Reaver Jondar "Jo" Tigris vs. Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz

Reaver Jondar "Jo" Tigris

Equite 4, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Kiffar, Mercenary, Weapons Specialist
vs.

Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz

Elder 1, Elder tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

First off I want to thank you two for being patient in awaiting this judgement. This was not easy, I lost count of how many times I had to stop reading, just to regain my breath from laughing so hard. Super entertaining match, from two great writers. I also want to apologize for making you both wait so long, this was not an easy match to grade, but fun nonetheless. Now let’s get to the comments.

Kamjin, I have commend on keeping the pace of the comedy and action going throughout the match. Great work! The biggest thing that hurt you was the misuse of TK.

Turel, if I may use Atty’s line here, clears throat, “You know what you did.” But seriously, I love Jondar! The comedy and pavado he brings to the match is amazing.

Now you both had problems with Syntax errors. Most specifically, you both were missing commas, not capitalizing proper nouns, improper capitalization of non proper nouns, along with a few dialogue errors in punctuation.

This was an amazingly fun and entertaining match. I really wish I could make this a tie, because this was such a solid match to read and judge, along with keeping to the match requirements. But there can only be one winner. Congratulations to the winner of this awesome match, Turel Sorenn!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Reaver Jondar "Jo" Tigris, Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz
Winner Reaver Jondar "Jo" Tigris
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Reaver Jondar "Jo" Tigris's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Adept Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 24 February, 2021 5:17 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: Quite a few repeated errors, specifically capitalizations of proper and non proper nouns, missing commas, and other dialogue punctuation. The errors are pretty even between both posts. Rationale: Several repeated errors, specifically commas, proper noun capitalizations, and dialogue punctuation. However, you did get better between your second post from your first post.
Story - 40%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: You kept the story going in posts. The way you took and played with the comedy of Jo, with the more serious Kamjin was very effective. I felt you missed out on an opportunity with the twist Turel presented with Cooter dying. Rationale: The story you created with Kamjin and Jo was amazing. And the comedy intermingled with the action really kept the pace going, along with the emotions. Adding the super real part with Cooter's death, really was a twist. As such, you get the advantage.
Realism - 25%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: Unfortunately, you hit a major error with the misuse of Force TK. Take a look at the post comments for more details. Rationale: No issues.
Continuity - 20%
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Master Kamjin "Maverick" Lap'lamiz's Score: 3.8 Champion Rajhin Cindertail's Score: 4.57
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Kamjin tapped his foot impatiently as the dull roar of the crowd above reverberated through the antechamber leading to the arena floor. The elder Sith began absently function checking his blaster and vambraces to pass the time. Kam had called in some favors to get himself assigned a partner from Clan Vizsla during this little exhibition match or whatever Ciara was calling it. As an alliance with the mercenaries in Vizsla could greatly benefit Scholae Palatinae, he hoped to use this opportunity to make some inroads and see if the Vizslans lived up to their reputation.

The imperial’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of two very distinct sets of footsteps striking the dusty floor of the halls, which snaked their way under the stands and led to the arena. One set sounded like heavy boots moving at a deliberate pace and the other was the click click click of a creature with claws walking on duracrete. Kamjin turned to face the approaching sound.

You have got to be kidding me.

A Mandalorian approached in beskar armor similar to Kamjin’s own, only the newcomer’s set had been defaced with black tiger stripes. The mercenary had his helmet off, revealing a middle-aged Kiffar with leathery tanned skin, a horseshoe mustache and a shoulder-length mullet. A jet black Vornskr dutifully followed the walking assault on good taste that Kam assumed was his partner.

“Cooter, sit!” The tiger-striped mando ordered as he took his position next to Kamjin in front of the massive double doors that opened to the arena floor.

The Palatinaean rolled his eyes under his helmet. “You must be my partner for this exercise, from Clan Vizsla right?”

“Howdy! The one and only Jondar Tigris at your service, but you can call me Jo.”

Kamjin cringed, the Mandalorian’s heavy drawl was almost like nails on a chalkboard to his imperial sensibilities. He regained his composure and dutifully shook Jo’s outstretched hand, making a note of the model of vambraces on his partner’s tacky armor. For a moment, he pondered whether or not to give his real name.

“Thirty seconds until the exercise commences,” an oddly soothing female voice came over the loudspeakers of the antechamber.

“Kamjin,” the elder matter-of-factly replied before withdrawing his hand and turning toward the doors.

