Knight Aru Law vs. General Stres'tron'garmis

Knight Aru Law

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

General Stres'tron'garmis

Elder 1, Elder tier, Clan Arcona
Male Chiss, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist
Comment

General Comments

All in all, this battle was highly enjoyable to read. Honour duels are relatively uncommon in the ACC (at least among the battles I’ve judged), and the courtly-romance aspect of the story was a pleasant surprise that perfectly suited the characters. You both did an excellent job of playing with those tropes, and the story came out very well because of it.

The deciding factors in this battle came down to the mechanics of the ACC rather than the quality of the writing itself. I think Aru has the potential to be a great ACCer once he’s gotten used to how the ACC format is different from typical fiction writing. Regardless, both combatants did an excellent job. Congratulations to the winner, and I look forward to seeing you both in the ACC again!

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Aru Law, General Stres'tron'garmis
Winner General Stres'tron'garmis
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Aru Law's Character Snapshot Snapshot
General Stres'tron'garmis's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nal Hutta: Winter Palace
Last Post 21 April, 2020 12:45 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Aru Law
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A few small errors. Rationale: A number of small errors, which were occasionally confusing to read.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Great characterisation, plus noticeable development of the story. Rationale: Solidly written and refreshingly uncommon premise, with great characterisation, but weighed down by the Story issue in your second post (see comments below).
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 2
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: Significant issues in your first post that were repeated and amplified in your second post, until the posts were unbelievable in the context of the battle. See the individual post comments for details.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.85 Dr. Aru Law's Score: 3.55
Posts

Nal Hutta Winter Palace

Seated within the Glorious Jewel of the Hutts, the Winter Palace is situated on a remote island near the planet’s equator. Although blanketed with the pollution from Hutt industry, its location makes the climate hot and humid. Surrounded with trees and vines, it could be considered to be a paradise, even among the barren wasteland of Nal Hutta. Outside of the Winter Palace, a network of sewer pipes transfer the waste from the palace to wherever seems far enough to dump into the oceans surrounding the island. Flora and fauna that have adapted to the Hutt’s environmental changes thrive in the polluted forests surrounding the Winter Palace.

Stepping through its gilded gates, the lavish interior serves as the main audience chamber. Once belonging to the wealth of Jiliac Desilijic Tiron, the gleaming stone of the main aisle leads up to a Hutt’s dais lined with an expensive carpet. Beautiful tapestries line the high walls, telling of the sordid histories of those who woven them, awaiting execution in Jiliac’s dungeons.

Finally, the antechamber to the "throne" room is illuminated from above with high-skylighted ceilings. Constructed from lightly colored stone, the antechamber might have been where the late Hutt entertained his guests before an audience with spice and exotic dancers. In the hands of the Hutt Kajidics, however, these traditions have continued as the Winter Palace now serves as a front for criminal and business ventures that come and go.

Aru Law was leaning against a pillar in the antechamber to the throne room on the Winter Palace, a luxurious and enormous building in Nal Hutta. He was enjoying the view of some of the tapestries that hung there, woven with masterful skill and adorned with beautiful colors.

His sightseeing was ruined when a very tall and bulky blue Chiss stepped into the room. Stres’tron’garmis, or Strong as everyone called him, had come to the palace by Aru’s request after a previous quarrel between them. The Gray Jedi still felt they needed to talk. Aru had chosen this location because he was familiarized with it, and that could prove an advantage.

“I see you finally arrived big guy.” The Human said, looking up on the Chiss.

“It was a pleasant ride,” Strong told Aru with a loud hearty voice, “though the air outside is too humid.”

Aru noticed the Chiss wasn’t wearing any battle armor, though he still carried on his back his famous hammer Big Blue.

“What’s that for?” The dark-haired Human said, pointing to Strong’s hammer. “Planning on doing some hunting after we’re done?”

“I never go anywhere without my trusty hammer.” The Chiss responded, “Especially places like this where everything can happen. But please, Mister Law, mind telling me why we’re here?”

