High above Arx the Imperial Star Destroyer Palpatine sliced through the night side of the planet over the Uskil continent. Despite the late hour, a constant stream of traffic from the surface and back continued in support of the Headmistress's call for support. The Palatinaean's had answered the call, eager to lend their military might and grab the opportunity to further improve their position within the Brotherhood.
"Transport ZTS-904, you're clear for approach in landing bay alpha. Please inform the Admiral that accommodations have been prepared in the pilot's ready room," the voice of flight control broadcasted to the pilots.
"ISN Palpatine, this is Transport ZTS-904 on approach," the pilot replied coughing, "The Admiral sends his regards." Then quietly the pilot added, "As does the flight crew."
The transport leveled off once it entered the under belly of the Star Destroyer. As it changed it's orientation the landing beacons activated for it's final approach. Maneuvering on thrusters it entered the magnetic field and settled to the side of the main hangar deck. All around the ship troopers continued to prepare additional ships, for the on-going capture operation on the surface. At the same time, returning troopers covered in mud and worse, returned to the ship for rest and medical attention.
As the boarding ramp lowered on Transport ZTS-904 a lone figure quickly strolled off the ship. His Admiral's uniform, soiled and tattered, clung to his body. The humidity on Uskil having turned anyone wearing long-sleeve uniforms into a skin-tight suit. Ignoring the awaiting officer, Kamjin walked immediately into the pilot's ready room. As soon as he passed the officer knew why. The smells could only be described as something that a Hutt would find offensive. Kamjin moved through the ready room into the flight crew locker room where a wave of steam greeted him.
Kamjin shucked his clothing into an unceremonious heap and stepped into one of the blazing showers. The scalding water began to erode the filth from the planet and the day's activity with Ellac. Poor Ellac, currently floating in a bacta tank down on the planet, took the worst of the day's events. Kamjin placed both hands on the shower wall, dropping his head, allowing the spray to hit his back and begin to relax his muscles. He was slowly getting back into fighting shape, but his age was showing and it was taking far longer than when he had been at his prime. Finding the standard issued soap hanging from the head, he scrubbed his body as if he was back in flight school scrubbing down his first TIE Fighter.
After what seemed like an eternity, he turned off the water and finding a nearby towel, covered himself. As he made his way out to find a clean duty uniform to change into before heading to his cabin to rest, he was intercepted by the junior officer from the hangar deck.
"My Lord, there's an urgent communication from the surface."
He let out a sigh, "Please let the Headmistress know that if Ellac is filing a complaint regarding what happened to him, I had the whole situation well in hand the whole time." Kamjin had also taken the step of speaking with Ellac's master, Sykes, on the ride up from the surface to explain what happened. Sykes had been understanding, and was impressed with how his apprentice had handled the situation.
"No sir, there's no mention of Ellac. It's Headmistress Ciara, sir. She needs you back on the surface. There's been a special request made for your presence by Warlord Andrelious Inahj."
Adrelious Inahj? I've never heard of an Andrelious before, he thought to himself. "Please tell the Headmistress I've just arrived and will be able to catch one of the morning shuttles to speak with her." Turning he pulled out a pair of briefs and pulled them on, dropping the towel.
"Sir, I'm afraid the Headmistress is insisting upon your return immediately."
Kamjin stood for a moment, the relaxing muscles suddenly becoming taunt again. "Very well, inform the hangar deck to prepare a shuttle for my departure." Then, upon reflection how the events of the day had gone, he added, "and have my armor brought from my cabin.” He grabbed a pair of trousers and headed back to the hangar. There was no point getting further dressed until he had his armor.
Once upon the shuttle, he donned his Sith Armor. The striking metallic suit sealed tightly to his body. One of the crewmen helped him into the dark cloak, with it’s Sith red striped sleeves. He opted to keep the helmet off until needed, so as not to deal with being fully pressurized. He attached his lightsabers to the magnetic clasps on each thigh. His red blade on his right, with his blue on the left.
“Pilot, what do you know of Warlord Andrelious Inahj?”
“Not much Sir, he’s a member of Clan Taldryan.”
