Savant Zaagnika "Zag" Umangi vs. Privateer Sage "The Boss" Cormac

Savant Zaagnika "Zag" Umangi

Equite 2, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Female Zygerrian, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Privateer Sage "The Boss" Cormac

Equite 1, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Zeltron, Mercenary, Scoundrel
Comment

First of all, thank you for the thrilling match and clear conclusion! Also for participating in the SARLACC event, I hope you two had as much fun writing this as I did reading it!

Zag was a lot of fun to read, nervousness and forced confidence mixed together for a proper ‘I got this--I DO NOT GOT THIS’ attitude and character. Creative use of the Hammer!

Sage was as intolerable as he appears to be intended to be, a proper boisterous and annoying guy. Will his pride ever allow him to believe that Zag helped him suplex the rancor? Probably not.

Alaisy, I don’t have much input here, you wrote a solid story and it was a riot to read. Aru, don’t rush, get proofed, your syntax took a noticeable dive in your second post man.

With a score of 5.05 , the winner is Zag!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Savant Zaagnika "Zag" Umangi, Privateer Sage "The Boss" Cormac
Winner Savant Zaagnika "Zag" Umangi
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Savant Zaagnika "Zag" Umangi's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Privateer Sage "The Boss" Cormac's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [Scenario] SARLACC 2021, Round 1: Breached Hot Labs
Last Post 23 January, 2021 6:02 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra Dr. Aru Law
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: A few very very minor errors Rationale: Minor errors in your first post, and a lot in your second. Mind your proofers, don't rush!
Story - 40%
Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 (Advantage) Score: 5
Rationale: Excellent pacing, great action, banter, humor, story! Rationale: Plenty of action, a lot of fun to read!
Realism - 25%
Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: Shakey, but no errors. You get by this time, Sage!
Continuity - 20%
Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors to be found! Rationale: No issues found!
Alaisy "Aphotis" Tir'eivra's Score: 5.05 Dr. Aru Law's Score: 4.55
Posts

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The Fourteenth Great Jedi War left deep wounds across the surface of Arx. One such victim, unnoticed by the Brotherhood at large, was the Corrino Research Laboratory on the marshy continent of Uskil. The Collective had assaulted the Shadow Academy's Nesolat platform to gain access to the surface of Arx, its strategic importance dwarfing its role as an isolated research facility. When the battle moved to the planet's surface, the Nesolat was discarded like so much chaff, and debris from the disintegrating station was scattered across the planet.

Some of that debris struck the specimen habitat, damaging them enough for the specimens contained within to escape into Uskil’s swampy wilderness. In the aftermath of the invasion, playing animal control was a low priority for the Iron Throne, but the beasts became more of a nuisance—and even a danger—as time went on. Their exposure to the maelstrom of Force energies around Uskil, stirred up by the Grand Master’s ritual during the invasion, has made the creatures aggressive and unpredictable.

Rather than wandering Uskil’s swampy, storm-soaked wildlands, many of the escaped beasts have since returned to their ruined habitats, finding the climate more to their liking; it was designed for them, after all. They’ve since become extremely territorial, attacking any Shadow Academy staff who try to remove them so the habitats can be rebuilt. Rather than continue to delay the Academy’s research and sacrifice hapless construction workers and lab technicians, the Headmistress has put out a call to any members of the Brotherhood who are willing to help with the problem.

Your goal in this scenario is to subdue and capture the hostile creature so that it can be transported to a different facility for further testing. As the creature has been modified by the Academy’s scientists, the Headmistress would strongly prefer that you capture it alive, rather than killing it and forcing the researchers to make do with data from a dead specimen.

Grasses, reeds and sedges dominated the long emerald and gold stretch of wetland. Uncountable species of birds roamed the area, fluttering away with every wading step made. Occasionally, a small amphibian or swamp predator would spring up from the shallow waters. The soaking wet Uskil marsh reeked of sulfurous gas and decaying vegetation. All of the belted pockets that the ashy-furred Zygerrian carried were filled with murky water. Strong, cold winds chilled Zag to the bone, prompting her to cover her pink tipped nose with her arm.

Why couldn’t they drop me off a little closer to the habitats on dryer lands?

All Zaagnika Umangi, or ‘Zag’ for short, wanted was to find some work. A job that paid, so that she could repay some of her debts to the Sith that kept her on such a short leash. This Brotherhood that Tir’eivra was a part of seemed like a great starting point. The most recent Great Jedi War was her first trip to the planet Arx, and it got her set up pretty well with bounties and illegal shipping that trickled in a hefty amount of credits. All of that dosh had seemed to evaporate after a few sips of whiskey and sniffs of spice. So, like the genius she considered herself to be, the Savant sought out work at the nearest establishment, the Shadow Academy.

There she was met with wealth and grandeur. Immense libraries and cozy study rooms. Immediately, upon entrance, she was greeted by her very first professor. The dark robed figure was eager to ask her for assistance. Out of desperation she foolishly accepted and then signed some contracts. Capture some beasties? No problem, her desperate, substance-abusing brain thought.

Cue thirty minutes of chattering teeth and goosebumps. There was no transport, merely her trusty jetpack, some linked gauntlets and an antidote kit for all those stinging bugs, no doubt. This was proving to be one of her greatest decisions already. She would add it to the list of mishaps, but perhaps finding the person she was meant to meet up with would help.