Aru smirked. “Getting antsy, are we? Well, I’ll cut straight to the chase then.” He then cracked his fingers and pulled his blaster on Strong. “I don’t like the way you’re hitting on Alaisy. She’s too young for you.”

Strong was unfazed by the threat the Human had just issued. “I don’t believe I am hitting on Miss Tir’Eivra. I am merely speaking the truth whenever I address her. And I also don’t believe there should be any reason for pointing a blaster on my head like that. You might get hurt!”

“I challenged you before Ice Man, and now I challenge you again. If I win you stay away from my Mistress!”

Strong stepped forward, smiling towards the puny Human that dared challenge him. “Why don’t we settle this like men? With our fists!”

“I don’t think so.” The Gray Jedi said. He tried to step back to avoid getting caught but the blue Chiss was incredibly fast in grabbing his arm and pulling him closer. Having disarmed the Human, Strong then used his mighty bulk to subdue him, leaving him in place, powerless.

“You fight without honor, young Aru.” He said, clearly upset of Aru’s way of fighting. “Perhaps I should teach you a thing or two about honor.”

A blaster shot was heard from behind. Strong had been shot on his right leg and was forced to release the Gray Jedi which vanished in plain sight.

“You were saying?” Aru mocked, standing a couple meters behind Strong with his blaster ready for a second shot.

Strong got up in a matter of seconds, unbothered by his freshly acquired wound. “I see you want to learn honor the hard way.” He picked up his hammer and held it on his shoulder with one hand. Straightening up more, his imposing figure made Aru question why he had decided to challenge him in the first place.

The enormous Chiss could be an unstoppable force when he started running, as Aru had seen before. He didn’t want to take any chances, so he immediately ran towards the outside of the palace, although his opponent followed closely.

Nearing the big door to the outside, Strong was very close to Aru. His breathing hadn’t even changed slightly while Aru was starting to pant. The Human decided to use his opponent’s size against him and quickly changed direction. Although it worked, and Strong blazed past the Jedi, the enormous Chiss also managed to change his path rather quicker than Aru was anticipating.

Only half through in his focusing process, Aru failed to dodge the incoming blow of Big Blue and was launched violently against a wall, leaving a small crack on the impact zone.

Fearing he might have gone overboard, Strong approached the Human, “Are you all right young Aru? Did I perhaps hit you too hard?”

Still lying on the ground, Aru finally regained his senses. He lifted his upper body with help of his arms and shook his head awake. “Phew, that was close!” Strong was glad the Human still had the spunk to be humorous. “I was trying to create a protective barrier, but you got me before I could finish it. It did however absorb some of that impact.”

“You are a man full of tricks, I’ll give you that.” The blue Chiss crouched to help Aru get back on his feet. He noticed the dark-haired Jedi reach for his lightsaber and immediately jumped back a good way, enough to avoid the buzzing slash that Aru performed. “You still lack manners.” He said, adopting a fighting stance again. “Next time I won’t help you up.”

Master Seraine "Erinyes" Taldrya Ténama, 30 April, 2020 8:54 PM UTC

What Went Well

I love the premise of this battle. It suits the characters perfectly, and it’s a refreshing change from most of the battles we see in the ACC. You also did a great job of bringing the characters’ personalities out in both their dialogue and the way they fight. Showing how Aru questioned his decision to challenge Strong to a duel helped keep me inside his perspective. The combat itself had enough depth to be interesting, with how Aru tried to outsmart Strong, and the pace was quick enough that it didn’t feel like it dragged on.

Room for Growth

Before I get into this part, don’t be discouraged by how much more there is in this section than in the What Went Well section. It just takes more words to explain how you can improve than to describe what you’re already good at.

This post has several issues in the Realism category. The first comes from the way you used Force Cloak and Illusion to trick Strong and give you the opportunity to land a blaster shot. In general, combining Force Cloak and Illusion is a cool idea, and I like that you decided to try it in this battle. There are few aspects of Force Cloak and Ghosting that made the way they were written in this post seem unrealistic, though.

