KP Sight Nortorshin vs. DJK Lexiconus

Krath Priest Sight Nortorshin

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Krath, Shadow
vs.

Dark Jedi Knight Lexiconus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Togruta, Krath, Seeker
Comment

Even without a rubric, the judgment would be clear here. Lexiconus's first post was almost unreadable because of syntax issues. He did a much better job in his Final Post, but his realism and continuity errors ended up kneecapping him.

Sight wrote a very clean, descriptive battle and used clear language and vocabularly. Minor issues for realism, and I think destroying an opponents weapon is a dick move in the early posts, but since these are 2/2 matches it's not anything that i'd consider major.

Sight wins the matchup. Good work both of you.

Hall Event: Figureheads [Clan Arcona]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Sight Nortorshin, DJK Lexiconus
Winner KP Sight Nortorshin
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Sight Nortorshin's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DJK Lexiconus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Selen: Arcona Citadel - Courtyard
Last Post 1 September, 2014 2:04 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Mako Henymory Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Minor issues here and there. Rationale: See comments
Story - 40%
Mako Henymory Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Simple story. Nothing really inventive or revolutionary or thought provoking, but very sound/solid. Rationale: A good story, but undermined but the syntax and realism distracted a lot from enjoying it fully.
Realism - 25%
Mako Henymory Qor Kith
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: See comments. Rationale: See comments.
Continuity - 20%
Mako Henymory Qor Kith
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: Rationale: Ignoring wounds inflicted by opponent.
Mako Henymory's Score: 4.2 Qor Kith's Score: 3.0
Posts

citadel
Despite being on the first level of the Citadel, the massive courtyard remains hidden behind towering walls of stone and sediment. An elongated central patch of neatly trimmed grass stretches out for almost fifty-meters while maintaining a twenty-meter width. At the center of the grass is a large, ovular fountain in the shape of the Arcona emblem, with water running from the tips of each pointed edge. Vegetation grows along some of the walls, and an archaic clock-face is carved into the face of one of the entryways. A small group of rotating sharpshooters are scattered across the walls as the courtyard is supposed to serve as a safe place for Arconans to enjoy some quiet time, or to meet with visitors. It has served as the venue for multiple honor-duels over time, and there is a significant crater off to the side of the grass left behind as a result of a contest between Marick Arconae and Wuntila Arconae. The duel had taken place prior to either Arconae serving as Shadow Lords and in a quieter time before all Arcona knew was warfare.
courtyard1

As you walk towards the back of the courtyard, closer to the base of the cliff that the Citadel is constructed upon, a tall tree shoots up from the stone, its shade guarding an entrance into the Citadel proper.
courtyard2

A warm and calm breeze whispered and flown through the courtyard which was settling into evening dusk. At the back of this mysterious and elusive garden, sat Lexiconus at the roots of the tree. He has been there for awhile with his Sith tome, writing and sketching the surroundings poorly into his blank page. The patience and clarity of thought inside the garden gave Lexic some peaceful time to think of the future, and of his Equite life.

As he slowly leaned back onto the tree for support, his senses perked up and begun to escalate in fear. He scanned the courtyard for activity but there was nothing, only the senses out of control in his mind. The blue-grey sky darkened more and strips of blue energy were unleashed from thick clouds. A large, extended crack of thunder echoed throughout the courtyard which caused Lexic to stir and worry more. He packed his things and begin to walk away from the tree when one of the branches quickly cut off and fell just behind him.

When Lexic turned his gaze at the fallen branch, on top of it stood an unknown albino Human with crimson eyes in a dark robe. He studied this man, he saw tight clothing on the inside of the robes and loose fabrics flowing from a coat that was easily removable and light, his wrists layered with tight fabric to keep his grip prime. But before Lexic could put down his valuables, the Human rushed at him and ignited his golden blade. Lexic in a state of rushed panic, immediately dropped his items, yanked his lightsaber. Lexic ignited the emerald blade as he caught the Human’s lightsaber deflecting from his own. The Togruta jumped over his items and stepped further back, the unknown Human kicked his stuff aside and continued to follow Lexic, keeping his deadly, bloody eyes on the Inquisitor.

“Your life ends here, Quaestor scum!” The Human shouted at Lexic.

The Togruta thought he had heard that accent before, and frowned as he scanned his memory for where.

