Hunter Sinya Ani vs. Warrior Khryso Mallus

Hunter Sinya Ani

Journeyman 3, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Warrior Khryso Mallus

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Sith, Defender
Comment

First of all, thank you for competing in, and completing, your SARLACC match! This match was interesting, it was clearly a revisit from round one on the partnership and showed growth of trust between two Clanmates. You wrote them working competently as a team, instead of a cavalcade of clowns, which is always a nice change of pace.

Syntax wise you’re both very solid but could use more proofing to help with sentence structure and word choices..

Story-wise this match lacked any tension though. You start off with the ‘oh my we’re out numbered’ but it never seems to matter, neither character ever felt like they were in harm’s way. This kept your Story scores from rising much, despite Sinya’s interesting ideas (though your lack of conflict didn’t help either), and Khryso’s emotional backing to Lightning.

That said, it was well written, and expanding on the themes (mostly talking to you, Sinya) will see your scores in the future rise. You have the competency, just add some more fighting! Khryso, be more aware of your power usage, Battle Meditation is a pretty harsh power on focus, and while Meld allows you to move, it doesn’t really make it any easier overall, so using multiple powers at once with it should have drained you well before the lightning scene.

Both of you are excellent writers, keep it up, and I look forward to reading more!

With a score of 3.9 Sinya Ani is the winner!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Hunter Sinya Ani, Warrior Khryso Mallus
Winner Hunter Sinya Ani
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Hunter Sinya Ani's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warrior Khryso Mallus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 2 March, 2021 1:02 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: Multiple errors throughout both posts Rationale: Multiple errors throughout both posts
Story - 40%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: Lots of action, a clear ending, but overall lacked any tension or sense of danger for the characters. Rationale: While you had some interesting ideas, overall you lacked much conflict or action
Realism - 25%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: A couple of Major detractors revolving around power usage, detailed more thoroughly in the post notes. Rationale: No issues found!
Continuity - 20%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: No issues found!
Warlord Khryso Mallus's Score: 3.67 Nightsister Sinya Ani's Score: 3.9
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

The hot sun beamed down onto the arena’s sand with not even a breeze to tame incendiary temperatures. The young Twi’lek was glad she had stripped all the clunky modifications off of her Night Sister armor and had decided to wear her boots. The incandescent rays glistened off Sinya’ni’s cyan lekku as she surveyed her surroundings. She knew the arena was riddled with hidden obstacles and traps. In fact, if she concentrated, she could spot a few of the activation plates buried in the beige dirt.

Next to her stood a familiar Chiss. They had teamed up before. The tall Plaguean had saved her life while the pair was hunting a pack of vornskrs outside the Corrino Research Laboratory. He hadn’t changed much and, despite the sweat beading on his brow, he was looking rather dapper with his well trimmed mustache.

She was glad Khryso was here. She did not have much experience with the insectoid they were about to face. She had seen them on Ryloth, but never up close and never on purpose. Lyleks were something to be feared and never faced in open combat. They were dangerous apex predators like krayt dragons and Mandalorians.

While Sinya was replaying different possible scenarios in her head, Khryso studied the Twi’lek. The last time they were together, she rebuffed his force meld and things went rather poorly after that. Maybe things could be different now that they aren’t complete strangers?

“Do you mind if I link our minds through the Force?” the Sith warrior queried.

The blue Rylothian flushed purple. “Yes...I am sorry for my reaction last time. I thought you were reading my thoughts. Now that I am more familiar with the ability, I am ok with it. Have you ever faced a lylek before?”

“No,” the Chiss replied. “I only know what was in the briefing.” Camera drones came in for a close up of the two blue-skinned combatants as they strategized. The stands were filled with impatient spectators, waiting for the vicious predators to be released. “If we work together, we will do fine,” he surmised.

Bzzzzz

The sound literally made Sinya jump. “Just remember they hunt in packs,” she said as she slowly faded from sight. Khryso concentrated on his tiny partner, connecting to her consciousness and tapping into her emotions. Just like before, he realized the Twi’lek’s emotions were a cacophony of fear, insecurity, and resolve. None of which was evident on her carefully crafted facade. He tried to focus on her determination, drawing it to the surface and using it to ground her in the moment.

