooziness into a spin as she searched for Grot. Unsurprisingly, the Trandoshan was nowhere to be seen; it seemed that, unlike the dioxis, the sonic imploder had been a distraction. At least he’d left his pistols behind, Erinyes noted as she climbed down from the table. Two quick swipes of her lightsaber severed the barrels from the firing chambers, rendering each weapon useless, the Adept spitefully hoped that Grot was as attached to the pistols as she’d been to her destroyed lightsaber.
Once she’d finished defacing her opponent’s weapons, Erinyes emerged from the VIP room into the bar proper, casting her senses out through the Force to locate the Trandoshan. She had barely taken a step when felt another warning through the Force. By instinct, she raised her lightsaber, and heard a deafening boom—another gunshot, much louder than the ones from Grot’s pistols had been—before something slammed into the lightsaber’s blade and sent needles of red-hot metal spraying across the front of her body. The direction of the shot confirmed what Erinyes’ Force senses had told her: Grot had taken up a firing position on the far side of the bar, one elbow resting against a tabletop to steady the long gun he cradled.
“Coward!” Erinyes hadn’t really planned to berate Grot, but now that the insult had slipped out, there was no point in stopping herself. She wasn’t even doing it to try to throw him off his game; she was just frustrated at how the Trandoshan kept forcing her to chase him around the bar, and yelling at him made her feel better.
The comment must’ve stung his pride, though. Grot’s head rose from where he’d been lining up another shot, and Erinyes heard him snarl. “I should kill you for that insult, Sith. I am a hunter, not a coward.”
“What else do you call someone runs away from their prey? You ran when I first told you to frak off. You ran when I turned your thermal detonator against you, and again when you thought you’d have to fight me face to face instead of hiding behind the scope of your rifle. A Trandoshan turning tail and running from a Zeltron? You’re no hunter. You’re a coward, and your Scorekeeper is the god of cowards.” Belatedly, Erinyes wished she’d paid more attention during the Shadow Academy’s lecture on Dun Möch. Maybe she’d read up on it during the trip to wherever she decided to go after she left Naboo.
“Silence!” Grot’s head snapped back down behind the scope of his rifle. In the same moment, Erinyes’ eyes flickered up to the ceiling. As she felt another warning through the Force, she took a deep breath to focus herself, then reached toward a large speaker above Grot’s head and focused her will into telekinetically ripping it from its mountings. When the Trandoshan heard the screech of twisting metal, he looked up and spat something that sounded like a curse, realising that if he stayed in position long enough to take his shot, he’d have several hundred pounds of electronics land directly on his skull.
The next thing Erinyes heard was the crash of the speaker shattering itself and the table beneath it under its weight. When she poked her head out from behind the bar, she saw that Grot was mid-leap, having successfully avoided the falling object—and completely unable to dodge the lightsaber that Erinyes promptly hurled at his stupid reptilian face, despite her fatigue making the weapon feel like its blade actually weighed something. Without solid ground under him, all the Trandoshan could do was raise his arm to block the path of Erinyes’ lightsaber, for what little that gesture was worth.
To Erinyes’ great displeasure, the gesture turned out to be worth quite a bit. A flash and a crackle of energy rang through the air when the lightsaber met Grot’s arm. Personal shield generator, she realised. How many tricks did this kriffing lizard have? At this rate, he might outlast her after all; the mental strain of using the Force to compensate for Grot’s penchant for ranged weapons was taking its toll. If she wanted to win this fight, she’d have to do it fast.
“You know, I take back what I said. You’re not a coward; you’re a fraud. A cheater. A con man. You’re trying to tell people you’re some great hunter, but a Jawa could take down a Sith with a thermal detonator and poison gas. The only way it could be easier is if I stood here and let you shoot me, and you can’t even pull that off,” Erinyes snorted.
Grot’s nostrils flared, and Erinyes heard him start to snarl before he cut himself off. “Scared, Sith? Trying to talk your way out?”
“Hardly.” If the Trandoshan wasn’t taking the bait, Erinyes decided, she’d have to try a more direct approach. She pressed her will against Grot’s, hammering against his mental defences and layering her anger over his own. “I have no reason to fear someone who won’t fight me like a warrior.”