“Oh, the strong silent type eh?” Jo playfully inquired. “I like that, it reminds me of my second husband. Maybe we can grab some deathsticks after this, have a good time and unwind.”

Kam suddenly felt intensely uncomfortable and began to wonder if he had been assigned one of the Erinos mandos from Arcona he had heard so much about by mistake.

“Can we focus on the mission please?”

Jo shrugged as he put his own helmet on, “It’s just a couple of sand panthers, nothing I haven’t handled before.” He paused with a twinge of anger crossing his mustached face, “before that schutta Jedi Caro Bas’keen shut my zoo down.”

“Who? Nevermind, these aren’t just normal sand panthers they’ve been modified somehow--” Kam’s warning got cut off by the double doors opening and the light and roar of the arena flooding their senses.

Jo Tigris wasted no time and walked out into the light, both hands in the air waving to the crowd, seemingly ignoring the perils awaiting him outside. On the far side of the arena Kamjin noticed a pair of sand panthers pacing in front of what appeared to be an artificial den. The beasts had locked eyes with the newcomers and began to snarl. The elder looked over at his partner who was still showboating for the crowd.

“JO!” Kamjin shouted in anger. “The panthers are coming this way!”

The pair of predators moved deliberately but did not break into a full run. They crisscrossed one another’s path in near-perfect unison as they closed the distance with their new prey. Kamjin drew his pistol, verified it was set to stun and began to maneuver in such a way as to keep both panthers directly in front of him. The imperial’s military precision was interrupted by Jo nonchalantly walking past him, his bo-rifle still slung, with both hands raised toward the panthers as if they were trained pets.

“Hey there sexy panthers, that’s right keep your eyes on me.”

Kamjin flirted with the idea of just shooting Jo in the back before he remembered his purpose of building a relationship with Clan Vizsla.

This isn’t some holo show you idiot, you can’t just raise your hands and magically get wild creatures to obey you.

One of the panthers charged toward Jo only to be intercepted by the tiger mando’s vornskr who growled and snapped its venomous tail at the panther. The feline bore its fangs and swiped at the jet black canine.

“Easy Cooter.”

Kam turned his attention to the second panther, which fixated its gaze upon him. The elder tensed up in readiness to dodge an attack as he readied the blaster. Just as the panther suddenly moved toward him, the imperial fired with the signature cerulean stun rings missing wide. He had only a fraction of a second to react and throw up his left arm to block the incoming pounce as the sheer bodyweight of the panther knocked him on his back.

The large cat roared in frustration as its bites and swipes found purchase only in beskar. Still not knowing how these felines had been altered by the Shadow Academy, Kajmin was taking no chances and activated the flamer on his right vambrace to drive the panther off of him. Using the last precious seconds of the flame burst to create some distance between himself and his bestial attacker, the elder quickly stumbled to his feet and recovered his blaster.

Kam spared a glance toward his partner who was still seemingly letting his pet do all the fighting taking no apparent action but to egg on the two creatures in front of him engaged in a deadly standoff. He noticed Jo had at least readied and activated his bo-staff into staff mode, most likely to stun the panther and capture it.

The ground shook and four obelisk-like sensor towers rose from four different sides of the circular arena floor almost like they were markers on a compass. The Palatinaean remembered the briefing he received prior to this exercise. He was supposed to protect the towers while they collected data.

“I think there’s cubs in that there den,” Jo shouted at Kam in that awful accent of his. The imperial almost preferred getting mauled by the panther to listening to that yokel butcher basic.

“Let’s make things more interesting!” an announcer shouted over the arena audio system as the crowd went wild.

Uh oh.

Suddenly the floor of the arena opened in a few places and different kinds of turrets raised from below. A warning shot through the Force, prompting Kamjin to leap backward just in time to avoid a jet of flame from a nearby position that shot in between the panther and him. Jo wasn’t so lucky; a power coil pumped the Kiffar and his pet full of lighting, causing both to cry out in pain and collapse to the sandy floor in a smoking heap. The power coil had fired in such a way that the panther closest to Jo was unaffected.

Sithspit, Kamjin thought as he was now faced with having to save his partner while avoiding traps and two very angry sand panthers.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 29 March, 2021 8:13 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This is a great, funny and wonderful first post. I loved the banter and the exasperation that is coming off of Kamjin.

