Trenkyp followed his senses and walked the path towards a few storefronts. The busy movements of the bystanders around him were of little concern to the focused Jedi. He didn’t even notice the child who swiped several credits off of him. The dirty streets of Nar Shaddaa were not friendly.
Approaching the storefronts, Trenkyp looked between them. He wasn’t positive which one he should enter, but the slightest sensation pointed his way. He could see a droid shopkeeper standing at the counter through the window and decided to trust his gut instinct.
Upon entering the shop, two blaster bolts whizzed by his head, neither hitting him. The Kel Dor was instantly on the defensive, reactivating his lightsaber.
“Please refrain from violence in this establishment.” the mechanical voice of the shopkeeper resounded in the store. Tren looked around the building, the many shelving units, and displays a perfect cover for one trying to hide.
“I know you’re in here, Chiss. Make it easy on yourself and turn yourself over to me. Vizsla will want to speak with you.” Trenkyp was direct with his words. He didn’t have the time or patience to draw this out.
No response came to him as he decided to start hunting the Arconan. Carefully he walked to the edge of a shelving unit and looked around the corner. There was nothing there. As the Kel Dor turned the corner, sneaking alongside the other side of the unit, his feet dragged against and scuffed the durasteel flooring of the store. Another set of blaster bolts impacted the ceiling above his head.
“Please refrain from violence in this establishment,” again the droid spoke up, his mechanical voice firmer in tone.
Trenkyp stayed low after the last shots. The Kel Dor didn’t know where the shots were coming from, only that they were following his movements. Taking a moment, he looked around the shop. His eyes were drawn to scorch Mark’s on the surface of the pristine reflective plates on the walls.
“He’s bouncing the shots, “ the Vizslan thought to himself. It became clear that this opponent could precisely follow him wherever he went in this building. The Chiss, heard him moving and knew where he was. It was then he knew he wasn’t the hunter here.
“I will offer you this one chance, Kel Dor. Put your weapon aside and allow me to leave. I will not harm you. I will be on my way, and you may go about your day,” Rhylance spoke with sincerity in his voice. He had no reason to lie for the time being and had far more critical work that required his attention.
“You kill my contact and expect me just to let you leave?” the Vizslan was perplexed by the ridiculous request.
“Yes. I expect you to value your life. Do not be an idiot.” His voice was close. Too close for comfort.
The confidence in the Chiss’s voice was infuriating. Trenkyp found it challenging to maintain control of his emotions. His training was not yet complete.
“The only idiot is you if you think I’ll trust anything you say. Now I’m taking you in!” Tren rushed to the end of the barricade and readied his saber.
As he broke past the edge, four shots were fired. He allowed the Force to guide his actions as he deflected three of the bolts away. The fourth wasn’t aimed at him. Instead, it erupted against the light fixture above his head. The wire holding the metal structure snapped, allowing gravity to take over. The Kel Dor was not ready for the splitting pain in his scalp as the sharp fixture cut into him, and bashed against his head.
Dropping to the ground under the weight of the metal device, Trenkyp lost hold of his lightsaber. His head was bleeding and his ears rang.
“Please refrain from violence in the establishment.”
Rhylance approached the downed form of the Kel Dor. Setting his blaster for stun, he fired the blue projected rings into the Vizslan’s chest, knocking him out cold. The Chiss reset his blaster and began to put it away.
“You have now been warned three times, I am alerting sec…” the droid dropped to the durasteel floor as a final blaster bolt caught it between its lit-up eyes. Rhylance sighed before reholstering the weapon. He took out a small chip with information for reimbursement of the shop’s owner and set it on the counter. He turned back to the unconscious Kel Dor.
“I told you I had no quarrel with you. Luckily for you, I do have other matters requiring my attention. But I would be remiss if I did not take something for my research.”
Walking back over to the Vizslan’s body, he knelt and grabbed his dagger. Making a fine incision in the Kel Dor’s arm, he drained a few vials of blood before patching up the wound. With a smirk on his face, the Arconan Proconsul left the shop. He had a red-head to see.
Positive Takeaways
You set up a reason to fight. You also had excellent grammar. It's clear you had an idea of where you wanted to go, and what you wanted to do, keep it up.
Can Be Improved
Ambiance: you’re on Nar Shaddaa, describe where you are, how Trenkyp reacts. He’s a Jedi, this place is rife with corruption, etc, etc, something to show that he’s a person.
Much like your recent Co-Op with Appius, you do a lot of telling but not a lot of showing. Also no transitions. Suddenly weapons are in hand; did Trenkyp draw them from their sheathes, did he have his swords out while talking to the Rodian? When did Rhylance draw his blaster after being tossed to the ground?
The reasoning behind actions, much like the transitions, would be nice. Why would a man armed with a blaster put it away when someone with a pair of non-deflective blades comes rushing at him? It staggers believability.
And finally, flow, you started combat, good, then you put it on pause to inject an antidote. The entire poison scene could have been turned into something great, Trenkyp dealing with the effects and trying to stand his ground, etc, instead, you stopped combat cold and threw it all out the window.