Ghosting allows the user to move “slowly and deliberately” while using Force Cloak, but the way you describe the events requires Aru to move quickly in at least two places: when he tries to dodge Strong's grab, and when he has to get all the way around and behind Strong in the time it takes Strong to say a sentence or two. Both of those actions would require him to move faster than the “slowly and deliberately” that Ghosting allows, so Force Cloak should’ve deactivated.

The second point about Force Cloak is that at a +3 rating, the power takes “several seconds” to activate fully, according to the CS Guide: Force Powers page on the wiki. I don't see a pause in the action that's long enough to let Aru spend several seconds activating Force Cloak, except maybe after Strong grabs him—but Aru also has to escape from Strong's grip and get around behind him in that same period of time. So, in the situation you described, the power wouldn't work the way you wrote it.

Moving away from Force Cloak, the second realism issue in this post is that the writing didn't reflect the massive difference in the characters' Athletics scores, especially during the chase section. There's no explanation for how Aru (with Athletics +0) was able to outrun Strong (with Athletics +5) despite Strong's speed advantage. It's also not clear how Aru was able to make Strong overshoot him; if Strong was far enough behind Aru that Strong couldn't just grab him, Strong would also have enough time to change direction and follow Aru instead of sliding past him.

The final Realism issue I noted was how you handled Aru getting slammed into the wall. The Barrier might've reduced the impact from Strong's strike, but Aru still hit a stone wall hard enough to crack the wall behind him and leave him senseless (unless the part about how Aru “regained his senses” refers to something else). Despite that, he doesn't seem to be injured from hitting the wall, even though you wrote that he couldn't raise his Barrier before Strong interrupted him.

Besides the Realism concerns, I noticed a few issues with Syntax and Story. You had one passage of dialogue (ending in “the Gray Jedi said”) that ended with a period when a comma would've been correct. There was also a paragraph (when Aru and Strong first start running inside the Winter Palace) where you use “he” to refer to both characters in the same sentence, which made it confusing to see who had started running first.

Regarding Story, Aru's explanation of how Strong interrupted his Barrier seemed a little bit out of place, like it was intended as you telling the judges why you were writing it that way. I didn't deduct points for that, because it might be that Aru just talks like that normally (which would be very anime-esque), but it would've felt more integrated with the story if you'd described the events as they happened instead of telling the reader about them after the fact.

Last but not least, keep an eye on the opponent's loadout. Strong has a personal energy shield that would've protected him from Aru's blaster shot, and it's weird that he didn't activate it either before the fight or after Aru shot him. Like the in-character explanation of Barrier, I didn't deduct points for this (since it's not “against the rules”, it's just not explained), but it's something to keep in mind in the future.

Suggestions

Realism-wise, the biggest suggestions are to make sure the way your post is written matches the skill and power descriptions in the CS Guide, and to make sure you show the reader how Aru is doing what he does, even if his opponent doesn't know. Unlike regular fiction writing, where a reader might be willing to accept things “just happening”, ACC battles need to show how the events of the battle unfold so that the judges can grade them. You showed that you know how to account for CS stats and explain events when you mentioned Aru getting tired from running before Strong did and during Aru's explanation of Barrier, so it's just a question of doing it for the entire post.

Story-wise, as I said earlier, your explanation will feel more immersive if you describe them. Don't just have Aru say “I couldn't raise the Barrier in time”—show him trying to do it, then realising he didn't quite make it when Strong's hammer hits him.

Lastly, for Syntax, get a proofreader when possible. You can also use an online checker like Grammarly, since human proofreaders miss things sometimes.

The Chiss took quick stock of the situation. Aru’s blaster was a few feet away, apparently dropped when his poorly swung hammer blow had put the Human into the wall. It had been a hasty strike, Strong was just glad he hadn’t engaged his weapon’s shockwave generators beforehand. Explaining to Alaisy, the man’s mentor, or Tali his Quaestor why the noble son of Garmis had turned Aru into paste would have proved awkward. He favored his right leg as he engaged his hammer’s repulsor and shockwave mode, stretching his neck and staring at the smaller man. The shot to his leg may have been little more than a graze — ruining his black slacks — but the method had at least been clever.

