JK Edgar Drachen vs. DJK Taranae Rhode

Jedi Knight Edgar Drachen

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Human, Sentinel, Marauder
vs.

Knight Taranae Rhode

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

Taranae gets the win here thanks to compelling storytelling. Congratulations!

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition ACC Open Beta Tournament
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants JK Edgar Drachen, DJK Taranae Rhode
Winner DJK Taranae Rhode
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
JK Edgar Drachen's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DJK Taranae Rhode's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Streets
Last Post 15 May, 2014 11:20 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Edgar Drachen
Score: 3 Score: 2
Rationale: You had several grammar and punctuation errors littered through your posts. ("You may be strong in the Force, Jedi but you have a lot to...") An ellipsis should only be used when you intentionally leave out part of the sentence. For interruptions, use a dash. (the sounds of the city reached her ears and she tried to filter out any sound that was unwelcome to her ears.) Instead of repeating the word "ears" try to find another way of finishing the sentence. Repetition in a sentence can make it feel clumsy. Rationale: There were quite a few grammatical errors the drew me out of your posts. Incorrect capitalization of a few words (Go Frag yourself), the use of too much punctuation (You think this battle is over Jedi?!?), and you left out several commas throughout your posts. Another thing I noticed was that, on multiple occasions, you used the numerals for numbers as opposed to spelling them out. Unless a number is so large that it would take up over 20 characters, fiction should be written with written out numbers. Also, try to avoid capitalizing full words for emphasis. Try using italics; they can be easier to read. I would advise having your posts proofread before you post them to help you avoid mistakes like these in the future.
Story - 40%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Edgar Drachen
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: I really enjoyed the way you began your post. I felt like I was peering into Taranae's point of view. You lost me a little bit when you switched character focus. This was made up for with your combat writing, which was compelling and wasn't cliche. I would suggest avoiding using the names of Force powers (...and unleashed a Force shock). Try, instead, to describe what a power would look like to someone who has no idea what the Force is. You did describe what the power looked like, immediately after, so I didn't dock you too much for this, but try to avoid using the names of the Force powers. It makes for a more interesting read. Rationale: At times, your combat felt a little forced. I wasn't really engaged by your writing of the characters. Another thing I noticed was your use of "Splitting Rawl." Try describing what attacks and powers look like as opposed to simply naming them. Describe them as if the reader has no idea what they are. In this case, I literally have no idea what Splitting Rawl is, so it's difficult for me to visualize what the attack would look like. Also, try to avoid phrases like, "Let's end this," in the penultimate post; it's incredibly cliche.
Realism - 25%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Edgar Drachen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: I loved how you used both of your characters' combat aspects in this match, especially in your last post. It is clear you know how to draw from character sheets for your writing. Rationale: You used the character sheets and the environment fairly well, even touching on her combat aspects fairly well. Excellent work, here.
Continuity - 20%
Envoy Taranae Rhode Edgar Drachen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: I did not see any continuity errors. Rationale: There were no continuity errors that I could see.
Envoy Taranae Rhode's Score: 4.3 Edgar Drachen's Score: 3.35
Posts

The Vertical City. Nar Shaddaa. They call it the Smuggler's Moon—an apt description based on the myriad of sentients shuffling back and forth with their illegal wares and hidden weapons. The narrow streets below you criss-cross endlessly, soaring miles above the planet's surface. Exposed and uncovered, the streets offer a nearly perfect setting for someone with some skills with ranged weapons. Your own vantage point, standing on the ledge of a towering structure of glass and steel, offers you a dizzying view of the cityscape.

Your eyes scan the distance for enemies. Snipers could be set up in almost every building. The streets are plagued with violent gangs and the general riff raff of the poor and destitute. The streets may be an ideal place for blasters, but the winding streets are difficult to disappear from. An opponent would be easily boxed in and simple to finish with a few quick slashes of a lightsaber. The moon is dangerous—even for a Jedi.

She waited. She knew that her quarry was searching for her too; she could sense him. Up here on the ledge of the building she was using as a lookout post, the sounds of the city reached her ears and she tried to filter out any sound that was unwelcome to her ears. Maybe she would hear him, maybe she wouldn't. But she knew that he was below her somewhere, reaching out with his own powers to find her. Cloaking herself in the Force, Taranae knelt as still as a statue, perched on the edge of an overhanging beam of steel. She could feel his presence growing stronger as he neared and she gazed intently at the spot she believed he would emerge from. Her red hair blew in a cascade from her back towards the south as the winds buffeted her, unrelenting in their assault. Still, Taranae kept her position, ever watchful.