“Look for a man that goes by the name of Sage, go north from the drop off point and good luck!” She was told. No further information. Just that the man would be very hard to miss.

After wallowing and trudging through muck that felt like it took hours, not minutes, the surface started to get dryer. Even in an almost hypothermic state she could feel that the Force was strong here. Slit pupils dilated vertically as the Zygerrian peered at what seemed to be debris from a space vessel of some sort. Upturned emerald eyes scanned the horizon. One clawed hand activated her Scanny Thingymabob, sending out a 360-degree pulse around the slender woman. It beeped with flickering crimson lights, signifying some life behind the obstacle ahead of her.

Normally she would tap into the Force to reach out, but she was just so, so cold. It felt good to tread on solid ground however. Thumbs of her hands grasped around the straps of her Supercommando jetpack as she made her way around the scattered Nesolat remains.

Zag turned her wrist scanner off as she made her way around a sharp metal corner. She sidestepped along the wall, her hands sliding over the rough surface. Her chipped ear poked out and twitched as she heard a booming voice.

“There you are! I thought I was going to have to find the target all by myself. I am Sage, but you can call me ‘The Boss’!” a monster of a man greeted the Zygerrian. His head was adorned with messy, midnight blue hair complete with streaks of porcelain and amethyst. The Zeltron had blood red skin bulging with muscle mass gathered around his torso.

With a shy militaristic salute of her hand, Zag returned the greeting, her shiny, jet-black bangs falling back in place as she stepped into clear sight.

“Uhh, hello, I am sorry to have kept you waiting, sir, Sage, Boss...The Boss, sorry,” she gulped and straightened the shiny box-pleated skirt that covered her form-fitting bodysuit. The mostly black suit was translucent around her thighs and knees, including a small part of her upper arm. Straps, an ammo belt, and several stuck-on pockets adorned her athletic body.

The towering Zeltron gazed over her with judgemental greenish gold eyes. He scanned over her golden ear cuffs, bracelets and neck adornments, assessing their value. It all appeared expensive, but their practicality puzzled him. Perhaps it was all fake, cheap metal? Either way, he was convinced the much shorter woman before him had an eye for fashion.

“I had hoped they would send someone more impressive over. However, I admire your eye for style, miss-?” His boisterous voice paused as he inquired for her name.

“Thank you. The name’s Zag, or Zaagnika Umangi, but it's really just Zag. I… I arrived to help subdue some creature and capture it, alive. B-but would you know what we are looking for?” Her silvery voice became increasingly high pitched, as she felt intimidated by the Zeltron.

“We are close, I have been hearing all kinds of noises and animalistic calls coming from the nearby specimen habitats, the ruins of the hot labs,” Sage pointed towards the northwest with his massive hand. Zag inclined her head in confirmation as her sharp eyesight picked up on the word ‘Boss’ spelled out over his fingers.

He really wasn’t kidding around, wearing his silken snowy pants with golden stripes over those slim but long legs and a strange feathery jacket that covered only part of his upper body. His massive torso was left on almost complete display, his left pectoral bearing the number ‘10367’. The man looked like a convict, probably held within a high-sec district with not that high of a prisoner capacity. At least Zag had some experience from her time behind bars. Clearly, he was compensating for something. Perhaps he’d taken a few too many blows to the head.

How is he not cold? How did his pants stay clean? Who is this guy?

Snap out of it girly! Let's go check it out, or are you afraid?” He barked at the Zygerrian, who let out a squeak and fumbled around to look for her EE-4 Blaster ‘Prattle’, only to find it strapped to her jetpack. She took it off and shook it until the last drop of water left the barrel.

“Y-yes, I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep up,” she fidgeted with the gun as they headed out.

At least the big guy made an obvious target should they run into trouble. While Zag was walking on her toes, Sage puffed up his chest, causing pretty much every small critter to scoot away ahead of them. The scenery started to change dramatically as they got closer to the creature habitats. Mushy open grass fields transformed into micro-forests with broken fences strewn about.

Sage stopped in his tracks, almost causing Zag to bump into him. With her soft angled eyebrows she peered up at him in confusion. When she looked at where he was pointing she noticed a small herd of herbivores.

“Want me to go check it out? I can be pretty quiet,” the Savant inquired with her silvery voice. Sage gave her a not-so-subtle thumbs up and a wide smile.

The Zygerrian started moving towards the group of grazers,walking quietly on the balls of her feet. She took short, light steps and slowed down her breathing. Then she called upon the Force to slowly fade from sight, warping light and shadow. There was the sound of creaking and rattling metal fences. Rolling rubble from broken down habitat structures. Squawking of birds and gentle calls from the feeding herbivores. The tranquil setting made it easy for her to maintain a focused mind. It was pleasantly quiet.

Until…

“Hey Zag, where you at?!” Sage’s voice rumbled through the serene environment.

The deer-like creatures poked their heads up from the weeds and hopped away as fast as they could. The shimmer of air that hid Zag deformed and displayed her dumbfounded look.

“There you are!” The huge Zeltron yelled out with a big grin on his fair lips.

Zag planted her palm onto her face and let it slip downward in exasperation.

Then, they both heard a massive roar.

“What th-!?” Zag made a little hop and turned her head around. Sage froze in place, looking towards an abandoned structure. There was the sound of screeching metal, cracking stone.. The ground shook as they both heard massive footsteps. Then there was a loud snort.