“I must dissuade you from this course of action, Master Law. It will do Mistress Tir’eivra little good to have her former student crippled by a fellow Arconan.”

“Don’t you try and invoke her name! I’m the one with the lightsaber here, big fella, if you didn’t notice. All you’ve got is a heavy piece of metal on a stick,” scoffed the gambler, as if ignoring the labored breathing he’d gained from meeting the wall behind him just moments prior. The emerald blade in the Human’s hand hummed, whirring like a nest of angry, stinging insects as he swung it towards the larger man again. “When I’m done with you, she won’t even want anything to do with you, Garmis.”

“Ah, yes,” replied Strong, taking another step back as the saber arced out towards him. “You presented this challenge as some kind of wager, did you not? I had heard you were a gambler. Intriguing.”

Aru grit his teeth and thrust at the General, annoyed when the man stepped aside in an almost casual manner, his cloak billowing out to catch the Human across the face. He flailed, nearly getting himself with his lightsaber before freeing himself, the cloak falling to the palace floor. The Knight glowered at the Chiss, the big man standing off to the side, hammer haft casually resting across both shoulders.

“But,” continued the General, eyes boring into the other man, “a wager goes both ways, does it not?”

The Knight narrowed his gaze, catching his breath and focusing on the General. His mind reached out, brushing the Chiss’s, and the anger within Aru was stoked to new heights. He could sense feelings of amusement and boredom from his opponent. He glanced down at the leg he’d shot before, noting that Strong wasn’t putting his full weight on it. An idea formed, prompting the Human to move his saber to his left hand.

“Ah, have you been taking it easy on me, young Aru? Are you, in fact, not right-handed?” Strong looked entertained as if a new layer of a challenge had presented itself.

Aru just glared, holding his now freehand out and summoning his blaster back to him. It hadn’t even slapped into his palm before he saw Strong moving out of the corner of his eye, the man pulling his hammer back to a ready position. It didn’t matter, Law swung his DL-44 around with a glint in his eye, firing shot after shot before he had even brought it in line, peppering the wall to the left of the Chiss.

Instinct took over for the son of Garmis, dodging to the right, his wounded leg sending a shot of pain through his body. He grunted and went down, chips of the stucco-like wall raining down on him as the blaster bolts perforated the wall above him.

“Finally, you employ strategy, Mister Law,” chuckled Strong through grit teeth. He let his hammer lie on the floor as he stood, despite his situation he exuded the confidence of a man who knew the other would not shoot. Instead, he grasped the hilt of the odd-looking sword at his hip, drawing the Bilari out.

“You’d be better off with the hammer, big guy,” snarled Aru, lifting his blaster to aim at the Chiss’s head. “At least then you’d had reach.”

Strong cocked his head, just slightly, to the left, and turned the hilt of his weapon. He thumbed a small button and flicked his wrist, the blade breaking down into segments and darting out. The now flexible weapon grazed Aru’s gunhand, knocking his aim off, blaster bolt passing a few inches to the side of the General’s unflinching face. The pistol clattered to the floor, and Aru moved his saber back to his strong hand, backpedaling as the Chiss swung the whip-like weapon to and fro before him. It sent sparks where it hit the stone floor, and gave the Knight an uncomfortable reminder of his own Mistress Alaisy’s tendency to train with a whip. He grunted when he hit the back wall, and pushed off with one foot, saber pulled back over his shoulder, determined to end the bigger man with a single swipe.

His blade screamed through the air, and part of him felt confident. Until he saw Strong pull his chain-whip back and the blade reformed itself into a sword.

So what, it’s just metal, I have a lightsab— he thought, right until the saber impacted the edge of Strong’s blade with a crackle, the larger man knocking the strike aside. “What!?”