Two, enormous, Rylothian insects skittered out of the now open portcullis. The clicking and buzzing of their primitive communication was slightly unnerving as they quickly had the Chiss warrior surrounded. Their face tentacles flailing in the air as they slowly tightened the perimeter around their prey.

“What is with Ryloth and all the tentacles?” Khryso asked rhetorically. The violet shimmer of his lightsaber’s blade sprang to life in his dominant hand.

Just as the shroud faded, exposing the Rylothian girl, a trio of bright red plasma bolts singed the air as they struck the exoskeleton of the larger of the two lylek. The chitinous plates reflected the bolts towards the stands, eliciting some screams from the audience. Several onlookers ducked for cover before they saw the dangerous energy dissipate harmlessly on the energy field surrounding the arena.

The Twi’lek was no longer cloaked, and a clicking noise drew her attention to a monolithic pillar some twenty meters away. As she turned, a third, smaller lylek burst out from behind the column and charged towards her. “Oh, Kark! I did not expect another one. You were hiding so well,” Sinya said as she ran away from the new opponent, letting fear fuel her already fast running legs with extra speed. The lylek’s tactic impressed the young hunter. “How did she get out here without me noticing? Clever girl.”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 10 March, 2021 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


I liked the way you introduced familiarity between the characters and properly identifying the lyleks (and their FACE tentacles despite what the inaccurate aspects say about them having a tail tentacle).

Not a bad setup, could have used another paragraph or so of action to balance out the start-up, but not bad!

Can Be Improved


You had a few syntax issues here, ranging from sentence structure and some questionable word choices. Always get a proofer!

The young Twi’lek was glad she had stripped all the clunky modifications off of her Night Sister armor and had decided to wear her boots.

This was a troublesome passage for me, as this could be referring to you having dropped armor aspects you normally use, something we have no frame of reference for as the graders, or I have to assume it refers to the mobility enhancement stock aspect for armors that mentions stripping away things to make it easier to move in, which you do not have ON the armor. I suspect more that it was the former, but this sort of thing can lose you points without further explanation.

The tall Plaguean

Nitpicky, but if you check out the Fiction Center (Resources>Fiction Center>Databank:Dark Brotherhood Universe) you'll find the proper spellings for how to refer to members of each Clan.

In the same vein, if Sinya Ani isn’t her actual name, you should probably make it clear on your Sheet to avoid Syntax errors when you use different wording, even if it is simply in ‘brackets’ so to speak.

Khryso didn’t need to keep any of his senses trained on Sinya to keep track of her. The meld that Sinya had once rejected now gave him a general feel for her whereabouts and condition. This allowed him to focus his attention on the two beasts circling him, their tentacles lashing in his direction. The Chiss had begun to weave his lightsaber in a wide defensive formation, keeping their stray strikes at bay while also giving them a show that he hoped would make them hesitant to press their numbers advantage and charge him.

If killing the lyleks was on the table, he could afford to be a bit more confrontational, trying to bait them into a more vulnerable position. Unfortunately, however, it wasn’t. Instead, he and Sinya were here to put the creatures through their paces for the sake of the Shadow Academy’s scientists.

At least I didn’t have to go back to that horrid swamp, he mused. An assignment like this was much more to his tastes. It certainly helped that the Colosseum itself brought to mind memories of the much humbler but aesthetically similar Ichtuzz Arena back on Aliso. He’d spent some time there while working with the Valneikian hive and was familiar enough with Geonosian architecture to recognize its influence here.

Khryso realized the two lyleks pestering him were beginning to grow impatient. He couldn’t keep this defensive screen up indefinitely, so the Chiss decided to change up tactics. With a quick shift in the grip on his lightsaber, he launched into an arc, throwing it through the air towards the foremost right leg of the smaller lylek. While the target of his throw quickly lurched away to avoid the projectile, the other lylek took advantage of the disarmament to pounce, but Khryso was already moving away, concentrating the flow of the Force into his body to enhance his agility.

Sinya was leading the smallest lylek on quite the chase. The creature was decently quick and sharper than she expected, but Sinya was faster and smarter. She kept in constant motion, training her senses on the terrain around her to pick up on the environmental cues that indicated where traps might be. Not every surprise that she led the lylek to activated, but those that did, a stray electrified spike or oil slick, kept the creature on its toes and at bay.

