Two disparate delegates from different Clans stepped off of the Shadow Academy shuttle, shoulder to shoulder. Each came from two vastly different worlds that were often either at odds, in direct competition, or intertwined with one another. Today was an example of the latter.
The first figure was a former Dark Councilor. The Arcanist wore a tailored black suit complete with jacket, matching pleated pants, vest, tie, and dressy boots. His ashen hair parted perfectly at the center, framing an equally symmetrical face framed by a tightly groomed full beard. It would be of little surprise to point towards his half-Hapan heritage for the annoyingly perfect visage.
The second, conversely, was a retired High Councilor for Clan Odan-Orr. The Director wore a subtle yet striking black and white suit beneath a navy blue robe. A black sash of cloth was tied around her waist, helping to frame her lithe waistline while still leaving room to the imagination. Her pale skin and wintry hair contrasted against her charcoal cloak, and the heels of her black dress shoes helped bring her more level with her compatriot. She did not require heavy makeup to be considered attractive even among other species like the Hapan, but clearly knew how to weaponize accents and eyeliner.
Their matching, bright blue eyes took in their surroundings with equal degrees of diligence, scrutiny, and quiet judgement. Without any intentional coordination, Alethia Archenskova and Marick Tyris looked to be the spitting image of the perfect couple.
The irony was not lost on either of them.
The Headmistress had requested an envoy from each Clan’s leadership to attend a briefing at the Shadow Academy, away from the apparent attacks, while the general membership was let loose to help reclaim the research facility. Alethia and Marick had of course ran into one another and immediately were forced to deflect questions if they’d planned their outfits. The briefing, of course, was cut short, and the Headmistress was forced to excuse herself. She did take the time to arrange for a shuttle to bring Tyris and Archenksova to where a research team was in desperate need of aid.
Against their better judgement, both had agreed and did not seem to want to show signs of forfeit in front of the other.
“What did you do to get on Vasano’s short-list?” Alethia asked.
“She babysat my newborn daughter while I was held captive. Said I owed her one,” Marick replied with a slight shrug.
Archenksova blinked twice as she unpacked all of the implications hanging in that admission. She showed no other reaction beyond an understanding nod, though.
“Aura?” Marick politely mirrored the query.
“Revak didn’t want to go, and the event overlapped with her training time with the kids.”
Marick blinked, but showed little reaction beyond a similar, understanding nod.
Behind the pair, a towering KX-57 droid known as “Buddy” ascended the ramp, metal feet clanking. On his shoulder, a much smaller BD-unit, known as “Biddy”, rode along quietly. The two droids had seemed to bond during the shuttle ride over.
As the group stepped off the shuttle, Tyris and Archenksova took in the improvised forward operating base. It looked to be one part medical tent and another part rally point to coordinate efforts on the ground to regain control of the overrun laboratory. Contracted soldiers working with the Imperial Reclamation Society stood sentry at the entrances to the camp. Inside, the medical tent was filled with injured researchers and guardsmen alike. On the opposite side, a tactical tent with maps and charts seemed like the best place to get more information.
“We’ve already sent two squads to try and retrieve the damn camtono and this missing researcher of yours!” a pudgy-looking Pantoran growled.
The man wore a dirty and unbuttoned uniform that marked him as some kind of middling officer, but he was clearly dealing with a situation way over his pay grade. He had dark circles under the skin of his eyes, blue broken by a single yellow stripe tattooed under the left.
He was arguing with a pair of wispy looking scientists in dirty lab coats. One had a long nose, dark hair, glasses, a beard and a fading name tag that read “Walter”. The other had sandy blonde hair, no facial hair, similar glasses, and a tag that read “Mikial”.
“That researcher is Doctor Kellie Gen’matcha,” Mikial countered dryly, “our foremost expert on genetic mutations.”
“And that ‘damn’ camtono,” Walter added, “holds the samples we could use to reverse engineer the mutant strains and develop countermeasures to regain control of the beasts.”
“Wasn’t ‘trying to regain control’ of them what got you into this mess in the first place?” Alethia interjected, moving to stand behind the bickering trio. Her statement seemed to come with the backing of a hovering Buddy over her shoulder. Marick slipped in beside her as Biddy hopped onto his shoulder and perched, tilting his box-like head.