The only reply he got was the pommel of the weapon striking him in the forehead, sending him stumbling back in a daze. He felt a warmth running down his face, blood getting in his left eye as he blinked.

“As I said,” Strong spoke, taking a slight step back and raising his sword to a guard position. “A wager goes both ways, yes, Mister Law? I will indulge you, and honor the results regardless of how this fight goes.”

Even with his head swimming from the hit to his head, Aru felt a fire inside. He lived for the cards, for the thrill of chance, for the bet...the wager.

“I win, you leave Mistress Alaisy alone,” he growled, “you don’t pester her, you don’t try and take her out on any kind of date or whatever other perverse ideas you have. She’s too young for you.”

“Firstly, Master Aru, I barely have a year on you yourself, and a handful on Mistress Tir’eivra. Secondly, I accept your terms! Now hear mine. Should I be the victor, and after you have been seen to by a competent medical professional, you will provide me any information about what Miss Alaisy enjoys. Her favorite flower, any kind of sweet she may indulge in, her favorite blend of tea.”

The Chiss rolled his shoulders and held his sword up higher.

“Do we have a wager, Mister Law?”

Master Seraine "Erinyes" Taldrya Ténama, 30 April, 2020 8:54 PM UTC

What Went Well

As usual, your characterisation is excellent, and you clearly build on the foundations of the story from the first post. I don’t normally go for one-sided combat like you showed between Aru and Strong, but in this case, the stats backed it up and it actually reinforced Strong’s choice to be civil with Aru instead of smashing him into paste from the get-go. The actual fighting that did happen was immersive and well-paced, and I appreciated the Chatty Duel reference.

Room for Growth

You had a couple of small Syntax goofs around commas (in the “explaining to Alaisy or Tali” passage) and verb tenses (“you’d had” instead of “you’d have” or “you had”). There was also an issue around the reference to “the labored breathing he’d gained from meeting the wall”, given that Aru didn’t actually mention being injured beyond blacking out for a second. Since it’s plausible that Aru would’ve been winded after hitting the wall (and probably should’ve been, as I said in his post comments), I won’t ding you for it, but you know as well as I do that assigning injuries like that is a bad habit to get into. :P

Suggestions

Stop doing the bad things.

The feeling of having an impossible wager to win only fueled Aru’s drive. He could try to fight it, but he would never be able to live with himself. He wasn’t called the Gambler just for show. He sheathed his saber and silence filled the room.

“Her favorite flower is a Nightrose. She really likes the purest of chocolates. Brew her some black tea with dried Shuura and she won’t insult you.” The Gray Jedi boasted confidently.

“I don’t understand.” The General said. “Why are you telling me this beforehand?”

“Because I’m going to win! And your sense of honor won’t allow you to do anything even if you know what she likes!” That was the best wager he had taken in a while. He was brimming with excitement and ready to go all out.

“Have you hit your head so hard that you are getting delusional ideas? Perhaps we should continue another time.” The Chiss stated, concerned with his opponent’s mental state.

Aru nodded, a more serious look was now on his face. “I’m good. Let’s finish this outside, shall we?” Strong agreed.

Outside the Winter Palace.

Having moved their confrontation to the exterior of the Palace, Aru immediately began searching for vantage points he could use. He could be impetuous, but he still knew perfectly well that this was a fight he couldn’t win, fairly.

“How about we ditch long range weapons and fight closely to each other?” The Human proposed.

“You are the only one with the blaster here. I already suggested we used our fists.”

In response to Strong’s proposal, Aru adopted a fighting stance, he spread his feet apart for a wide base and stretched his arms and hands to mimic a lizard like pose.

“Playing defensive now? I wonder how long you can take a beating?”

Aru waited for the big blue Chiss to make the first move, as was standard with his martial fighting style. The bulldozer humanoid ran towards him with his shoulder pointed to his face. Graciously, he spun around and dodged the shoulder charge. The General however, immediately turned and performed a left hook to which the Human could only deflect partially. Aru was sent backwards with the force of the impact and ended up with two very aching hands. He shook them as to relieve himself a bit of that pain.