That being said, she was already beginning to feel some fatigue setting in. She may be quick, but she was no endurance runner. Keeping this tactic up indefinitely would not work out in her favor and it wasn’t doing much to dissuade the lylek from staying her shadow.

It was then that Sinya spotted Khryso moving quickly across the sand, small geysers of particles spraying up with each step. The lyleks he had been entertaining were after him and his violet lightsaber was circling through the air in a wide arc, angling back towards the Chiss. Peppering a quick salvo of blaster bolts back towards her own pursuer to slow them down, little that it did, the Twi’lek decided to circle back towards Khryso.

She summoned up her remaining stamina to close the gap quickly. As the two moved towards each other, they made eye contact. Their connection through the Force wasn’t telepathic in nature, but still Sinya realized Khryso intended to shift both of their focus onto the runt of the litter behind her. The Twi’lek slid to a stop, reaching out with her free hand towards Khryso, who was now heading straight for her, and the bigger lyleks. The Force reached out through her and grains of sand and dust launched themselves into the air around Khryso, creating a temporary but hopefully distracting smokescreen.

Khryso knew it was coming a moment before, but was still caught up in the storm of dirt that erupted on his heels. It was a decent tactic, certainly, but he wasn’t thrilled about the grains of sand he’d be washing out of his hair for the next several days. Nonetheless, it threw the creatures off of his back for the few extra moments he would need to help Sinya fend off her dance partner.

“Stay close!” he yelled as he ran past her. He felt the Twi’lek fall in behind him as they charged the smallest lylek, switching out the weapon in her hand. He knew that Sinya was starting to run out of steam, just as the boost he’d given himself through the Force was starting to wear away. However, if they take their surprise guest out of the fight, that should give them a chance to catch their breath.

The lylek’s tentacles lashed out at them first. Khryso called on his practice in defensive lightsaber forms to bat away the tentacles, sometimes just singing them but occasionally cutting off small bits of flesh. The lylek reared back, bringing its forelegs forward to add some additional offensive power to its attack, but that was exactly the opening Sinya had been waiting for. Driving forward, she dove underneath it. The bright blade of her lightsaber ignited, carving several black, burning scores into the creature’s chitinous underhide.

The thick chitin and the quick, imprecise cuts ensured the wounds weren’t deep, but they definitely hurt the lylek. It wheeled around, scrambling to find Sinya as she slid out onto the sand behind it. Khryso, taking advantage of the momentary distraction, surged forward, landing a few lightsaber blows of his own. The lylek decided a retreat was in order, unsteadily retreating towards the far end of the arena.

Unfortunately, the other two lylek had recovered from the momentary distraction and were setting their sights back on the two Plagueians. Khryso strode over to Sinya, offering his hand. “Well done, Hunter Ani. Unfortunately, it seems we still have our work cut out for us.”

Sinya took his hand and Khryso pulled the Twi’lek to her feet. “You make it sound like this is unpleasant.” She wiped the sweat from her brow, smiling flippantly. “Personally, I love the idea of being mutilated by giant insects. It’s what keeps me going on rainy days.”

Khryso raised an eyebrow skeptically, but turned to the charging lyleks, raising his lightsaber into a defensive position. “Well, I definitely find it more on the unpleasant side.”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 10 March, 2021 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


There was a lot of action going on in this post, well done. Not many errors either.

Can Be Improved


You mention Khryso's Amplification boost running out, what you don't mention is maintaining your Battle Mediation (Force Meld allows you to move, it doesn't really make that advanced power easier), amplifying your physical abilities, and moving your lightsaber around with telekinesis all at once as you move to join Sinya. This is a massive split on your focus and should be both difficult and exhausting.

Additionally, while the recent update to Telekinesis does allow control over multiple objects, lifting sand up into the air means you're having Sinya manipulate hundreds if not thousands of grains of sand at once, while running from a lylek. This is beyond the scope of what TK can do, regardless of Sinya’s ‘level’ in it.

Their connection through the Force wasn’t telepathic in nature, but still, Sinya realized Khryso intended to shift both of their focus onto the runt of the litter behind her.