Zag pivoted her hips and started backpedaling. A giant claw extended around the corner of the building. Then, a door was launched out onto the grass. A grotesque nose wedged through where it had been puffing, grunting and breathing heavily. It sniffed out the air, looking for the herbivores it was preying upon. Its beady eyes almost looked disappointed, until it stuck its head out further and saw two new meals staring back.

“Look!! That’s what we were sent after. It's a kriffing Rancor! This is going to be good,” the Boss balled his hands into fists, then smashed both of his brass knuckles together to get the Rancor’s attention with a loud metal ringing.

“What? Are you mad?!” Zag’s voice turned into a high pitch squeak as she made larger and larger steps away from the structure. Walking turned into sprinting before the Zygerrian even realized it.

The hideous carnivore pushed its hunching back against the ceiling to climb out of the building. The Rancor roared as it lifted up its muscle-packed shoulder and crumbled the doorpost to bits, ripping free. Then it rose up, three meters, four meters, then it went from bent over to standing up, rocketing its length to a massive ten meters, rising well above the trees surrounding them. The repto-mammalian creature stretched out before turning towards the two hirees.

It began walking towards the high ringing reverberating sound. Vegetation, crumbled pavement and twigs cracked and fractured underneath its body weight.

“Do something!!” Zag screamed out at the male Zeltron. While running she spotted a dead tree barely holding its weight up. She pointed at it with her long fanged hand.

Sage raised his shoulders with raised arms and flat hands until he peered at the direction of the Savant’s frantic pointing. He strode towards the trunk with almost too much confidence. Then he hit the base of the tree with a heavy punch. Then another. And another. Until the twigs shook. The dead tree creaked and splintered, eventually it started falling over.

Zag stretched out her arm and depressed Prattle’s trigger, sending out a volley of unaimed blaster bolts.

Oh good, you’re still functioning

The Rancor easily absorbed the duo of shots that managed to actually graze its thick skin, only speeding up its stride as it licked its razor sharp teeth.

The athletic woman came to a standstill with a deep slide. Sage inclined his head at her. Zag focused her emerald eyes on the tree and willed it to move by tapping into the Force. A clawing and swiping gesture with her right hand and a well-timed jab at the tree from the Zeltron sent the object tumbling towards the massive beast.

With a crash it smashed onto the Rancor’s head. The mass and velocity sent it face first into the soil.

“Kark, did we kill it?” Sage inquired as he brushed off his hands.

A growl soon disproved his theory. Splinters exploded into the air as both colossal claws tore the dead tree in twain. All they managed to do was tick it the frak off…

The Zeltron was still proudly beating his chest. Zag seemed to huff and puff, hands on her hips, shaking her head. She peered back and forth between the beast and Sage.

“This ain’t worth it,” the Savant muttered under her breath.

“Good news everyone! At least our Rancor is still alive. The bad news, I really have no clue how they are going to pick it up! Hah!” He blared out, laughing as the massive beast pushed itself back onto its feet.

His colorless lips pursed. Yellow-green eyes darting around rapidly as he looked around. He was missing something, or someone. Pupils dilated as he realized that he lost sight of Miss Zaagnika. Another growl from the monster caused his heart to sink.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 24 January, 2021 4:27 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


This was fantastic, a great setup and solid ambiance, a clear declaration of which beast you were dealing with, and a good bit of action to round it out. I also really appreciate that Zag and Sage did a team attack with the fallen tree, you don’t get to see that often. All in all, an impressive opening post, just fantastic!

Can Be Improved


I honestly don’t have much to say here. You’re missing hyphens throughout but that’s not a major detractor, and while your avoidance of the oxford comma is personally an affront to the writing gods to me, it also isn’t a detractor :P
That said, you missed a space after a comma, and a singular comma that was not an oxford.

The Zygerrian started moving towards the group of grazers,walking <---missing a space
The dead tree creaked and splintered, eventually it started falling over. <---needed either a comma after eventually to be grammatically correct, or ‘splintered, and eventually started falling over’. Either would have worked.

“Frack!” He thought. “Where the hell is she?”

There was no time to look around properly, as the raging beast turned all its hatred towards the towering Zeltron who shone like a beacon in its murderous eyes. One step, then another, it picked up the pace, getting on its four legs for maximum speed.

Sage, too, was running, although away from the beast. Even he couldn’t knock out an enormous monstrosity such as his foe.

The mighty Rancor tore through tree after tree, not slowing an inch. In fact, the beast was closing distance on Sage.

“I need a new plan. Think, Sage,” the Zeltron started imagining ways of losing his pursuer. “What can’t a large beast do?” The very fast pace that he was being forced to run was now causing him to pant.

AHA!” He yelled. Immediately, he planted his left foot firmly on the ground, sliding slightly due to the muddiness of the area, and turned sharply to the right. “Large beasts can’t turn.” He thought smugly in his head. Then BAM!

The mighty Zeltron flew like a ragdoll through several trees. Luckily for him, they were all rotten inside. Not so luckily, it still hurt, a lot. The Boss only had time to cross guard with his bulky arms in hopes of deflecting some of the impact, to no avail.

He landed on a small clearing, bruised, dizzy, and worst of all, dirty.

“M-Mister Boss?” Zaagnika pulled on Sage’s left arm, trying to shake him awake. She spoke low in tune as to not give her position away.

He grunted and raised his right knee. Then, suddenly, “HAAAAAAAA!!!!” Sage sat up in a blink, raising both his arms up high. His wake-up scream scared Zag, who jumped backwards with a small squeak. The Zygerrian vanished from view as quickly as she could and crouched near a large stone.