“Sight! You’re Captain Cortel’s mechanic.” Lexic replied with eagerness.

Sight nodded slowly and began to creep further towards Lexic, both were ready to fight. As Lexic pressed Sight’s mind, the Human could feel the fears of his past rising once more. Feeling the sense of intense isolation and being unloved, the Human began to quiver and shake, with his knees shaking softly. Before long the Assassin fell to his knees and murmured some unintelligent sounds. Lexic smirked with disbelief, continuing to press on Sight’s fears as the Human entered into the darkness of isolation.

With some courage left inside, Sight reached out with a fearful approach and placed his hand onto Lexic, with concentration he stopped the fears and gripped the Togruta’s ankle. The Human rose to his feet and yanked the Inquisitor off his feet. The younger Krath rolled backwards and propped himself up onto his feet, sparking his green blade back to life. To which the Human ignited his own yellow blade in anticipation.

“Impressive skills you have there, boy. The Arconae will be pleased to silence you.” Sight whispered to Lexic.

With a shake of his head, Lexic summoned extra strength from the Force and released his spare hand at Sight, blasting the Human across the gravel and onto the soft grass with a thud. Growling in fury, Lexic marched to the grass with his lightsaber clutched hard and stood in near proximity to Sight. They were not close enough to duel and Sight had waited for this moment for a long time.

“The rebel scum will not have me today, instead I send your head in a bag!” Lexic furiously shouted, snarling his canines.

The two Krath paced around the grass and awaited to see who makes the first move, or the first mistake.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 4 September, 2014 11:01 PM UTC

A warm and calm breeze whispered and flown through the courtyard which was settling into evening dusk.

flew*

At the back of this mysterious and elusive garden, sat Lexiconus at the roots of the tree.

, Lexiconus sat at the roots of the tree. (which tree, though? the one in the courtyard? Don't let the reader have to assume. I shouldn't have to check back with the prompt/venue. You should be showing me that information)

He packed his things and begin to walk away from the tree when one of the branches quickly cut off and fell just behind him.

began to walk

He studied this man, he saw tight clothing on the inside of the robes and loose fabrics flowing from a coat that was easily removable and light, his wrists layered with tight fabric to keep his grip prime. But before Lexic could put down his valuables, the Human rushed at him and ignited his golden blade.

This is what we call a runon sentence. It could be broken up in no less than three places to read easier, plus you are mixing tenses, again.

_He studied the man with his tight clothing inside of his robes and the loose fabrics that flowed from his coat, removable and light. His wrists were layered with tight fabric to keep his grip prime.

Lexic in a state of rushed panic, immediately dropped his items, yanked his lightsaber.

Lexic, (comma needed)

The Togruta jumped over his items and stepped further back, the unknown Human kicked his stuff aside and continued to follow Lexic, keeping his deadly, bloody eyes on the Inquisitor.

Tense. kicking

Sight nodded slowly and began to creep further towards Lexic, both were ready to fight.

This should be two sentences, as you're combining two independent clauses that work better separated.

With some courage left inside, Sight reached out with a fearful approach and placed his hand onto Lexic, with concentration he stopped the fears and gripped the Togruta’s ankle

hand onto Lexic*.* Concentrating, the Human stopped the fears and managed to grip on to the Togruta's ankle.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 4 September, 2014 11:04 PM UTC

Would have loved to see more reaction out of Sight being tormented. He has a 0 in Resolve, so it was a good play attacking him with the Force mentally.

Sight stared at the Togruta as they slowly circled one another; Lexiconus stayed just out of striking range of the albino’s lightsaber. The Human’s backside was slightly sore from the landing, though more of a slight annoyance than anything else.

“I see you never finished your lessons on that one,” the Priest provoked as he raised a pale hand. The air distorted around the extended arm and less than half a heartbeat passed before the Togruta was struck by what felt like a land speeder hitting him in the chest. Pain erupted from his chest as the young man found himself airborne.

Lexiconus hit the ground several meters from where he had stood moments before. As the Togruta skidded to a stop in the gravel, Sight tossed two thermal detonators as he jumped backwards. The shrill beeping of the deadly explosive devices passed over the Togruta as he was just beginning to stand up. The concussion from the blasts ripped through the air flinging the Togruta forward onto his face.

