His prey was down, and Fenrir was ready for the kill.
The air shivered with the ionized aftershocks of lightning, clinging to his skin, making him shiver in mimicry of the agonized twitching of the humanoid below him. Excitement howled in his veins just like he howled in victory, leaping from the pyramid's precipice and descending towards his prey's exposed back.
The man jerkily rolled away. The beast's talons scraped singed cloth. Their eyes met in the space of a heartbeat, him crouched, the other on his back. His prey raised both hands. Fenrir opened his jaws. And then—
And then there was darkness.
Darkness. Utter darkness. Deeper and more impenetrable than even the dead heart of Malachor itself. No slow thing, the light dying dim in the caldera like the fires of long, long ago, no fade out of the sky that was red to his eyes, no. Just one moment, the world was there, and then he was blind.
A flutter of sound, scuffling of stone and cloth, and pain sliced in a lick across his arm. Another step, and then again, on the other side. Aiming for something? He did not know, but he could not see. His enemy was circling him, then retreating, then...then what?
The beast howled, furious, confused, something visceral in his very bones almost whimpering. A predator without sight was weak. Weaklings were killed, left for dead outside their dens or slow to die of starvation while their stronger betters nipped at their heels. The whimper in his marrow rose to a whine in his throat, and he panted in a breath, and—
—and tasted life, still.
There.
Fenrir's brief moment of panic fled, chest expanding, teeth sinking into his own tongue, a promise of more flesh to come; for though his eyes failed him, his nose did not.
He could smell his prey.
The beast of Plagueis followed the scent and lunged. His claws lashed out, snagging beautifully in cloth and hooking, dragging, gouging through hot flesh. He felt blood wet his fur and howled, drowning out a shout of surprise and pain.
The darkness flickered, then disappeared as if it had never been. His vision winked back, and before him was the recovering little man, bloodied, holding a short violet blade and his lightsaber. Fenrir bellowed and attacked again, and his prey vaulted away in a superhuman leap.
The predator followed, channeling strength and speed into his own hulking frame, but the other was faster. Their chase spanned the chasm, passing the pyramid and trampling graves, the little man gaining more and more distance. Fenrir snarled, feeling rage bubble up in his throat as his opponent landed on a fallen column and suddenly spun around, dropping his weapons and lifting his hands.
The Shistavanen's instincts screamed nearly as loudly as did the Force in warning.
Bright blue-white light suddenly erupted from the humanoid's fingertips in a torrent. Arcs of lightning gouged black burns into the rock, carving their path straight towards Fenrir. There was nowhere to run, no way to dodge, he imminently knew. The storm bared down on him, ready to obliterate.
But then the storm stopped before it touched him, gone as suddenly as it had come.
"...no, ay…" he heard the man saying across the distance separating them. "No, I'm not doing this. This kriffing place won't make me and neither will you."
He smelled like rancid fear, a sour thing not even the smokey, charged taste of slagged rock could cover up. Was he afraid of his own power? Power that had just razed the very earth between them? Pathetic. Weak. The little humanoid was no alpha. Not even a predator. Just sad prey.
"...weak..." Fenrir growled at him, coughing out a chuff of amusement.
"Not even close," shouted back the humanoid, as if the beast cared. He only wanted the thrill, and he got it as the man changed tactics, throwing his fist forward. A telekinetic hammer blow followed it, throwing over fossilized Jedi and Sith alike, but not the Shistavanen; Fenrir leapt aside quickly enough around the attack. He roared in excitement and dashed forward on all fours, springing off the ground to plow into his prey, who backpedaled rapidly to avoid evisceration, clumsily unsheathing a short dagger and sword.
The humanoid threw the emerald knife at him, but Fenrir was faster, jerking aside and slashing again. His claws caught on the sapphire blade his prey held in a reverse grip, struggling to bear the predator's strength and weight bearing down on him. His opponent's back hit a crumbling pillar, and the beast crowded him there, cornering, coming for the kill.
But then the small man's eyes darted past him, and he twisted his off hand in the air, making a cutting sort of motion, and—
High-pitched, humming fire lashed into his back. Fenrir roared in agony, and for just a second, let go. His prey tried to kick him back, to slither off again or bound away, but the Plagueian lashed out, clubbing him in the side of the head with one massive paw, and he stumbled a step.
Even wounded, he lunged for his prey's jugular. The man jerked aside, and instead Fenrir's fangs clamped around his shoulder. Teeth sank into armor plate and flesh, hot blood flooding his mouth. The man screamed, and moved again, hand shooting out to his side, then back, and then that hissing hum, and—
The hunter stiffened as heat then cold pierced his abdomen, a sensation to match the slash in his back but much worse. Focused, hollow-point, small and steady and burning inexorably right through him. His eyes flicked down of their own accord to see plasma lanced through his middle, hilt returned to his enemy's palm.