The imperial almost preferred getting mauled by the panther to listening to that yokel butcher basic.

This made me laugh so hard, for some reason. Love it!

Can Be Improved

There were quite a few Syntax errors. Biggest was missing commas, and not capitalizing proper nouns such as; Imperial, Mando, Basic, and Elder. Then there were a few instances of capitalizing the non proper noun, vornskr, and some dialogue punctuation.

... activated his bo-staff into staff mode,...

I knew what you meant, but just be sure to double check weapon names. Very cool weapon.

I really can’t see anything through these visors, Kamjin thought as he zeroed in on Jo’s position. He had not expected to have to use all the gadgets in this armor when he thought up this plan. As the helmet’s HUD fed him information, he made a silent prayer that this actually worked before he depressed the button inside his gloves.

In a move as graceful as a dying mynock, Kamjin took two hopping steps before the jetpack fully ignited. He felt his lunch suddenly shift from his stomach as he fought to stay on target and not upchuck. As he closed the gap, he deactivated the thrusters. He tumbled, his arms slightly flailing, before coming to a crumpled stop in front of Jo.

Scrambling to his feet, he snapped off several successive shots at the sand panther. Predictably, his shots went wild and only one grazed the hide of the beast. I haven’t had to fire one of these things in years, he thought as Kamjin tried to keep the sand panther centered in his viewfinder as it bounced backwards away from the two combatants.

“Jo, get up,” Kamjin urgently commanded, “Jo, wake up!” Looking down, he saw Jo was still passed out. “Jo, get up!” Kamjin shouted as he kicked the passed out mandalorian.

At that, Jo leapt back to his feet looking around rapidly. “Who’sat?!” He zeroed in on Kamjin, “Oh, Kammy, it’s you. Boy, you look like your rear is tighter than a crystal snake in the Yavin IV sun.”

What?! Kamjin thought while he turned and fired a shot as the other sand panther was circling between the pillars to join up with his companion.

“Jo, is your companion able to fight?”

“Oh, Cooter?” Jo cocked his head to the side, “Cooter, you lazy son-of-a-sith, get up here.” Jo reached down and shoved the Vornskr. The Vornskr woke up and snapped at Jo, latching onto his vambrace and shaking Jo’s arm.

“Cooter, Dank Farrik, let go.” Jo tried to withdraw his forearm as the Vorsnkr shook his head. “Dank Farrik, I said let go!” He picked up his bo-rifle from the ground. Charging the electric prod he began wacking at Cooter.

After the second hit Cooter released him to slink away; snapping his jaws still at Jo. If not for the helmet, Jo would have seen Kamjin’s mouth gaping open at the sight. Jo must have sensed something when he said, “This is the thing you don’t want when you have Vornsky, folks. It’s a real-life tornado, and there ain’t nothin’ you can do besides protecting yourself.”

Does he...does he realize he’s just talking to me and not an audience? Kamjin didn’t have the words to respond to Jo as suddenly the pillars retracted into the floor.

Left alone again with the two sand panthers, Kamjin was wary of what hidden surprise these mutated creatures may have in store. He was puzzled by the fact that they weren’t at all surprised by the pillars retracting. Instead, within moments of their retraction they each picked their targets and leapt.

Kamjin tried to roll out of the way of the one he had dosed with flames earlier. He was not used to wearing a jetpack and his roll, while successful in avoiding the leap, caused him to rock awkwardly back instead of continuing his roll.

“Kammy, you okay there?” Jo was once again dancing back and forth in front of the sand panther. How in the world does he do it? Kamjin looked up from the ground in amazement.

“Kammy, I can assure you, you’re going to get closer to sand panthers here than you would anywhere in the world. Matter of fact, you’re gonna get so close I can almost promise you will be urinated on.”

Jo, turned and looked at Kamjin still on the ground and then exclaimed, “Holy Sithspit!” as the sand panther returned and latched upon Kamjin’s jetpack with its jaws. Lifting Kamjin off the ground it shook him several times before launching him in the direction of its companion.

Kamjin recovered this time to his feet and noticed he had dropped his blaster between the failed roll and the sand panther chucking him across the arena.

“Now, Kammy, you just can’t let them have the run of you. You’ve gotta show them who’s the Sand Panther King!” Reaching casually to his belt, Jo unclipped a flash grenade and primed it, “this here denton will set things right.”

