Lightning split the sky asunder as thunder roared for miles around. To Tracinya, it was a miracle she could hear herself work. The ruins of the Dromund Kaas temple were exactly that. Ruins. Parts of the ceiling lay collapsed across the temple hall. What once stood as a mighty symbol of the Sith lay in tatters in mounds of dust, rubble and split tiles. The beasts that prowled outside were wise to leave her alone. The Sith Mandalorian frantically searched for something, anything that could help prove herself to the Taldryan summit. Although, right now, the teenager felt like she could plunge her lightsaber through the first thing that sparked her ire.
The young girl was only seventeen years old, damn it all. Yet, right from birth, her destiny was laid out for her in front of her eyes. She was Force-sensitive, just like her father. She was a Sith, just like her father. She was Mandalorian, just like her father. The list went on and on.
It felt like she had no control over her own life. Her superiors in Taldryan watched over her every move like hawks and ordered her around like a common minion. Tracinya, go do this, or, Tracinya, be a dear and go do that. It made her stomach churn and almost triggered a gag reflex at the thought. She deserved respect for her skills. She was a Battlemaster for frakk’s sake! Damn them all to kriffing hell! She was better than her father and she was going to prove it!
That's why the Sith Mandalorian was here in an old—supposedly haunted—temple, clawing through pile after pile of dust and debris. The only company she had was the old, half-broken Sith sculpture that stood staring at her. The young Mandalorian had no idea how long she'd been searching for. It was certainly long enough to rip holes into her gloves and dirty her fingers. Her helmet was tossed to the side shortly after the young girl arrived, deciding she wouldn't need to keep it on whilst she searched.
That's when she felt a presence in the Force that was so familiar to her. She scowled as her head snapped to the temple entrance.
"The frakk are you doing here, Appius!?" Tracinya seethed and raised her voice.
A man in bright-red Mandalorian armor entered the temple hallway. Appius himself was tall, and his chest plate held golden lightning bolts upon the chest plate.
"Oh, you know. I heard you were in the neighborhood and thought I'd come check out the sights. I have to say, Tracinya. You have terrible tastes in holiday destinations," the older Human retorted. The sarcasm was not lost on Tracinya, and the young girl's eyes hardened. Appius felt the girl's anger rise within her and let out a deep sigh.
"Ok, ok. Look, you weren't answering your communicator and I wanted to check on you," Appius answered honestly as he raised his hands defensively.
"That doesn't explain how you found me," the young Sith retorted.
"Your ship has a tracking beacon on it."
Tracinya's eyes widened. The smaller Mandalorian didn't know if she should’ve been flattered or insulted that the Ektrosis Quaestor was keeping an eye on her like this.
"Why the hell did you do that!?" Tracinya protested.
"Would you have let me do it if I offered it?" Appius asked.
"Frakk no!" the Sith protested.
"Well, there's your answer!" the Quaestor responded. "After Kalon disappeared, I took the liberty of fitting each member's ships with one just in case this happened again. You, young lady…"
Appius pointed to her with a single finger from his right hand.
"Have not been answering your communicator. You had me worried."
"I'm fine," the younger Mandalorian growled in response.
"Are you? I'm not convinced. What in all of Manda are you doing here anyway?"
"It's none of your damn business!" the young girl snapped back at her fellow Taldryanite. Her pupils dilated as she gritted her teeth.
"It is my damn business, because it concerns a member of my House and someone I care for," the red-clad Mandalorian scolded. "Now, stop acting like a massive child, and come back with me to Ostara. We can work this out and…"
"No."
The Ektrosis Quaestor bit his lip at the young girl's defiance. Appius was used to Tracinya's rebellious streak. Hell, the Mandalorian Sith liked to make it a daily ritual of trying to make the older Human pull his hair out. Though today, it appeared she was really on one.
"Fight me."
The seventeen-year old's sudden request, however, did perturb the Juggernaut. Lightning boomed and roared above as Appius struggled to form an answer. Despite his shock, the Mandalorian Force Disciple swallowed the lump in his throat and steeled himself.
"No. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, Tracinya. But I'm not fighting you," Appius scolded. Tracinya quickly rose to her feet and scowled at the Juggernaut.