Fenrir's bite loosed then cinched harder, gurgling with a roar, all savage and desperate, cornered violence. His clawed hands flailed blindly at the other's arms, seeking to flay or pin, but he couldn't knock the other to the floor, and rapidly, his motions...slowed. His limbs grew leaden, heavy and chill. And then not even that, not even cold. Just...not there. Numb.
Fenrir realized slowly, thoughts torpid, crawling as slowly as a newborn runt to milk, that he was on the ground. No longer standing. The roar in his ears was not his own but the bellow of blood his heart was struggling to beat.
It was slowing too.
The beast's last thought was a bitter one, angry and hateful: that he, it seemed, would be the prey after all.
Ruka staggered as he sank down next to the black-furred Shistavanen, breathing hard, back hitting stone. His mauled arm was a mess of pain, fingers twitching, cool and hot and sticky with his own blood, but he could still lift it, move it. That had to be something.
Still alive, he thought, inhaling through bared teeth, clenching shut aching eyes that beaded with tears. It hurt, and his chest felt three sizes too small to contain everything in it, like his ribs were straining to hold his galloping heart. His hands trembled, relief slowly creeping in to replace the fear that shook them. I'm okay, I'm okay, I didn't lose it, I'm still me, I'm not dying, I'm okay, we're okay, it's okay, Cor, mhi aminhaa, kids, I— Don't worry, I'll come home, I'm okay, I'll come home, I'm coming home.
His knuckles whitened around his bloodied saber, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up somewhere just not here and sleep, but…
But first.
Slumping off the pillar, the Sith held his blade up a little higher, using its glow to illuminate. The big alien was very still, breathing shallowly, bleeding sluggishly from around half-burned wounds that stank of smoldering fur. Ruka grimaced, feeling echoes of anger and sick with himself.
Switching the saber to his bad hand, he used his steadier one to open the bacta kit that he carried, then paused and frowned again, considering. Better to be safe. Carefully, he plucked the stuncuffs off his belt and maneuvered them onto the beast-like man's wrists, each limb heavy deadweight. Once they were secure and limp on his chest, Ruka started administering, as best he could, all three doses of gel onto the other's wounds.
It wouldn't be enough to close them; the kit wasn't made for all that. But it would help, and if Bogan heard his prayers, it could be enough to get the Shistavanen to the nearest planet with medical aid.
His own wounds pulled and stung as he moved, and he felt the fresh blood trickling down his torso from the scratches, and hissed.
And get me help too.
Standing and stumbling a little, the Adept braced himself with another even breath, letting the Force anchor him. Even that was hard. He was so tired, and it was so much, too much, for him to hold without his skin growing thin. He did it anyway.
With a gesture more out of habit than necessity, Ruka levitated his massive opponent into the air and his weapons back to his belt, and began trudging for the nearest, easiest climb out of the temple ruins. His ship was just past some rocks at the crater's edge. He would get the Shistavanen safe, and get them both taken care of, and call someone about an arrest, and then...then…
I'm coming home to you.
What Went Well
So much character. So much character. You made it easy to get into Fenrir’s head, while still giving him enough depth to avoid making him into a caricature. The small details in your descriptions made it easy for me to visualise the scene and kept me in the flow of the story, so that it didn’t feel like a long wait before the fighting started.
Room for Growth
The main thing that made me scratch my head a little was how you depicted Fenrir in the moment before he attacked Ruka. He’s got Force Cloak active (which takes quite a bit of concentration), activated Suppression (which also takes– you get the idea), and can still devote enough attention to his movements to get the drop on Ruka. That’s a lot to be doing at once, and while I could see an Equite or Elder juggling that many things simultaneously (especially if their ratings in the powers were a bit higher), I’m not quite convinced that a Journeyman would be able to do so.
Second, I have a hard time buying that Fenrir would be able to move so silently that Ruka wouldn’t be able to hear him at all; I know Fenrir had Force Cloak active, but the power description only refers to it turning the user invisible. It does make for a better story (and I’m sure that’s why you did it), but after looking at their CSs, I would’ve expected Ruka to at least notice something, even if he didn’t recognise the noise or spot Fenrir right away.
Continuity-wise, you had a bit of a glitch in the Matrix when Ruka went from brandishing his lightsaber at Fenrir to extending both (empty) hands out to use Telekinesis, without explaining what happened to his lightsaber between those points.
The last oddity I found in this post was at the beginning of your description: “the sun had sunken”. “Sunken” is an adjective; the verb form is “sunk”.
Suggestions
Obligatory “proofread” like ACC judges always say whenever someone has syntax detractors (and probably would say even if they didn’t from sheer force of habit). Besides that, keep the volume of stuff your opponent is doing at once in mind when you’re putting the scene together, or if the intent was that Fenrir dropped one of those powers while he used another, make that more explicit so the reader doesn’t think he’s doing more than he actually is. For the Perception thing, if you don’t want Ruka to notice Fenrir despite his absurdly high skill rating, make it clear that he’s distracted by something else.