“What happened?” The Zeltron questioned. “Thought I heard the pip…Oh frakk me!” Sage looked down with pain at the state of his once beautiful white pants. Shades of brown now covered most of it, and rips and tears were all over it.

“Oh, I’m so gonna kill this thing.” He got back on his feet. With a hand on his right shoulder, he rotated it, feeling some pain.

“How are you not dead?” Zag questioned, her voice now lower in pitch. “I saw you flying dozens of meters.”

“Ah, so you didn’t run after all," the red giant mocked.

“H-huh…of course not!” Zag mumbled, trying to disguise the fact that she was indeed going to run away. “Tactical retreat.” She said with confidence, mimicking Sage in his wide smile and thumbs up, like he had given her earlier.

What had really happened was pure coincidence. Zag had vanished with aid from the Force and slowly made her way out of that habitat confinement. She wasn’t expecting Sage to fly over and land right in front of her. But seeing him laying there, she couldn’t just leave him too.

Sage looked in the direction he came from — a trail of broken trees. The Rancor wasn’t roaring anymore, but faint shakes could be felt whenever it walked. The Zeltron checked the integrity of his brass knuckles. They were still solid.

Taking a deep breath, Sage prepared to yell once more to get the beast’s attention.

“No!” Zag stretched her hand towards the Zeltron’s face, having to jump in order to reach it. She then firmly grabbed his cheeks and pulled him down. Sage was now bent, his face at Zag’s level and his cheeks still being pinched hard.

“Listen here, you big pile of muscles," she started. “You already tried that once and look what it did to you. We need to think.” She released him, allowing the Zeltron to regain his mighty figure. Zag then lost her composure and felt intimidated by the much larger man next to her. “S-Sorry…”

“Hmph.” A large breath sound came out of Sage’s nostrils. He then placed his hand on Zag’s head and patted her twice. “Fine. We’ll do it your way. Tell me the plan, missy.”

Zag wasn’t expecting the towering Zeltron to actually listen to her, which caught her off guard as she hadn’t thought of a plan yet. Keen to take the opportunity to shine, she quickly concocted something.

“We clearly can’t fight it head on,” she explained, much to Sage’s disapproval, “at least while he’s at his strongest.” She said to appease him. “If we manage to distract him, maybe lure him back to his confinement cage, we could then try and close it.” She paused. “This time for good.”

“And how would we distract him? Shouting did the trick earlier.” The Zeltron asked, to which Zag glanced with almost closed eyes.

“I’ve got this.” The Zygerrian showed Sage a handful of ricochet discs. He had seen them before. A well-placed shot could bounce a blaster bolt in several directions before hitting its target, catching it by surprise.

“Are you a good shot?” The large man queried.

“Yes!” Zag’s response was by impulse. “The best there is.”

The Boss cracked his fingers and neck.

“Then it’s settled.” He said. “You spread those thingys around its cage. I'll go and lure it there. You have 10 minutes. No more.”

“B-but…” She wasn’t allowed to finish. Sage darted off into the distance, being covered by some fog clouds that were now forming over the area. In her mind, she pictured the large Zeltron with his thumbs up and smile, looking all goofy and dumb.

“He’s probably gonna get killed,” she sighed, “why should I bother? But he did trust me. Blindly I should add.”

The Zygerrian was pensive. Could the Zeltron be so stupid as to actually trust someone he had just met? “Yes,” she thought, “he clearly is”. But she couldn’t help feeling happy someone was trusting her abilities. Those same abilities she often found herself doubting. He was counting on her, and she would deliver.


The Rancor’s cage was immense. All around it, debris could be seen, as well as rotting corpses. Some were of animals and others were of people. “Is this what awaits us?” Zag felt fear crawling through her fur, causing it to spike. “No. We’ve got this.”

The slim gray woman placed her ricochet discs the best she could, with help from her jetpack. Four were by the remnants of the door. Other four were outside, evenly spread out. She kept the remaining four to herself in case she needed a last-minute adjustment or strategic position. The Zygerrian had been keeping a close watch on her timer. One minute left.

She made sure Prattle was loaded and ready to fire, and that extra ammunition was at hands reach. Thirty seconds. Her hiding spot was good. There was no way she would be spotted. Not when a walking rainbow is sure to be nearby. But still, she felt uneasy.

10, 9, 8… The Zygerrian was sweating. Her hands were trembling. 7, 6, 5…Where was he? Had he run away? 4, 3, 2… “What to do? What to do?” Her heart was beating at the speed of a podracer out of control. 1…

The silence all around the area was shattered by the loudest roar she had ever heard. A deep scary roar like the mightiest thunder in the most violent of storms. Dozens of birds flew away in panic, and the terrestrial animals were unleashed in a frenzied stampede in every direction.

Dum Dum Dum Dum the sound of its feet was getting closer, the earth trembling with each one. Dust fell from the ceiling and some small rocks vibrated in place.

Out from the cover of trees came Sage, running way faster than she thought it was possible for a man of that size. “He didn’t run.”

Behind him, closer than The Boss would certainly like, the gigantic Rancor pursued — roaring in anger and drooling from its horrendous, malformed sharp toothed mouth.