“Look at this fresh batch of fancy-pants,” Walter said as he shifted in his seat to address the newcomers.
“Looks like a right bunch of fancy degens, I’d say," Mikial added in agreement.
“Did you two accidently coordinate for a romantic stroll through Uskil?” Walter continued.
“Hopefully more useful than the bunch of degens they’ve sent so far.” Mikial nodded.
Alethia pinched the bridge of her nose. Marick showed no reaction, but stepped forward with an air of indifference that read like confidence.
“Marick Tyris?” the Pantoran said, recognition flickering across his tired eyes. “Shut your traps, boys, that there is the former Voice of the Dark Council. Sir, my name is Daggo Rend.””
“Thank you, Mr. Rend—” Marick started to dismiss before he was cut off.
“—Voice? What kind of title is that?” Walter rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, big hootin’ deal, he looks pretty soft to be a ‘Dark Councilor.'” Mikial gestured.
“Super-soft,” Walter agreed.
“I mean, it is kind of a weird title...” Alethia whispered towards Marick. The half-Hapan turned his too-blue eyes sidelong and narrowed them at the woman.
“We’re just here to help,” Marick spoke calmly, clearly nonplussed by the banter. “Do you happen to have anything that belonged to Doctor Gen’matcha?”
“Oh. Well. We have her dirty lab coat, but how does that help? Are you some kind of bloodhound or something?” Walter asked. Mikial made a motion like he was sniffing the air.
The Dark Councilor did not so much as blink. He waited. After a few moments of silence passed, Walter scrambled up to his feet and went to fetch the coat. He handed it to Marick, curiosity starting to creep into his apparent skepticism.
The Arcanist took the robe in his hands and turned it over. Alethia kept quiet, her expression thoughtful but carefully neutral. Marick continued, closing his eyes and reaching out through the Force. Stretching his senses out, he anchored the image of the lab coat he held in his hands while he probed for a match to its owner. After a few moments of searching, a thin red strand highlighted against the blue-white slipstreams of the Force.
Marick created a sympathetic link between Doctor Gen’matcha and her lab coat and bonded it to a passive corner of his mind. “If your maps are up-to-date, she should be somewhere in the western quadrant of the laboratory,” the half-Hapan stated matter of factly as he stepped up to the holomap and pointed at a spot on the holographic representation of the Corrino Research Labs.
Walter and Mikial both opened their mouths to speak, but then quickly shut them, thinking better of it. Perhaps this former ‘Voice’ guy did know what he was doing.
“I don’t have much to spare, but if the two of you are able to render aid, it could very well turn the tide on this whole operation,” as Daggo spoke, it was easy to detect the sense of futility and fatigue in his tone.
“Sure, let me just change into some tactical gear,” Alethia stated, “and we’ll be on our way—”
“—No time,” Marick whispered loudly, his whole body tensing as if bracing for an imminent attack of some kind.
Archenkskova, however, had spent enough time around Force adherents to know to trust their intuition when it came to danger.
Screeee-crawwww.....clk-clk-clk-clik...
The ear-splitting sound was followed almost immediately by a rip as the tarp was torn open by a set of clawed talons. The flat head of a creature with a sharp pointed beak and a mane of large brown feathers came into view, eyes smoldering with an eerie, crimson glow.
“Biddy, now,” Marick snapped as he darted forward with preternatural speed, already half a step ahead of the rest of the group. The backpack droid chirped excitedly as it leapt up into the air and opened its modified storage compartment to reveal the hilt of a lightsaber. Without needing to look back, the Master held out his hand to his side and summoned his weapon. As his fingers closed around the molded hilt, the black-cored blade sprung to life, just as he began his lunge towards the creature.
Alethia grit her teeth as she whipped out her own lightsaber and grabbed a hold of one of the scientists by the back of his coat. “Hey, Buddy? Now would be a great time to lend a hand!”
“Lending a hand, Councilor,“ the KX-series droid stated as he unslung his bo-rifle and moved to put his frame between the creature and the terrified researchers. By the time they had both brandished their weapons, however, the creature was already howling in pain.
