Well, at least it wasn’t cold and wet. It had been so pleasant and affluent inside the actual Shadow Academy, but here, it felt much like being at a “work-experience” for a prisoner job. Two heavily armored sentries stood guard at the reinforced portcullis. Racks of armor and weaponry were on full display, clipped and chained against the sandstone walls. The duracrete floor was covered in a rusty colored sand, much like the grains found on Geonosis. Occasionally, the ground would shake, making the metal rattle. Another fight was still taking place inside the Arx Colosseum, likely another set of combatants tackling some seriously large creature.
Reinara’s experience in the wild allowed them to recognize one of the beast’s screeches. It must’ve been an Acklay. They hoped they would be fighting something equally impressive. Deep down, the Clawdite anticipated entering the arena alone, but they knew it was expected of them to pair up with another. Whoever was going to join them was late. The Weapon’s Specialist disliked the decor. They’d seen dungeons more inviting than this. It reminded them far too much of their time as a slave child. The undefined, Human-like changeling dusted their short-cut black hair off and readjusted it so their yellow eyes could be unveiled.
Rein’s porcelain skin was adorned with a permanent frown, a large scar, and a blank expression. Normally they would hide their face, if only not to upset the people they dealt with, however, this time it seemed like Rein was alone—finally a job without complications. The credits were welcome, but the people from the Shadow Academy they had to deal with were not. The short visit had made Rein Savat feel incredibly uneasy, with several of them being Force users after all.
Then they heard footsteps, only noticeable by the crunching of sand granules under synth-leather boots.
“So sorry I’m late, I had to make sure to let one of my friends know when my turn would come up!” a silvery voiced Zygerrian pointed out, panting somewhat between words. She leant with her hands on her thighs, catching her breath.
The Clawdite had turned their head towards the slightly taller, grey-furred woman, with the same deadpan look on their face.
“Hey, r-really sorry. The name’s Zaagni-,” she wiggled her pink-tipped nose, then left it pointing to the side as she sneezed. ”Achoo—sorry—.” Zaagnika Umangi, or you can simply call me Zag. Oof, I really have to do some more exercise, and do it earlier! The first time of the day always makes me sneeze. Pleasure to meet you, err-” she wiped her nose with her elbow, then held out a large clawed hand towards the Clawdite.
“Rein,” they replied with the same inscrutable expression on their face, while their voice was just as undefined. The Reaver left her hanging, biding their time until Zag lowered her hand.
They could notice her toothy smile ebb away, replaced by a nervous fidgeting with those same disproportionately large claws. Why would they trust her, afterall? Zygerrians were known oppressors after all. Yellow eyes scanned over the form fitting suit she was wearing, expecting to find a lightsaber. But they found none, even though her EE-4 blaster and her folded electro-hammer were on full display. Perhaps she wasn’t a Jedi or Sith at least—that jetpack certainly wasn’t a common piece of equipment on Force-users.
“Also here for the credits? The last visit to the hot labs paid off pretty well, even if I had to get my jaw fixed at the surgeon.” Pierced and jewelry laden ears twitched as Zag could hear the crowd cheering outside of the vomitorium.
Rein turned towards the gate and saw the guards stepping to the sides, lifting their pikes away from the opening. The Clawdite readied their Black Sun blasters, Right and Left, as the first rays of light beamed underneath the heavy doorway. The lifting of the heavy gate was almost deafening. It rattled as sand infested cogs and gears had trouble getting it in motion.
The awkwardness and lack of interaction really made Zag want to disappear. She was feeling deeply sorry about being so late, and she did not want to be jumped by a monster on her way in. The Zygerrian inhaled deeply as she let the Force wash over her, like walking downstream of a shallow river.
Blinding light from Arx Primus reflected off of the immensely tall, reinforced transparisteel walls and fine rusty sand. The heat formed ripples in the air, similar to how Zag disappeared from sight herself as she ignored the bolstering crowds. People in the audience wondered why only one person entered the arena. So did Rein when they turned their head around after stepping into the fighting grounds. Zag was, indeed, gone. They didn’t hear her through the noise. Even Savat’s keen sight couldn’t disseminate her from the wrinkles in the air.
Force sensitive after all? And she left me here to fend for myself. Typical.
Both combatants could hear the clanging and whirring of another door, coming from the other side of the Colosseum. Then there was a loud banging on metal and a shrill roar could be heard. A droid tried to prod it with an electrobaton, but its attempt was answered by a giant, clawed fist smashing it to pieces. Debris scattered into the arena grounds, and even caused one of the hidden traps to activate. The droid’s head dropped down into a pit, impaling it on a spike. Once the monster came out of the vomitorium, they could see its dirtied white fur. It was a massive wampa, much larger than the average and it was angry.
Traps? They didn’t tell me about no kriffing traps, blast! Zag thought to herself, now scouting out the sands for any trigger plates, laser wires or elevated panels.
Reinara sought out some kind of cover. They looked up to see just how tall those walls were. The Colosseum was quite the death-trap and the Clawdite wasn’t quite sure who it was intended to test—the participants or the wampa. Behind the protective see-through material there were hordes of spectators, which seemed to be cheering on someone, or something. Probably the wampa. Setting themselves up behind a pillar large enough to cover their body, the changeling noticed that the beast was looking for more electronics to pulverize.