Clan Taldryan. Have I had any dealings with Taldryan since my return? he mused to himself while the shuttle cut through the night’s sky, towards the broken beacons of the landing platform for the Corrino Research Laboratory still hustling with activity. As the shuttle came to rest on it’s two landing pads, the boarding ramp hissed as it depressurized and lowered. Kamjin descended with his helmet in hand. In contrast with the hot, humid day, the night had taken on a slight chill. The once annoyingly clingy swamp air sucked heat out of his exposed head. He was immediately glad that he had opted to wear the pressured armor, which blocked the worst of the weather.
As soon as his feet hit the platform his apprentice Dukwtape was immediately at his side. ”Master, we were not expecting you to return so soon.” Though the Togruta’s grey skin hid it well, Kamjin could see the darkened bags under his eyes. He was clearly taking his role of being in charge during Kamjin’s absence seriously.
“I received a summons from the Headmistress and had to return. I assume she’s still in the thick of things here?”
“Yes, Master. She hasn’t left the hangar since your departure.”
“Excellent, then I’ll go find her immediately,” and taking another look at Dukwtape’s lethargic lekku added, “Duk, get some rack time. You’ve done a good job there today.”
“Master, I’m not tired. There’s still three transports anticipated in the next couple hours.”
“Assign those to the deck officer, ensure he understands the deployment orders, and get to bed. We cannot do it all ourselves.” He grasped the taller man’s shoulder. “You’ll be needed tomorrow.”
Duk nodded, and went off to find the deck officer while Kamjin proceeded to the Headmistress. He found her with a rather short, overweight, man hovering nearby. As he came closer, the man looked to be a glutton. His weight strained the robes he wore, which seemed to have additional fabric hanging off it for a purpose Kamjin couldn’t fathom. His hair was brittle and turning white and his eyes looked a sickly yellow.
“Ah, you must be Adept Kamjin, Headmaster Ciara and I had been having such a wonderful conversation about you while you were away.” the man spoke with a boastful ‘Imperial’ voice, like someone more comfortable around a dinner table making toasts and exchanging backhanded compliments.
“Yes, and you must be Warlord Inahj,” Kamjin extended his hand in greeting. Andrelious wiggled his fingers as if unaccustomed to touching an armored hand, and puzzling over whether or not it would be safe to touch it. After several lingering seconds, he weakly shook the offered hand.
“Well, my dear Headmaster, I believe he’ll do quite nicely for the agreement we’ve struck.”
“And that agreement would be?” Kamjin gave an inquisitive look to Ciara who looked more frazzled than she had this morning.
Pushing back a lock of hair she responded, “It’s the Wampas. We started getting reports this afternoon that several had taken up in the lower levels of the laboratory and it’s been preventing us from taking control of the power generators down there.” She tapped a series of commands into her ever present datapad, “We’ve got enough power to continue operating for the next few days and it was a lower priority item but Andrelious here...” she was cut off before she could finish.
“Well, I just had a wonderful notion of how I could be of assistance. Of course, anything to serve the Headmaster during her time of need.” If it was possible, he seemed even fatter as he puffed out his chest as if he had undertaken a great and noble deed.
“Yes...,” Ciara continued, “ Since we had a rather large pack of Wampas we only need a few captured to continue our experiments. Andrelious offered to help us wrangle them back into the pens...”
Again, cutting off Ciara, Andrelious continued, “For a very humble and small price of being able to collect the pelts of those beasts we couldn’t save. You know how comfortable a Wampa furred coat is and I would hate for my children to have to suffer any chills in something less insulated.”
This guy can’t be serious. He’s willing to personally hunt Wampas simply to make coats for his kids... Kamjin was bewildered and then suddenly had a realization. “Ciara, why exactly am I here?”
“Kam, I...owe Andrelious a favor and after he heard of the report today of you and Ellac handling those Rancors. Well, he insisted on collecting his debt by having you assigned to assist him.”
He turned and looked down again on the Warlord to find him beaming with abject joy. He was practically giddy with excitement to get going. It was a very good idea to bring the armor if I’m going to be dealing with Wampas.
“Well, my good sir, shall we depart? I wouldn’t want to keep the Headmaster here in peril of losing her power.”