Needed a comma after the 'but still', sound it out aloud and you'll catch the natural pause. Also, singeing is what happens when you shoot things, not singing at them

The little, blue Twi’lek rolled her eyes and started to explain, “Of course it’s unpleasant. That’s what is called sarcas….Oh, nevermind. I don’t have time to explain basic social interaction.” She shifted her attention to the remaining two lyleks. They were closing in fast. Chitinous claws made a clickety-clack sound as they stirred up a cloud of sand in their wake.

The more senior Plagueian felt his young associate’s trepidation through their meld. He could tell her irreverent bravado was just a front to hide her fear. In truth, the situation did seem rather dire. Had lethal force been authorized, this would have been simple. However, incapacitating a fully grown giant insect that had poisonous tentacles would not be easy. He had no idea how they were going to handle two of them.

Sinya’ni looked around for any escape options...Like the deadly pillars rising from the center of the arena. “Brilliant! Follow me!” She said as she dashed over to the trio of huge pillars rising out of the ground.

Khryso could tell Sinya had a plan, even if she hadn’t exactly filled him in on the details. He followed after her as she ran between two of the pillars and leapt up against one, pushed off, landed against the other, pushed off again. Up and up she went till she reached the top.

“Huh...sorry. I can’t follow you up there,” Khryso admitted as he watched the young Rutian parkour her way to the top. “What exactly did you have in mind?” He stopped mid step as he felt a warning course through his subconscious.

“Oh...try to get them between the pillars,” she called down to him. “Then hide, I guess?”

The Chiss didn’t have to work at getting them in position. They were already on their way. All he had to do was...get out of the way? He jumped behind one of the pillars just before the lyleks crashed into each other as they scrambled through the gap in the pillars.

Khryso was lucky. Sinya had not bothered to wait for him to be clear before she peered over the edge and whistled to get the insectoids attention. She stared beyond them at the pressure plate her partner had just avoided. Focusing all her attention on it, she stretched out with her thoughts and pressed it….

General Stres'tron'garmis, 10 March, 2021 11:25 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


An interesting idea, though it may have been wiser for your Story score to actually show the effects of the pillars rather than just calling them 'deadly'. You handed narrative control to your opponent to do with as they please, and while leaving a cliffhanger like that may seem like an idea to stump them, it allows them to turn the story to their advantage and is more likely to help their score than your own.

Can Be Improved


Sinya had not bothered to wait for him to be clear before she peered over the edge and whistled to get the insectoids attention.

You're garnering the attention of the insectoids, as in it belongs to them, so this would be plural possessive, so insectoids’ attention. I know it looks clunky but...yay English!

Other than that, your post again lacked conflict, which is going to hurt your Story score.

As the pressure plate depressed, nozzles popped out of the trio of pillars, spraying a lilac colored foam into the center of their grouping. The foam quickly blanketed the lyleks, bubbling and frothing. The creatures began to hiss and cackle unpleasantly, their pursuit of Khryso forgotten as they scrambled to exit the trap in any direction. Khryso detected a harsh chemical smell coming from the foam and surmised that it was some kind of chemical irritant. Fortunately, his position kept any of the foam from getting on him.

The nozzles stopped spraying and retracted into the pillars. Even though the foam was already starting to dissolve, the lyleks were using their claws and tentacles to toss sand onto their backs. Khryso glanced up at Sinya, who met his eyes with a satisfied smirk. They needed to take advantage of the distracted state the lyleks were in and take them down. Khryso quickly flourished his lightsaber, taking a moment to prepare himself for the attack, as Sinya gracefully pounced onto the top of one of the other pillars, giving herself a much clearer line of sight on the lylek to their right.

Khryso dropped into a sprint, moving quickly across the dusty floor of the Colosseum. He kept his eyes on the target, tracking their movements and attention. The creature noticed his approach, but was not at all prepared for him. Carrying through with the momentum from his sprint, Khryso brought his saber across in a wide horizontal slash, severing the tip of one of the beast’s legs. The creature roared, turning its full attention on him.

As Khryso entered into a deadly dance with the insect, blaster bolts began to rain down from above, most of them glancing off the now filthy carapace of the lylek but the occasional bolt finding a particularly sensitive spot. The few bolts that buried themselves in the sand released small geysers of debris, adding to the small dust cloud that was obscuring the floor thanks to Khryso’s footwork and the lylek’s aggressive advances.