With a nice vantage point set up, they were going to wait until the beast found something to gnaw on. The Mercenary clipped their Right and Left back onto one of their belts and grabbed their amban sniper rifle, Long Shot, off of their back.
In the meantime Zag had found a pressure plate and she could smell conflagrine-14 nearby.
A flamethrower, excellent. Time to do your magic, Zaagnika, she beat herself on her chest for self-encouragement.
Her canary yellow eyes squinted at the wampa, only to notice just how incredibly large and intimidating it was. Maybe it was better for Rein to have the first shot. The Zygerrian looked up at the crowd and realized they hadn’t even seen her yet.
She scanned the public and started to increasingly worry about even getting paid for the job if she let the weird looking Human do all the work—well she thought they were Human anyway. Weird frakkers those Humies. Then she saw him, her new friend, the giant red Zeltron. It was Sage, and he was looking around to find her. She huffed and readied her EE-4 blaster, Prattle.
She kept her mind focused to stay hidden with help of the Force for just a little longer as she maneuvered behind the pressure plate. She then aimed her weapon at the wampa, dropping her veil. Once her scope had aligned with her target—which seemed to be flailing at anything robotic zooming around it or flickered at it with little lights—she looked away, thinking instead about how much fame she could garner if she made an epic entry. She could hear the crowd’s confusion over her sudden appearance as she squeezed the trigger.
Just as Reinara had set themselves up real nicely, they heard the blaster-fire.
Zag...
They followed the bolts swirling towards the wampa. A whole cadre of blaster fire completely missed the enormous monster, but she kept on hurling more of them. All of them missed, except for the very last one. It hit the ice creature right in the mouth as it was about to munch on a cable. It roared furiously, covering its maw with a curly furred claw.
The bellow of the beast made the Zygerrian flinch. She peered upwards and saw Sage cheering like a mad nexu, almost tossing another spectator out of their chair as he stood up.
Worth it, she thought to herself, until she turned towards the real behemoth stomping towards the Savant, creating a huge dust cloud behind it.
Reinara didn’t hesitate, they aimed Long Shot, attempting to fire at its leg. The rising dust and a suddenly erupting obelisk blocked their sight. They swapped back to the pair of Black Sun blasters and made a run for the Zygerrian.
Intentional? Are these Shadow Academy scientists sabotaging me here? Rein didn’t trust a single one of them. They were safe behind the structure, having a blast while they were risking their lives for some spare change. That obelisk was placed just a little bit too perfectly in front of their sights.
The wampa kept storming towards Zag as she froze in place, grinding her teeth in fear. It started slowing down just in front of her.
One more step, Zag prayed to herself.
Stomp!
It had taken the bait.
Click
The wampa was sprayed with a splash of conflagrine. The fluid irritated the giant beast, but for some reason it didn’t ignite.The monster roared at Zag. It postured with its massive limbs while sniffing at the horrible stench of fuel. It's lovely white fur had been ruined!
The Clawdite left a trail of dust behind, boots sliding through the sand as they came to a dramatic halt. They fired a paired round at the wampa. The two shots from Left went wide, with one of them almost burning a hole through Zag’s perfect, jet-black bangs. The other two shots from Right just barely scraped over the beast’s belly. The bolts ignited the fuel, setting the giant ablaze.
The Zygerrian shook awake, ducking away from both the stray bolt and the inferno in front of her. The Force had given her a warning as a massive burning limb hurled towards her. The woman rolled out of the way, got back up and kept running, heart pounding in her throat.
Rein peered expressionless at the beast. They could see it throw itself on the sand. The wampa tried to douse itself with the sand in desperation.
They could hear a buzzing sound among the ecstatically screaming crowd above. A swarm of fire extinguishing drone-droids came hurling towards the wampa. Ice-cold, oxygen choking vapour made short work of the conflagration. It came as a relief for the ice-monster. It snorted and sniffed as pain ebbed away together with the freezing cold. Then the wampa inhaled deeply as it gasped for air.
Time to do what I do best: staying alive Rein turned on their heels and made a run for it as the beast recovered.
What Went Well
You did really well with characterization in this post right from the beginning, but this sentence really stood out to me as nailing that. Her feeling is something many readers can relate to (nevermind that she actually can disappear when she wants to), and it speaks perfectly to both characters’ aspects and highlights the tension that their pairing creates as their insecurities, manifesting in opposite ways, clash head on.
Zag looking away as she fires (and then proceeding to miss almost every shot) was neat as it relates to her “Stop Looking at Me” aspect. It’s very “human” and not something you read often in our fantasy fights, so it stood out and made the character a little more relatable.
Room for Growth
You had a number of syntax errors, but nothing that made it difficult to read or interrupted the flow. The most common thing I saw was not hyphenating words in “compound modifiers” (two words together to act like an adjective). For instance:
You’re using “sand” and “infested” to create a single adjective to describe the cogs as being infested with sand … so you should hyphenate them as “sand-infested cogs.”
You also had some trouble with quotes in dialogue, particularly in the section above where it looks like you may have a backwards quote right before “achoo” and then an unnecessary period after the hyphen followed by an inadvertent closing quote before the dialogue has actually ended.
Disseminate isn’t the right word for the above … perhaps you meant something like distinguish?