The young Jedi knew he was being hunted. Edgar could sense another presence in the area and was concentrating on pinpointing the location of his would-be assailant as he sensed danger. His lightsaber flared as if of its own volition and swung up, catching and deflecting the shot fired from above him. Two more blasts followed and he quickly deflected them to where he deemed to be the spot from which they originated. He grinned as a figure leaped to one side, narrowly avoiding the blaster shots as they hit the spot it had occupied beforehand. As he watched the figure leap, he cloaked himself at the base of the building. He could sense the power radiating from his attacker and with the movements he was seeing it could only be a female. Now he anticipated the fight more, and thought he would finish this fight quickly - even though she seemed strong with the Force.

Taranae cursed as she flung herself to the side, knowing that the movement would take her out of cloak and make her visible again to her prey. The Jedi must have some proficiency to be able to sense her attacks, so she vowed to herself to be more careful and not underestimate him. Moving to the side of the building, she gently and soundlessly dropped from her perch and landed on the ground, igniting her lightsaber as she did. Moving quickly and silently to the corner, she glanced around and searched for the man she knew would be hiding nearby - Edgar Drachen. She reached out and could sense Edgar huddled beside the building. She boldly stepped out of cover and stared directly at the position in which she could sense the Jedi hiding.

"Show yourself, Jedi. You shouldn't have joined the light side and I will make you regret that decision." she said, taking up a fighting stance with her lightsaber horizontally above her head, her hand open by her side, ready to use any power she may call upon.

Edgar stood, dropping his cloak. He ignited his lightsaber and strolled into the open, grinning as he did so.

"Hmm, red hair, bad attitude - you must be Taranae," he said. "The Dark Jedi I have heard so much about. I must admit, I expected you to be.... taller."

"And you're Edgar Drachen. I expected you to be smarter."

Edgar used this momentary distraction as Taranae was talking to his advantage and motioned above Taranae's head, bringing his hand down quickly with a flourish. Sensing an object above her, Taranae glanced upwards and gestured, creating a force barrier against which Edgar's attack dissipated easily.

"You may be strong in the Force, Jedi but you have a lot to..."

Her sentence was cut short as Edgar leaped towards her with his lightsaber raised, ready to bring it down in a slicing arc. She raised her own weapon to block the attack, but Edgar's attack was too strong. His lightsaber bit deeply into Taranae's own and her arm wrenched as it was pushed back nearly to breaking point by the force of the swing. She stepped back momentarily, a little dazzled by what she had just experienced and blinked as her shoulder screamed at her.

"A lot to learn, were you going to say Sith? Maybe I know more than you think!"

With that, Edgar pointed his fingers at Taranae and unleashed a Force shock, the tendrils of electricity streaking towards her and he could see her visibly pale as they reached their target.

Taranae's instincts suddenly kicked in and she leaped upwards and towards Edgar as the shock reached the area in which she had stood previously. She felt a pain in her foot where the lightning had found purchase on her body as she attempted to leap over the attack. As she did so, she aimed her lightsaber directly at Edgar's head, hoping to finish this fight against an opponent she had seriously underestimated.

Noticing at the last moment, Edgar leaped backwards with a small somersault and landed a short space away from where Taranae landed; her blade scorching a deep mark in the floor. She looked up, growled her frustration at him and charged. They met and their lightsabers locked as blow after blow was traded. They finally came to a halt, both panting slightly and finishing with a flourish and backing into ready stance.

"Seems we are at in impasse, Jedi." Taranae remarked.

"What I see is that I injured you more than you did me." replied Edgar. "Let's finish this, Sith"

Taranae quickly scanned her opponent's thoughts and was surprised to receive such feelings of determination and focus on defeating her. There seemed to be more more going on with this Jedi then she originally thought, but there was no time to dwell on that now. She had to act and act quickly to gain the upper hand in this fight. Unfortunately before she could move a muscle a blinding flash of light went off before her very eyes and she was left stumbling trying to regain full capacity of her senses as the Jedi prepared his next attack.

“Aww the poor Sith can’t see? Well it won’t matter for long”.

By the time the Lady Sith had barely started to clear her vision she was shocked to see the Jedi point and fire a grenade at her. With only a split second to react the Sith instinctively used the Force to deflect the grenade back towards Edgar where it exploded a mere 10 meters from him Knocking him to the ground a few meter from where he once stood.