"Then I invoke the code to seek justice in single combat!" the young Sith declared. "If you win, I'll come along and obey. No questions asked. If I win, then you must step down as Quaestor," The moment the words left Tracinya's mouth, the male Human's heart plunged into his gut.
"Are you insane!?" Appius yelled back. "What the hell is wrong with you, invoking the code on me like that!? I don't want to fight you Tracinya. I came here because I was worried about you, you kriffing little sithspit!"
"If you refuse, you lose your honour and become dar'manda,” the Marauder commented as a sadistic smirk graced her face. "Then again, you already were once, weren't you? I can't imagine it would be too hard for a coward like you to do it again."
The tension was palpable, emphasized by the low rumbling outside. As Tracinya tapped into the Force, she could sense the heat rising from within Appius.
"Fine," Appius said lowly as he extended his right hand. Ner Ara left his waist and floated direct into his palm. "Though just remember, you asked for th-"
Appius didn't finish his sentence before the Force alarmed him on incoming danger. The Juggernaut readied himself for whatever Tracinya was about to throw at him. However, the young Sith stretched out with the Force, compelling it to do her bidding as Appius felt his airways tighten. The taller Mandalorian was forced onto his tiptoes and Tracinya was straining herself as she maintained her hold over him. Appius gasped for air and clutched at his throat. The Ektrosis Quaestor felt a ringing vibration in his ears as his vision began to fade in and out of a haze.
"Really? Is that it? You don't deserve to be Quaestor!" Tracinya rebuked, somewhat disappointed by the lack of fight from the newly-minted Juggernaut.
That was when the older Mandalorian Force user summoned the power of the Force within him. A powerful shockwave pulsed out of him and broke the Marauder's grasp over the other Taldryanite. Appius dropped to one knee and sputtered behind his visor. The first breath of air he took filled his body with the sustenance it so desperately craved as his senses returned to him.
Snap-Hiss!
The Juggernaut barely had time to react before Tracinya launched herself at him with reckless abandon. The Sith's footsteps tapped across broken tiles along the floor as Appius activated his jetpack. Flames spewed out of the thrusters and propelled him over the Marauder as she slashed horizontally in a haphazard fashion with her crimson-bladed lightsaber. The Ektrosis Quaestor landed a few feet behind her, left arm outstretched as electricity jutted between his fingertips.
Tracinya spun and felt the warning from the Force moments before Appius shot the tendrils of dark energy towards her. The Battlemaster raised her lightsaber in front of her to absorb the attack as it crackled and dissipated into her blade.
"So much for Zappius! Is that the best you can do?" Tracinya commented confidently.
"I'm just getting warmed up, and believe me..." Appius retorted and pressed the ignition switch on his saberstaff. Twin emerald blades ruptured out of both sides of the hilt. "You've done nothing to impress me so far."
The Mandalorian Juggernaut raised his saber in a one-handed grip and left his dominant foot forward. His spare arm was raised in a challenge, and he dared Tracinya to attack him.
Who was the Sith to refuse such an invitation? The Marauder timed her step with the roar of the thunder above before launching herself at Appius once again. The dark side coursed through her body and increased her speed with each step Kalon's daughter took. Red clashed against green and sparked together in a vicious collision. Tracinya, knowing full well that she couldn't overpower the Juggernaut with brute strength, decided to focus on speed instead.
There was no discernable pattern to her movements, though they appeared casual and hardly complex. Despite this, it kept Appius on his toes as he almost failed to spot the particular patterns in her strikes.
Almost.
Niman, eh? Appius mused. The Juggernaut was the one that taught it to her and it was indeed ironic that Tracinya would use it against him now.
"You know something? You and Kalon have something in common," the Quaestor said as he instinctively parried a strike aimed at his visor. Appius then flicked his wrists to parry the follow-up strikes with the other side of his saberstaff.
"And what's that!?" Tracinya seethed as she gritted her teeth, lunging and slashing at the Juggernaut. The Sith's heart thundered in her ears as her breathing hardened. Eventually, both combatants' sabers locked together.
"You both can't fight worth kark. Like father, like daughter, I suppose."
If there was one thing that got under Tracinya's skin like a bad rash, it was insults directed at her and her father.