Finally, finally, the dam restraining Grot’s fury broke. The Trandoshan howled something in his native language and tossed his slugthrower rifle aside, and Erinyes felt a warning through the Force as he barrelled towards her, yanking his Sith sword from its scabbard. The Adept practically cackled with glee as she drew the Force inward to quicken her movements, then charged headlong at the enraged Trandoshan, lightsaber glowing like a burning brand through the air.
The first attack was a downward chop that aimed to split Erinyes in half like a log. Erinyes let the Force guide her a half-step to the side, twirling her lightsaber to protect that side of her body in case the Trandoshan managed to divert the path of his strike to follow her, but Grot had committed too far, and his Sith sword smashed a new hole in the club’s floor. For a split-second, Erinyes saw flickers of emotion in the hunter’s eyes: confusion as the mind trick wore off, shame as he figured out that he’d been duped, anger ignited by his own humiliation, and finally fear, when Grot realised that Erinyes had him exactly where she wanted him.
Then the Trandoshan’s momentum carried him forward, and the moment was gone. Erinyes turned an about-face as she took a two-handed grip on her lightsaber, then slashed horizontally at Grot. The Trandoshan threw himself forward, trying to escape Erinyes’ reach, but the tip of the Adept’s lightsaber burned through the backs of his thighs and caused him to stumble. Erinyes leapt and twisted in mid-air, snapping her lightsaber down and into Grot’s path, forcing the Trandoshan to stop and parry the attack.
Still sailing through the air, Erinyes grinned and tapped her lightsaber’s activation stud to extinguish the blade, then immediately re-ignited it on the other side of Grot’s block. The Trandoshan hissed in alarm and reflexively jerked to one side. The panicked movement brought his head out of the weapon’s path, but with his arms effectively hugging Erinyes’ lightsaber, it was impossible for him to avoid the blade before it sliced through his shoulder.
The sharp hiss of air venting from Grot’s environmentally-sealed armour was quickly drowned out by his howl of agony. The Trandoshan’s right arm and sword clattered to the floor, and Erinyes had to scramble not to trip over the detached limb as she lunged at her opponent. Distracted by the pain and shock of his injury, Grot tried to back away, but he didn’t have a snowball’s chance on Mustafar of dodging the Adept’s diagonal downward strike before her lightsaber cleaved through his left thigh. Erinyes let her momentum carry her forward until her shoulder slammed into the Trandoshan’s stomach and sent him crumpling to the floor, gasping and gurgling in pain as he fought to stay conscious.
“Oh, shut up, you kriffing wuss,” Erinyes growled as she extinguished her lightsaber. “This dress cost an arm and a leg, you know, and it’s your own damn fault that they were yours. Besides, you should be thanking me—I’m sure the police will be grateful that you helped them catch the psychopath who blew up a bar with a thermal detonator.” The Adept cocked her head to the side as the sound of approaching sirens caught her ear. “Look, here they come now.”
“You… y-you’ll pay…” Whatever Grot had intended to say was lost in a jumble of his native language and pained groaning.
“Hey. Remember what I said about your slogan? Nobody takes generic threats seriously nowadays, either.” With a self-satisfied smirk, the Adept tucked her lightsaber back in its wrist holster, and started for the exit. On her way out of the bar—and after concentrating far harder than she should’ve needed to—a bottle of Merenzane Gold sailed through the air and into Erinyes’ palm, and she pulled the cork out with her teeth before taking a deep swig. By the time the police speeders arrived to take the Trandoshan troublemaker into custody, the Adept had disappeared into the night.
Positive Takeaways
Absolutely fantastic setup. Not only do you describe the environment in splendid and vivid detail, but you manage a verbose telling of just how your character reacts to it, being caught up in the surroundings and not separate from them. This is only bolstered as the post treads onwards, and your opponent makes her appearance, immediately the reader can detect the tension, and one gets a sense of the battle about to unfold.
You also make great (even if subtle) uses of the characters’ aspects, woven expertly into your writing so that they are not so much in the reader’s face, but there gently colouring the narrative. Well done.
Things That Can Be Improved Upon
You’ve made it very difficult to find anything to highlight for improvement so let us look at commas! As we know, commas are a tricky creature with equal parts needing to delete and needing to add in your case.