The pair of Plagueians eventually found the openings they needed to knock the creature down, a dozen or more harsh black marks scoring its hide from the combined assault of blaster and lightsaber. Sinya could easily read through the meld that Khryso was feeling the strain of the fighting. He had taken a few hits from the creature’s large legs but thankfully avoided the more debilitating tentacles. That being said, the final lylek had apparently recovered from the foam irritant and was now skittering across the arena to finish off Khryso.

As the Sith took up a defensive stance, readying himself for the creature’s arrival, Sinya knew the same strategy wouldn’t work again. Calling on the Force, she felt energy flooding into her body. Sitting up on the pillars had given her enough time to properly recover, so she was confident jumping back into the fight for their final foe. With its attention focused on Khryso, the lylek had its back to her position.

Almost cat-like, Sinya bounded down to the ground, vaulting off the neighboring pillars on her way to soften the impact as well as give herself some additional horizontal momentum. The Force did the rest, flowing through her and allowing her to move with ease and push herself as far as she needed to. Reaching back into her pack, she withdrew a metallic collar and a small remote.

With her blaster holstered, she wrenched the collar open, launching herself up and onto the lylek’s back. The creature was momentarily distracted from its fight with Khryso, lurching its head around to discover the disturbance. The sudden movement, along with its slippery carapace, likely a result of the foam, almost made her tumble off. The Twi’lek was able to quickly recover her balance, darting along the creature’s back and snapping the collar around its neck.

In the next moment she was properly thrown as its tentacles lashed out at her. She tumbled towards the sandy ground, managing to tuck herself into a somersault and coming to rest in a crouch. Silently, she cheered at her success before activating the remote. The shock from the collar wasn’t particularly powerful, but it was more than enough to throw the lylek off. Sinya’s plan had successfully drawn the creature’s attention from Khryso to herself. As she prepared to jump up and make a quick exit, however, purple bolts of lightning suddenly erupted across the insect’s body.

With the last of his stamina, Khryso had poured himself into the Force, calling upon the distress of his legacy with the Tadrins. Focusing on his frustration with having to kill Lora, his sorrow for not being able to close his account with Luthus, and his anger at the family’s lack of understanding. The emotions manifested themselves as pure dark side energy, erupting from his fingers and overtaking the lylek, causing it writhe in confusion and pain. It only lasted seconds, though, as he dropped to his knees, drawing in a shaky breath.

The lylek, extremely disoriented and rattled, tried to straighten itself, but Sinya drew her lightsaber, closing in to drive the creature to the ground with a flurry of lightsaber strikes that drove into its hide. With the final lylek down for the count, Sinya retrieved her shock collar, feeling the effects of the meld fading away. She turned to Khryso who was kneeling on the sand, leaning forward and supporting himself with his hands.

“You’re not about to die or anything, are you?” the Twi’lek asked, staying a few paces away.

Khryso tried to straighten up, sweat beading his brow. “No, I’m fine. Just need to catch my breath.” He forced himself to his feet, doing his best to hide his unsteady posture. “Well done, Hunter Ani.”

“Right,” she said, smiling, “I think I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

Khryso nodded. “I have noticed improvements in your performance. You continue to impress.” He pressed his lips tightly together, steadying himself for their exit from the Colosseum. “If you’ll excuse me, I require a steam and some comforts of civilization. Until next time, Sinya.” With a slight bow, the Chiss turned and began a carefully controlled walk towards the Colosseum’s exit. The Shadow Academy Staff was already beginning to enter the arena to take back control of the lyleks. Sinya dusted herself off, smiling in satisfaction.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 10 March, 2021 11:26 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Nice to see emotional backing to Force Lightning. You had a lot of action, most of it easy to follow (not sure why Khryso had to sprint to get the lyleks, the end of Sinya's post he was right next to them, just outside the pillars), and some creative ideas.

Can Be Improved


The emotions manifested themselves as pure dark side energy, erupting from his fingers and overtaking the lylek, causing it writhe in confusion and pain.

Looks as if you lost a 'to' there when it started to writhe.

The lylek, extremely disoriented and rattled, tried to straighten itself, but Sinya drew her lightsaber, closing in to drive the creature to the ground with a flurry of lightsaber strikes that drove into its hide. With the final lylek down for the count

This was a bit jarring, as 'putting something down' with a lightsaber generally means making it unalive, while both characters clearly were trying to avoid that.