The entrance to the confinement area had a slight ramp down. The Zeltron jumped as far as he could. It all played out slowly in Zag’s eyes. She saw Sage flying inside. Then followed the raging beast, trying to reach its meal with its clawed arms. The Zygerrian closed her eyes and fired bolt after bolt. She thought that if she fired as many as she could, one was bound to hit.

And she was right. Most of her bolts missed the ricochet discs, although some hit the Rancor, but a few of the bolts hit the target. Soon, a barrage of dancing bolts bounced back and forth from the ricochet discs — all causing an imaginary net that would drive the beast inside its cage. Everything was working according to plan.

What Zag hadn’t foreseen, though, was the beast’s reaction to the bolts. Instead of running to the safety of its cage, the enormous Rancor flayed its arms around like crazy. While on its rampage, it took several of the bolts in its arms, some actually piercing its hard skin. But it was destroying everything around it, including the support pillars that held the ceiling up. Zag could see cracks forming above her, as more and more dust fell, like a very dirty rainfall.

Soon, rocks started falling. First small, then bigger, then finally huge ones! Zaagnika was paralyzed. She couldn’t get her feet to move. Her cover had been destroyed and she was at risk of getting hit, surely sooner than later. She closed her eyes and crouched.

“Gotta go!” she heard. The Zygerrian felt her body being lifted from the ground and carried at great speed in one direction. As she opened her glowing emerald eyes, she found herself being carried like a crate under Sage’s bulky left arm. The mighty Zeltron carried her like she wasn’t even there. Her low weight was nothing for his muscles.

He ran as fast as he could, away from the falling rocks. As Zag was facing back, she could see everything that was happening. “My discs!” she thought. She still had everything else with her though. Then, her thoughts drifted into the fate of the Rancor. “Surely it’s dead now. They’re not gonna pay us!”

She was proven wrong. Her eyes witnessed a giant mindless beast waving its arms around, crushing lots of stones, while still being hit by others that were falling. But the Rancor lived, and it was actually getting out of the confinement area.

Its state wasn’t the best, even a giant beast feels pain from an equally giant falling rock. Some of its skin had been peeled off and blood gushed out. The already ugly Rancor looked even uglier, if that was possible.

When Sage deemed their distance safe, he stopped. He wasn’t very graceful in the way he put Zag down, simply dropping her face first on the muddy ground. But they were both alive, barely.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 24 January, 2021 4:28 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Well. You had a ton of action. The mental image of Sage getting hurled through the trees was well conveyed. And amusing. You kept up the narrative and added some of your own flavor to it, well done!

Can Be Improved


Few minor things, you had an extra comma here, lack of hyphens (again not a big deal) there, and some slight issues with modifying statements with text.

“Frack!” He thought. “Where the hell is she?” <---Here was slightly off, to make it clear that the first part was a thought, He should have been he, to make it clear that it wasn't a new statement. Also thought followed by a comma to continue modifying the following bit.

“Yes,” she thought, “he clearly is” <--Here you did it right

That said, this is just a tip and not a requirement, you may wish to utilize italics when doing internal thoughts to make it more clear.

Four were by the remnants of the door. Other four were outside, evenly spread out. <---You missed a word at the start of your second sentence, 'The other four' would have been right.

Zag jumped back to her feet, spitting out watery soil and cursing beneath her breath. Sage pointed at his once pristine pants and raised his shoulders at the Zygerrian. While both of them tried cleaning themselves up, the Rancor cleared the debris and dropped itself on its rear.

The beast roared menacingly, but there was also a hint of sadness to it. A long tongue snaked out of its monstrous mouth, licking away at the spilled blood.

“Say, Sage, I had no idea that a Rancor’s tongue was that long, that has to be at least two meters,” she pointed at the beast as she swiped dirt off of her cheeks.

The large Zeltron turned his head and studied the animal from afar. Yellow-green eyes narrowed and his lip curled up in disgust.

“That is vile! We should get back in there and finish it off,” Sage snarled.

Even when considering the distance, both of them could see a thick slime dripping off the creature’s tentacle like tongue. It stopped the bleeding, even closing the open wounds.

“T-they did mention there were some unknown side effects that may have affected captive animals in this area. And there is most certainly an odd aura emanating from the Nesolat debris,” Zag pointed out as she studied the large carnivore.

“Correct girly, they experimented on these beasts. As if a regular Rancor was not enough for them. Well, then… let’s rumble and kick its ass so fast that it won’t have time to lick its wounds!” the Zeltron stuck his nose up in the air in a fit of pride.

“Uhh, it's getting up!” Zag peered behind her and saw the long stretch of wetlands behind the trees. Can Rancors swim?

Sage laid his large hand on top of the Zygerrian’s messed up black hair and slowly turned her head towards the beast. He tapped her on her shoulder and grabbed hold of the stick that was attached to her jetpack.

“What’s this?” he wiggled it around with the tips of his fingers, moving her around with it.

“Stop that! And don’t just turn me around like that! How rude,” she snided, showing some ferocity by batting his hands away. Seeing the large man being swatted away by the monster and hearing him cry over his pants definitely made her feel less afraid of him.

“It’s Bashful. It looks small now, but when I put it together it will be a quite sizable electrohammer,” she unclipped some of the straps that tied it to her jetpack.

“Well, why don’t you use it then?!” Sage shouted back, tapping on her forehead with a stretched out index finger.