Lexiconus struggled once more to his feet. His entire body ached, and he was fairly certain that at least one of his ribs was broken. The Inquisitor wobbled slightly as he fully righted himself. Yellow light erupted in front of him as Sight manifested seemingly from nowhere. Barely in time, the young Krath managed to avoid being bisected from groin to neck. The Togruta’s emerald blade flared to life as the albino’s vibrodagger passed through his left cheek. Sight pressed the attack as the Togruta stumbled backwards, blood seeping from the shallow gash.

The Human’s boot fully connected with the Inquisitor’s tender chest. Pain seared through the younger Krath, causing his vision to blur. A flicker of yellow flashed past the Togruta’s face, a burning sensation formed in the top tip of his right montrail. Lexiconus tried to move down and away from the source of this new pain, a scream formed in his throat. Suddenly he felt nothing from the rest of his body as this new pain moved into the forefront of his mind.

The Priest smiled cruelly at the screeching child before him. He wanted to savor this, let his bloodlust become fulfilled by the agony of the boy. With a wave of his pale hand Lexiconus’ deactivated lightsaber floated from the ground, and hovered in front of the Priest.

“This is a weapon for a man, not a little child playing with things he can not yet fully understand,” the older Krath spoke as the younger Krath watched him. Tears streamed down the Togruta’s face, the pain numbing as his bodies’ natural endorphins kicked in.

“NOOOOO!” The Inquisitor yelled, rage filling him as the Human’s yellow blade passed through the hilt of the Togruta’s lightsaber.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 4 September, 2014 11:08 PM UTC

The Human’s backside was slightly sore from the landing, though more of a slight annoyance than anything else.

Repeated word choice. Try and vary them.

Realism: Force Cloak +1 Is a bit of a stretch for him to "come out of nowhere". It's a good trick for hiding in a corner and making yourself disappear, but not really useful in combat in that sesne.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 4 September, 2014 11:20 PM UTC

Destroying an opponents weapon in a first post is kind of a jerk move in 2/2 matches. However, not a major point, really, but it doesn't help your story.

Wheezing and placed into a new level of pain, Lexiconus stood from his rough encounters and observed the shreds of his weapon fall apart onto the floor. With his lightsaber skills out of the equation, Lexic turned his body sideways and pressed his forearms to his waist, making balls of fists. As he stood like this, he snarled his canines at the Assassin and prepared for the worst. The Human stood facing the Togruta, one fist clenched into a ball and the other around his yellow blade. With a soft smirk Lexic backed as the Priest approached and copied his movements just to keep distant.

Growing impatient, the Priest began to swipe downwards at Lexic with his lightsaber, stepping closer each time. The hesitant Togruta continued to step and hop backwards to stay out of reach of the deadly weapon. He counted the strikes, watching for an open wrist. The idea of disarming was simple for Lexic, but with a trained Krath it is not.

As the Human advanced even closer and quicker than before, Lexic saw his moment. He leaped into a backflip, launched one foot to connect with his chin and used his other foot to kick the blade to the right of Sight. The sly Togruta leaped from his hands and landed to the right of the Human, scooping the lightsaber up as he landed. With a cold glare he observed the albino Human fall down again onto his rear.

“Like you said; children do not play with weapons.” The Dark Jedi Knight said.

He aimed his arm and blasted a wave of energy from his hand, which launched the lightsaber away and onto the unknown regions of the Citadel roof. A smirk lay across Lexic’s face as he returned to his prepared stance, forearms against his waist and fists balled tightly as he stood sideways.

The angered Priest slowly stood and shrugged off the sore rear once more, glaring coldly at the Togruta. Sight faced him head on and then sprinted towards his opponent with his right fist raised. Lexic waited and then quickly slammed his left fist into Sight’s elbow, causing his arm to bounce away. The Togruta followed his counter by slamming his right fist into Sight’s left ribs as he pulled his left fist back in. The albino jolted and grunted in pain, and Lexic proceeded with both fists to attack and dig into Sight’s ribs quickly. Multiple swollen areas had begun to form as the Human was dealt with insurmountable pain, grunting and snarling at each hit. Lexic’s fists had become a blur as he repeated the attacks quickly, giving no time for defense. Despite Sight trying to block and protect his lower, injured ribs, Lexic would move his punches upwards to the real ribs near his lungs.