This was the chance she was waiting for Taranae quickly tapped the rage that was building within her since she her first attack was foiled and leapt at the Jedi with such speed and skill it seemed her powers were being infused with the Force itself. As she landed, the Sith made a flurry of arcing slashes, forcing Edgar to go on the defensive.

The young Jedi’s rash move of using his grenade launcher to finish the fight quickly backfired on him in a way he never thought possible. Now he was under a barrage of attacks from the smaller and now rage filled female Sith. Residual bleeding and shell shock from the blast made it difficult to remain focused on his assailant.

Taranae finally broke the stalemate with the next barrage of attacks and her final rage-filled slash stuck Edgar’s leg cutting his thigh with a 2 inch gash about six inches above his left knee. As Edgar fell to the ground he was met with her knee directly into his midsection.

Feeling vindicated for way this duel started, she stood over the Jedi and arrogantly stated, “You thought you could come here and defeat ME, Jedi?!? I’m a SITH and there is no way I could ever be defeated by the likes of YOU!”

The young Jedi lay on the ground with his eyes closed, grasping his leg and immediately flashed back to the last time his was on this moon fighting against his very first Force-user. The only difference was he was just a simple young smuggler leading his first mission transporting contraband to the Hutts when they were ambushed by Republic troopers and a Jedi. That fight ended the same way when the Jedi’s lightsaber also cut his leg. In that far flung moment he actually hated the Jedi and wished more than anything for the strength to get back up to defeat his opponent.

Edgar’s rage built then, just as it bloomed now. As he grew angrier his body filled with the Force and he felt even more powerful than he had before. A split second later his eyes sprung open and the Sith was hit with a tendril of ebon energy slicing her abdomen and causing her to reel backwards in pain.

Before she could react to that Edgar quickly outstretched his arm sending a Force blast that hit Taranae like a hammer, knocking her a good 15 meters backwards and straight to the ground.

Using his Force infused skill the Jedi was up and charged his opponent with greatly enhanced athletic ability.

“I’m done playing with you SITH! This ends NOW!”

As her opponent charged, Taranae found herself at a distinct disadvantage. The slice to her abdomen was sending searing pain through her entire body and she clutched it with the same arm that was injured by the Jedi's lightsaber attack previously. Nonetheless, she had to react quickly or she would die, here and now, at the hands of an enemy that she had set out to find with the intentions of destroying him. She now found herself facing the same fate that she had in store for him.

As Edgar neared, Taranae drew on her Force reserves and her knowledge of Teras Kasi. Using her free hand, she swung at his lightsaber with her own with as much strength as possible and was successful in deflecting the hit so it landed to her right side, scorching the ground. Drawing her leg back she winced with pain and effort, but placed her foot in Edgar's path and used the full force of her kick to hit him in his mid section. The kick had the desired effect, and he gasped for breath as Taranae used his momentum and the placing of her foot to carry him up and over her body. He landed behind her with a sharp intake of breath as he hit the ground on his back, having performed a full somersault over Taranae's head without any effort on his part. He was winded badly, and writhed on the ground, desperately trying to regain his breath and return to an upright position.

This gave Taranae the brief respite she needed and she called on the Force, using the power to heal her wounds within and without. The bleeding from the gash on her abdomen slowed then stopped but was still very painful,and she felt her shoulder click; it had obviously been dislocated as the Jedi had pushed his assault before. She rose a little unsteadily at first, but regained her composure and walked slowly across to her fallen foe with a slight stoop, but grinning all the while.

"So now comes the end we talked about, Jedi. Although you fought well, you came up a little short on your promise."

She cocked her head to one side, smirking in amusement as Edgar tried to rise to his knees, his lightsaber held out unsteadily before him, being used as a very weak ward to hold the Sith at bay. She found it quite easy to swat his lightsaber aside and kick him to the floor. She raised her hand and sent tendrils of electricity arcing into his body and he writhed in pain, gasping for breath and screaming silently.

"This is the true power of the Force Jedi. Although it is such a shame you will not live to be able to harness it as I do!"

With those words, she ceased her lightning attack and lowered her hand. She readied her lightsaber and glanced at Edgar's own lightsaber a mere couple of metres from his prone form. He mumbled incoherently as she strolled forwards, picking up his lightsaber.

"And now I can claim this as a trophy. One more vanquished Jedi."

She flourished her lightsaber and drove it through Edgar's heaving chest, the blade sinking a few inches into the ground beneath his body. His body convulsed slightly and then was still. Taranae withdrew her lightsaber and sheathed it, kicking Edgar's body.