Zag exhaled through her nostrils and retreated a step, pressing her eyebrows together. She took several objects off of her ammo belt. With a bit of fiddling and clicking, the pieces were added onto each other, forming into a cleverly designed purge electrohammer. With a tap on a button she activated the electromagnetic pulse generator, causing it to produce a high pitched humming charge that ran along the weapon’s length. Her hands clenched around the grip. She swung it around a couple of times in wide arcs to warm up her muscles. Sage decided to give her the space, not because he was intimidated but rather he admired the ingenuity and display of power. It was really quite hypnotizing seeing the much smaller woman handle that hammer.

The Zeltron wasn’t the only one enamored by the display. The Rancor had been staring at the both of them from a distance. It managed to find its bearings once most of its wounds had closed up. The beast climbed onto its feet, black eyes following every move the cerulean glowing gavel made.

“I don’t use it often, but I suppose there’s nothing around me that I don’t mind breaking,” she smiled and changed her stance by widening her legs.

Her biceps swelled up as she flexed her muscles and held her weapon straight in front of her. Blue light reflected against her muddy face. She looked like she meant business.

Sage laughed in excitement, banging his brass knuckles together and giving Zag some space. The high ringing of metal and swirling of buzzing light clearly angered the Rancor, which was stomping its renewed limbs into the forest soil. A loud bellowing rang through the greenery followed by a rumbling rhythm of two arms and legs of incredible size charging towards the duo.

The large crimson skinned man peered back and forth between Zag and the Rancor. The Zygerrian stood her ground, kept her calm as much as she could and brainstormed for a plan B.

How much did it weigh? Would a beast that size get stuck in the swamp? How much did it like the cold water and chilly breeze? Maybe that was how we could call for help and get it lifted out of there alive. These were all questions that were only valid if they survived.

The humid forest ground began to shake as it got closer and picked up more speed. The shaking caused leaves to twirl down the trees. They could hear it panting, breathing saliva in and out through its teeth-filled mouth. Its giant tongue licked its chops. Then it slowed down, raised its massive frame upwards and continued on two limbs.

The Zeltron determined that Zag was going to do something heroic and he was going to let her seize the moment. He retreated several meters behind the grey-furred woman as he saw the Rancor raise a heavy arm skyhigh, ready to claw out.

With all her might the Zygerrian slammed the head of Bashful into the soil. An immense shockwave blasted out of the hammer as a Rancor’s leg was less than a meter away from the woman. The pulse impacted the beast and rocked all of its muscles, flapping skin around. Its giant limb lost its momentum and drool launched into the air. Its tongue was now firmly planted against its ugly face. However, its massive weight kept it glued to the ground. The mutant beast shook its head and sucked the tentacle tongue back inside of its razor-laden maw.

From a safe distance Sage would have applauded but he witnessed the Rancor’s quick recovery. He ran towards it with his long legs and smudged pants, flanking it. He noticed the beast readying itself to swipe out with its other arm as it rebalanced itself. Strangely the large Zeltron felt like he was being ignored. I’m going to stomp on its blasted toes!

The Force screamed out at Zag. Flashing visions of a large claw hurtling towards her prompted her limbs to throw herself forward. The Zygerrian jumped ahead as the Rancor’s limb swiped at the spot where the Savant used to have her legs planted. With a graceful somersault, she landed on her feet even closer to the beast.

A grin formed on the Zeltron’s lips as he bashed his brass-laden fist into one of its ugly nails with a heavy whack. The metal cracked the hardened keratin. He followed up with another punch. The Rancor panicked and wailed in pain.

It raised its huge knee, almost toppling itself over. To Zag’s misfortune, she saw the boney leg coming right for her face. But it was too late. It connected with her jaw. With an uncomfortable crunch, time slowed down to a crawl as she felt her whole body being hurled backwards. Her back hit the muck, sticking her into the ground with a thud and splatter. A ringing in her ears and a sharp pain in her neck and jaw came before sparkles in her eye started to form. Light went out as she lost consciousness. Her thumb slipped away from the button of her hammer’s electromagnetic pulse.

“Oh no!” a smile turned into grimace as Sage saw the Zygerrian being hit in the worst possible fashion.

His hardened heart sunk and worry gave him tunnel vision as he looked towards Zag. He jumped up and left the beast to its suffering. Just as fast as he sprinted before, his thin and long legs carried him ahead of his torso. He slid over the mud, threw the woman over his shoulder and kept running, as far away as possible, towards the cold, wet swamplands.

Bashful was left behind on the soil and fallen leaves, dropped from the Zygerrian’s hands as they went limp.She did not move or talk. Blood, a shade of crimson deeper and darker than his own skin seeped over his shoulder and back, into his jacket. The Zeltron had seen punches and kicks to the jaw before, but not a knee that size to the jaw. This was not going to be pretty.

The Rancor attempted to pursue its prey. Howling in pain, it tried to avoid leaning onto its wounded toe and followed the duo on all fours.

Marked by the ripped and torn fences, the green habitat came to an abrupt end as it swapped into the swampy Uskil wilderness. Forest floor and mud changed into reeds and shallow pools. The beast slowed down as its toes touched water, suddenly more careful about its steps.

Sage kept running, until he was knee deep in the murky quagmire. He turned his head and decided he was far enough away from the monster. He pulled the Zygerrian off of his shoulder and into his arms.

He saw her face covered in mud and blood. With some care, he ran the back of his hand over her jawbone and noticed it was dislocated. He checked again…and did not feel any broken bones. The Zeltron had seen this happen in the fighting pits before and knew what to do.

