Two towering, tinted, transparisteel doors slide open to grant you access to the central chamber of the Combat Training Halls. The main room is wide and open and as large as as a holoball field. Tall walls stretch towards a domed ceiling that is made up of rows of ambient lights that spread out and fill the room with soft even lighting that eliminates any shades or shadows. Those same walls are lined around the perimeter with racks and stacks of varied weaponry: everything from swords and polearms to rifles and flamethrowers.
There are two signs that hover over each weapon rack to create an alternating motif in the Combat Training Hall: “No Explosions” and “Accorded Neutral Territory”. While the first is fairly obvious, the second speaks to the single law of the Training Halls: all members of the Brotherhood are welcome, and no member is to be killed or maimed without incurring the wrath of the Grand Master and the Inquisitorius.
A trio of training dummies are statically set up and spread out in a line, each made out of a blend of alloys and padding that can withstand blows from any standard weaponry with the exception of lightsaber blades. To the side of the dummies, a large sparring mat has been stretched out to create a larger footprint than the typical shockboxing ring. The padding is good for helping teach new combat students how to take a fall without injury and offers firm footing, but the hard rubber mat is hardly forgiving.
Behind the sparring area is a door that leads to a small archives that combat students can use to view holorecordings of fights and duels from the past as well as relevant information on combat tactics, techniques, and forms. On the opposite side of the archives at the far end of central room is the locker room that members can safely store their equipment.
The final and probably most important element of the Combat Training Hall is the onsite Med Ward. The maglock door is sealed off and can only be opened by an attending Medic. The Medical facilities feature state of the art bacta tanks for recovery and aftercare. A combination of observation and waiting room rests adjacent to the recovery center and features two large monitors that display a live feed of the central room.
The Combat Halls are staffed around the clock, allowing combat students and mentors alike to come and go as they please at odd or regular hours. It also available for members looking to prove their worth to compete in the Antei Combat Center.
[Venue Note: Weapons incorporated into your match are allowed to be used, even if not listed on your Loadout for the match itself. Skill usage and all other ACC rules and guidelines still applies.]
What Went Well
I like how you established the story by mentioning that Ahsik wanted to pick up some tips from Fenrir during or after the fight. You also did a good job of bringing out the laid-back, joking side of Ahsik’s personality in a way that highlights the Aspects listed in your snapshot. The way you described Ahsik’s hair standing on end when Fenrir speaks stood out to me as a highlight of how you give the reader a glimpse into Ahsik’s mind. The pace of the action is good, and I like that you wrote Fenrir as having more depth to his combat style than just swinging a lightsaber around.
Room for Growth
The grammar issues in this post made it really difficult to understand at times, which took me out of the flow of the writing. Many of them could have been fixed by getting someone to proofread your post before you submitted it, and we encourage all ACC participants to do that. The other big stumbling block was Realism. One of the Aspects on Fenrir’s CS mentions that he’s not much of a talker (and that his Basic isn’t very good when he does talk), but you’ve got him practically lecturing Ahsik before the fight starts. Finally, an electro-sword doesn’t deflect lightsabers the way an electro-staff does, and having Fenrir just cut straight through Ahsik’s sword (and probably Ahsik himself) would’ve made the fight end a lot differently. Items that can deflect strikes from a lightsaber will always have an aspect telling you this.
Suggestions
Proofread, proofread, proofread. If you can’t get a Clanmate or someone on Telegram to do it (the people in the DB Fiction channel are usually pretty quick to help when someone asks), throw your post into a checker like Grammarly’s grammar checker. In particular, I noticed a lot of mix-ups involving “was” and “had been”. You can find an explanation of the different here: https://www.gonaturalenglish.com/i-was-vs-i-had-been/ On the realism front, double-check the Aspects listed on your opponent’s character sheet. Those hold just as much weight in the ACC as their stats.