"Worthless," she mumbled as she walked away, inspecting her stomach. The wound still hurt, but with time it would heal fully. A scar was a probability, but she could live with that. She glanced back at the body of the Jedi as she walked. A grin spread across her face and she laughed out loud. A very disturbing sound that reverberated around the area as she vanished around the corner.

With a flash Edgar was up and closing the distance between them. He Ignited his lightsaber and with it’s glowing red blade he charged at her with blinding speed. Having only seconds to prepare herself she was barely able to ignite her own lightsaber and assume hasty but basic Soresu stance just in time to parry the Jedi’s first slashing attacks. His attacks were faster and stronger than before. Taranae knew her arm couldn’t survive this assault unless she did something quick.

Her body was still racked with pain from the telekinetic Force punch which cause her land on her bad shoulder which caused even further injury to it. Her arm was now on fire to the point that just grasping her lightsaber let alone defending herself against Edgar’s onslaught was pure agony. She needed time and she needed space to try and get the upper hand in this fight so she could finish this whelp off.

In a last ditch effort and sacrifice Taranae dug her heels in and used the force to bolster her defenses and once again blocked one of Edgar’s stronger attacks. Their sabers locked together. Taranae knew she would only able was able to hold this for a few brief seconds before her arm gave out. So with all the strength she had left she push The Jedi off her just as her arm finally let out a loud snap as it broke in two.

In that brief opening before the excruciating pain hit her and her opponent taking full advantage of her disability she hit him in the chest with her own electric shock stunning and knocking him back just enough for her to land a injury modified Spitting Rawl attack. With 3 swift and devastating kicks to Edgar’s face and chest she broke his nose and at least one rib.

Edgar was sent reeling backwards and to one knee holding his broken nose trying to regain his vision, he staggered back to his feet with obvious fatigue and labored breathing. As Taranae also took a few steps back as the pain of her shoulder and arm took over her senses.

As he was fighting against the pain and trying to clear his vision the bloodied Jedi took a few seconds to calm his breathing and control himself. He tried to focus on healing what damage he could in what the little time he thought he had before she would finish him off. As he was able push past the pain of his broken bones. The young Jedi refocused his vision and his thoughts to the matter at hand.

The Sith was also taking the opportunity to quickly heal her injuries. It seems that he was not the only one that was barely standing. The combatant’s were now barely standing and had clear signs of fatigue and pain all over their faces. It was clear to both of them this fight would be ended with next few seconds.

Edgar reignited his lightsaber and got back into his attack stance and commented to Taranae “Well darling, I have a feeling that neither one of us thought this fight would be so evenly matched and by the looks of it you can barely handle a lightsaber let alone stand straight. So why not call it quits and I’ll buy you a few drinks. I know a good place near here...”

Taranae cut the Jedi’s rambling quickly off and loudly declared “You think this battle is over Jedi?!? Well I don’t think so, this battle is not yet done and unlike you I’m not so pathetic to assume that you have the upper hand in this battle. I swear to you that before this day is done You WILL kneel before me!”

With her only good hand she reached for the only blaster she could grasp and only clawed at an empty holster. In her confusion Edgar pulled out the very blaster she was looking for and pointed it at her and with no time for her to react Edgar Shot Taranae in her left knee buckling her legs out for under her. “Growing up in the streets of Coruscant you learn a thing or two of borrowing other people’s things.” he said mockingly

Taranae knew she was defeated and not by being bested in combat they were too evenly matched for a clear victor here. She only lost due to her lack of focus when the duel first started. Her desires to end the fight quickly blinded her to the oldest scam in the galaxy. This fact alone didn’t sit well with her at all and if it wasn’t for her injuries she would kill this Jedi right here and right now.

“Well Darling, I think I’ll hold on to this blaster for now. You know to remember you by.” Edgar Smiled. “Anyway, I was on my way to my favorite watering hole to meet a friend when you so kindly introduced yourself. and I noticed you never responded to my invitation to join me for that drink”?

“Go Frag yourself you dirty Space Ape! Next time I see you I’m going to cut your leg off and beat you to death with it!”

“Sounds like fun. I now have something to look forward to.” Edgar commented as he slowly started limping away hold his chest to try to mitigate the pain of his ribs. When Edgar finally entered the bar he was suppose to meet Turel in, he just simple found a table sat down and just passed out without even ordering a drink.

It took a while for Taranae to fashion a very crude splint so she could stand on her own two feet . As she too started to slowly leave she was still stewing over that fact that she not only lost the duel but the mere thought of losing one of her prized blasters made her soul burn with rage. “Next time I’m going to shove one of those grenades down his throat!”