“Uuhh, those are some Strong punches!” he laughed to his own joke.

“The ability to crack a joke under unfavorable circumstances amazes me. You’re confident young Aru! I like that. But you lack judgement and that can prove fatal.”

Strong immediately resumed his running towards the dark-haired Human. This time, he was coming with his arms open, to try and catch the Human, ending the fight on the spot. Aru waited until the very last second, before Strong closed his grip and vanished. Before the General could realize the trick, he popped back into view. He came from under the Chiss and punched him in the chest.

Strong was static, the punches had done nothing to his majestic figure, and Aru felt like he was punching a wall. Although, ineffective, Aru vanished again allowing no time for the giant Chiss to react.

While invisible, he dodged an arm swing. Strong knew it was not an illusion and that Aru had to be nearby. Therefore, if he couldn’t see him, he was just going to attack randomly until he hit him.

Aru was at his peek now. Clearly focused on his task, he controlled his movements and the Force around him to aid him in the best possible way. He came back into sight and prompted Strong to attack, vanishing once more as soon as he punched. He then used his weight against himself and tripped the big Chiss, causing him to lose balance and step forward. Meanwhile, Aru was out of his reach again and this time he jumped from the side and punched Strong's cheek. It still hurt the Human to do so, but the General also felt it a bit.

Strong was starting to get really annoyed and waved his arms around violently to catch Aru, the fly that was pestering him. But the Human was nowhere to be seen. This time he didn’t respond with a surprise attack. Strong straightened his posture and looked around for movement in the grass, ripples in the puddles or footprints in the mud. Too late, Aru reappeared behind the blue Chiss and, before the General could react, the ruthless Human kicked him as fast as he could on his injured leg and disappeared again. Even the mighty Strong would feel something.

The Chiss was forced to put his right knee down. With one hand he checked the injury on his leg and some drops of blood came out.

“Looks like I’ve tamed the Rancor!” Aru boasted reappearing in front of his foe. Even on one knee, Strong was the same height as Aru. The Human closed the distance between them and smirked. “I think we can say that I w…” He was sent flying back more than ten meters by a brutal punch from Strong.

On impact, he broke a rib and the injury on his head became worse. The Human fell near a big pipe, stunned and with pain.

Strong was already up and walking towards the Gray Jedi. His injuries were nothing he couldn’t handle, and not the worst he had suffered in his lifetime. This time, the usually kind Chiss didn’t feel pity for the Human. Determined to finish the job, Strong flexed his arm for the final punch.

Only now regaining his senses, Aru saw a big shadow covering all the light above him. Panic filled his eyes and he stretched his hand, crushing the pipe open with aid of the Force. A toxic cloud of smoke was released and Strong was forced to retreat from his position, allowing th Human to fall back as well. Aru leaned against a tree to catch his breath. He still had his lightsaber. And if it meant he could win, he was prepared to do anything.

Master Seraine "Erinyes" Taldrya Ténama, 30 April, 2020 8:55 PM UTC

What Went Well

You did an excellent job of portraying the characters throughout this post, especially when you showed how Aru tried to use Strong's own sense of honour against him, and Aru’s use of the environment during the second phase of combat. The combat itself was entertaining to read, and showed off each character’s strengths while presenting what a fight between them would probably look like, with a guy who really isn’t built for a fistfight trying to do it anyway without much success.

Room for Growth

The Realism issues in your first post continued in this post, especially around the use of Force Cloak. As I said earlier, Force Cloak takes several seconds to activate, and Ghosting limits how fast Aru can move while using it. The image of Aru blinking in and out of view as he runs circles around Strong is both cool and appropriate for his character, but neither of those things will let you ignore the power descriptions in the CS Guide.