Marick’s lightsaber seared through the flesh in the side of its neck. It blindly lashed out at its attacker, and one of its claws managed to tear a jagged line in the fabric of Tyris’ suit jacket at the shoulder. The Master retaliated by rotating the lightsaber with his wrist and stabbing it down through the creature's skull. Brackish blood and ichor splashed out, but Marick kicked off the creature's dying corpse and backflipped away to avoid getting splattered. When he landed, a suddenly mute Walter and Mikial looked ghostly pale.
“M-m-mastiff phalone,” Walter sputtered.
“They hunt in packs, and these ones seem to be smarter, somehow,” Mikial said with more calm in his voice than his shaking arms indicated.
From outside the now exposed tent, more cries echoed as blaster fire barked out to combat the new wave of screeching and clicking. Marick and Alethia traded a glance before exiting and moving towards the medical tent.
One of the modified mastiff phalones clicked angrily as it grabbed ahold of one of the injured patients. It grasped the poor Human in its serrated beak and scampered off with its newly-earned meal.
“It’s getting away,” Buddy intoned, ignorant to the obviousness of the observation.
“How!? It’s heading straight for the barricade,” Alethia growled.
The modified mastiff extended its wings, and even to an untrained eye like Marick’s, he could tell that they seemed too long to be natural.
“We shouldn’t have to worry. While they might have been of avian descent— “ Mikial started to explain.
“—Allegedly,” Walter countered.
“—They can’t actually fly or anything like that,” Mikal finished, ignoring his colleague.
As if on cue, the mastiff leapt up into the murky sky, beat its elongated wings and took off, gliding through the air back towards the Corrino Research Laboratory.
The camp went quiet. Walter and Mikial stood dumbfounded, both stammering to find something to say.
“Typical scientists,” Alethia murmured as she sheathed her lightsaber and instead employed her BlastTech X-8. She toggled the light mount on the unique blaster pistol as she blew a strand of hair from her face. “So preoccupied with whether or not they could do something, that they didn't stop to consider—”
“—if they should,” Marick finished with a faint sigh as he activated the dual-phase toggle on his lightsaber to extend the violet, black-cored blade to its full length. He willed the Force to mend the minor slash on his arm, but was unable to do anything about the tear in the suit jacket’s fabric.
What Went Well
The quality of your writing itself was excellent. Marick and Alethia felt relatable from the outset—the awkwardness of any unfamiliar interaction, neither of them really wanting to be there, Marick wishing he could be back at home with his family—and the “odd couple” dynamic flowed smoothly enough that it didn’t seem cliché or heavy-handed. Being able to connect with the characters as people, whether Marick and Alethia or the supporting cast, made it easy to stay immersed in the scene. It was also nice to see someone use the Dowsing Feat as a plot device in an ACC battle. (I’m sure that’s not the only time it’s happened, but it’s rare enough to be a pleasant surprise.)
The action was exactly what I’d expect of a former CM. You had onomatopoeias, you had lightsabers, you had close-up “that’s gotta hurt!” shots. You had enough character woven into the combat to make sure the reader remembered that it was people fighting, not automatons (even Buddy and Biddy). You had sterling CS System mechanics.
Room for Growth
I'm surprised to say this, but there were a couple of things in this post that hurt you in the Story category. The main one was that, after acknowledging the competition prompt, you immediately had Marick and Alethia go off and do something else. The "something else" was parallel to the prompt though, so that didn't hurt you as badly as it otherwise might've.
The other Story factor I noticed was that this post seemed to get off to a slow start. While I did enjoy the character interactions between Marick and Alethia, and the banter between those two and the on-site staff, you got almost three-quarters of the way through a fairly long post before having more than momentary conflict. I might’ve found the scene more engaging if I were more familiar with the characters or the referential humour, but I have to take posts as I find them.
Finally, you had a couple of small Syntax issues: using “spoke” in place of “said” (“spoke” refers to the action of speaking, while “said” describes the content of the speech), and misspelling “Archenksova”.
Suggestions
Rearrange the events a bit so that the action is spaced more evenly throughout the post. You don’t have to go full in media res with it, but I think the post would’ve felt “faster” if, say, Marick and Alethia’s conversation had been interrupted by the first part of the mastiff phalone attack (before the medical tent).