After several minutes of panting and gasping for breath, Lexiconus felt his opponent was worn enough. With his weak foot, he swooped his knee directly under and around Sight’s right knee. Lexic dropped onto his palms behind his back and followed the kick through which toppled Sight onto the ground. Sighing with relief, Lexic slowly stood and grabbed his Electrostaff from the tree.

He returned to the struggling and writhing Sight then activated the purple charge on the staff.

“This my friend, is a weapon for a man, not a little child playing with things he can not fully understand,” Lexic said, quoting the wheezing Assassin.

A cold smirk presented itself upon Lexic and he jabbed Sight with the staff, then watched as the Human kicked and screamed from the shock. Twisting and jabbing the electrostaff deeper, Lexic continued the shocking experience for a dozen seconds, then pulled away and circled to Sight’s head. Swinging the staff like a club, he slammed the charged area against Sight’s temple which caused the Priest to jolt and roll in agony. As a chuckle of enjoyment escaped from Lexic, he clubbed Sight’s head once more which caused the Human to roll onto his stomach.

In a true medical fashion, Lexic ripped a length of cloth from his robe and tied Sight’s hands together as well as his feet. He then took out his communicator and dialled the Galeres Quaestor, as a smirk of accomplishment entered his expression.

“One for pick up please?” Lexic whispered into the device.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 4 September, 2014 11:19 PM UTC

Like how you counter having your weapon destroyed. Good way of making them fight hand to hand since they both have +3's in Primary Styles.

My only issue here realism wise is that you both have Endurance +1, and Lexic is more injured at the start. Sight's athletics are also higher, and while Lexic is a bit stronger (Might), I don't see Lexic as being able to "wear down" Sight.

This leads into the finale of him "beating up Sight", which just doesn't seem realistic considering their combat experiences.

Lexiconus lurched forward, his balance slightly off due to a missing part of his montrail. Grabbing his electrostaff, the Togruta’s opening strikes were easily blocked by the Priest as he sheathed the vibrodagger. The enraged Inquisitor’s strikes became stronger and faster as his body began to fully absorb the released endorphins.

Sight found himself being pushed backwards by the onslaught the of strikes. He felt strange, as if his body was not responding as fast as it should be. Missing a block by a fraction of a second, it was now the albino’s turn to feel pain as the electrostaff connected with his shoulder. His muscles twitched momentarily as the electricity passed through them. Blinking, the older Krath brought his blade around in time to barely block the following strike. The Togruta, using the kinetic force of the electrostaff bouncing off the lightsaber, quickly spun the weapon around striking Sight in the thigh. The force of the attack dropping the albino to his knees.

A third blow struck the Human in the chest, sending him to his back. His thoughts were foggy as he looked up at Lexiconus. The Togruta stood above him clutching his chest. The endorphins that had given the teen a brief advantage had begun to wear off. With their effect leaving the Inquisitor’s pain was returning. Sight’s mind began to clear as he watched the younger Krath’s face turn into a grimace.

Pressing the advantage, the albino reached out. Channeling the Force, he wrapped Lexiconus in an invisible hold. The Togruta screamed out in pain again as his body became wrapped in a slowly increasing pressure. The Human jerked his arm quickly and released his hold through the Force. The Inquisitor’s body moved, mirroring the older Krath’s movements and was flung to the ground.

As he rose to his feet, the Human brought his lightsaber back to life. The yellow blade hummed as a spark of Force guided electricity arced toward the Togruta. Lexiconus howled out in pain as his body convulsed, the distance between the two saving the younger male’s life.

Sight limped forward, his thigh still hurting from the powerful strike. I have to finish this now, I can’t chance him getting another hit in like that, the albino thought to himself. His pale hand rose, the air around it distorting.

Lexiconus felt like an anvil had just been thrown into his chest. His ribs cracked and broke. His vision blurred once more with tears, pain once more enveloped him. His agony was short lived however, as another Force guided spark of electricity struck him between the eyes.

With the Togruta incapacitated, Sight closed the remaining distance between them. Lexiconus opened his eyes as the Priest stood above him saber held high, with both hands. The younger Krath recognized the finishing blow as it fell upon him. Unable to move out of the way, the Inquisitor experienced a moment of true natural fear. His life did not flash before his eyes, just the sickening feeling of terror filled him. The same feeling he loved to inflict upon others so much.

Crimson Orbs turned to the darkened sky, Sight smiled. The night was still young and there would be many more to die before the sun kissed the horizon once more.