In addition to the Force Cloak issue, remember that there are limits on how often Force powers can be used in general. As a Journeyman, Aru is still relatively inexperienced, but by the end of your post, he’s used both Force Cloak and possibly Amplification (judging by “he controlled his movements and the Force around him”) multiple times in a short period—on top of combining Force Cloak and Illusion in the first part of the battle—and then follows up with using Telekinesis to rupture a pipe, all while being moderately or severely injured (broken rib, knocked out at least twice). I find it hard to believe that Aru could keep up that level of performance over your entire post, especially in light of his injuries.

Unfortunately, although Story was the strongest part of your post in a “general narrative” sense, it had a weak point in an “ACC Rubric” sense: namely, the pause in the fighting while Aru and Strong moved outside the Winter Palace. That break effectively reset the fight (except for Strong’s leg wound not being healed), which removed all of the suspense that had been built up.

You had a minor Syntax issue when you wrote about how Aru “sheathed” his lightsaber. Since lightsabers don’t actually use sheaths, the correct term would’ve been “deactivated”, or something similar to that. (Deactivating a lightsaber might be the lightsaber equivalent of sheathing a sword, but “deactivating” and “sheathing” don’t mean the same thing, so you can’t swap them freely.) There was also one spot where you got words mixed up (using “graciously” instead of “gracefully”).

Suggestions

As before, when it comes to Realism, make sure you’re following the CS Guide descriptions of powers and Feats. Regarding Story, It’s okay to have “slower” periods during battles where the action is less intense, but avoid completely stopping and restarting the battle. Finally, the Syntax issues can be handled by a combination of proofreading and online grammar checkers.

The Chiss coughed, waving away the foul cloud and backing away. He could admire the tenacity, and even the resourcefulness, of Aru. This was proving more interesting then he’d expected of the Knight, though considering the lad was part of a ship that seemed to fetishize sparring, it should not have surprised him. As the smoke dissipated, his gaze sought out the Human, scouring the immediate area. He was growing more familiar with some of the man’s tricks, his eyes searching for disturbances on the ground in case he had decided to remove himself from sight once more.

As he sought out the Human, he felt goosebumps rise on the back of his neck as something grazed it. He turned, fists rising to guard his chest and face, eyes narrowing. It had been just a brush, the barest of touches. Strong growled as he felt something tickle his left ear, whipping his head around and swinging a fist wide and low, trying to find the hidden Knight.

”Mister Aru, I suggest you fight like a man if you wish to continue this misbegotten idea of defending your Master’s honor,” he bellowed, gritting his teeth. The Chiss had an idea of what was going on; Force User’s had a love for playing these kinds of tricks in Arcona. He turned slowly, eyes searching anew. Aru had to be nearby, he decided, to be using such finely targeted abilities. He looked at the crushed pipe and began a tactical evaluation.

”I think stress is getting to you, big guy, maybe you should leave, have a nap, forget this whole business with my mistress,” a voice seemed to whisper in his ear. Strong did his best to ignore it, he knew the man wasn't there, and even if he was the Human couldn’t have reached that high while the Chiss was on his feet. He evaluated the area around where he’d last seen Aru, before the dirty trick with the pipe. It came out of a higher point of ground, at the edge of where it leveled off for the palace itself. He looked up, above where the pipe emerged. Rocks, none particularly large, and a tree that looked rotted and dead from Nal Hutta’s pollution ridden environment.

But large enough to hide a man as slim as Mister Aru, he thought to himself grimly. He blinked as he approached, the ground in front of him shifting in appearance to a morass of roiling mud, a hazard to try and cross. With a grunt of annoyance, he kicked a nearby stone into the pit and noted the lack of a splash, the rock sticking up out of the illusion. He cracked his knuckles and walked through, the mirage dissipating as he passed through it.

”Master Law, you try my patience!”

Strong mounted the small bluff, using the crushed pipe as a handhold, and approached the dead tree with light steps.

”You want to leave Nal Hutta, General,” came a nearby voice, laden with power.