As he chucked it at the sand panthers Kamjin screamed, “No, you fool! That’s a Flash…” the words were drowned out as Kamjin’s visor turned opaque to protect his vision. He imagined the same had happened to Jo given his string of curses.

The sand panthers equally were dazed but, oddly, as if on cue, the pillars sprang out of the ground in different positions. Kamjin reacted at the same time, sensing where Jo was even through the darkened visor. Diving at him, Kamjin pinned him to the ground as the pillars sent erupting sticky fireballs into the air. As each landed with a plopping sound and a new hazardous pool of burning tar through his clearing visor Kamjin saw Jo’s tiger striped helmet looking back at him.

“Now, Kammy, you definitely remind me of my second husband.”

Sigh...I’m gonna die today was Kamjin’s last thought before the sand panthers were upon them again.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 29 March, 2021 8:15 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Great post. You definitely kept up the comedy and pace, while still keeping the story and action moving forward.

In a move as graceful as a dying mynock,...

So not so graceful :P I have to admit, I had to go look at what a mynok was again. Just to make sure it was the right creature I was thinking of. And yeah, just like the first time, it made me laugh :P

At that, Jo leapt back to his feet looking around rapidly. “Who’sat?!” He zeroed in on Kamjin, “Oh, Kammy, it’s you. Boy, you look like your rear is tighter than a crystal snake in the Yavin IV sun.”

Excuse me?! Your what, is tighter than a what, on what now?!?! This line I reread about a half dozen times, just to be sure I actually read it correctly. Seriously, I still can’t read this with a straight face. A great and definitely an imaginitive line.

Can Be Improved

You had a few Syntax errors. Missing quite a few commas throughout the post, and then there were several capitalization errors. You should capitalize proper nouns such as; Mandolarian, and then non proper nouns such as; vornskr, shouldn’t be capitalized.

As each landed with a plopping sound and a new, hazardous pool of burning tar, through his clearing visor, Kamjin saw Jo’s tiger- striped helmet looking back at him.

This sentence is a run-on, and is a little complex. It could easily be split into a few sentences and still get the idea you want across.

Having a pair of ravenous sand panthers biting, clawing and scratching at you is not something one gets used to. Kamjin had rolled off of Jo and tried to get back to his feet as quickly as he could. The Sith had only managed to get to one knee before he was swatting and blocking the furious blows from his feral opponents. Thankfully he had managed to activate the 40cm diameter shield built into his left vambrace and began using it to bash the nearest feline back. Kam knew the shield wouldn’t hold up to too many more blows and his mind raced to formulate a plan. The temptation to simply pull his lightsaber out from its hiding place and unleash the Force on these beasts grew strong for a moment.

My armor is holding, no need to blow my cover just yet. Kamjin thought as he took stock of the tools still at his disposal.

The elder’s frantic planning was soon interrupted by a loud and unmistakable “YEE HAW” followed by the buzzing whoosh of a bo-rifle swinging. Kamjin’s struggles had apparently bought Jo enough time to stand and ready his own weapon which he wielded all the skill and enthusiasm of a hyperactive amateur. The movements were basic but effective in getting the sand panthers to momentarily back off.

“THAT’S RIGHT, GET YA SOME OF DIS!”

For all his bravado Jo was swinging wildly, sometimes away from the now circling panthers. Kamjin realized his compatriot was likely still shaking off the effects of the flash grenade. The Palatinaean still had not recovered his blaster pistol but remembered his vambraces had their own blasters built-in. Extending both arms out the Sith began to fire rapidly at the ground in front of the felines in an attempt to get them to retreat. Aiming using one’s wrists is an awkward sensation that requires training and practice to overcome. Kamjin had neither of those things in any significant measure.

“COOTER NO! BAD DOG!”

That’s not really a….nevermind. The Sith noticed his tiger-striped partner trigger his jetpack to fly above the panthers and hazards of the arena. Kam stole a glance toward where Jo seemed to be heading and that’s when he noticed the misbehaving Vornskr heading for the artificial den where allegedly sand panther cubs were hiding.

Cooter emerged from the den with one of the mewling cubs in its mouth as Jo arrived and began frantically slapping the back of the canine’s head in a vain attempt to get him to release.

“That’s my payday you filthy varmint! Do you know how many creds we can make for cub petting?”

The issue of whether or not Ciara would actually let Jo take one or all of the cubs would have to be solved another time because the panthers moved to protect their progeny with almost supernatural speed.