The large man could feel her breathing still,shallow and wheezing. He let out a sigh of relief. Then he looked around and managed to find a patch of solid ground where he put her down. Gently this time, on her back. He kneeled before her and searched out the ends of her jaw with his thumbs. He carefully placed his thumbs against the lower back teeth inside her mouth and he placed his remaining fingers underneath her jaw. With a solid grip, he slowly moved the mandible back into place. With care, he pulled his feathered jacket off and laid it over the Zygerrian.

With the Rancor closing in and his colleague out cold he felt himself in dire straits...

He peered ahead, noticing the shallow waters were brownish but brighter, while the marsh ahead was bluer and darker. He could swim, but could the Rancor? And Zag would really need to wake up.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 24 January, 2021 4:29 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


First of all. Sage fixing her jaw made my skin crawl and so much sympathy. Well written. Oh man. Nope. Nooooope. This was a solid post three to a match with a singular ending, which can be difficult considering you can't just conclude things. Zag got a moment to shine with her big hammer (Somewhere, Strong is swooning and has no idea why), and Sage wasn't useless, a resounding success of a post!

Can Be Improved


“Oh no!” a smile turned into grimace as Sage saw the Zygerrian

This should really have been 'a grimmace'.

Bashful was left behind on the soil and fallen leaves, dropped from the Zygerrian’s hands as they went limp.She did not move or talk.

You lost a space between these two sentences.

I honestly have nothing else to say about this post, it was well written and balanced.

The towering Zeltron straightened up and quickly cracked his neck on both sides. Then followed his fingers, and finally, he rotated his shoulders. His torso was now completely bare, much like how he was used to fighting in the pits. Only this time, he was much more serious. The look on his face was of anger, with the usual touch of smugness that was inherent to The Boss.

Only having met Zag for a moment, he already felt respect for the Zygerrian woman. She had taken arms against a beast so massive even he feared.

But now he had to do something. Lure the raging monstrosity away. At least to prevent it from stomping Zag to death.

He gazed one last time towards Zag. She looked peaceful while she slept, although he knew she would wake up in a lot of pain.

“Alright you big pile of mush goo and fracking shite!” He yelled. His booming voice immediately caught the Rancor’s attention.

The beast strode towards the giant red man and roared. Its tongue stuck out for a brief moment. The goo it produced caught Sage’s eyes as it salivated fiercely.

The Zeltron ran the opposite way from where he had left Zag. Luckily, the Rancor followed.

The Boss couldn’t help but feel scared. Powerless. Facing such a beast. What the hell was he thinking? And now therewas another life at stake? “They didn’t pay me to get others killed.”

He quickly shook the feeling off. It wasn’t the time for that. “What if...?”

“Nah, he clearly is faster than me. And stronger.”

The stomps of the pursuing beast were louder, closer.

“Maybe?”

A huge clawed hand swooped down from above. With fast reflexes and a turn on his feet, Sage sidestepped away from the crushing blow. The ground crumbled beneath the pounding attack. Before it could even react, Sage punched sideways with his left fist. It wasn’t random, but a very calculated blow. A top-notch pit fighter wouldn’t survive long without brains. His brass knuckler hit dead center in the Rancor’s elbow joint where the skin was thinnest and little to no muscle protected it.

A massive roar, not of rage, but of pain, echoed in the swamps. The once brutal beast was now curling away from the Zeltron. It put barely any weight on its arm, forcing it to stand up. Which proved hard since it had suffered an injury on its leg before.

“That’s how you tame’em!” The Zeltron adopted a pose which highlighted all of his might. Legs straight, shoulders wide and neck slightly bent to the right. The Boss was back!

The Rancor was a few meters away from Sage. It wasn’t moving. He noticed it opening its mouth to lick its wounds again.

“Strange” he thought, “what is he going to lick? There’s no open wounds this time.”

In fact, the beast unfurled its long tongue and commanded it around its bruised elbow. Seconds later, the same goo from before covered it. Sage could see steam coming out of it, but no visible change whatsoever in the beast.

Soon after, it put its hand back on the floor. The Zeltron was astonish.

“What the kark have they done to you?”


The distant rumble and pound every now and then were muffled. It was certainly far away. But the tremble of the earth. That was violent. Violent enough to shake Zag awake.

The gray furrowed woman opened her emerald eyes. As she regained her senses, the taste of blood came. Then a massive headache, followed by an acute aching jaw. She grinned in pain. Her big left hand fumbled around her jaw, trying to feel any broken bone or wound, but none was apparent.

She struggled to sit down, her body aching all over. Only now she noticed the feathery blanket around her legs. And then she remembered what she was doing there. There was a Rancor to capture. And Sage was probably fighting it somewhere in the swamp.

Her ears rotated around rapidly to catch the direction of the fighting. “There.” She looked in the distance. The vegetation still impeded her to see them, but at least she knew where to go.

With only a gun and her jetpack left, she was severely outmatched. “What can I do with this?”

And why did Sage save her again? They’d only just met. And she had required rescue two times already in a single mission. “Surely he’s better off alone. Isn’t that how he works anyways?”

Then she slapped both her cheeks at the same time. An action she immediately regretted.

“OOOOWWWWW!” She screamed, her voice very high in pitch. “Why did I do this?”

Her thoughts were interrupted by another loud boom coming from the swamp.

“Sage...” she thought.


