“So this is Dromund Kaas.” Ellac had only heard legends of the Sith capital of eons past, but had never seen it with his own two eyes before. The sky was veiled by a thick sheet of clouds that flashed as lightning streaked behind them. Ellac looked down from the open shuttle bay as the light from the storm revealed the open platform beneath him.
In a flash of white, a bolt of lightning shot through the air beside the shuttle, causing the ship to shake as the onboard systems launched into an electrical fritz. Ellac shot his hand out, grasping one of the hand-holds on the wall to catch himself. His comlink beeped as the shuttle began to stabilize, the pilot’s voice coming through the earpiece.
“The storms are interfering with my systems,” he said. “I can’t put her down here, we’re going to have to find another LZ.”
Ellac stared down at the paved platform below as he gauged the distance to the ground. “Don’t worry about finding another spot to land. I’m going down from here. I’ll contact you when I’m finished,” he said as he pulled the hood of his Armorweave cloak over his head. Making sure to secure his gear, he leapt off the boarding ramp, his boots meeting the stone surface with a heavy thump.
Thunder rumbled overhead as Ellac peered up at the structure before him. The ancient temple had fallen far from it’s former glory, having been abandoned to the guiles of time. The courtyard stood a desolate pile of rubble. Moss and vines sprouted from cracks in the courtyard floor, climbing up pillars and covering the base of the temple. Ellac rose to his feet, his boots knocking against the old stone as he passed between two rows of statues lined up on either side of the entrance, their heads turned solemnly to the ground. Passing underneath the ancient archway above his head, Ellac paused, noticing several faults in the pillars of the arch. “This isn’t a temple. It’s a tomb,” he thought. “Oh well. If the temple doesn’t kill me, Sykes probably will.” Resigning himself to whatever fate awaited him, he continued through the doorway.
Ellac’s footsteps echoed through the building as he climbed the stairs leading into the main hall. The central auditorium had seen much better days. The walls and ceiling of the room had crumbled, leaving gaping holes in the confines of the temple. The hallways leading deeper into the structure were collapsed, cutting off all access to the various chambers. An enormous balcony stretched across the length of the room, supported by numerous pillars. Like the courtyard outside, two rows of statues stood on either side of the central hall, their heads bowed in the same manner. Towering at the far side of the great hall stood a unique sculpture of a pure-blooded Sith, its arms raised high above the lesser statues. Despite it’s age, the chiseled image remained untouched by time, the only sign of damage being a diagonal slice that ran right through the middle of the statue.
Standing in the center of the chamber with his back to his apprentice, Sykes stared up at the pure blood sculpture, adorned in a full set of matte black beskar armor. “You’re late,” Sykes said, his voice bouncing around the hall. “You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”
“Sorry. I had some trouble finding the right hangar when I went to meet up with the shuttle pilot. I’m still trying to get my bearings,” Ellac said, making his way towards his master.
“It doesn’t matter,” Sykes said, turning to face his apprentice. “I’ll let it slide this time, but going forward, I expect you to be on time.”
“Understood.” Ellac came to a halt right next to Sykes, looking up at the Sith sculpture towering above him. “So, what is it you summoned me here for?”
“I wanted to talk with you away from prying ears.” Sykes said, taking a few steps past Ellac. “You have potential, Ellac. A potential that I want to see you wholeheartedly embrace. It’s time for you to move beyond simply being a Dark Jedi. Today, you become a true Sith,” Sykes said as he turned towards Ellac.
“A true Sith?”
“You know how to tap into the Dark Side of the Force, but you keep holding yourself back. You let your doubt and your fear hinder you instead of using your emotions to break your limits,” Sykes said.
“What limits?,” Ellac asked.
“You fear that if you surrender to your emotions, they’ll consume you. You doubt your ability to protect the people you hold dear. You doubt your strength because you don’t realize that those fears, those insecurities and doubts in your mind, are all fuel for the fire that rages inside of you. The Dark Side feeds on your passions, even the negative passions. Use it to sharpen yourself into the ultimate weapon.”
Sykes words echoed through Ellac’s mind. “You’re talking about the Sith Code…”
Sykes smirked underneath his helmet. “Yes.”
Ellac looked back up at the image of the pure-blood Sith. A symbol of power standing above the lesser statues as they turned their eyes away from the Sith. Ellac turned back to Sykes. “Teach me.”
The smirk lingered on Sykes’ face as he drew his lightsabers from his belt, igniting them in a flash of white and red. Ellac did the same with his lightsaber.
Sykes dug the tip of his white blade into the ground as he began to circle around Ellac. “The first thing you need to understand is this: The code isn’t a set of rules that we follow. It’s who we are as Sith. For instance: ‘Peace is a lie’.”
Sykes ran at Ellac with a flurry of attacks, aiming at exposed appendages and joints, anything that he might be able to get a blade into. The beskar weighed on him as he moved, but Sykes knew how to distribute the weight when he attacked. Ellac whipped and twisted as he narrowly avoided the incoming blades. One of Sykes blades clipped Ellac’s hood as he ducked away, causing it to drop back down onto his shoulders.
“You could’ve taken my eye out!” Ellac yelled.
“That was the idea. I wanted you to panic.” Sykes said.
“Why?”
“Because you need to learn how to feed on that panic. You need to know how to use it. This is the downfall of the Jedi. They believe that their strength comes from ignoring their emotions. But what happens when they’re faced with something they can’t ignore? They’re not trained for that. They hesitate and they start to break down as their emotions overwhelm them. This is why we say that ‘peace is a lie’. It’s an illusion. Peace makes you feel safe. It makes you comfortable. It makes you vulnerable.”
Positive Takeaways
You came right out of the gate with some very strong, lovely descriptive imagery to set both the scene and detail the combat you began, which was also strong. I was frankly impressed to see such extremely clean, descriptive, dramatic writing from a newcomer to the club and ACC, but you take to it like a fish to water. Your entire post read like watching an episode of The Clone Wars, or a cut scene from Star Wars: The Old Republic. Very on brand, very Sithy, very operatic in setting up a clash of Master and Apprentice and a sure to be painful lesson. Compliments to the dramatic emphasis at the end of, "It makes you vulnerable." That is chills-worthy.
Can Be Improved
There's rather little to be said here for this post in particular, as you avoided any common errors aside from a few minor blips in Syntax, small enough to be readable nonetheless.
Of note, you had begun an explanation/a list item with a colon but capitalized the first letter to come after it, when it should be lowercase, as the sentence is continuing. Another minor quibble would be that punctuation should always be inside quotations, including when speakers are quoting something, in this case, "...For instance: 'Peace is a lie.'" Funny enough, the fact that peace is capitalized there is alright after the colon because he is quoting a code which capitalizes it as a proper noun.
You missed the possessive apostrophe here. Either Skyes' or Skyes's would be correct.
Overall, if I were to recommend anything to you for improvement, it would be to stretch your legs creatively a little bit in your story. As I said, this post reads like a cutscene produced by the franchise itself...which is good, but also, by the book, so to speak. You have the potential to do more while staying true to the themes and beats of Star Wars, and I encourage you to explore that in your future battles within the unique little playground of the DJB.