“JO! LOOK OUT!” Kam shouted in vain across the noisy arena. The crowd gasped and cheered as the felines closed the distance.

Cooter released his ill-gotten bounty and turned to face the angry parents. Jo looked up just in time to ready his bo-rifle. One of the panthers threw itself at the Mandalorian, knocking him over with a loud CLANG. The other focused on the vornskr with a fury as of yet unseen in this whole fiasco. Kam ran across the arena as fast he could, preferring the stability of the ground to chancing another attempt at flight.

It was at this moment that the Shadow Academy’s modifications to the panthers became readily apparent. The panther attacking Cooter roared and large quills raised out of its back. The quills and the cat itself tingled with electricity and Kamjin felt a noticeable surge in the dark side of the Force.

Jo slowly rose to his feet while using his bo-rifle to hold the second panther at bay. “I’m gonna be RICH! Electric sand panthers? People will pay a fortune!”

It took every ounce of discipline the elder had at that moment to not reach across the Force and choke the life out of his so-called partner.

The vornskr lunged at its attacker with a venomous tail only to receive a debilitating shock. Once again, the canine collapsed on the ground in a smoking heap. The enraged panther, however, was not finished with the predator that had threatened its cubs. The angry parent swooped down and tore the throat out from the disabled vornskr in a bloodly mess.

“COOTER NOOOOO!” Jo cried out with genuine grief as he began lashing out at the nearest panther with renewed fury. One of the mandalorian’s blows found purchase in the cat’s flesh. Instead of being stunned by the electromagnetic pulse of Jo’s rifle the panther seemed to flinch for a moment as its quills glowed that much brighter.

Kamjin was not sure if the creature had actually absorbed the energy or if the pain of the blow had fueled its apparent connection with the dark side but pulling out his lightsaber and unleashing his own Force powers seemed more and more like the only way out of this situation.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 29 March, 2021 9:08 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This was an awesome post. The energy, action, and comedy was amazing.

The angry parent swooped down and tore the throat out from the disabled vornskr in a bloodly mess. “COOTER NOOOOO!” …

My heart! Poor Cooter. Seriously though, this just brought the whole match to the level of, this is man against beast here, and it is life or death. Very real, and for I commend you for bringing quite a serious note, to an otherwise action and comedy filled match. Also I almost went with Ciara on the -5 in story for making the both of us sad :P

Can Be Improved

A little bit better than your first post in regards to Syntax errors. There were still quite a few missing commas and dialogue punctuation. Then only a couple errors in capitalization of proper and non proper nouns. Otherwise a cleaner post than before.

Kamjin soon found the answer to his silently uttered question. Jo’s bo-rifle sputtered and hissed as it fell silent. The usual dancing arcs of electricity were now absent. Meanwhile, the sand panther...if it could even still be called that...was emanating a periwinkle glow from its quills.

“Ooo...you make a purty kitty!” Jo was so enamored with the prospects of selling glowing purple felines that he could not comprehend the danger he was in. Kamjin wondered if the sand panther’s intelligence had also been augmented; for the moment the bo-rifle gave up it’s last bit of energy it began tearing into Jo.

Kamjin heard the electric-snapping sound as the sand panther’s massive jaws ripped free the mandolarian’s beskar chestplate. Jo scrambled to cover his now exposed chest with his vambraces. The beast continued to pummel Jo, rearing back and crashing down onto his stomach with its massive paws.

“Oh sithspit! I am never gonna recover from this financially!” he bemoaned.

Kamjin’s head took in Jo’s dilemma and pivoted quickly to the prowling other parent, which was carrying its cub back into the den. At the same moment a ping sounded within his helmet and the HUD displayed a message, “Data gathering complete.”

Finally, he thought, No potential alliance is worth this amount of headache. Depressing a control on his left vambrace a hidden compartment on his jetpack slid open raising one of his lightsabers above his shoulder. Reaching back he grasped the familiar weapon and ignited it in a forward sweeping arc.

The familiar snap-hiss of the igniting blade caused the sand panther to whip its head around to focus on Kamjin. As it slowly backed off of Jo he crouched lower to the ground seeking an opening to strike. Jo, rolled onto his side, took off his helmet and vomited. Looking at the blood red blade reflecting off the shiny beskar armor he gave a low whistle, “I can’t compete with dat!”