The Sith roared viciously and swung a flitting strike at Appius, who deflected the tip of the blade away from him with his own. This, however, was what Tracinya hoped for. Following through with her momentum she thrust forward an open palm and channelled the dark side through her.
The Juggernaut recognised instantly what she was up to.
"Sithspit!" Appius exclaimed as he immediately dug his feet into the ground. He summoned the Force within him, hardening his body like one of the statues that littered the ruined Dromund Kaas hall. Dust, debris and broken tiles flew behind the male Taldryanite as he held firm against the strong torrent of wind that Tracinya summoned. After a few seconds, the Sith stopped, and Appius remained where he stood.
"Well, Tracinya," Appius said, breathing intensely. "The pushing slash didn't work. Now what are you going to do?"
What Went Well
All in all, your characterisation was the strongest feature of your post. As usual, you got the battle off to a strong start by setting the emotional stakes, to give the reader something with which to engage. The character interaction was full of conflict (both in Tracinya griping about how Taldryan treated her and the argument with Appius) well before the fighting started, and using their shared Mandalorian background as part of the catalyst for the fight was a nice touch. When the fighting actually began, your combat struck a nice balance between providing the reader with vivid images and keeping the post moving.
On the a Syntax note, it looks like you have far fewer issues with sentence structure in this post than you’ve had in previous battles. Well done! The work you’ve been putting into that is paying off.
Room for Growth
Syntax-wise, there were a couple of spots where your word choice was awkward or incorrect. You said that the Force "alarmed" Appius, when it would've been more appropriate to say it "warned" or "alerted" him (which caused him to feel "alarmed"). You also said that "lightning jutted between Appius' fingertips", but "jutted" is another word for "extended". (I suppose you could've said that the electricity jutted out from between Appius' fingers, although it'd be unusual for that to happen as opposed to it just emerging from his fingertips.)
I also noticed that you threw extra paragraph breaks into your post when they weren’t really necessary. Normally, paragraph breaks are supposed to show when the speaker changes in dialogue, or more rarely, to either emphasise a particular line or break up paragraphs that would otherwise be unnecessarily long. For example, the line about Tracinya’s reaction to her father being insulted isn’t so important to the plot of the post that it needs its own paragraph for emphasis.
The next issue in this post was that Appius had improbably easy time holding Tracinya at bay. Despite their roughly equal skills, Appius never really seems to be at risk in this post; he gets away from Tracinya without a scratch despite her trying to catch him off-guard, breaks her Force Choke pretty much instantly with Disjunction, and doesn’t seem to need to put much effort into deflecting her lightsaber attacks. That could cause issues in both Story (where the ease with which Appius defends himself drains the tension out of the fight) and Realism (in how plausible it is for events to be skewed in one character’s favour), but for the sake of not penalising you twice for the same thing, I’ve marked it down as a Realism detractor.
You had another Realism issue that put you in a catch-22. The first was your description of Tracinya’s Force… Windstorm? I like the imagery in how you wrote it, but as far as I’m aware, we’ve never seen a Force Push manifest as a gale-force gust of wind that rips stone tiles out of the ground (except possibly in some video games, which aren’t taken as canon in the DB). On the flip side, taking the Force Windstorm at face value raises a different issue: your use of Iron Skin, which lets the user “momentarily” brace themselves against being knocked back. There’s nothing in Iron Skin’s wording that suggests it can let someone root themselves in place for an extended period, but Appius clearly uses that power to brace against an attack that lasts for “several seconds”.
Lastly, be careful about your phrasing of Iron Skin. Despite the name, the power doesn’t actually harden the user’s skin to make them more resistant to injury; it just allows them to brace against being knocked down. Since Appius didn’t seem to be using the power to actually resist injury, I didn’t mark it as a detractor, but you’ll want to keep that in mind for the future if you continue writing Appius as a Juggernaut.
Suggestions
Keep working on your sentence structure; the effort you’ve put into it so far is showing, and I have confidence that you’ll continue to improve if you keep putting the effort in. Shift the balance of your Force power descriptions a bit further toward Realism instead of Rule of Cool. If the characters are in a situation that would pose a challenge to them, write the details in a way that shows that they’re being challenged, instead of glossing over it and letting the reader think everything’s easy-peasy.