The huge Rancor seemed fully recovered. Its elbow was no longer hurt. Even its feet seemed better now. And worst, its rage towards the Zeltron was now tenfold.

In a mindless display of guttural power, the beast stood up and roared in challenge at The Boss.

Sage answered by clenching his fists. His torso was now covered in mud and grazed all over. Placing his clenched right fist on his left pectoral, right on his numbered tattoo, the Zeltron beat it twice.

“If this is how I go, I’m gonna make it look FRAKING COOL! You hear that!?” he bellowed his challenge. “Come!”

It didn’t need any incentive. The monstrosity stepped forward and waved both its clawed arms like two huge hammers. Sage jumped backwards and then to the right. He wanted to get close to its weak points.

As he ran around the Rancor, Sage rolled down and dodged an incoming arm swipe. But he wasn’t fast enough to dodge the second, as the beast kept spinning. He took the full force of the attack and was launched upwards. All his breath shot out with the impact and he coughed some blood with it. As if it wasn’t enough, before falling on the floor, the beast nailed another blow on the Zeltron, this time with its claws. Three huge gashes crossed his belly in a diagonal pattern from right to left.

Sage fell down. For several seconds he didn’t move.

Finally, he got his hands on the ground, and pushed himself up. A small puddle of blood was beneath him, and he was coughing more with each breath. The pain every time he inhaled led him to believe his rib cage was broken, in several places.

But, he couldn’t help smile. A smile so vile it seemed he had lost it. A smile which then turned into laughter, adorned with blood coughing and swearing. The giant beast seemed to feel taunted by the red Zeltron’s mad laughs and kicked him hard.

Sage was sent rolling down the mud, and then skipping a few times in the shallow waters of the swamp. But he still managed to get up.

His figure was everything but mighty at this point. The Boss had lost his grandeur and was nothing more than a ragdoll for the beast to toy with.

Standing on its back legs, the Rancor stepped inside the water. Its steps were careful and slower than when he walked on land.

Sage awaited it, his legs bent and one arm on his knee to help support the massive bulk of his torso. But still, he held his head up proudly.

With his other hand he cleaned the blood of his lips.

During his tumbles he had lost his brass knucklers. Or maybe they had been destroyed. He didn’t care. He was sure to follow soon.

Now in the open, Sage could grasp the sheer size of a fully straightened Rancor. It made him look like an ant, and he was huge already.

The beast got closer to the Zeltron, almost within melee range. It breathed hot steam out of its nostrils and roared lowly but menacingly.

It lifted up its arm, as high as it could. The final blow was ready. And Sage was going to take it like The Boss should.

A swoop down! A volley of bolts. And a big splash.

The water got up and foamy drops fell down.

“What are you waiting for?” A scream from behind the huge beast snapped Sage out of his lethargy.

He was still standing. The Rancor had missed. Its arm was still down close to the water, but the beast turned its head away from Sage to look at who had fired against its back. A grave mistake.

Gathering his last strengths, The Boss grabbed the Rancor’s arm and turned its back on him.

“This is a variant version of The Show Stopper! Take it you kark!” He yelled and pulled with all of his might.

Much to his surprise, and the Rancor’s, the towering Zeltron actually managed to pull it of its feet. He then pushed it down as hard as he could, causing the gigantic beast to fall, back first in the water.

It caused a huge splash and waves all around it. The Rancor roared in pain and agony. A high-pitched roar, of a beast that had finally given up to all its torture.

Once the waves stopped and the falling water was no more, silence took over the swamp. Not even a bug could be heard.

Sage looked towards the coast. Zaagnika was standing there with Prattle on her hands. Even from afar, the Zeltron could see her legs shaking.

“Hmpf.” He moved towards her with difficulty. The adrenaline was rapidly vanishing, and he was feeling more and more pain.

“Why ‘id you awondon me?” Zags voice was different. And the woman had trouble speaking, due to her aching jaw. “I ‘ould hawe ‘ied!”

“Hmpf.” Sage couldn’t speak. Just standing up was strenuous enough. But he did force a line.

“I fraking suplexed a Rancor.” He said slowly but smugly as usual.

Zag wanted to tell him the truth. That she had actually done the hard work of lifting the damn beast using her Force powers. She too felt exhausted. More than exhausted. Were it not for the strong connection the swamp had to the Force, and she most likely would have failed. And Sage would be dead. But she decided to smile instead of telling him.

The Zeltron repeated. “I fraking suplex…"

The Boss fell forward. Towards Zag. She quickly held her arms up to catch him, but she wasn’t strong enough right now. He fell on top of her.

“Get of me!” She said, and rolled him over on his back.

The Zeltron was unconscious.

Zag looked at his heavily bruised torso and completely torn, once white, pants. Then she peered towards the downed Rancor. “It wasn’t worth it” she thought.

She pressed a button on her left gauntlet, issuing a distress signal. “Hopefully someone will get it.”

Then she too passed out from exhaustion.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 24 January, 2021 4:29 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A conclusion! A lot of action in this post, and you conveyed the beating Sage took quite well. The suplex pushed the boundaries of beleif even with Zag's assist, but at a +4 from her I'll give it a pass. But it was mighty close.

Can Be Improved


I feel like you rushed this post out ahead of your proofers because it was rife with spelling errors and spacing issues. A lot of little things I'm keeping notes of, and will be happy to share with you so that this notes box isn't overbearingly long.

Aside from syntax, this was a pretty solid post!