Losing himself in the Dark Side, Kamjin sensed the pillars extending once more from the ground. He side-stepped and twisted his blade to catch an arc of lightning as it erupted towards him. As his blade absorbed the energy, he shot out his left arm and caught the leaping sand panther in mid-air. Pushing forward, he sent the sand panther flying through the air.

As the creature connected with the column, Kamjin heard the wind go out of it as it crumpled to the ground. One down.

Hearing the sound of its mate hit the column, the mother sand panther bounded out of the den towards Kamjin. Unrestrained, Kamjin caught a blast of fire and redirected it. Forcing the sand panther along his chosen path. A little further...wait, what?

“You slimy no good she-devil!!” Making use of the distraction Jo had snuck into the den and was now cradling the cub in his left arm. In his other he had recovered Kamjin’s dropped WESTAR-35.

JO! We need her alive!” Kamjin screamed as the Kiffar started firing the pistol. No longer following Kamjin’s attempts to guide her, the sand panther danced from side to side rushing back towards her cub. Still recovering from his earlier thrashing and the struggling cub in his arm his shots mostly went wide.

Kamjin made a judgement call, one he hoped he wouldn’t later regret, to risk the sand panther to save Jo’s life. Clipping his saber to his belt he stretched out his hands and let loose a volley of Force Lightning.

The impact took the raging sand panther off its feet. Its quills extended and began glowing. Jo was practically frothing at the mouth as he hooted and hollered, “Ya, Kammy! Fry’em!” Jo relaxed and began spinning the pistol on his trigger finger and he boot stepped closer to the sand panther like it was some communal barbeque.

NO! GET BACK! IT COULD KILL YOU!” Kamjin screamed. Yet again, Jo couldn’t grasp what was happening around him. As Kamjin continued to send ribbons of electric rage into the sand pather the once oddly pleasant glow became a deep, throbbing, painful, build-up of energy.

“I go to work everyday prepared to die. Dying doesn’t scare me.” Jo uttered moments before the stored energy erupted violently from the creature. The shockwave sent Jo and the cub flying back into the den.

Kamjin turned his back and took the brunt of the shockwave in his jetpack. Kamjin was relieved that it survived the blast. Looking back, the beast was still breathing. Thank the maker. Ciara won’t kill me now.

Kamjin rushed over to the den to check on Jo. He wouldn’t call it relief but he was accepting that the crazed mandalorian was still alive and now clutching two sand panther cubs by the scruffs of their necks.

“I’ve got to get these to Doc Antill right away! We’re gonna breed ourselves a money train Kammy!”

Shaking his head slowly, “Before all of that could we discuss now the possibility of…”

“What gives with you being some space wizard? I could have sworn you were a mando.” Jo started walking away with the cubs. “We say no to Sith, because Sith make your teeth fall out and you get really ugly and don’t have any friends.”

As Jo continued to ramble on, once more acting like the whole world was his stage, the clang of Kamjin’s armored glove smacked his helmeted face echoed across the arena.

Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae, 29 March, 2021 10:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This was a great conclusion to this battle. Wow, just wow. The intensity of the action was

As Jo continued to ramble on, once more acting like the whole world was his stage, the clang of Kamjin’s armored glove smacked his helmeted face echoed across the arena.

I’ll admit I was smacking my hand against my forehead throughout the entire match. Probably why I fell asleep at my computer so much :P

Can Be Improved

There were quite a few Syntax errors. A lot of missing commas, a couple proper nouns that aren’t capitalizied, along with some minor dialogue errors.

Kamjin’s head took in Jo’s dilemma,...

The word “head” is really confusing here. A better word would be ‘eyes’ or something else.

Unrestrained, Kamjin caught a blast of fire and redirected it.

Umm so this isn’t how Force Telekenisis works. At a +4 you can lift and manipulate several physical objects with a degree of accuracy, and then you can manipulate intricate objects. Not fire though. To redirect any sort of element, it would probably have to be Barrier, and even with that you can’t really control where you can redirect it to, unless you get the feat Bounce It. Even then though, that’s just for Force Lightning. Unfortunately, this is a major Realism error.

I wanted to also mention that you seem to forget all about Cooter’s death, at the jaws of the sand panther at the end of Turel’s last post. Cooter isn’t mentioned even once, and considering the fact that the way you portrayed Jo here, makes it seem the change in his demeanor at the end of Turels’ post didn’t even happen. Not dinging you for this, but just make a note, and keep things that happen in mind from your opponents post.