He wavered, feeling the pressure on his mind, before growling and stomping his right foot down. Pain shot up the leg from his blaster wound, helping fracture the tenuous hold the Knight had tried to impress on him. Right hand balled into a fist, Strong cocked his arm back and punched the tree with all of his considerable strength.

Aru sat with eyes half-closed, focused on his illusions and his last-ditch effort to command the hulking man away. His hands gripped his saber hilt tightly as he began to get up from his seated position. He winced, his head hurt, his ribs hurt, his back hurt, everything hurt. He was halfway to his feet when the Force screamed at him, making him freeze in place. It was for the best, as a blue fist the size of his head tore through the old, dead tree above just above him.

That could have killed me at this point, he thought in a strangely detached manner. Instead of panicking or devolving to self-pity, Aru engaged his saber and jabbed upwards. Prepared to do anything, Aru, do what you must to secure the win, he reminded himself.

The Chiss felt heat, the flesh of his forearm bubbling as the green plasma blade skimmed the surface of his arm. He bellowed in anger, jerking away by reflex, spotting Aru through the spray of broken wood. The Human was getting to his feet, a look of grim determination tinged with fear, his saber gripped so hard his knuckles were turning white. Strong didn’t wait, he was seeing red, anger and pain nearly overwhelming his reason. He kicked out at the tree itself, the trunk cracking and leaning alarmingly towards the Knight.

“Sithspit!” shouted Aru, jumping to the side into dirt and mud. He found Strong giving swift chase, the big man moving with all of the deceptive speed he possessed. The Human twisted and tried to get his feet under him, eyes growing wide as he realized the Chiss was diving in at him. “No! No no no,” he yelled as three hundred plus pounds of blue man landed on top of him, a meaty fist knocking the saber out of his hand.

Aru grunted and tried to chop at the General’s neck, the edge of his hand hitting corded muscle and stinging. The two rolled as they struggled, mud staining armor and clothes. The Knight lashed out as their travel brought him on top, but again his hit just seemed to annoy, and anger, the Chiss. He saw the Chiss spit a small amount of blood out of the side of his mouth, a small detail that for some reason stood out during all of it as they reached the crest of the small hill.

At least I made him bleed, thought the Human, smugly.

They rolled down the hill, both men emitting noises of discomfort. At the bottom, Aru tried to get away from the big man but felt a vice-like grip on one arm pulling him back in. Strong wrapped an arm around him at about shoulder height, releasing his arm hold and then placing that hand around the Knight’s mid-back.

“I suggest you submit, Mister Law,” growled Strong into his ear.

“I don’t lose bets, General,” gasped Aru as Garmis began to apply pressure. He wiggled his fingers, trying to focus, to draw his fallen saber hilt to his hand. He tried to cry out in pain when Strong suddenly tightened his hold further, feeling his broken rib, or ribs as it likely was now, grind together and press against his internals. Darkness encroached on his vision, breathing was proving difficult.

”I implore you to fold, then, Master Aru,” suggested Strong. ”I do not wish to return you to Miss Tir’eivra a broken man.”

The Chiss waited a moment, not hearing a response, and loosened his grip. Aru lay against his chest limply, prompting a sigh from the General, who rolled over and gently set the man down. He pulled his medpac from his belt, beaten as the casing was it hadn’t broken open at least.

“I shall see to you as I can, and deposit you within my vessel’s medbay, Mister Law,” he grumbled. “Perhaps you will be awake by the time we reach Port Ol’val, though you will not find me aboard when you do. I believe I have a date this evening.”

Master Seraine "Erinyes" Taldrya Ténama, 30 April, 2020 8:56 PM UTC

What Went Well

Once again, this post was spot-on. The combat was exciting, the characterisation was immersive, and you wrapped the story up in a way that was both satisfying and made perfect sense within the context of the battle.

Room for Growth

You had a few syntax issues again, with a plural apostrophe (“Force User’s had a love for...”), repetitive words (“above just above”) and commas (“beaten as the casing was it hadn’t broken open”).

Suggestions

Proofread, because I have to say that to each combatant at least once per battle.