Kamjin looked at Ciara and the returning gaze that said I really don’t have an issue with the power situation. Shrugging, he placed his helmet upon his head and pressured the seal. His voice, modulated through the helmet's microphone, responded, “Lead the way.”
As they marched off to the turbo lift for the lower level, Kamjin asked Andrelious, “Why did you request me versus someone from your own clan? Surely Taldryan has plenty of warriors that could assist you.”
Already wheezing from the effort of trolling at the speed Kamjin had set, Andrelious replied, “Oh, naturally...naturally. There are many such noble and skilled Sith within the hallowed halls of Clan Taldryan. But you, dear fellow, you caught my eye today. Such a masterful handling of the whole Rancor situation and ensuring that poor young apprentice would make it back on one piece. Well, I knew you were the type of person who could handle such delicate work.”
Delicate work. He means that I can kill a Wampa without ruining it’s pelt. Kamjin was getting a fuller picture of this Warlord and his decadent tastes. Entering the lift, Andrelious positioned himself in the back of the car, looking impatiently for Kamjin to step in and press the control for the lower level. Kamjin, acquiesced to the unstated command and set them on their way. It wasn’t lost on him that this had the dual purpose of continuing to play into the Warlord’s supposed sense of importance but also positioned him to take any surprise attack if a Wampa was waiting for them when the doors opened.
He’s going to get me killed was the last thought Kamjin had before the door opened and, as he had predicted, a large Wampa turned at the sudden noise and roared. It reached out with its massive paws and grabbed Kamjin, lifting him clear of the floor and hurled him down the corridor. As Kamjin struck the wall, he again congratulated himself on his forethought to wear his armor. The pressurized suit took most of the force of the impact, that otherwise would have left him concussed.
As he rolled over the Wampa was upon him, having bounded down the corridor after him. The beast's massive jaw roared inches from Kamjin’s face, spraying saliva over his helmet while it beat upon him. Even buffeted by the armor, he couldn’t take many of these blows before his ribs cracked.
As the Wampa’s next blows came in he reached up and grabbed the attacking paws. They became locked together as Kamjin wrestled to gain the upper hand. As the beast lunged his head forward to bite at Kamjin’s head a ruby lightsaber blade sprang out, slicing effortlessly through the Wampa’s windpipe before being extinguished. The Wampa released Kamjin’s hands and lurched after the new attacker. It struggled as it’s ragged breaths failed to reach its lungs.
Staying always out of reach of the Wampa’s paws, Andrelious savored the increasingly panicked gasps for breath as the creature's lungs began to deflate, starving for oxygen. After another few futile attempts it collapsed before Andrelious who peered down inspecting its pelt.
“Well done, Kamjin! Simply, wonderful job there!” Andrelious said while hunched over, straining himself to breath from such a position. “This one should do quite nicely and I’m sure we’ll find several more before this is all over.”
Kamjin had to help himself up off the floor. He probed gently and while his ribs were bruised they weren’t broken. “I’m so glad you’re pleased.”
Andrelious missed completely the sneering tone in Kamjin’s voice. “Come on now, we have to reach those generators before this whole site loses power.” Kamjin was quick to notice that in spite of his eagerness to complete their mission he had made no movement at all and was looking imploringly at Kamjin to hurry on down the corridor towards their objective.
Positive Takeaways
Your depictions of combat were vivid and creative. You also wove in subtle details like Andrelious savoring the wampa death here to give the reader a strong sense of his character. Passages like this are an excellent example of doing “show, don’t tell” right.
Can Be Improved
You have a consistent pattern of mixing up its and it’s. Remember “it’s” is a contraction for “it is” and “its” is the possessive form.
The biggest area for improvement in this post is pacing. You have 1900 words of introduction before the first wampa shows up. For context that is longer than some people’s entire fiction entries. More competitive ACC competitions and tournaments often have word caps of 1000 or so words per post. What you wrote would have worked fine for a stand-alone fiction or even a group run-on but in the ACC the focus needs to be on the conflict and the action. You had some really good stuff there you just needed to tighten it up a bit to get to the action quicker.